straight guy having strange thoughts

This seems like the place to post this. I am in my upper 30s, happily married many years, have kids etc. My wife and I have had a few swinging experiences and enjoyed them. I am completely straight, love women and have no attraction to men at all. I have seen some gay porn and thought it was gross. For the last few weeks though I have been having some strange thoughts and images in my head and wondered if any of you have experienced this. I have been having fantasys of having a typical MFM experience with my wife and a lean fit and well hung male. Then after she is satified giving the other male a handjob to completion. I don't want to make out with him. Touch him or pleasure him in any other way and I do not want him touching me at all. However I have been imagining what it would feel like to have a hard dick in my hands and feeling it get all engorged and then feeling it contract and surge as he cums and watching it shoot. Has anyone else ever experienced anything like this? Is this something I should be concerned about? I don't know if I actually want to make it happen but I guess if everyone is ok with it and it is exactly like I described I wouldn't mind. I kind of afraid to tell my wife because I'm afriad she would freak out and think I was turning gay or something which I'm not. Do other people have this happen after living their whole lives as a completely straight person? What if anything should I do? I don't want to be bisexual of live that kind of lifestyle but this is in my mind. Is there any way to get rid of thoughts like this?

[LFM2]

Welcome to the Board, unregistered.

I have been having fantasys of having a typical MFM experience with my wife and a lean fit and well hung male. Then after she is satified giving the other male a handjob to completion. I don't want to make out with him. Touch him or pleasure him in any other way and I do not want him touching me at all. However I have been imagining what it would feel like to have a hard dick in my hands and feeling it get all engorged and then feeling it contract and surge as he cums and watching it shoot. Has anyone else ever experienced anything like this?

Countless times, I'm sure.

Is this something I should be concerned about?

I really hope you don’t lose too much sleep over this.

I don't know if I actually want to make it happen but I guess if everyone is ok with it and it is exactly like I described I wouldn't mind. I kind of afraid to tell my wife because I'm afriad she would freak out and think I was turning gay or something which I'm not.

Have you and your wife talked about your fantasies before? If your successful and honest swingers, you should both be open to sharing fantasies, including this one. My husband and I have talked about this before.
I believe watching their spouse with another male might be up there on a list of fantasies for women. I don’t have data to back that up, but just a mental comprehensive list of things that I’ve read here.

Do other people have this happen after living their whole lives as a completely straight person? What if anything should I do?

Yes, I believe they do.

I don't want to be bisexual of live that kind of lifestyle but this is in my mind. Is there any way to get rid of thoughts like this?

I personally want to tell you that your thoughts are pretty typical. Most people have thoughts and fantasies that are thought to be a little off the wall and this thought does not make you gay or bisexual. One episode of giving head to another man does not make you gay or bisexual. It makes you a sexually, vibrant human who wants to experiment and see what the other side of the coin is like.

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

Do other people have this happen after living their whole lives as a completely straight person?

I started having more bisexual dreams after we began swinging.

Once you start swinging all kinds of sexual dreams can start flooding in. It's the nature of dreaming...what we experience, think about, and see often pops up in a convoluted fashion in our dreams.

What if anything should I do?

If you enjoy the dream, you can hope you'll have another one like it. If you wake up thinking ""WTF was that about"" and find you don't care for it, be glad you're awake, head out to work and forget about it. It was only a dream.

I don't want to be bisexual o[r] live that kind of lifestyle but this is in my mind. Is there any way to get rid of thoughts like this?

My suggestion is to not be concerned about the dreams...they aren't going to make you bisexual.

The harder you try to "get rid of thoughts" the more likely they'll keep trying to take up space in your mind.

Laugh it off as one of the perfectly normal reactions and affects of swinging and go about your life as usual. You'll be okay.

LM

[Chicup]

One doesn't just turn 'gay'. If you think gay porn is gross the research is pretty clear you are not gay nor will you suddenly become gay. I can understand how such feelings might concern a teenage boy who doesn't understand his or anyone elses sexuality but for a man in your position it should become quickly obvious you have nothing to worry about.

Now if their is more to your story and you have always had gay fantasies or the like then maybe there is something there to think about, but from your description, I'd not worry.

[Begood03]

I think that if you really are interested in doing something like this, talk it over with your wife and if she agrees do it.

[graygo98]

I agree with Chicup. You don't "turn" gay. I believe that your sexual orientation this minute is the same as it has always been and always will be. Its not something that happened or that you chose.

Sometimes, though, experiences can trigger an awareness that has never surfaced before. If that's the case, instead of worrying about it or trying to supress it, accept it and try to understand it. You really don't have any other choice. You do have a choice, however, as to whether you act on it.

Who knows, you may be mildly bi. Or, this might have just been some random thought, like when I dream I can fly.

[IvoryTowers]

A while ago, Dan Savage had a similar question on his podcast. He assured the "extremely heterosexual" guy that he gets letters every day from equally straight men who just want to touch another man's penis.

Dan's argument (and, as with most things sexual, I agree) is that men are naturally fascinated with cock (it's the centerpiece of most straight porn, after all) and many men want to experience what it's like to touch one that isn't attached. This isn't gay. It isn't even bi. It's just a kind of natural curiosity.

I think this has come up for you now because once you start swinging, sexual taboos and fears weaken, and things that might have been scary are now interesting instead.

My suggestion, unless your wife will flip out, is to play out the fantasy. Once you do, you'll probably be over the curiosity and no longer interested in getting another guy off.

[NednWendy]

Thank you. Everyone was so helpfull and nonjudgmental and made some great points so I decided to register and will have more questions for the group.
To those of you that asked if I have talked to my wife yet the answer is no. That is one of my main sticking points in this. I really don't know how she will react. She is only now starting to be more comfortable touching other women and with swinging in general and I'm afraid if I bring this up it will be too much for her. She has had a very conservative upbringing and has always been pretty reserved in sexual matters.
To LikeMinds321, this is not a dream. These are actual wide awake thoughts. I appreciate your message and reassurance though and it makes sense.
To Chicup and graygo98, I am not afraid of turning gay at all. I am very secure in my sexuality and know what I like and don't like. I am not attracted to men at all and have no desire for any other kind of male contact. It is just this one thing that I have described already. My concern is that my wife will freak out if she finds out and that she will think I have gone off my rocker. I am also afraid of being outed if anyone else finds out about it. It's kind of strange because since I do consider myself straight I am more afraid of people finding out about it than I think I would be if I were actually gay or bi. I'm ok with having these thoughts but I'm afraid others wouldn't understand and would outcast me if they knew.
To Ivory Towers, thank you. That makes the most sense and really describes it well. It is not an attraction or desire and I really don't even think I will get turned on by it, but it is just a curiosity. I just want to know what it feels like and would be like.
As far as those that said to give it a try, I am not opposed to it but I really think the problem would be finding someone willing to do it. If I were to do it I would want it to be a swinging experience with my wife and do not want to do anything on my own. My wife is very pretty and a very skilled and exciting lover. If she were in the room a guy with the slightest bit of heterosexuality would want her doing stuff with him and not some guy.
Thank you to everyone for being so helpfull and supportive.

[LFM2]

Hi NednWendy!! It's great that you've registered. Thanks for that and to the Board. Please, if you can think of more questions, or situations, let us know.

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by NednWendy

To LikeMinds321, this is not a dream. These are actual wide awake thoughts. I appreciate your message and reassurance though and it makes sense.

Rereading your opening post I now see that you never mentioned a dream! Geez, sorry about presuming that. Since I'm a big dreamer I probably went straight to my own fantasyland instead of reading carefully.

My concern is that my wife will freak out if she finds out and that she will think I have gone off my rocker. I am also afraid of being outed if anyone else finds out about it. It's kind of strange because since I do consider myself straight I am more afraid of people finding out about it than I think I would be if I were actually gay or bi. I'm ok with having these thoughts but I'm afraid others wouldn't understand and would outcast me if they knew.

Your wife may surprise you with her acceptance, especially since she is embracing her bisexual interests. In time you may find that you'll be comfortable sharing your thoughts with her. I hope that you do find the right moment to talk with her about this.

As far as people finding out, if you tell your wife do you fear she would tell others? I would hope not. And if she doesn't tell anyone no one else will know, unless you live out your fantasy, in which case you would want to carefully choose a playmate that is also open to m/m play and would be as discreet as yourself.

To Ivory Towers, thank you. That makes the most sense and really describes it well. It is not an attraction or desire and I really don't even think I will get turned on by it, but it is just a curiosity. I just want to know what it feels like and would be like.

I think Ivory Towers offered some great insight, too.

Ned, so glad you registered. I hope that you and Wendy will continue to visit the Board and become active members.



LM

[realcplub2]

First lets deal with the business... Welcome and thank you for registering

Now then.. having these thoughts doesnt make you gay.. Sam Kinison told a joke that he quoted a stat about 80% of straight guys having a homosexual fantasy.. and he wanted his out... as in gone, but the inferance could be taken another way..

In this world we all live in there has to be black and white.. and for some thats the way it HAS TO BE.. I prefer to let there be greys, that I can figure shit out for myself..

AS far as the other issue I have with your post.. Can you answer an honest question? Suppose your loveley wife came to you and said she was having fantasies about what its like to ENJOY.. in some way another women.. HEY let break out the champange right?

If you expect that kind of HONESTY from her you had better be prepared to GIVE her yours

[Chicup]

I've always wanted to know what it would feel like to drive a race car. The fastest I've gone on land is about 145mph, when I was 17. Glad I didn't get a ticket.

I still would like to feel the raw power and speed of going that fast or faster, but if I decided to turn it into a hobby the wife would go a bit nuts and I can't blame her.

So that desire to see what it feels like will have to go unfulfilled and that really doesn't bother me.

[NednWendy]

To Realcplub2, it's ok for women to do things with each other but not for men. She always considered herself completely straight and is just starting to realize that she enjoys some touch from a woman. I didn't break out any champagne but I'm ok with whatever she wants to try with women or men.
But whether it's fair or right or not it is different with men touching each other. She isn't all that comfortable with the thought of women touching each other yet. I'm afraid if I bring this up she will not take it well and think we are going to far with this whole swinging idea and pull in the reigns a lot tighter and it's taken us a long time to get to where we are now.
I don't feel like I'm keeping secrets from her or being dishonest with her. It's not like I'm out cruising mens restrooms at the airport on the down low or anything. If she were to ask me if I have ever thought of giving a handjob to another man I'd say yes and we would talk about it and I would find out her thoughts on it. However I really don't think that thought would ever occur to her and I'm serious when I say that I don't know if she even realizes that such things even do occur. In time she may become worldly and comfortable enough with the concept of same sex contact but I don't think that is where we are now.We all have sexual thoughts and feelings throughout the day that we don't share with our spouses the moment we have them.
To Chicup, that is a good analogy and I am comfortable just keeping it in the fantasy realm. however if someone handed me the keys to a Formula I and everyone involved said go for it then that might be a different story.

[arvcpl]

Originally Posted by IvoryTowers

A while ago, Dan Savage had a similar question on his podcast. He assured the "extremely heterosexual" guy that he gets letters every day from equally straight men who just want to touch another man's penis.

Dan's argument (and, as with most things sexual, I agree) is that men are naturally fascinated with cock (it's the centerpiece of most straight porn, after all) and many men want to experience what it's like to touch one that isn't attached. This isn't gay. It isn't even bi. It's just a kind of natural curiosity.

I think this has come up for you now because once you start swinging, sexual taboos and fears weaken, and things that might have been scary are now interesting instead.

My suggestion, unless your wife will flip out, is to play out the fantasy. Once you do, you'll probably be over the curiosity and no longer interested in getting another guy off.

I totally agree with this. I am completely straight and have no desires for men at all however Ivory Towers (or is it Dan Savage) has a point here. Cocks are pretty fascinating, I know I really enjoy mine LOL.

My wife is a master with her hands and mouth and one of my favorite things to do is to do her from behind while watching her work another guys dick. It's a total turn on to watch her work it untill it pops all over the place.

I am perfectly happy to watch her do it but I can see how a guy may want to take that one step further.