Why do bisexual swinging males feel that they must hide their sexuality?

[unusualsuspects]

While I think fear of physical violence is an actual problem in any repressed community, I think that the reason bisexual men hide their identity is because of the double standard that m/m sex vs. f/f sex, and I think that's just a cultural discomfort with guys doin' it.

I once heard Dan Savage say that girl/girl is more acceptable because there's "not sex" happening since there's no penis involved. guy/guy, however is too much for people to handle because there are two penises! It was said more of a joke, but it does point out what I think is an unreasonable squeamishness.

My wife and I went to an on-premise party (used to be called Pink, held by the folks that do kinky salon) that didn't have a gender rule for admission; you just had to bring a partner and be respectful. Jerks (of all sexes) were shown the door in short order, so it was a very nice environment, and people uncomfortable with the situations would just leave. The folks that stayed played with whom they wanted to and were respectful of people they didn't want to play with.

While I prefer this style to the women-and-couples-only party they also hold at the same location (club kiss) I know I'm in the minority.

Now, the moral of this story, is that there are different styles of swinging, and in some places and boards and forums there are people that don't need to hide their identity, but I think the majority case is one that does want their sex primarily heterosexual, and bi men don't want to limit their pool by saying they are bi.

Is this really any different than female partners who say they are bi-"curious" so as not to limit their pool as a couple? Or as the couples that really just want a female but will cruise couples? Is it all just weighing being true to yourself vs. marketing?

[Looking4uwithus]

For both of us its all about whats appealing. Its the thought of two muscle men with hairy bodies (chests, legs, etc) being intimate with each other in any way sounds so eeewwwww.

But two long haired soft silky tanned curvy hairless women licking and kissing each other sounds like such a beautiful sight.

[JandY]

Maybe this is not really relevant to this topic but, while we don't have an open relationship, we do often use seperate rooms. This first happened when the four of us were being "active" in the lounge and I went for a pee. I didn't lock or even close the door and I heard a noise behind me as his wife entered the shower. As I finished, she opened the shower door and asked me to wash her back.

One thing led to another and after we were both clean, we grabbed a towel to dry ourselves and left the bathroom to rejoin the others.

As we approached the bedroom, we could hear them making out and took a peek at them. They were away with the fairy's, so my swing partner grabbed my hand and guided me into the spare bedroom where we enjoyed some privacy until we heard my wife and her husband go for a shower.

As they passed, they called for us to join them if we wanted but the shower was only big enough for 3, so we guys took turn cleaning and being cleaned by the two girls.

Nothing was said about it. Since then, when we are together, we often split up - even if it's only at opposite ends of the same room.

It's good to be able to concentrate all your attention on just one other, sometimes.

It's also good to sometimes take a time-out and watch the other 3 together.

If only the girls would come round to letting us guys take a shower alone, things would be even better, but that's the problem.

The girls enjoy playing together and seem to get a great deal of pleasure from their same-sex action, but we guys haven't even raised the subject because in chatting, both girls have said how "ucky" the idea of male-male sex is. Even going so far as to suggest it would threaten, if not totally destroy a relationship as they consider any kind of male-male sexual intimacy as being outright "gay".

We guys have discussed this and it is their attitudes that make us supress it although we think it's unfair that we would be labelled as "gay" whereas the girls are "not gay" just broad-minded and experimental, from their point of view.

[SizzleinNC]

Great post J&Y. This is something like what I have encountered.