Why do bisexual swinging males feel that they must hide their sexuality?

[twoforone100]

One agree with fuse and chicup.

two As far as bi women go... We are looking for two different things.. We are looking for bi females who play with both.. We are looking for couples for mf mf play and group play mfm and fmf.

[corynlaine]

WOW, we're fairly new here and we both registered as bi/bi curious, because neither one of us is interested in straight swapping. To us the idea is to explore options and fantasies that go beyond what the 2 of us could do alone and she isn't interested in gangbangs, So our thought run towards couple/couple and the possible mixes that come from that which include m/m f/f . Anyway you get the idea.
For various reasons we see far more negatives with a 3rd (see #1 in the OP as to why we don't want a mfm for example. I think it's a very real issue and is EXACTLY the attitude we see from single male adds - "I'll Fuck your wife good 'cause you can't" is the gist of virtually every add we've seen from single men) of either sex than a couple so that is why we thought swinging would fit us.


Now to get this across and for brevity we ID's as bi but neither one of us actually consider ourselves as by because we don't see ourselves emotionally attached to a man or she to a girl. BUT the fantasies we share do involve sexual contact between the same sexes and I find your comments about the limits of mm contact above ridiculously simplified. While it is not something I would do by myself I find the idea of giving oral to a guy or WITH my wife very erotic because I know what it gives her. Likewise with a girl.

But reading some of the comments, it makes me have second thoughts that perhaps swinging is a lot more about men trading their wives than people want to admit.

The reason I say that is 2 fold)

1) has to do with the number of women who ID as bi and as commented often expected to be so (for the men 1st and foremost regardless of how much she actually enjoys it) while at the same time if you look at the thread talking about women's most common fantasies and wants - it involves m/m. The thread is FULL of "yea I would like to see that, but I know he'll never".


2) for someone who is so turned off etc by this idea (chicop per your post #2) you sure spend a whole lot of time chiming in on the issue. This lead one to at least perceive you as having an agenda.

Having said all that each to his, but then why continued comments in these thread and the open hostility??

[Alura]

When my mixed-race great-grandfather and his family escaped in a snowstorm from the U.S. Cavalry who were "escorting" (actually "forced marching") the Cherokees to the newly established "Indian Territory" they fled into the Ozarks of Northern Arkansas and hid. They were able to stay alive by claiming to not be Indians. This went on until early in the Twentieth Century when they moved on to Oklahoma.

Why? Simply because they might well have been killed had folks known they were Cherokee.

It has not been that long since homosexuals faced the same problem. Only a few years ago a man was killed (in Colorado?) because he was gay. Unlike killers of Cherokees, who seldom faced any punishment, the perpetrators were punished. Not surprisingly, though, the gay guy remained dead.

Perhaps that has some effect on why bisexual men don't announce their leanings.

Mr. Alura

[Chicup]

Alura did you just compare some couples not wanting to play with bi-males to the trail of tears?

[Alura]

Originally Posted by Chicup

Alura did you just compare some couples not wanting to play with bi-males to the trail of tears?

No, Chicup. I compared the killing of people because of their race to the killing of people because of their sexual leanings. I have no interest in playing with bi-males. I would, however, consider swapping partners with a couple in which the male is bi. Unfortunately, I no longer have a partner to swap. The question is academic.

Mr. Alura

Basically, it's the squick factor.

Most persons are not bothered (squicked) seeing two females, but MM play bothers enough that the will actively avoid it. (E.G>posters above who said they'd stop going to a club where they observed said.) Even having a F involved doesn't seem to make a difference to most.

Until that changes, men willing to be involved with other men are going to avoid giving offense/provoking a strong reaction in others.

CF: mixed black-white couples in public in the 20th century.

[iapr]

I don't have any answers as to why bi males feel they need to hide their sexuality but as a trend I have noticed lately is that less of them are hiding. On the hook up sites we are on I have noticed a definate increase in the number of profiles where bi-cur is listed for the male.

Even on some profiles where the male is listed as straight the wording of the profile indicates that m/m contact is not out of the question if the mutual interst is there and everyone agrees to it.

I suspect this is a trend that will continue. If you look back to swinging 30-40 years ago it was primarily a heterosexual pursuit. Of course f/f contact did occur back then but it was not the obsession that it is today and did not have anywhere near the acceptance in regular society that is does today.

As a culture many of the lines dividing heterosexuality and homosexuality are becoming blurred and homosexuality is not the stigma and shame that it was 30 years ago. The closet is becoming less and less crowded as time goes on.

That process may be taking place within the lifestyle as well and as time goes on I think we will see more couples and more single males who are admitting that they are open to more than just strictly male-female or fem/fem contact.

[rickmccool]

Originally Posted by corynlaine

WOW, we're fairly new here and we both registered as bi/bi curious, because neither one of us is interested in straight swapping. To us the idea is to explore options and fantasies that go beyond what the 2 of us could do alone and she isn't interested in gangbangs, So our thought run towards couple/couple and the possible mixes that come from that which include m/m f/f . Anyway you get the idea.
For various reasons we see far more negatives with a 3rd (see #1 in the OP as to why we don't want a mfm for example. I think it's a very real issue and is EXACTLY the attitude we see from single male adds - "I'll Fuck your wife good 'cause you can't" is the gist of virtually every add we've seen from single men) of either sex than a couple so that is why we thought swinging would fit us.


Now to get this across and for brevity we ID's as bi but neither one of us actually consider ourselves as by because we don't see ourselves emotionally attached to a man or she to a girl. BUT the fantasies we share do involve sexual contact between the same sexes and I find your comments about the limits of mm contact above ridiculously simplified. While it is not something I would do by myself I find the idea of giving oral to a guy or WITH my wife very erotic because I know what it gives her. Likewise with a girl.

But reading some of the comments, it makes me have second thoughts that perhaps swinging is a lot more about men trading their wives than people want to admit.

The reason I say that is 2 fold)

1) has to do with the number of women who ID as bi and as commented often expected to be so (for the men 1st and foremost regardless of how much she actually enjoys it) while at the same time if you look at the thread talking about women's most common fantasies and wants - it involves m/m. The thread is FULL of "yea I would like to see that, but I know he'll never".


2) for someone who is so turned off etc by this idea (chicop per your post #2) you sure spend a whole lot of time chiming in on the issue. This lead one to at least perceive you as having an agenda.

Having said all that each to his, but then why continued comments in these thread and the open hostility??

Hi corynlaine,

Two (or more) both bi couples can have a lot of fun. Clubs may not be the way to go but you don't need clubs. The Internet is bringing more and more bi couples together and there are web sites where you can find couples. Once you find one, they know others who know others etc. and pretty soon you have a network. Good Luck... Rick

Oh I forgot. Be honest and play safe.

[SizzleinNC]

Is a bi sexual swinging male homosexual??

Hmmm lets think about it for a moment. Every one I have talked to was just bi sexual oral, they do not want to kiss the man or be alone with them.

If he was a truly bi sexual male, his wife knew about it and approved which they do in swinging. Is he a homosexual.

I don't think so! IMPO

[safireblues]

It's always funny to me that these hardcore swingers, chicks in group anal bangs, they will turn up their nose at a guy who has sucked a few cocks.

"Ooooh, disease!"

My husband and I are "oral only" with other people, I've had intercourse with one other man in 8 years...but tell people my husband has sucked few dicks, and hardcore swingers are like "you have aids."

Nice.

I find more and more, though, that people are open to it.

[Lixxnsuxx]

Speaking as a bisexual male, it amazes me how many ads I see that will say str8 couple seeks bi male, bi female etc.. What the heck is that? I never once thought of myself as gay. I am a manly man that likes manly men and womanly women. I have been approached by supposedly str8 couples where the man wanted to blow me and let me do his wife for it. To me that is hypocritical, but I will admit there is a stigma (for some) about m2m sex whereas f2f sex is thought to be acceptable. That thinking reeks of a double standard, but it still exists.

[amid]

Originally Posted by The Fuse

Two, and I'll probably get flamed for this, I believe man-on-man sex has a higher incidence of transmission of disease. This is because anal sex is a bigger component of sex between two men than it is between two people of any other gender combination, and the effect is multiplied by #1.

This sums it up in a nutshell for us.. as many times as we have "discussed" the fantasy of a little male male oral play (it turns the mrs. on to talk about it) the picture of the bi male engaging in other (anal sex) activities with other bi men who are really homosexuals having casual sex with other homosexual men brings the picture of aids into our fantasy and bursts that bubble.. and this is probably the reason most bi men hide it. They realize the stigmas involving bi males due in part to the dishonest homosexuals posing as bi men. I'm sure there are a few good (read honest) men out there who are truly bi men that have wives but like to engage in a little oral play with a swing partner but we aren't willing to take that chance. We can get a cure for Gonorrhea or Syphilis, Herpes we can live with.. but we aren't increasing the risk of AIDS.

Also here is an interesting read to add to the argument of Romans and Greeks. This is about Native Americans, Cherokees (Tsalagi) in particular.


WHEN Cherokees WERE Cherokee

[JTcamp05]

Originally Posted by The Fuse

.


One, male homosexuality lends itself to relatively quick and casual sex, even compared to heterosexual swingers . It's one of the differences between men and women. I personally would be afraid that if it were to become more accepted within swinging, it would become a large enough component of the lifestyle that it would start to push aside the parts of it that I enjoy. There, I said it. I would rather male homosexuality flourish in other venues. I am in swinging for heterosexual sex, and I already feel like I have to wade through the girl-on-girl stuff to get to what I'm interested in.

.

No matter what you think about this issue, I think this is very well spoken prospective.... I think people can relate to this on many levels

[The Fuse]

Originally Posted by JTcamp05

No matter what you think about this issue, I think this is very well spoken prospective.... I think people can relate to this on many levels

Thanks.

[Baconheads]

Originally Posted by Alura

It has not been that long since homosexuals faced the same problem. Only a few years ago a man was killed (in Colorado?) because he was gay. Unlike killers of Cherokees, who seldom faced any punishment, the perpetrators were punished. Not surprisingly, though, the gay guy remained dead.

Perhaps that has some effect on why bisexual men don't announce their leanings.

Mr. Alura

Wyoming, Dude, Wyoming.

Story went that the killer had gay tenencies that he couldn't live with, now he's in prison Shoulda thought that one through more better.