Is it ok for women to be straight?

[good times]

Perseus,

I do think that it is diferen't for a man than a woman. We have played with a few couples that the woman is bi and for the most part after Mrs. explains she isn't into it we have straight play and everyone has a good time. At least one time though, in the heat of passion a woman was playing with me and reached over and felt my wife between the legs while the wife was giving the guy a bj. My wife didn't say anything and in a second or two the woman stopped and evrything was fine. Now, if the man had reach over and grabbed mine in a simalar situation he would probably lose his shortly thereafter, as that would probably wig me out, in all honesty. As I said before, we could care less if a person is bi, but if that is primarilly what they are looking for and are not really interested in a straight swap, I think they should say so in their add. In your case being that you are bi but not primarily interested in that to the exclusion of straight sex, and also seeing as you are male and many would discriminate against you based on that fact alone, I don't think I would mention it in your add. In this case I don't think it would be lying because you are actually primarilly interested in straight sex.

In our experiance if you discriminate against bi you will find it much harder to find playmates. I would say that at least two thirds of the couples we have played with the female said she was bi. None of the males said they were bi but it wouldn't suprise me to find out they were.

R

[Denver2some]

As another couple with a straight female, we too were initially surprised by the lack of other straight females in the lifestyle. No doubt about it, there are very few profiles where the woman is listed as straight.

We would never recommend listing as bi-curious if you are not. It is false advertising, and may set up disappointment/discomfort for both couples involved.

Rather, we recommend (like the others) that you take the initiative in contacting other couples. Read profiles very carefully, especially the bi-curious ones. Some of these ladies do not yet have any experience with girl-on-girl action; they are just open to the idea but it isn't a "must" for them. These couples could be a nice match for you: she can do her experimenting elsewhere, as there are lots of opportunities for her. Also you may find some profiles saying, "she has tried it, but prefers men" ... these couples are possible matches for you too. (As for the ladies who list as bisexual, we have talked to some but have found many do see it as a "must" ... if that's the case then then we move on. We have always found these couples to be very nice, understanding, and not at all trying to "convert" us. LOL)

Once you have started a dialogue, then it is your responsibility to tell them your limits. We have talked to a few couples who think "straight" means you will kiss women, or let a woman go down on you but not return the favor. So be very clear what straight means to you before you hit the bedroom. Then there are no surprises, and no disappointments.

You may want to check out several website services ... some have more straight females than others (although none have very many.)

Good luck!

[da2ofusgb]

After reading your post and alot of the others in here. Yes there are alot of couples that are either bi or bi-curious.

We have been in the lifestyle for quite a number of years now, and have been with both couples where either one of them were bi, or bi-curious in one way or another.

Tammi is bi and has been since birth, that is just the way she is and we find nothing wrong with it. Now as a swinging couple we do have our ad that says she is bi and I,am straight, BUT it also says that is not a requirement to meet or play with us...............IF it happens, it happens, if not that is cool too.

In other words we are not only looking for bi-females, but all couples if the female is bi or not. We respect other peoples boundries and will not try to sway them one way or the other to have sex with someone they dont want to, or try to sway them to our way of thinking.

We have also been with other couples where the male was bi, we had talked about it with them, and just told them I was not interested in playing with him, and that was that.........NO questions asked, as it should be.........But we did have fun playing with each others partner............

All in all if you are upfront with the people you are playing with and telling them your boundries you should have no problem finding compatable couples that are more than willing to accept them............And if you do find the couple that pushes you into something you dont wanna do.........LEAVE them in a heartbeat as they are not worth your time............

Hope this helps...........

Peace.....
Ed

[pairbond]

In our experience, about 85% - 90% of the women swingers we have met characterize themselves as bi or bicurious. Many of these couples make it clear that they are only interested in a couple with a bi or bicurious woman. There is no question in our minds that the majority of those who call themselves bi don't want anything to do with us because Mrs. pairbond is totally straight. And probably close to half of those who call themselves bicurious are really bi, but don't want to say so. At least we know a LOT of women who have been playing with other women for YEARS and still call themselves bicurious. I guess they can call themselves whatever they want, but it seems to us that if they've done it once, and done it twice, and done it a 3rd time, and still want to do it, they are bisexual, not just curious, let alone if they've been doing it for YEARS.

We know that our ages (mid-50s) put us out of the desired age range for most swinging couples, but it's a fact that many, many couples are not interested in meeting us because we are a couple with a straight woman, when there are so many other couples with a bi or bicurious woman that they could meet instead.

We no longer even contact couples with a bi or bicurious woman, and almost never does a couple with a bi woman contact US. We do get contacted by couples with a bicurious woman, and if they contact us we will be interested so long as they respect our boundaries. We have had bi women at parties tell Mrs. pairbond that "oh you are too bi, you just don't know it yet" and try to "convert" her. Fat chance. This is the one area of the lifestyle in which we have encountered the most disregard for the "no means no" rule. A lot of bi women seem to be certain that they can "convert" Mrs. pairbond by taking liberties with her, and their lack of respect for her boundaries is NOT appreciated.

Whenever we are contacted by a couple with a bi or bicurious woman, we make it clear that we would be interested in swapping, but that Mrs. pairbond is totally straight. So they know upfront, but still way too many of these women attempt to violate that "no means no" rule.

So, being in our 50s and with a totally straight woman, we are of interest only to a decided minority of swinging couples.

[da2ofusgb]

Pairbond, sorry to hear that..............guess we are just lucky in that we have that connection where we can take it or leave it.

Our feeling is that for Tammi to even play with another women she first has to be attracted to her, if there is no attraction there is no play between them. If we do meet a couple where the female is not bi, that is not a problem for us, like I was saying that is not a requirement for meeting us or even playing with us.

But we do understand what you are going thru, we also had a couple that we use to hang with and all the husband wanted was for the women to play first and than we could join in after they were done..............for us that did not work, it just felt so, how can I say it.......MECHANICAL to us............, I guess that is the only way he could get it up, was by having the girls play, even if they were not interested in playing with each other at that time. Needless to say we no longer hang with them guys as it just was not worth all the bullshit he put the women thru so he could have a good time!!!!!!,

Good thing we live in an area where most of the people are not up-tight by meeting older couples, after all I will be 50 in july.......lol..........and most of our swinging friends are in our age group too, with some being in there middle 30's...........

Peace........
Ed

[Denver2some]

Originally Posted by pairbond

We have had bi women at parties tell Mrs. pairbond that "oh you are too bi, you just don't know it yet" and try to "convert" her. Fat chance. This is the one area of the lifestyle in which we have encountered the most disregard for the "no means no" rule.

Pairbond, I am so sorry to hear this has happened to you. We have heard similar stories from friends attending clubs or parties ... and we wonder if the party atmosphere, and alcohol, perhaps promotes this unwanted assertiveness. We have thus far stayed away from parties and clubs.

[Girlfit]

In regards to bisexuality, it is a must for me. I am a complete 50/50 bisexual, I've been in a long term lesbian relationship before and I would classify myself as a pretty queer thinking, political bitch. I don't mess around with "bi curious". I don't have the time to play teacher to someone in order to get off. I want someone who knows what they are doing in bed, which is actually why I prefer having sex with lesbians (ones that have NO interest in men at ALL).

In regards to men, I actually prefer bisexual men. I like to strap one on and bend a guy over from time to time and while it doesn't take a bisexual man to enjoy receiving anal sex, the majority of straight men are uptight and frigid about the idea. So playing with bi men cuts through all that. It isn't a requirement that a guy be bi, but he at least better be open to playing the way I like to. I would like to say I can afford to be choosy.

Our ad says quite specifically that I am looking for hot buff bi men. It has been an eye opener to me to get responses from men whos AD lists them as STRAIGHT but in the private email they say "I'm actually bi/bicurious". Like what is the big frickin deal of just listing yourself as bisexual to begin with?! If it's ok for women to be open about it, then it's ok for men too. I realize more people have a "problem" with two men having sex than with women so many bisexual men still try to "closet" themselves. Which I think is utter bullshit. I see it this way, swingers in general have NO ROOM to discriminate or hate against a man just because he likes to play both ways. There just isn't room in the swinging world for that kind of double standard. It should be a venue where people can be their TRUE self and not have to HIDE it.

ok, but that is enough soapboxing from me on the subject. So for me, bisexual women are a requirement for me, bisexual men are PREFERRED but not a requirement and if they are straight, they better not be uptight with me playing with their ass.

[good times]

Girlfit,

What you say in your post that people should accept a bi male the same as a bi female would be true if this were a perfect and logical world, but in real life if a male lists himself as bi in his add he will get many less responses than if he said he was straight. We attend a local swingers club and it is not uncommon, in fact it would be unusuall to not see female bisexual activity, but if two guys go at it they will be promptly thrown out. I've seen it happen, so in the real world we currently live in it's totally understandable to me if someone chooses to omit the fact that he is a bi male from his add.

[Girlfit]

"We attend a local swingers club and it is not uncommon, in fact it would be unusuall to not see female bisexual activity, but if two guys go at it they will be promptly thrown out."

THAT IS HORRIBLE! head bang But you are probably right that most swingers clubs are probably the same way, but it still in *unexcusable* behavior in my book. If I saw such a thing happen, I would not hesitate to give the club owners/organizers a piece of my mind. Speaking up may not make me a very popular person, but I really don't care. I'd rather play with myself than play with a bunch of hypocritical self righteous assholes. As I have said before, swingers have no place judging someone else's sexual orientation or the manner in which they wish to play (as long as its consensual and doesn't hurt anyone). Hello! We are all in the same boat here people! The majority of the population think the swinging lifestyle in general is offensive, demeaning, ad nauseum. What gives certain close minded swingers the right to judge ANYONE? That shit just makes me furious.

But seeing as it is what it is, if you are another bisexual man or a woman or couple seeking a bisexual man it makes finding partners even more difficult. If the swinging clubs and parties unfairly discriminate against openly male bisexual activity, then how are you supposed to know who is bisexual and who isn't short of asking everyone in the room? Furthermore, going out to gay clubs really doesn't work. As a person myself who is very very active in the gay and lesbian community, I know that they do not think too highly of seemingly "straight" couples cruising people in their bars. And the gay community, I may add, is ALMOST as discriminatory against bisexual men as the swinging community is. Which means, bisexual men in gay bars do not openly admit to it or show it as they don't want to face the heat from their gay peers. And I have found that the majority of bisexual men who frequent gay/lesbian bars are about 70-80% gay with only a slight preference to women (which doesn't help me out any).

Such are the sexual injustices of life. It's not likely to change anytime soon but it doesn't mean I can't still be utterly pissed off about it anyway.