bi men posing as straight men

[appliancesex]

it seems like clockwork that this happens almost every morning. sometime around 6:30-7:30 am we get ims on Swing Lifestyle from straight men looking to 'explore their bi-side'. what is this bi side i keep hearing about? why does your profile say you are straight if you are secretly a rectal ranger in training?

for me (at least), bisexuality means we can have a relationship with either a male or a female. this means something to me, as i've actually had a romantic relationship with a guy. it involves more than just sex, just like you would have with a woman.

most men i've met in this lifestyle who pose as bisexuals or even closet types are usually mswm (men who have sex with men), those married types that exit the clubs and wander into the fens late at night (boston folk here should know what i'm talking about).

are people starting to see more bi men who are posing as straight men around? i sort of miss the days that i was shunned by gays and straights alike.

oh, and if your answer to my question above is because others are aware of a male's profile as a straight male in this lifestyle, one can always open another account and set pics to private. this bugs me like 'new to this lifestyle' bugs some other people on here.

[DigginIt]

Who knows ...

maybe they are in denial.
maybe they are just too lazy to change their profile or create a new one.
maybe they are willing to be bi for the moment to get with peanut.

most likely, they just want to avoid the prejudice that comes from being excluded from straight couples who are homophobic. Either way, I'd respect them much more for being honest.

I'm completely straight but I wouldn't necessarily exclude a couple because of any sexual preferences as long as they were respectful of my boundaries. If my wife knows the other woman is straight, she won't try to sneak in anything inappropriate unless otherwise stated. The way it should be.

[ViSexual]

There are degrees of bisexuality. I'm thinking that guys who'd entertain the notion of some forms of sex with another guy, but aren't interested in any relationships at all, might find it inappropriate to tag themselves as bisexual.

And, I checked your swinglifestyle profile and I think you may have entered your heights incorrectly! Hey, maybe not though! I like tall women too!

[Lascivious L&L]

Once again there is dissatisfaction with the use of labels. Bi is just a label, and means different things to virtually everyone. To you it means being able to have a romantic relationship with both sexes. That is not the most common meaning. To some if you've ever even considered sucking a cock you better label yourself bi.

Your use of "rectal ranger" in regards to bi suggests you think bi means anal sex with men. Again that is your interpretation of the label bi. Many, if not most, men who consider themselves bi have not included anal in their male sex. There are gays who also do not include anal sex.

There is a sense for some that even oral sex with male does not neccessarily mean you are bi. For them the whole labeling of person because of the sex you and your wife enjoy is silly. Threesomes are hot, and if your wife enjoys having you sucking cock with her, suddenly that puts you in a whole new category of person? You're enjoying sex with your wife, she enjoys sucking cock, so why shouldn't you join her in that enjoyment? Doesn't change the person you are, it merely expands the sex you enjoy with her.

For many swingers it is important to know whether a guy has ever sucked a cock or enjoyed any form of sex with a man. This is lumped under the bi label and is considered very important information, and dishonest if that information is not dished out to the general swinging public. Many married "bi" males feel that is private information only relevant to those with whom there is a real potential of sexual congress and not to the general swinging public.

[fun4Ds]

I could see this happening quite frequently to you, appliancesex. Especially, after reading the first few lines (what most people do) on your Swing Lifestyle profile.

Not sure if you realize this, but your actually attracting exactly what your talking about, in your profile. If I were a bi-guy in the closet I would set my alarm clock for about 5:30 just to see if you were on-line. Your profile is like a target with the center bulls-eye as big as a bus.

There are plenty of "Closet" Bisexual-men out there, many are looking for an easier less traveled path. But again, I think your own profile is like a light-bulb attracting moths throughout the night/early morning, hours.


fun4ds (straight, breakfast club member)

[appliancesex]

Originally Posted by ViSexual

I checked your swinglifestyle profile and I think you may have entered your heights incorrectly! Hey, maybe not though! I like tall women too!

ha! thanks for pointing that out. though, it would make my life easier if i was a foot shorter than her, "um, while you're down there..."

Originally Posted by Lascivious L&L

Once again there is dissatisfaction with the use of labels. Bi is just a label, and means different things to virtually everyone. To you it means being able to have a romantic relationship with both sexes. That is not the most common meaning.

it was probably a gay man who told me this. bastards.

To some if you've ever even considered sucking a cock you better label yourself bi.

or just have gone through puberty.

Your use of "rectal ranger" in regards to bi suggests you think bi means anal sex with men.

well, butt pirate sounded soooo passé.

Again that is your interpretation of the label bi.

umm. no. that is your interpretation of my failed attempt at humor.

Many, if not most, men who consider themselves bi have not included anal in their male sex.

and i'm one of them.

For many swingers it is important to know whether a guy has ever sucked a cock or enjoyed any form of sex with a man. This is lumped under the bi label and is considered very important information, and dishonest if that information is not dished out to the general swinging public. Many married "bi" males feel that is private information only relevant to those with whom there is a real potential of sexual congress and not to the general swinging public.

which brings me to my first question. if you are bi, bicurious or straight, you should say so. i've been getting messages and ims from seemingly bi men posing as straight (i mean, look at the title of this thread), and i was curious to see if others were seeing this too. it really wasn't intended to be a debate about labels, but rather a question over the lack of them.

sure, bi can mean lots of things to lots of people. to scientists it means having to sexual organs in insect species. however, i'm sure we can all agree that the term straight is pretty cut and dry. ya just dig chicks. that's it. so if you're profile says "ya just dig chicks," why are you looking to get down and jiggy with me?

Originally Posted by fun4Ds

Not sure if you realize this, but your actually attracting exactly what your talking about, in your profile.

i thought about changing this, but then who would i chat with in the morning?

well i did anyway. not because of what you said, but it didn't really match the glory of the other paragraphs.

[Playful1]

most of the bi men i know in swinging are out there as straight. why? because it makes life a hell of a lot easier for them in terms of finding playmates.

Way too many ignorant guys i know seem to think that if a guy is bi or bicurious that it means he wont be able to keep his hands off of another guy and therefore wont play with the guy. This is bs.

Sadly, swinging is not any more open minded as a whole then society in general is. Yes, we think having sex with other peoples spouses is ok, but outside of that, most swingers have the same issues as everyone else. They are open minded about their "kink" but not really all that open minded about others. Obviously this is a generalization and I know there are exceptions to it.

What is amusing is I see the reverse with women. Lots of straight women putting themselves out there as bi simply to make their other half happy. God that is annoying (speaking as a genuinely bi woman who gets frustrated when I find out that the chick is just halfheartedly touching me because her husband thinks its hot).

Glad you feel comfortable being out there as bi. Most men in swinging dont. I dont judge them for that, I just feel sad that that needs to be the case.

[Lascivious L&L]

One of the best reasons not to use the label bi is that too often it doesn't communicate your actual sexual preference due to people having a different meaning for the label than you do. The only person who is the judge of your sexual orientation is you, not those who insist if you've ever had a cock in your mouth you must label yourself bi.

If you really dig chicks, and truly aim to please your wife in a MFM, even a straight person can join her in sucking a cock, if that's what floats her boat. Doesn't mean you're bi, it means you aim to please the person who means most to you. And if you enjoy the hot spurts of cum in your mouth while your wife goes over the top, all it means is that you enjoy pleasing the hottest chick there.

The best reason to use the bi label in a profile is how it eliminates the great majority of homophobic assholes from responding. Not to say there aren't non-homophobic assholes, but at least the homophobes are out.

[realcplub2]

Appliance, please do not take this as a criticism in any way..

But since you have an issue with people that mis identify themselves, say so in the first few lines of your profile, orr better yet, as your tag line so when your pic icon show it says something simple..

"Be what you say you are on your profile, or don't bother"

If you browse any number of threads with male bisexuality as the topic, you will hear the same complaints you are expressing, along with the same explainations as to why.

Your personal definition of what it means to be bi, definately goes a lot deeper than many in the lifestyle. I need to ask you a direct question, How did you KNOW you were bi, using your guidelines, before you did the first time?

Dont judge, everyone starts somewhere, and the contacts you recieve may be someone, looking to define who they are...

[fun4Ds]

Originally Posted by appliancesex

i thought about changing this, but then who would i chat with in the morning?

Someone who sparks your interests.... right ? Is that someone who you, could help test their, waters? someone who could meet you and understand exactly how, you feel, or even someone who could blow your own limits to the moon, (personally,my kind of people. lol) Its an interesting thing when ya put yourself out there and "chatting" sometimes IS a start.

well i did anyway. not because of what you said, but it didn't really match the glory of the other paragraphs.

I think, if you really want to have that "good morning chat" why not put this paragraph in your profile;

for me (at least), bisexuality means we can have a relationship with either a male or a female. this means something to me, as i've actually had a romantic relationship with a guy. it involves more than just sex, just like you would have with a woman.

I think you would find a better conversation, coming from where you are in your own bisexuality, than trying to understand those, that are less traveled.



fun4ds ( who's bisexual male friends, usually say "what ?,,, oh shut up dude... )

[good times]

I think their are several reasons why someone would chose to list themselves as straight even though they were bi. Some of them are the same reason women do so.

First off, it is a well known fact, at least where we live, that if you list yourself as a bi-male on your profile, you just eliminated about 80% of the people who may contact you otherwise. So couples that male bi play isn't their main focus, that want to maximize their chances of meeting folks, will most likely list the male as straight.

Additionally, many women have found, if they list themselves as bi, they tend to get contacted mostly by folks looking for bi play. So, they will list the female as straight to avoid those expectations. Seems to me the same would be true for a bi male.

Often couples that both are straight will pass on contacting couples where one of them is listed as bi because they assume that if a couple chooses to list one or the other as bi, then that is what they are primarily looking for.

Also, like many women who will play with the right woman if the time is right for it, but are mainly on the site seeking opposite sex play, I would guess many men might feel the same way. So if they are mainly looking for straight sex, it seems that listing themselves as straight would maximize their results for that which they are primarily seeking. Even though they may be open to bi play if all the stars happen to line up right.

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by Lascivious L&L

If you really dig chicks, and truly aim to please your wife in a MFM, even a straight person can join her in sucking a cock, if that's what floats her boat. Doesn't mean you're bi, it means you aim to please the person who means most to you. And if you enjoy the hot spurts of cum in your mouth while your wife goes over the top, all it means is that you enjoy pleasing the hottest chick there.

I'm pretty sure that would mean you were bi, or the most pussy whipped man on the planet

Best excuse ever though. Oh yea I'm straight, I just suck cock and swallow for my wife.

[slevin]

Originally Posted by Chicup

I'm pretty sure that would mean you were bi, or the most pussy whipped man on the planet

Best excuse ever though. Oh yea I'm straight, I just suck cock and swallow for my wife.

Amusing how often statements like that are accompanied by complaints of why people feel the need to label everything

[Lascivious L&L]

Chicup, it seems that there are two concepts here that are beyond you.

First that pleasing your woman has nothing to do with pussy whipping. Pussy licking, yes.

Second that sucking a cock is not the equivalent of bestiality. It's actually quite nice.

Why don't you ask your wife...she's sucked cock, hasn't she? Does she think it's horrible? Does she feel that pleasing her means you're pussy whipped?

[slevin]

How is doing something that you don't want to do, purely because someone else wants you to, a good thing? I would be horrified to learn that my wife did something she actively disliked just to make me happy. That is a bad thing. Hell, I'd be bummed if she did something she was indifferent about just to make me happy. I have way more fun with her when we're both doing something we're excited about and love to do. I want to focus on that, not compromising what one of us wants for the sake of the other.