Bisexuality - fear of partner leaving for same sex playmate

[jamen]

Hi Folks I opened up to my gal that I am bissexual a few monthes ago and she is worried that if we have a 3 some I might leave her for the third wheel.I explained to her that that would never happen and the conversation ended.Still trying to sort things out and at the fantasy stage.

[SecretAsianMan]

Hello &

It's a fairly common fear / insecurity that she's feeling (same way that a lot of guys were initially put out by the notion that their wives/girlfriends were bisexual back in the day) ... more men are coming to terms with their bisexuality (or at least, being more open to it) or at least, it seems to be the case in my little part of the universe.

Mutual reassurances that your partner is the foundation of your relationship will be necessary if you choose to explore this lifestyle. Communication is the key - how well y'all can talk about your insecurities and trust each other not to "cheat" or lie to one anther about what it is that y'all are feeling.

It's great that you opened up to your gal about this ... now she's just got to have the time to adjust to this "change" & see how she feels about this

[lovinher]

In your earlier posts you mention she is not interested in swinging except for her fantasy of an MFM. In other words she isn't comfortable with playing with another woman but is OK with an MFM because she didn't feel threatened by another guy because she didn't know about your bisexuality.(guessing). Now you have told her you are bi-sexual and she's worried you are going to leave her for another guy. Too much insecurity here to swing right now.

It sounds to me like you guys are not ready for any kind of play until her fears are addressed. You two have some more talking to do and that's just based your comment about her fears of you leaving her for a guy. For her to think that means she is not ready by a long shot and she may never be. But give it time and talk and talk and talk. Bring her to this site. Besides more communication between the two of you, it's the best thing you could do if she really is interested in swinging at all.

Good luck and let us know how it goes.

[Chicup]

"For the same reason I don't worry about you leaving for the other guy."

Next?

[SW_PA_Couple]

Originally Posted by jamen

Hi Folks I opened up to my gal that I am bissexual a few monthes ago and she is worried that if we have a 3 some I might leave her for the third wheel.I explained to her that that would never happen and the conversation ended.Still trying to sort things out and at the fantasy stage.

My wife and I have one of the happiest and most secure swing lifestyle relationships in existence. She does, none the less, watch me all of the time. She just knows men. Getting involved in the wrong way can happen to anybody whether bi, straight, male or female. So as long as you don't make a fuss when she picks up your cell phone to read the list of phone numbers and the text messages you have received, she will gain a confidence that the dish will not run away with the spoon.

~Michael

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by jamen

Hi Folks I opened up to my gal that I am bissexual a few monthes ago and she is worried that if we have a 3 some I might leave her for the third wheel.I explained to her that that would never happen and the conversation ended.Still trying to sort things out and at the fantasy stage.

"a few months ago..."

Are you sure you haven't discussed your bisexual interest with her before? I came upon this post you made in 2008, and you've been discussing your interest in playing with men since you arrived on the Board.

Maybe your gal has something to be worried about.

My view on being bisexual is that the bi person still has a preference in the sex (male or female) of the person they are most inclined to choose as a life partner. Either you're straight and want an opposite sex life partner, or you're gay/lesbian and want a same sex life partner. Being bisexual is about having exploratory, recreational sex with both sexes, but doesn't play a role in life partner selection.

Do you have any interest in playing with women? Or are you solely interested in sex with men?

Is is possible that you may find the companionship of men - and sex with men - more to your liking than being with a woman?

Only asking because I think it's a fair question to ask yourself.

LM

[Alura]

I used to ride with a fellow in Europe whose wife had done that very thing ... left him for the third wheel who, incidentally, got pregnant during the threesome they decided would cure the problem.

I often wonder what happened to Rick. He had one of the original R90S's in Sunburst Orange. ... but no wife, no more...

Alura

[Fred1624]

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

My view on being bisexual is that the bi person still has a preference in the sex (male or female) of the person they are most inclined to choose as a life partner. Either you're straight and want an opposite sex life partner, or you're gay/lesbian and want a same sex life partner. Being bisexual is about having exploratory, recreational sex with both sexes, but doesn't play a role in life partner selection.

I completely agree with this, and really this sounds somewhat like the conversation my GF and I had a couple of weeks ago. We (my GF and I) both like to play with both sexes, but "play" is just that, neither of us could ever conceive of having a relationship with the same sex.

Also (and this is just my opinion here), if you can trust her enough not to run off with the guy, I think she should be able to extend that trust to you. If, on the other hand, the trust between the two of you isn't complete you likely shouldn't be swinging with anyone.

[peanut1972]

This is a common fear for people in an open, and even close relationship with a bisexual. Don't just pass it off as her being insecure really think about your actions towards her. Do you love her? Are you committed to her? Do you make her feel physically wanted? Only time and you being there will reassure her that she has no need for her insecurity. Trust me on this one.