Varying Levels of Bisexual

[SecretAsianMan]

A discussion question that I had with a friend of mine the other day brought up an interesting topic which I figure would be fun to talk about...

There really should be differing "levels" of bisexuality for people to identify themselves as in this world...

For example, my friend is fully bisexual and will have sex and date either gender.

I have another friend, however, who will have sex with people of either gender... but would only "date" (& get into romantic relationships) with men.

And I know plenty of people who typically identify themselves as heterosexual, but will engage in limited sexual contact with members of the same sex (i.e., women who will receive oral sex from another gal - but aren't comfortable reciprocating ... but will kiss & fondle).

Then there are those who aren't picky about the gender of their partners - as long as their specific sexual actions still remain within their comfort-zones (i.e., a guy who'll get oral sex from another guy and will give penetrative sex (anal) to another guy -- but does not give oral nor receive anal... thereby maintaining his "male"-role even in what would be defined as a homosexual encounter)

What do y'all think??

[Tia Vampire]

I've been asking my gay guy friends this same question for years. I feel that if a guy is attracted to another guy in anyway, receiving or giving, then he is gay. They (my gay guy friends)tell me that a hole is a hole no matter who it is on. Guys and girls all feel the same. That's why it's so easy for a guy who only gives, not feel he is gay. As for the women they could not commit. I, the female half do not know where I would fit in at in your many categories. I will only be with another woman if she or I wears a strap-on. I do not give oral or like to receive oral from a woman. I will kiss, carress, and fondle her, but I do not want her to touch me down there. Some women don't mind my ways, but there are others that will not be with me because I will not go down on them.

So I guess it is safe to say that everyone has their likes and dislikes.

[Rackir]

I like the Kinsey scale. On one end you have "straight", meaning the person ONLY has ANY sexual attraction to members of the opposite sex. So if a guy only enjoys receiving oral sex from another guy, but not giving, he still doesn’t qualify as straight.

On the other end of the scale you have gay, meaning the person ONLY has ANY sexual attraction to members of the same sex. So if a lady mainly has relationships with other woman, and only enjoys men in threesome situations, nope, she doesn’t qualify as gay.

The other 8 points on the scale are the various graduations of bisexuality. Smack dab in the middle would be a person who feels completely equal amounts of attraction to both genders (or some of the other often neglected genders) completely equally.

According to some studies most people fall one or two points away from straight or gay. Now if only more of them would admit it and stop with this whole "I'm straight but I like to have a guy suck my dick" nonsense.

[mixtupcpl]

I have gay friends who only give anal and some who do not have ANY anal in their relationship AT ALL.

So I think it is a good point that it must be about attraction. I dont want anyone Im not attracted to sucking my dick or jerking me off, etc. Consequently, there isnt a scenario where I would accept a guy doing those things for me as I've never met a guy I feel attracted to.

Now I suppose some guys may be able to totally detach and say they arent "attracted" to the guy that is giving them head, but yet still want that to happen and still enjoy it. In a scenario that doesnt involve a prison, Im not sure what to make of that really. They may be in denial and suppressing feelings of attraction, or they may just be sort of hyper sexual and able to view a blowjob as a blowjob no matter who it comes from.

[SecretAsianMan]

I guess what I was going for was more along the lines of an expanded vocabulary or additional terms (which aren't quite so awkward as "bisexual with such-and-such limitations" etc.)

I know the Kinsey-scale ... (or at least, the early versions of the Kinsey Scale - I thought it was a 6-Point system) ...but even that doesn't really cover the specifics that I'm talking about.

If someone says they're a 3 on a zero to eight scale... does that really explain anything short of having a sexual skew closer to fully bisexual? ((*shrug*))

And *is* there a differentiation in anyone's mind between someone who will have sex with people of either gender but will be only be in romantic relationships with one gender?

((shrug))

[Rackir]

Gotcha! Your looking for a more descriptive naming system.

I hear ya, the phrase "bi" is so broad it really only gives a general gist of what the person might actually feel. Maybe that should be added to the name tag system.

Hi, I''m "Rack", "Married" "Male", "Bi:4", LF "F, MF, M".

[Karmickiss]

Hello All,
I am fully enjoying being back around here....so nice to be able to think about and respond to questions posed here, it feels great to be so genuine. I am pretty genuine anyway, once I start getting to know a person, but find there are lot's of assumptions until then.
Great question about levels of bi-sexuality. I guess I always or for the longest time since coming to terms with my bi-sexuality, felt I would probably be smack in the middle of this question. I would have sex with and/or date romantically either gender, it all really depends on the individual, the chemistry, and personality.
I do have one area of I guess, "limitation" with this I didn't realize until reading this thread. I also adore transgendered, MTF individuals, again depending on the person. I dated a bio male who was in the middle of her transformation, and she was all woman to me....interesting. However, for whatever reason, I usually am not attracted to the really "butch" lesbians...and I don't know why. I don't feel repulsed, I have a couple friends like this and love them deeply as people. And there are exceptions to this!! Some women can pull it off better...but have still maintained a certain femininity.
I guess it even bothers me a little, b/c truthfully, most likely I would not be attracted in the same way to transgender FTM...the way MTF can really be a turn on for me. I know I have said there's something that is hard for me to accept if I feel(maybe b/c of personal experiences, biasing my views) a woman is afraid of or despises and butchers all femininity in herself. Wow, this is giving me some good insight...b/c with men living as women, I see it more as a celebration of who they are....but I totally see the double standard there!
I think I'm going to enjoy continuing to read the responses to this thread. Attraction is attraction, and I feel I can love all people's and don't look downwards on anyone, that much I can say. Being truthful, though, my gut attractions feel just as strong to men and women...and even with the very manly women I feel that no matter what I'd try to remain open..I believe it could happen...it's just thinking about when I say I have no "type"..(meaning I could really fall for anyone, if I fell for the person inside the skin) that there does seem to be one place I don't feel naturally "compelled" to....but surely, it has something to do with me, not anyone else.
I've rambled quite enough...thanks all for sharing, Best, Karmic

[Rackir]

Originally Posted by SecretAsianMan

I know the Kinsey-scale ... (or at least, the early versions of the Kinsey Scale - I thought it was a 6-Point system)
((shrug))

Yup, it is a 6 point. I was misremembering. Thanks for prompting me to refresh that one!

[Rackir]

Originally Posted by Karmickiss

I guess it even bothers me a little, b/c truthfully, most likely I would not be attracted in the same way to transgender FTM...the way MTF can really be a turn on for me. I know I have said there's something that is hard for me to accept if I feel(maybe b/c of personal experiences, biasing my views) a woman is afraid of or despises and butchers all femininity in herself. Wow, this is giving me some good insight...b/c with men living as women, I see it more as a celebration of who they are....but I totally see the double standard there!

Hiya Karmic.

So if I'm reading this right, you're concerned that you may be a bit closed minded because because there is one particular avenue of transgerderd individuals that you may not be attracted to? Hunny, I think as far as breing seriouslly open minded goes your doing pretty damned good!

I know what you mean though, whenever I come across anything that I am catagoriclly not into it always makes me feel a little like "wow, check out my bias".

BUut then everyone has things they are and are not attracted to. You are going the extra mile by trying to determine what it is about that group that doesnt do it for you. In doing so you may find that the thing that turns you off (or at elast fails to turn you on) may in fact not be shared by all within that group, and so you may wind up being more open still as time goes on. At least I know thats how it usually goes for me.

[TheLorax]

I consider myself bisexual not so much because I am happy to have sex with someone of any gender, but because the person's gender isn't relevant regarding with whom I'd have sex! I get attracted to who a person is, the whole package (so to speak , so the plumbing bits just aren't that important to me.

Somewhat similar to Karmic, I find transgendered people more interesting in general, especially people who are transitioning. I've often said that while I am definately male, internally I'm more gender neutral. While I have no interest in transitioning to being female since I am reasonably happy with the equipment I have, if I ever were to have some type of accident that emasculated me, I just might.

[TheLorax]

Originally Posted by Rackir

"D&D Free","D&D Free","D&D Free",.,Damn, what do swingers have against Dungeons and Dragons anyways?

You're reading it wrong. It means they play Dungeons and Dragons for free.

Code for the fact they are in the Lifestyle. The SCA lifestyle, that is...

[Rackir]

Originally Posted by TheLorax

You're reading it wrong. It means they play Dungeons and Dragons for free.

Code for the fact they are in the Lifestyle. The SCA lifestyle, that is...

Wow, a swingers SCA event! Now THAT would be fun!

We now return you to your regularlly scheduled thread.

[Karmickiss]

Hi Rackir, it's a pleasure to read your post....it had me giggling, I feel like you probably have a nice sense of humor, and I appreciate the comments Also I like what TheLorax had to say about equipment being secondary and also can identify with feeling internally more neutral...or even a bit more on the masculine side inside, if that makes sense.
On the outside, I appear very feminine, with an edge maybe, but play up my femininity, working with whatever I got...lol.. My late partner that I was with for quite a while, on the outside, was very alpha male. What is interesting, though, was that he felt much more feminine than masculine on the inside. He was older than me...and said if he would have been born much later, that he'd probably have elected for bi-sexual, but felt he had to uphold a certain "role" throughout his life, except for the last years that we shared together. Also, at home we very much had the sterotyped gender "roles" reversed, and outward appearances were often very misleading.
This has been an interesting and revealing thread for me, a good place to be starting out again, to make new connections. I very much like the overall attitude and vibe here, and appreciate everyone's thoughts. Sincerely, Kamic

[SecretAsianMan]

Yay me... I now feel like I've started an interesting thread. (*grins*)


And a swinger-SCA event would be different than every other SCA event I've been to (where it seems like I end up in some crazy half-drunken orgy) in what way exactly?? (*Laughing*)

[LagniappeDC]

We often describe Mrs. L as "bi-comfortable" - Her focus is clearly having fun with men, but has no problem dancing, kissing, and generally playing with another woman in the fun of the moment. Only one woman has given her oral, and she has not reciprocated. We are very honest and up-front about this so as to not lead anyone on or create false expectations. Mrs. L will often point out other women when I ask "who is the hottest in the room". LOL. So...yes, we wish lifestyle sites would have more flexibility in the bi vs. straight category.