Men: Bi-curious, Bi-sexual, or just plain sexual?

[olycouple]

So, I've been reading around on this site, adding my two cents very rarely because it always seems what I would say has already been said (gosh you guys are good!). But, now I have a true "wondering". I usually only see the women on Swing Lifestyle and other "friend finder" sites listed as bi, bi-curious, bi-comfortable, etc. I've only seen a few men. In the world of swinging, does the bi-sexuality rest on the female? Is that the connection between most couples? I ask this in all earnestness (and ignorance). I am what I would call bi-curious. Recently, however, I heard an interview on NPR with Micheal Stipes of R.E.M. He brought up an interesting thought when asked about his sexual orientation. He said he saw sexuality as a continuum and that all of us moved around on that continuum...the point being that none of us are really "straight" "bi" or "gay/lesbian". It was an interesting, gentle, intellectual attack on labeling human sexuality. I find that hot. I find the idea of sexuality to be fluid, but so many men seem absolutely closed to the idea of any cross-over activity between males. Am I missing something? Or is there a taboo against this in the swinging world? Just wondering. Maybe I should make this a poll.

Mrs. Oly

[olycouple]

Okay...I may have just answered my own question...I obviously didn't look closely enough at the list of forums, as I have just found the sexuality issues forum. I think I may find what I'm looking for there.

Thanks.

[two42lovers]

The idea of everyone being bisexual is nothing new - Kinsey said the same thing in 1948. But there are social inhibitions against male bisexuality.

How people list their orientation on a swinger site may not tell the whole story. Plenty of guys who label themselves as straight on the swing sites are nonetheless open to varying degrees of same-sex play. There are a lot of women who are listed as bi but who are really more "bi-passive" than anything else. (Recieving is one thing, but giving is something else.)

People do take their cues from the people around them. It seems fashionable for women to be bisexual, but the opposite is true for men. You always hear about women who want to please their guy by putting on a bi show. The idea of "bi-for-show" is nothing new. Plenty of women find the whole concept offensive, but it clearly goes on all the time.

On the other hand, any guy who is listed even as "bi-curious" might easily be catagorized as really only seeking same-sex play. A guy who is only slightly or mildly bi, but much more into women, might not want to label himself that way. If he never plays with men that might be just fine, he might be happy to stick with straight sex.

[theflamekasters]

as a str8 man, i think it is a big double standard. Why is it of for 2 woman but not ok for two men. I dont care who does what to whom. If that is your deal. I think that part of the problem is people are scared of diesese's. We know several cpls that have told us that, they are worried about std's with in bi men. But to be in the lifestyle you have to be a rather open sexually. Not saying i want to sword fight, but a naked man touching me by mistake or a dude walkin aorund naked sure dont bother me

[good times]

We know a few bi-males in the lifestyle, and it may be true that were it more accepted their might be a few more willing to admit that they are bi, or at least bi-curious. But in reality, their are very few bi-males, and as long as that is the case I doubt if we will see much more acceptance of bi-male activity. I would also argue that, from our experience, their are a lot less bi-females than it would appear.

The way it appears to me is that their are a lot of guys that get really turned on by girl/girl sex, and I think this has a dramatic effect on the amount of women you see on the ad sites listed as bi or bi-curious. In other words, they are not really bi or bi-curious, but their husbands are really into it so they play along. On the other side of that coin, very few women I have met get sexually excited about seeing guy/guy sex. So I think a higher proportion of the guys you see listed as bi, actually are, compared to the girls listed as such.

As far as the theory of everybody being a little bit bi goes, I think that is total BS. I for one, and most every male I know, have absolutely zero sexual desires for other males. Does that mean we are phobic to the point of fearing incidental contact with other guys? Absolutely not, as long as it is unintentional and happens in the process of having sex with a woman, we don't even notice it or give it a second thought most of the time.

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by good times

We know a few bi-males in the lifestyle, and it may be true that were it more accepted their might be a few more willing to admit that they are bi, or at least bi-curious. But in reality, their are very few bi-males, and as long as that is the case I doubt if we will see much more acceptance of bi-male activity. I would also argue that, from our experience, their are a lot less bi-females than it would appear.

The way it appears to me is that their are a lot of guys that get really turned on by girl/girl sex, and I think this has a dramatic effect on the amount of women you see on the ad sites listed as bi or bi-curious. In other words, they are not really bi or bi-curious, but their husbands are really into it so they play along. On the other side of that coin, very few women I have met get sexually excited about seeing guy/guy sex. So I think a higher proportion of the guys you see listed as bi, actually are, compared to the girls listed as such.

As far as the theory of everybody being a little bit bi goes, I think that is total BS. I for one, and most every male I know, have absolutely zero sexual desires for other males. Does that mean we are phobic to the point of fearing incidental contact with other guys? Absolutely not, as long as it is unintentional and happens in the process of having sex with a woman, we don't even notice it or give it a second thought most of the time.

I have to agree with pretty much all of this, so that sort of eliminates what I was going to say in this thread.

[two42lovers]

The way it appears to me is that their are a lot of guys that get really turned on by girl/girl sex

Yep, and there seem to be a lot of women who go along just to please their guys. Not judging it, whatever they are into is fine, as long as everyone is enjoying themselves, and it's all smiles.

As for Kinsey's ideas, a lot of people think he's crazy - you are in good company -lol! Some guys are so "hetero" they can't imagine playing in an MFM threesome - the idea of another guy around is a deal breaker. Some guys would say a MFM is bisexual...

[cupl4fun]

Mrs. Cupl4fun loves to think about and watch two guys, and at times I have watched with her. Like any guy my fantasy was always to see her with another girl(which we've now done),but Mrs. Cupl truly is Bi. But would it be all that different for two guys to do it? I don't think so. I think male same sex acts just carry more of a social stigma than female same sex acts along with a definite double standard. I've often wondered if Mrs. Cupl wanted me to experiment with a same sex act whether I might try just for her pleasure. I mean sex is sex. Although guys don't get me excited like girls though. Does the fact that I might consider it make me bi-curious? I don't know. I like the stuff from Michael Stipes about not putting labels on people or their sexuality. Not sure what this rambling post is saying. This thread and it's posts just got me thinking.

[tribbles]

Some guys would say a MFM is bisexual...

I think part of the problem is just that....what is bi?

Even for the ladies, when they are only into getting and not giving, is that bi? What about when they tease and touch only to turn on the guys but they aren't into it for themselves?
Are they bi?

Mostly bimale activity is semi taboo to totally taboo so most sorta, kinda, maybe a tiny bit bi guys, still call themselves st8. Some clubs ban guys who are bi. Others will ban guys if someone says they are bi.

Why admit to it if it's a tiny part of your interest if it gets you banned from the playgrounds?

[olycouple]

Originally Posted by olycouple

Okay...I may have just answered my own question...I obviously didn't look closely enough at the list of forums, as I have just found the sexuality issues forum. I think I may find what I'm looking for there.

Thanks.

Had I done my homework a little more thoroughly on this site before I posted this (as I found the -bi-sexuality- thread in the sexuality issues forum after I posted this questions), I probably would not have posted. Not only has this issue come up on this site time and time again...but the same discussions have been had (apparently, I'm just behind the times). I do appreciate the positive response, however. On other threads, the reaction was, shall I say, negative to say the least. Maybe it's just the way I phrased it that avoided bristling hairs?
I'm not really sure about this whole continuum of sexuality. If I had to label myself I'd say I'm straight. Right now. I've only kissed two girls in my whole life, and I didn't like it either time. But, the fantasy pops up from time to time...esp. with the right girl. I've had major crushes on two women since college. And they were heavy crushes that I wish I'd had the opportunity to persue. But, I wouldn't consider myself bi...not yet, at least. Even if I got a hold of a girl I was totally into, I don't think I'd consider myself bi. I'm just sexual, I guess...and curious as hell about all kinds of sexual possibilities. It's like food for me. There are a lot of foods I haven't tried yet. There will be some I like and continue to eat forever, and there are some I will try and spit out before I swallow. I guess that says a lot about my repulsion about labels. I like sex with my husband. No, I love it! But can I say with all assurance that I like sex with men? That might imply "all" men to some. If that were the case, I wouldn't be able to leave my house and I wouldn't be able to walk. I'm hot for who I'm hot for. But, I do understand that some people are a little more exclusive about who gets in their pants. And that's okay, too.

[BorisNatasha]

Labels are for people who can't figure things out as they go along.

It's your life, do with it what you will. Worrying about what the other person thinks, and especially allowing it to influence your actions, will just make you miserable. That is a truism that is hard to accept, but the older you get the easier it is to follow, in our experience.

[Zoe&Wash]

Had an IM chat with our guy the other day - we've played straight MFM's with him a few times now and had a great time.

He was telling me he had the choice of picking up a pile of classic Playboys from a neighbor who was throwing them out and said to me "Well, I know what I do when I read porn, so maybe stroking off to someone else's magazines might be a just a bit gay."

Yeah, he sometimes thinks that way, but he's fun and Zoe loves him in bed.

I says, "You know, it's quite likely at this point that through no fault of your own, we've touched eachother's junk."

There was a veerrrrryy long pause in his typing, and a subsequent subject change.

W

PS - Z was on the IM with him the next day at the office and brought him off again with more tales of mutual debauchery, so I'm thinking we're still cool.

[good42]

Great thread ! Well I am a Bi male and we have a regular bi male playmate. Mrs Good42 loves it says we have the best of both worlds ( oh she also enjoys the odd encounter with another fem.) She likes to watch and join in - no anal just lots of oral and jacking and sex.

Good42

[Dynamar]

Some guys would say a MFM is bisexual...

Just because they say it, doesn't make them right.

[lovinher]

Kinsey has been proven to be wrong about a lot things and this one of them. I find the male body to be....let's just say less than attractive. I don't care how buff or good looking the guy may be. Does that make me homophobic? Some would say so but I know better.