Why the Double Standard?

[Beardedknight]

I would like to hear comments from anyone that wishes to add their thoughts without being rude or vicious about this question:
Why is there a Double Standard when it comes to Bisexuality in Swinging?

It is okay, if not expected, for women to be Bisexual. But when it comes to guys being Bisexual it is totally frowned on or even banned, in most "On Premise" Clubs and even in most swing groups that are not On Premise.

Also wondering if the thought of two men together, turns any of you women on?

Thanks in advance to all that reply.

[rpu3]

As a woman, I can say that it doesn't turn me on. That's just me, though, and everyone's mileage varies.

I am not inclined to get in on this topic, only because I thought we just had a pretty big discussion about the double standard issues here just a couple weeks ago. This thread is just one of the few discussions on this very topic - I know there was a big discussion about this back in February, too.

Given the previous discussions on this, I guess I'd be more inclined that since you are asking, what is your take as to the why on the double standard?

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by Beardedknight

Why is there a Double Standard when it comes to Bisexuality in Swinging?

First, there is a clear mechanical difference between FF sex and MM sex. There is also a perceived difference in the role that dominance and submission would play.

That said, the double standard in swinging is no different from (and is actually reflective of) the double standard in the rest of society. People (women included) tend to appreciate female bisexuality more than male bisexuality. You see this in everything from pornography to college frat parties.

I think it is interesting that this subject gets so much discussion and is so misunderstood. Just as being a swinger doesn't mean I am more interested in wearing leather chaps and incorporating a TENS unit in my sexual play, being a swinger doesn't mean I am more interested in bisexuality. Each person comes into swinging with different interests and comfort zones and the only thing we have in common is the interest in exploring sexual expression with people other than (or in addition to) our SO.

On a less philosophical level, a double standard exists simply because of majority rule. The majority is drawn to FF bisexuality and turned off by MM bisexuality. And since most clubs tend to cater to the interests of the majority, you see a sensible double standard develop.

Spoomonkey

[tribbles]

a double standard exists simply because of majority rule

Good answer.

[sexcupid]

I am not sure that it turns me on per se...but it is intriguing on some level. Why? For precisely the fact that most oppose it I guess. So would I like to see it? Probably. Would Jeff do it just to satisfy my curiosity? Eh, probably not.

For me it would be one of those been there, done that, seen that kind of things.

As for the other comments of why bi-fems are more commonly expected or accepted. It does have to do with societal norms and expectations. Overall it is ok for women to touch each other. Holding hands, hugging, walking close, even a friendly peck on the cheek as a greeting or goodbye. How many men do you see doing these things with out thinking, 'bet he's gay'...yet most do not assume that women are gay when doing these things, it's just the way females are.

And I have to disagree with Spoo on the porn and college frat house comment. Most girls in those settings (hell, even in a vanilla dance club setting), do things to get attention. If grinding up against another girl and kissing her gets the attention of the guys...or gets them a repeat invite to the parties...well...

My take on girl/girl or fmf porn is just the fact that plenty of men fantasize about those things in particular and men still are the primary audience that porn is aimed at, so why not make what sells? There are some distributers that make more female friendly porn (and I know there are quite a few threads about that on the board)...but for the most part, it's still targeting men as the primary audience.

Now with all that said, OP...we have seen quite a few couples that advertise locally with bi-males. Not sure how much luck they are having on the site, but they are out there.

Maria

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by sexcupid

And I have to disagree with Spoo on the porn and college frat house comment. Most girls in those settings (hell, even in a vanilla dance club setting), do things to get attention. If grinding up against another girl and kissing her gets the attention of the guys...or gets them a repeat invite to the parties...well...

Maria

I am confused as to what part of my comment you disagree with. I said that it was more prevalent - I did not give a motive for its prevalence. I know that my daughter kissed another girl because her boyfriend wanted to see it (at a frat party, hence my remark). She did not enjoy it and has decided that she is completely heterosexual.

My point was - no one is asking men to make out at frat parties (generally speaking, unless there is a pledge going on or the fraternity is Delta Lambda Phi)

I would also suggest that many women in the lifestyle have sex with other women because they enjoy it, not because they are expected to do so.

So again - not quite sure what part of my comment you disagree with. Can you clarify or did I simply need to clarify what I previously wrote?

Spoomonkey

[SCcpl40]

Go to the CDC and read about the risk of AIDS in male bisexuals. That should answer your question.

[BIGGUY138]

A man Being bi-sexual is not manly and it is rather disgusting to me personally, oposites attract but women are so lovely and delicious men or women can love them but what does a man have that can attract another man unless they are unsure of their image of themselves as a man.

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

...a double standard exists simply because of majority rule. The majority is drawn to FF bisexuality and turned off by MM bisexuality. And since most clubs tend to cater to the interests of the majority, you see a sensible double standard develop.

This is the simplest way of looking at what is, is.

Beardedknight ~

It may not seem fair, or ring "equality" but the double standard exists and probably will for a long time to come.

This topic always feels like a battle between men of differing views and comfort levels when discussing this topic. The discussions wear me out because they seem to go around in circles.

Originally Posted by Beardedknight

Also wondering if the thought of two men together, turns any of you women on?

The idea of watching two men having sex has interest for me, but I have rarely given it thought. When I have envisioned two men together it is a very specific fantasy, so much so that it I expect it will always remain a fantasy.

LM

[sexcupid]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

People (women included) tend to appreciate female bisexuality more than male bisexuality.

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

So again - not quite sure what part of my comment you disagree with. Can you clarify or did I simply need to clarify what I previously wrote?

Spoo...I quoted the part of your first post that I did not totally agree with, but in your second post you more than clarified your position, so thank you for that.

And of course frat boys want to see girls kissing each other...with all the GGW videos and the fact that some girls do it for the 'shock' factor (or just the attention getting factor)...one of my friends had a daughter who went through a bi-phase in h.s...and it was primarily for the shock factor of telling mom that she liked girls and the attention they got at school by holding hands and kissing in the hallways.

Altho I did go to the DLP site and did not see anything about frat boys kissing each other...lmao Maybe I need to look again, it was just a cursory reading.

In my previous post I was not implying that bi-women in the lifestyle only have sex with other women because it is expected of them. Although, plenty of play situations we have been in, everyone just seems to assume the women are all bi...the world hasn't come to a screeching halt if another woman touches me, but I don't find it any more erotic or exciting than having a man touch me...but I know that some do...to each their own.

Thanks for the clarification in your 2nd post!

Maria

[Beardedknight]

Sorry, didn't see the other discussions on this topic. Thank you for pointing them out. I will read them.

My thoughts are that the double standard stems from society as a whole and the way people are raised concerning this topic.

Just like the comment about a Bi-male not being manly (by Bigguy138). That is such a Homophobic comment that it is funny, to me. Nobody that knows me would not describe me as unmanly.

And the comment by "SCcpl40 Re: Why the Double Standard?
Go to the CDC and read about the risk of AIDS in male bisexuals. That should answer your question." Makes me shake my head. And the reason for that is that anyone who does not use condoms in this lifestyle is not only having sex with the currant sex partner but with everyone else they have had sex with (with no protection). And it really amazes me how many people we have met that do not use condoms, have even had a few couples who decline having sex with us becuase we require everyone to use condoms.

But back to the topic, I think that Spoo and Maria both said it better than I can so, I will just say THANKS for all the comments.

Maybe someday we can all be accepting of EVERYONE, no mater what their sexuality is.

Thanks again for the comments.

Originally Posted by rpu3

Given the previous discussions on this, I guess I'd be more inclined that since you are asking, what is your take as to the why on the double standard?

[Chicup]

Its time for this thread again already?

My time seems to be passing faster and faster as I get older.

[WesternSwing]

First, I think the double standard is there because quite simply those that are in the lifestyle are really just a slice of general society, which also views FF as cool and MM not so much.

Secondly, we have found that male bisexuality within the lifestyle to be more common that what appears on the surface. I can think of a half dozen men we know are "situationally bi" but their online profile says "straight". Why? Because this double standard does exist and they don't want to be branded as such or be passed-up by others as a couple since the prevalent idea is that they would be bi with every man and scare away many. So they play it by ear with each new couple.

As a post note: this idea of a bi woman being bi with every woman also exists, when in fact I feel, and know from experience with Mrs. WS, that most are not any more attracted to every woman than they are every man. In fact, Mrs. WS will tell you that her strike zone with women is much narrower than it is with men. But this idea of all bi or gay people are attracted to everyone of the same sex still exists, though totally false.

[MRnMSbhaven]

Originally Posted by Beardedknight

My thoughts are that the double standard stems from society as a whole and the way people are raised concerning this topic.

I would go so far as to suggest that it is also the region/area. In some countries it seems more acceptable than in others. I'd even venture to say that in some states it is more acceptable. Which in effect boils down to what you say above... it really is all about social norms. In my travels, I've found that these vary widely and that we (USA) tend to be surprisingly conservative. Does that make it right or wrong? No, it just is what it is.

Just my .02 for those that are interested.

Ms. B

[Miss Sunshine]

I never understood this either. I love playing with another woman and I enjoy watching two together, but I also like it when my man is so relaxed and enjoying it he has no problem stroking another man. I love it when he grabs another man's cock and guides him into me. He has only played with another man a couple of times but has no problem with it. He has a fantasy of me watching him masturbate a man with a big cock, mmmmm, be right back, hee hee.