Bi with the right woman????

[crazycatz]

Sorry if there's a thread on this already but I did a search and nothing came up.

I see in a lot of couples profiles that the women describe their sexuality as 'bi with the right woman'. What does that mean?????

Either you are bi or not or into bi play or not, IMO. Of course you won't be attracted to and interested in playing with every woman....just the same as you're not with all men. I just don't get this qualification...and would love someone to explain it.

[Reef99]

Originally Posted by crazycatz

Sorry if there's a thread on this already but I did a search and nothing came up.

I see in a lot of couples profiles that the women describe their sexuality as 'bi with the right woman'. What does that mean?????

Either you are bi or not or into bi play or not, IMO. Of course you won't be attracted to and interested in playing with every woman....just the same as you're not with all men. I just don't get this qualification...and would love someone to explain it.

For me its not only being interested in the woman, but I also have to be in the mood. Men are still my favorite. This probably doesn't answer your question, but is my thoughts.

[sexcupid]

Originally Posted by crazycatz

I see in a lot of couples profiles that the women describe their sexuality as 'bi with the right woman'. What does that mean?????

We see plenty of profiles like that too. Basically it means she doesn't just arbitrarily play with other chicks. Some might assume that if my wife is bi and your wife is bi then the girls are automatically going to play together. Saying they are 'bi with the right woman' is basically a nicer way of saying, 'I'm picky about who I am bi with and your wife may not be one of them.' Or the more ubiquitous, 'It's not you, it's me' line.

I don't advertise myself as bi on our profiles, but consider myself bi-friendly, I guess. If I am comfortable with the other female and we're all having a good time...ok. If for whatever reason I'm not in the mood or the girl is too aggressive, then that is kind of a turn off for me.

I don't know if that helps any, but just how I interpret that when we see it in a profile.

Maria

[warkman]

Originally Posted by sexcupid

Basically it means she doesn't just arbitrarily play with other chicks. Some might assume that if my wife is bi and your wife is bi then the girls are automatically going to play together.

This is interesting that some might think that by being being bi, that the homosexual side of the person would be less discerning somehow than the hetero side. Is it true? Seems to me to be a needless qualification. Most people are hetero with the right person as well, aren't they? And that goes without saying.

[sexcupid]

Originally Posted by warkman

This is interesting that some might think that by being being bi, that the homosexual side of the person would be less discerning somehow than the hetero side. Is it true? Seems to me to be a needless qualification. Most people are hetero with the right person as well, aren't they? And that goes without saying.

Well many ads also mention 'meeting and if there's chemistry, we'll go from there'...so sometimes it is said.

Personally, I think that in theory some might realize that bi-girl play is not a given, but in actuality they may just make the assumption that it is going to happen if playtime is agreed to. That is just my take on it.

Sometimes I feel like I would rather over-explain my position rather than have someone assume/infer their own meanings.

Maria

[crazycatz]

@warkman, my thoughts exactly!!!
That's what I don't get, I mean we don't jump into bed with every man we meet either so why should it be different when it comes to women?
The phrase makes absolutely no sense to me.
The only thing I could figure out is that maybe it used by women who aren't really into bi activity but are ok if a woman plays with them.

[graygo98]

Originally Posted by warkman

Seems to me to be a needless qualification.

You would hope it would be... but Sexcupid is right. It isn't. Some bi women are so aggressive and presumptuous that they make even the most chauvinistic man seem shy by comparison. Better to manage expectations from the start.

[lovinher]

This is a very good question.

Originally Posted by sexcupid

Saying they are 'bi with the right woman' is basically a nicer way of saying, 'I'm picky about who I am bi with and your wife may not be one of them.' Or the more ubiquitous, 'It's not you, it's me' line

Never thought of it like that but I see your point. We have this is our profile. So how you do you put it out there that there could be bi activity? It seems to me that if you say that the woman of the couple is bi friendly, bi curious or just plain bi, that there would or could be expectations of bi play. If one of the women doesn't want it, how do you handle it without it coming across as "your not good enough" for me but your husband is?

If both claim to bi is there an expectation of bi play? What if everybody is a go for full swap but one of the women isn't into the other?

[crazycatz]

Originally Posted by graygo98

You would hope it would be... but Sexcupid is right. It isn't. Some bi women are so aggressive and presumptuous that they make even the most chauvinistic man seem shy by comparison. Better to manage expectations from the start.

But from personal experience and stories on here the same can be said of men...so it goes back to a general no means no policy, without qualification as far as I can see.

[sexcupid]

Originally Posted by lovinher

If one of the women doesn't want it, how do you handle it without it coming across as "your not good enough" for me but your husband is?

If both claim to bi is there an expectation of bi play? What if everybody is a go for full swap but one of the women isn't into the other?

I really don't see anything wrong with noting in the profile that your wife is bi-selective or open to playing with the right female and that like swapping it is up to the chemistry. I'm not entirely sure that there is a nice way to say, 'we think your're hot and would love to play...but my wife just isn't feeling the bi vibe with you.'

I see plenty of profiles that note the wife is bi, but it is not a requirement for play to happen. However, I might be hesitant to contact a couple with that b/c you never know if they are convinced they will be the ones to 'convert' you and bring you into your total 'bi-ness' or something.

I just feel that there is some sort of expectation of bi play. But maybe what is ok should be discussed before playtime? What defines bi play? Kissing? Grabbing/sucking breasts? Going down on the other woman? Maybe the wife is ok with the kissing and fondling, but not with going down on the other lady? It just seems a bit of a murky area is all and that's why I don't list myself as bi.

And I do agree with greygo...I was entirely amused by a profile that we saw listing the woman as bi-furious (I thought, 'what...being bi pisses her off?' yeah, I know...I'm easily amused ). Why is that ok? But I have yet to see a profile where the male is listed as sexually agressive. Obviously, they would probably never get any replies.

Maria

[Spoomonkey]

In our home, it means that Mrs Spoo is heterosexual first. Bisexuality, while it happens on rare occasions, is something she isn't looking for. On the other hand, she is actively looking for heterosexual encounters.

In the lifestyle, we have encountered a lot of women who expect bisexual play as part and parcel of any experience. So, we like to let people know up front that it shouldn't be expected. Most couples should view us as a hetero couple only.

But - if you trip her trigger, she may, if she feels like you may "feel something" as well, bring it up.

Spoomonkey

[The Fuse]

Originally Posted by crazycatz

Sorry if there's a thread on this already but I did a search and nothing came up.

I see in a lot of couples profiles that the women describe their sexuality as 'bi with the right woman'. What does that mean?????

Either you are bi or not or into bi play or not, IMO. Of course you won't be attracted to and interested in playing with every woman....just the same as you're not with all men. I just don't get this qualification...and would love someone to explain it.

I am starting to think that "Bi with the right woman" describes me, so I'll take a swing at this one.

Mostly I like men. I don't like every man... only a few out of the many we meet. It's even less frequent that a woman excites me, though it's been happening more lately.

I think "Bi with the right woman" is, in large part, a way to tamp down expectations of bi play. As others have said, many bi women (and their husbands) take it for granted that all women will want to play with them, if you want any action at all. Some take offense when you don't want to... they think g/g play is the main point, and swapping just icing on the cake. Maybe it is for them, but not for me.

It's a way to describe your sexuality when you're only slightly bisexual, which sort of relates to the above. Maybe you have an occasional flare-up of pussy-lust . You're "into bi play" only once in a while.

I hope this helps!

[ShellyM]

Originally Posted by crazycatz

Sorry if there's a thread on this already but I did a search and nothing came up.

I see in a lot of couples profiles that the women describe their sexuality as 'bi with the right woman'. What does that mean?????

Either you are bi or not or into bi play or not, IMO. Of course you won't be attracted to and interested in playing with every woman....just the same as you're not with all men. I just don't get this qualification...and would love someone to explain it.

LOL, we kind of have that in our profile. What that means in my circumstance is this: I consider myself to be hetero with a bi twist. A very small and particular twist. I am not attracted to 99% of women in a sexual way. I'm so straight I scare myself lol. However, I have met 2 women that I really did like sexually. And we had alot of fun. So where I am attracted to lots of men and consider myself to be a straight woman every now and again I will meet a lady that is sexually attractive to me. Its not the norm at all but does happen.

[sweet_tna]

I think "bi with the right woman" is a way to warn other couples that the lady in question *might* be open to ff play, but does not consider it to be a regular/necessary component of her swing play. She might not be in the mood, or might be into the male half of the couple, but not into the female half.

In my case, I *think* that would describe me. But I'd have to have some experience to know for sure.

[Pepper & Drew]

I don't understand the term either. I have a friend that says she'll play with certain women. I asked her if that means she'll play with just any old guy and she looked at me as if I'd gone mad. But, that's precisely what she's implying by saying that.

Say that you're bi friendly or passively bi or whatever.

Pepper