Want Advice from Bi-Sexual Woman

[exploringRM]

My wife is currently listed as bi-curious. About a month ago, before we started swinging she would have listed herself as straight. In Vegas last month, we had a couples dance by a female stripper and the stripper was very interested in her..she kissed my wife and also licked my wife's nipple (she had no bra one so easy access). My wife really enjoyed that. But due to lack of experience and wondering if she was really interested we listed her as bi-curious. Last weekend we played with a couple where the other woman is bisexual. They had a great time together, kissing, masterbating each other. The other woman also went down on my wife, but my wife is still not sure (yet) about going down on another woman. So I'm not sure what to list her as now....lol. We have plans to see that couple again, so perhaps the wife will stretch her bi-ness a bit more. I had a great time watching but never pushed my wife in that direction, leaving it up to her to decide her comfort zone. The girls played first while the guys watched, carressed and played with the girls as well (kissing/oral sex). When the girls were finished with each other, I said, you know, if the play ended right here, I would not go away unhappy. If was a very erotic experience watching those two together. But would I call my wife bi-sexual after that. I don't know but the fact that she's excited about meeting the couple again, perhaps yes. But she is perfectly content when there is just MF play.

[AprilMike]

For us the red flag isn't the "bi-curious" it is the stuff on your Swing Lifestyle profile that says that it's "all for him". That statement is one we have found to be trouble just waiting to happen.

[screaminggood]

Exploring---why not list your wife as "bi-experimenting" or "bi-exploring?"

[The Fuse]

Originally Posted by NCfuncouple98

3 months ago my profile was "straight". But after visiting the clubs, reading stories together, and watching some videos, I have now changed it to bi-curious, because I really am.

Tonight we are meeting another couple at the club, and she is bi-sexual. They are soft-swap only, which is fine, we haven't even done that yet anyway! So IF the chemistry is there and anything happens, we're all for starting out this way.

So has anyone that started out bi-curious have any advice for a first-timer? I am not just "curious" to feel what it's like or anything, I really do want it. I'm not worried about not liking it, or it turning me off.

I'm one of those women who are listed as "bi-curious". I've been listed that way for almost two years, and have been with enough women to know and understand the extent of my attraction for women. I stick with the label because Swing Lifestyle doesn't have a better one.

Enough said about that for now... now I want to respond to NCfuncouple98's request for advice.

NCfuncouple98, I suggest that you follow some of the same common-sense rules you would for a heterosexual play experience, like for instance if something feels right, do it. If it feels strange but exciting and something you're curious about, do it. If it feels wrong or icky or too uncomfortable, don't do it. Trust your feelings. (Use The Force...okay, sorry ) There is a difference in the discomfort you'll feel stretching your comfort zone for an experience you want, versus one you don't want.

I would also suggest you be very conscious of whether you are feeling pressure from anyone to be or act bi-sexual. People may pressure you implicitly even when they don't mean to, by simply getting excited. You may feel you would disappoint them by not following through. This pressure can happen without anyone saying a word, and without anyone even "making a move". There's a mushy area between encouragement and pressure, and even people with the best intentions have problems. If you feel pressure, meaning you feel uncomfortable enough to want to pull back, I suggest you think twice about doing anything, even passively.

Another suggestion... think in advance about how many people you want around when you first do anything (or everything!) with another woman. If you are really curious, you'll still be curious and have the desire even if only you and your new female lover are there. Your husbands may be straining at the bit to watch, but maybe you want them to and maybe you don't. This is something I wish I had done differently. I'm not saying to never let them watch. I'm saying that while you're still unsure, having your husbands and maybe a crowd of people ogling you as entertainment may not enhance your experience. Whatever you decide you want, you should let them know before things start happening.

I hope this helps.

I do wish that Swing Lifestyle would add some more labels. I am not "curious" anymore, but the truth is that while I am somewhat attracted to women, I am so much more attracted to men that calling myself bisexual seems misleading to people who have closer to an equal attraction to men and women. I don't quite agree with the argument in some earlier postings that "since you're not attracted to all men either, it is the same thing". Of course it is true that I am not attracted to all men. But by and large, when I am attracted to a man, my motivation and desire eclipse my desire for a woman I'm attracted to. I'm somewhere in the "low to mid-2" area on the Kinsey scale, where 0 is completely hetero and 6 is completely homosexual. I use the "curious" label, but explain it in our profile as best I can.

Edit: I just read your Swing Lifestyle profile. My new advice to you is: you should want to have sex for you, not for him. I would not be willing to have sex with anyone who was doing it for their spouse. Big turn-off. Still, if you are honestly curious, I wish you the best of luck and hope you enjoy yourself. Personally, exploring sex with women has been a wonderful thing in my life.

[NCfuncouple98]

Edit: I just read your Swing Lifestyle profile. My new advice to you is: you should want to have sex for you, not for him. I would not be willing to have sex with anyone who was doing it for their spouse. Big turn-off. Still, if you are honestly curious, I wish you the best of luck and hope you enjoy yourself. Personally, exploring sex with women has been a wonderful thing in my life.[/QUOTE]

Thank you for the honest advice. I didn't realize the Swing Lifestyle profile sounded the way it did. What I meant to say is that he has fantasies of having MFF 3some, but those are his fantasies - there is no pressure from my wonderful husband whatsoever for me to do anything I don't want to do for myself. So I need to think about how to re-word it. His fantasies are his, mine are mine, and if they happen to intertwine, that's great, but not necessary! He would never expect me to do anything just for his pleasure. Entering this lifestyle is for both of us to enjoy ourselves and each other.

I guess what I meant to say is that just because I'm not listed as bi-sexual, I didn't want ladies to read it and not show interest because of me.

[exploringRM]

Originally Posted by screaminggood

Exploring---why not list your wife as "bi-experimenting" or "bi-exploring?"

The sites we belong too limit the classification as straing, bi-curious and bi-sexual. Our profile does go into a little detail on the bi aspect, what she is comfortable with so we are up front about it and evolving that detail as we experience more.

[screaminggood]

I understand. Put bi-curious or bi-sexual....if the other couple is interested in it, they'll read the rest of your profile.

[NCfuncouple98]

Edit: I just read your Swing Lifestyle profile. My new advice to you is: you should want to have sex for you, not for him. I would not be willing to have sex with anyone who was doing it for their spouse. Big turn-off. Still, if you are honestly curious, I wish you the best of luck and hope you enjoy yourself. Personally, exploring sex with women has been a wonderful thing in my life.[/QUOTE]

Ok, I've updated Swing Lifestyle - does it make more sense now?

[The Fuse]

Originally Posted by NCfuncouple98

Edit: I just read your Swing Lifestyle profile. My new advice to you is: you should want to have sex for you, not for him. I would not be willing to have sex with anyone who was doing it for their spouse. Big turn-off. Still, if you are honestly curious, I wish you the best of luck and hope you enjoy yourself. Personally, exploring sex with women has been a wonderful thing in my life.

Ok, I've updated Swing Lifestyle - does it make more sense now?[/QUOTE]
Yes, I think that sounds really good now. Doesn't say too much but makes it clear you are new and ready to explore. And it doesn't smack of "I'm only doing this to make my husband happy". That's not a bad reason, don't get me wrong, as long as you want to do it for yourself as well. The rest of the story can wait until you are actually talking to potential "partners in exploration". Good luck!