Bi curious?or BS?

[PrtyinDuo]

We like to browse personal ads in various sites and have a few listed ourselves.The question is,why are there so many single(and married) guys who list themselves as str8 but answer our ad seeking bi folks for fun?We understand the need for discreetness and obey everyones wish to not kiss and tell,but,so many times we recieve mail from a bi wife and str8 male(in profile)to read that he has allways wanted to try but didnt want his friends or others to know.Must have to do with some form of homo-phobia we guess.Do any of you bi folks in here have the same situations?

[jcbicouple]

We run into that all the time. We also understand the need for discretion, but not the need to "fit in" with some unspoken standard. We certainly don't tell our work associates or even personal friends about our play habits, but don't hide our preferences from people in our ads, at the clubs, etc. There has been some discussion here before that perhaps some people don't want to reduce their chances with females or couples by stating that they are bi, for fear that it may be a turn off. Personally, we don't get it. This is who we are. If we aren't what you are looking for, good luck in your search. We try hard to be completely straight (pardon the pun), with any potential playmates, and would expect the same in return. We tend to be very wary when people contact us and say that they are bi, but any ad or profile they have says otherwise. In our early play days we did meet with a few "bi curious" people, only to find that they suddenly became straight when everybody got naked. Now we just stick to those that are certain they are bisexual.

[JustAskJulie]

Originally posted by PrtyinDuo
but,so many times we recieve mail from a bi wife and str8 male(in profile)to read that he has allways wanted to try but didnt want his friends or others to know.

I think that this portion of your post answers your question.

[PrtyinDuo]

JC....You guys hit the nail right on the head...."all of a sudden they're str8"...We to look for folks who are sure of what they desire now.And we realize that you need to start somewhere,with somebody,and that some will deffinitely realize that mabey it wasnt for them,but,the indecission and mind games that may go along with that can sometimes be a PITA.Good luck and thanks for your reply.
And Julie....who could have said it better....Thanks for your input.

[curious24]

Originally posted by jcbicouple
We also understand the need for discretion, but not the need to "fit in" with some unspoken standard. We certainly don't tell our work associates or even personal friends about our play habits, but don't hide our preferences from people in our ads, at the clubs, etc.

i agree with this.. i don't think many people would be so open minded about bi or bi curious... but not to advertise it in the life style that is supposed to be open minded about this doesn't make any sense.. how are you supposed to find what you are looking for if you aren't open and honest with people that you are trying to meet? If someone sent me a message that says they are bi or bi curious but in their profile it says they are str8 i don't think i would even respond to it.. i mean really why? they are obviously lying in their profile.. so there's no telling what else they are lying about you know?

[fun_pairTX]

There has traditionally been a stigma attached to male/male sexual activity that is not generally associated with female/female contact. Correct or not it is a social fact. Its like a Navy bud of mine said; "Get several holes in one and they don't call you a golfer, bowl three straight 300 (perfect) games and they don't call you a bowler, but you get caught suckin a dick on a submarine and ya are a homo fer life...........................

[Roxysbayou]

I think that the label is just that, and doesn't necassarily fit everyone.

My hubby lists himself as straight, but that doesn't mean that given the oppurtunity, and in the right company, he may never want to experiment. We find ourselves attracted to other couples that list the male as bi just for that reason. But to consider him bi or even bi-curious just doesn't fit. Chances are he would never consider a bi act with most couples that we have met, but that doesn't mean that it's out of the question. Therefore we list as straight, and if the oppurtunity arises, so be it.

Roxy

[yawanna]

... but not to advertise it in the life style that is supposed to be open minded about this doesn't make any sense.. how are you supposed to find what you are looking for if you aren't open and honest with people that you are trying to meet?

'coming out'.. or advertising that you are bi interested has rather severe drawbacks. Sorry but we posted an ad on a site and were quickly lambasted on the rest of the swinger sites locally for being 'honest and open' about the bi interest side of things.

Our ad was posted...verbatim..without permission.....on a supposedly bi swingers site. And we were ridiculed for posting the ad.

Bi is still underground..even the accommodation of it during an encounter. We don't identify as bi.. but are open to it during an encounter if that's what develops.

Sorry but in our experience it's still not acceptable to state up front being open to omni sexuality as the mood and encounter may offer.

[jcbicouple]

Chances are he would never consider a bi act with most couples that we have met, but that doesn't mean that it's out of the question. Therefore we list as straight, and if the oppurtunity arises, so be it.

Roxy

People like us aren't interested in "straight" listed people for this reason. We are interested in bisexual (an equal interest in male and female) only. We have never been involved in playing for the typical "swapping" aspect of it, and have no interest in being with someone who may or may not "be in the mood" when we all get there.

Bi is still underground..even the accommodation of it during an encounter. We don't identify as bi.. but are open to it during an encounter if that's what develops.

Sorry but in our experience it's still not acceptable to state up front being open to omni sexuality as the mood and encounter may offer.

This is really what we were talking about in our earlier post: We have no interest in "fitting in" when we "play" nor do we have an interest in playing with people who feel they need to. If we were at a place, or even an online place as you described, and the same thing happened: We would GLADLY leave. Why stay somewhere you aren't liked. Isn't what you think, your opinions, and your outlooks on life REALLY who you are?

Don't get us wrong....we don't expect everyone to share our interests or beliefs. We understand that there are those that are merely curious, and their main interest in swinging is in swapping partners. It's just that for us, that is a secondary interest. We both enjoy playing with those of the same sex, and enjoy watching each other with the same sex. We're very honest about that in our ads, and with any potential playmates. We don't mind the occasional e mail from someone who has a profile saying they are straight, but tell us that they are "curious", although we do respond with a polite no thanks. It's the e mails we continue to get from them sometimes. It seems that some of them think they can change our mind. Probably the worst one's are the ones who say one or both are straight, but to give them a chance because they are sure we will really like them....uh-Not interested!

OK...this is getting long. LOL To sum it up: We are up front and honest in all of our ads. We expect the same from those that respond. If their ad or profile indicates that they are straight, we have no interest.

[Vjklander]

I think it is a shame some people will lie in their profile. I am straight and my girl is bi. That's just the way it is for us. I'm certainly not squicked by incidental contact such as when doing dp. Generally in my experience, when someone says they are worried about what others will think, they are the ones thinking it.
J

[yawanna]

. If we were at a place, or even an online place as you described, and the same thing happened: We would GLADLY leave. Why stay somewhere you aren't liked. Isn't what you think, your opinions, and your outlooks on life REALLY who you are?

and this was my point.. we DIDN'T go to that site.... on a male/female supposedly bi site our ad was reposted...and trust me..suggestions were made about our sexuality that were not flattering.


SO.... I'm saying it's all well and good to say 'be upfront about your sexual interests and parameters' BUT know that these can and maybe will be used against you (not in a court of law but shit... Word 'O Mouth).

I wanted to express in this thread that it's not always 'okay' to state upfront in an ad what your desires are. You never know who's reading and where they may take that information that you may not want shared with the general populace and would rather choose to share in one on one encounters... like with BDSM for example. One poster shared that he mentioned he has an interest and he was ousted by the couple after that little tidbit was shared. Some people have NO discernment.

[Roxysbayou]

Originally posted by jcbicouple
Chances are he would never consider a bi act with most couples that we have met, but that doesn't mean that it's out of the question. Therefore we list as straight, and if the oppurtunity arises, so be it.

Roxy

People like us aren't interested in "straight" listed people for this reason. We are interested in bisexual (an equal interest in male and female) only. We have never been involved in playing for the typical "swapping" aspect of it, and have no interest in being with someone who may or may not "be in the mood" when we all get there.

"People like us"?

Are you saying that all bi couples feel the same that you do? I find that hard to believe, we have played with several couples that have included a bi male and no bi male activity has taken place yet.

As far as "in the mood", that's not the case at all, more a matter of who we are playing with.

To each his own.

Roxy

[jcbicouple]

Originally posted by Roxysbayou
"People like us"?

Are you saying that all bi couples feel the same that you do? I find that hard to believe, we have played with several couples that have included a bi male and no bi male activity has taken place yet.

As far as "in the mood", that's not the case at all, more a matter of who we are playing with.

To each his own.

Roxy

No, Not at all...."people like us" was a bad choice of words...We meant "us". We were posting our opinion. We have repeatedly posted that we believe everyone has their own comfort level and that each couple or person should do what they enjoy. We probably should have said something like: "Personally, we prefer to be contacted by people with the same interests as our own."
Sorry for the confusion.

[PrtyinDuo]

My hubby lists himself as straight, but that doesn't mean that given the oppurtunity, and in the right company, he may never want to experiment. We find ourselves attracted to other couples that list the male as bi just for that reason. But to consider him bi or even bi-curious just doesn't fit. Chances are he would never consider a bi act with most couples that we

Not trying to judge anyone in here at all,but,isnt this staement somewhat hippocritical?If your bi,then list it,if your not,so be it!But to reply or advertise for/to a bi persons ad and then seem to 'not' be in the mood at the time of meeting is just the reason why we dont answer 'curiuos'folks replies or ads.
Once again,,,,,JC....your right on!!

[OhioCouple]

I personally don't think it is hypocritical at all, for the simple fact that you can come across a couple where that chemistry is right and you may induldge in a bi-sexual experience, however it doesn't make you bi-sexual to have done so. We prefer to call it 'Try-sexual'.

Even looking at how you list yourselves on this site as "bi-sexual, sometimes 1, sometimes 2", would you consider that as an ad that others might not answer or waste their time on as 'you just might not be in the mood upon meeting'?