Male for husband ?

[My Next 65]

I have just read the poll about wives preferences for 3somes. The vast majority of you women voted you would like to find a male for your husband. That surprises me greatly. I once had a bi experience and kept it a secret from my wife. I don't "like" men, it was just a curiosity about what 'it' would feel like in my mouth, what a women feels hot about doing it. Was actually very exciting, felt stiff, warm and fleshy soft and was curious if I could deep throat, I could.
But as far as my wife watching or knowing, I felt she would see me as less masculine, not a manly man any longer. Guys, what do you feel about this? Is there a different perspective seen by men? Guys like to watch girl/girl action and don't think it makes the wife less feminine because she goes down on another female.
Girls, what do you like about the idea of watching another male with your husband? What is the turn-on that makes 87 percent of you women prefer to watch a male with your husband and so few of you wanting another male for yourself in a 3some?

[IvoryTowers]

Mr. Ivory here. Speaking for myself, I'm really not worried about whether Mrs. Ivory sees me as a "manly man." First off, gender is a very fluid thing. The American sense of what is "manly" differs greatly from the French sense, the Japanese sense, etc. So I'm not even sure what being a "manly" man means.

Second, I don't think being masculine and wanting to play with other men are mutually exclusive. So many heterosexual men are afraid of being thought "gay" if they have any sexual interest in men, even if that interest is purely a curiosity about doing something different sexually (i.e. it's not that you want to be with a man; it's that you want to try something new, something that you can only do with a man). This is rooted in our deep cultural homophobia and misogyny: the worst thing a man can be is a woman, but the closest thing to that is to be gay.

There is nothing inconsistent about identifying as straight and wanting to play with a man. Why do you think so much "transsexual" porn exists? The market for those movies is *straight* men. We all have sexual curiosity about the unknown. It's a big reason a lot of us are involved in swinging in the first place. It's only natural that some of that curiosity might be directed at members of the same sex.

Third, it seems to me that women want to see two men together for the same reasons men want to see two women together. Many straight women like to see men naked and engaged in sex. Seeing two men thus engaged is even hotter. How could it not be? In addition, I think many women like to know that their spouses are *not* tied into the trappings of hyper-masculinity, that they're not homophobes, etc.

I think you should tell your wife that you've played with another man. If nothing else, not telling her violates the central tenet of open relationships: honesty. You do not have open lines of communication with your spouse if you fear her reaction to your sharing this (obviously) very important detail with her. You're straight. Having played with another man once doesn't change that. Having kept this from your spouse, however, is a bit worrisome.

[IvoryTowers]

And now a word from Mrs. Ivory (can you tell we're sitting here on the couch, watching the playoffs, each with our own laptop?).

I can't improve on what Mr. Ivory says in general, so I'll just add that for me, watching two guys is hot hot hot! I think there are two reasons. The first is what Mr. Ivory said--if one guy is hot, two guys is hotx2!

But there's also the sense of taboo in male-male sexuality. It's 'forbidden' and therefore deeply exciting. Girl-girl action is so common these days, it's practically vanilla, but two men kissing or touching each other can still make the ratings board go haywire, still freak out the sponsors and the religious right, and still get my motor running faster than any other visual.

[NakedInSeattle]

Mrs. Naked feels exactly like Mrs. Ivory. Damn, we're lucky guys, eh?

[Chicup]

Which poll was this?

One thing about polls on the swingers board is that they are beyond useless and often do not reflect well on swinging reality.

I have never seen a swinger add, ever, 'looking for a male for my man'. I've seen 100's 'looking for a female for my man' or 'looking for a female for my wife'.

Are there couples out there who do this? Yes of course, but is it a majority? Not even close.

[My Next 65]

ooooooooops!!! Big time oops! I miss-read the poll, don't know how I did that. Can I plead 'a senior moment' ? An old dog can learn new tricks. After 65 read it THREE times before you respond. I feel so stupid !!

[My Next 65]

Thank you Ivory Towers. Even though I miss-read the poll, I received an answer that addressed my thread. First let me say my wife passed away last year. The Swingers Board gives me a way to occupy my sexual thoughts and keeps the fire down below going by interacting on sexual thoughts that stimulate. What is a "manly" man is a hard question for me to expand on. I guess it means to me that her hot sexual desire is to have sex with a male who wants to "give her" (key words) the total masculinity she so wants in her base desires My sexuallity is served best by seeing a woman as a submissive creature wanting to be taken. To have seen the look on her face, her eyes rolling back in her head and moans of pleasure while being 'done' by another man sends signals that tell me she is overcome by a desires to totally submit to a man who feeds her wantonness. He is most stimulated by seeing her response to what he is giving her. Thus she is the receiver, he the giver. Guess my thoughts are that a guy who has sex with another guy while she watches makes him less masculine, in her eyes, and not as capable of fulfilling her wantonness for a man as a husband who would do other men.
It is informative that your wife would think that if one man is hot naked, then him having sex with another guy is 2x as hot. I am bi-sexual. Meaning I am uninhibited enough to see the dick as a sexual object of interest and without a thought of same gender or having a desire for temporary emotional involvement as in kissing that I would have with a female, something to play with and enjoy orally in the same way a woman does. It seems "straight" guys are in the majority in feeling homophobic. I do not feel that way but must admit I have always thought females would share the same idea. I don't know if the thoughts of Mrs. Ivory Tower are shared in the common or one of just a few.
Perhaps a thread would answer that question. Would you care to ask? I would like to know but homophobia seems to be prevalant and replies likely to reject the question and flame the writter. I have mentioned m/m oral sex before (with another ID name) and the replies intimidated me so much I changed my ID name . Or perhaps I have missed such a thread in the archives that someone can point out.

[JustAskJulie]

I am one of those women who would love to see my man with another man. However, you won't see an ad from us saying "wife seeking man for husband" because it's not something that my husband wants to do at this point.

I have to agree with IvoryTowers. F/F is practically vanilla these days and is as common in the vanilla world as it is in the swinging world. It's common and accepted, therefore no one thinks twice. In swinging, you are more likely to get a sideways look if you say that the female is straight. For that matter, you are as likely to get a sideways look if the female is straight as you are if the male admits he is bi... maybe more so.

[gsu22]

Originally Posted by My Next 65

I have just read the poll about wives preferences for 3somes. The vast majority of you women voted you would like to find a male for your husband. That surprises me greatly. I once had a bi experience and kept it a secret from my wife. I don't "like" men, it was just a curiosity about what 'it' would feel like in my mouth, what a women feels hot about doing it. Was actually very exciting, felt stiff, warm and fleshy soft and was curious if I could deep throat, I could.
But as far as my wife watching or knowing, I felt she would see me as less masculine, not a manly man any longer. Guys, what do you feel about this? Is there a different perspective seen by men? Guys like to watch girl/girl action and don't think it makes the wife less feminine because she goes down on another female.

I thought when I did MM oral the first time, I might feel less masculine but in the end, I didn't at all. It was something I wanted to try because I was ready for something completely different sexually and because I was so curious what it was like. Now, it's just a fun thing I enjoy every once in a while. It's strictly a physical thing with males for me....no emotional attachment, no urge to kiss,etc....just like to jack/suck. The taboo portion, like it was mentioned in a previous post, is also a big thing to me. Although one thing I prefer is an inshape, masculine guy. I'm not into the skinny, fem dudes.[/B]

[justcurious123]

Wow, it's so neat to see that there are so many other men who think the way I do. I've wrestled with the occasional gay fantasy (or string of fantanies) for several years, and have only recently decided: "Yep. I wanna try this." My wife is bisexual, but so far our marriage has not been an open one. But I think we're both perpared to make an exception. She doesn't mind what I do with others as long as my heart belongs to her -- which it certainly and completely does! I went to post a swinger ad just now, but the site had an error from being "too busy". So I'm posting here instead. I don't know if anyone on this site is in the Dallas area? (Forgive me, I'm fairly new to this site.) But, whether it's a single guy, or a couple who wants the male to interact with another male, I'm open to either option. I would be interested in experimenting with kissing, oral, or both -- whatever is preferred by the other guy/couple.

Oh, also: Age is not a factor for me -- I get along with everyone. I've been engaged to a 58-year-old, and I'm now married to a 20-year-old. Personality is what counts!

[NotSorry]

Originally Posted by Chicup

I have never seen a swinger add, ever, 'looking for a male for my man'.

Ever? I've seen a few.

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by NotSorry

Ever? I've seen a few.

Nope not ever, unless you consider the transsexual couple that contacted us once.

[corynlaine]

Hi,

We're new here and I am glad we stumbled across this thread.
Her top 5 definitely includes m/m and while I am not as hot on the idea - I don't think that I would do it just to do it - I am definitely aroused by the idea because it excites her so.

One reason we have not actively pursued finding another couple til now, was that every add for singe male seems to imply that someone I am not good enough and most couple adds are f - bi m - str8.

I saw several threads talking about this - though I haven't had the chance to read them all, but it seems that it just gets down to men being more afraid to experiment.?

[truckerbuddy]

could i do a m/m? i have never had the appertained to do that? i cant say yes but cant say no ether

[SIR_DRAGONFIRE5]

Originally Posted by My Next 65

I have just read the poll about wives preferences for 3somes. The vast majority of you women voted you would like to find a male for your husband. That surprises me greatly. I once had a bi experience and kept it a secret from my wife. I don't "like" men, it was just a curiosity about what 'it' would feel like in my mouth, what a women feels hot about doing it. Was actually very exciting, felt stiff, warm and fleshy soft and was curious if I could deep throat, I could.
But as far as my wife watching or knowing, I felt she would see me as less masculine, not a manly man any longer. Guys, what do you feel about this? Is there a different perspective seen by men? Guys like to watch girl/girl action and don't think it makes the wife less feminine because she goes down on another female.
Girls, what do you like about the idea of watching another male with your husband? What is the turn-on that makes 87 percent of you women prefer to watch a male with your husband and so few of you wanting another male for yourself in a 3some?

I do not think 2 men having sex with each other makes them less manly. I do think 2 women having sex together makes them less femminine either. In fact more manly for men & moree femminine for Ladies!