The "look" and bi girls

[Michfunlovers]

Ok - we're posing this question to the experience bi women on here.
We had dinner with a couple recently in which the other wife was a lot younger, and very bi. She said she had numerous f/f experiences, in which she said she often met other bi girls- who were also married - in vanilla bars as well as swing clubs. She said she can always tell when another woman is interested because of the "look" she gets and the kind of eye contact that is made.

We didn't hook up with that couple for reasons I won't go into. However, the issue of the "look" bi girls give intrigued us and we obviously didn't ask enough questions. We have limited experinece with the lifestyle and the wife here is very bi ...and very attractive...but not sure how to give or read the "look." Perhaps we're being too naive...but was hoping that some of the experienced bi women could help explain.

Any comments?

[Swingercast]

I know you wanted a bi woman to answer this and hopefully one will be here soon to give you a better answer than I can provide.

In the meantime, I've seen bi-women do a combo of these "looks" with one telling glance:

She looks her in the eye -

She looks away but still interested -

I'm still here and I might -

Yes I am bi -

Are you? - facelick

Ready when you are -

______________________

For years, I've been begging my wife to explain this "bi-look" thing. She says to me, "I just know". She hasn't been wrong yet. But I certainly have misjudged people a few times so don't put too much credence into my interpretation.

Best of luck,

John

[iapr]

Since there haven't been any actual bi women that have responded yet I will chime in on how to spot a straight woman and maybe through the process of elimination you can narrow down which ones may be bi.

As my wife is 95% straight (and the 5% is only in very special and specific situations) I think I can point out some straight gal traits and maybe that will help.

Please keep in mind that bisexuality is a spectrum and not a pidgeon-hole. there are some women that will have limited contact with a woman only after they have been really horned up by the guys and there are women that will only have limited contact with guys after they have been really horned up by women. both are technically bi but they are very different creatures.

Everything is a matter of degrees and there are no black and whites but as a general trend a straight gal will -

- check out the male half of a couple first and if he doesn't catch her eye she will have no interest in that couple regardless of how hot the female half is. A bi woman will be attracted to and engage in conversation, flirting etc with a hot woman regardless of how unattractive the male half is.

- Will talk to another woman about work, kids, current events etc but will not usually talk about anything personal with any degree of interest or enthusiasm or depth. She will then talk to the male half about his interests and disinterests, will point out things about his appearance or physical characterists and will flirt with him and try to get to know him on a more personal level. A bi woman will converse freely about personal topics with enthusiasm with a woman that she is attracted to.

- will subconsciously turn away or step back when a woman enters her physical space. If a woman reaches out to touch her to flirt or comment on her clothing or accessories she will slightly stiffen up and turn slightly away from the other woman and will break the contact as quickly as possible even if smiling and politely accepting the compliment. She will make limited or no eye contact during the encounter but will instead look at what it is that is being admired. If a male she is interested in does the same thing she will turn her body towards the male and make engaging eye contact and will "present" the thing that is being admired. She may even point out something similar about his appearance or attire and make physical contact with him. A bi woman will do this with a female as well.

- When looking at another woman will make a breif head to toe scan and quickly make note of what looks good and what doesn't about that woman. A bi woman will scan untill she sees something she likes and then will hold the gaze onto that particular trait or object. Then continue the scan and hold the gaze and so on.

- Will overtly appear uncomfortable ( flat or serious facial expression, stiffening of spine, upper arms will come in tight to sides of chest, forearms will close across chest or abdoman, chip will drop will flexion of neck) when approached or touched in an overtly sexual or erotic manner by another woman regardless of how attractive she is even if she is known and liked by the straight gal. A bi woman will engage in these activies freely if it is a woman she is attracted to and likes.

- often not go dance "with the girls " or if she does it is in a nonsexual, nondirty dancing way and with no or with limited physical contact and if there is physical contact in is in an intentional and "forced" manner, ie it does not appear to be a natural act. Bi women love dirty dancing with the gals.

- will only show obvious flirting behaviour with the male half of couples. A bi woman will both openly and subtely flirt with other women she is attracted to.

- when engaged in a personal conversation or "Schmoozing session" by a male that she is interested in, she will show no attention or affection to female half at all. A bi woman will still show attention/affection to a woman she is attracted to even if engaged with the male half of a couple.

- Will have to be reminded that it is the female half of a couple that determines if play will occur or not and that the female half must be comfortable with the situation. When she does does engage the female half in conversation it will be in a somewhat forced and intentional manner and not be a naturally flowing engagement. Bi woman know this without being told and does it naturally.

- will often not be into doing a lot of "girl stuff" in the vanilla world, ie shopping trips with the girls, girls nights out, getting together with the girls on a regular basis for mutual nurturing/validation/empowerment etc etc etc.

- and the real clincher is straight gals don't engage in public sex acts with other women in the clubs. If you see a gal going down on or fingering another gal at a club, there is a high degree of probability that she is bi.


I am sure there are many others but this is what I can come up with at the moment. Now please keep in mind that there is no black and white here and that everything is a matter of degrees. For instance all women like to go shopping with the girls but while some may do it a couple times a year with one or two close friends others will do it a number of times a week and do it in groups and whith whoever is asking at the time. That principle applys to all of those traits.

[daisy girl]

Thanks so much for your insight!! I will certainly be more conscious about the signs .

[ShellyM]

Originally Posted by iapr

Since there haven't been any actual bi women that have responded yet I will chime in on how to spot a straight woman and maybe through the process of elimination you can narrow down which ones may be bi.

As my wife is 95% straight (and the 5% is only in very special and specific situations) I think I can point out some straight gal traits and maybe that will help.

Please keep in mind that bisexuality is a spectrum and not a pidgeon-hole. there are some women that will have limited contact with a woman only after they have been really horned up by the guys and there are women that will only have limited contact with guys after they have been really horned up by women. both are technically bi but they are very different creatures.

Everything is a matter of degrees and there are no black and whites but as a general trend a straight gal will -

- check out the male half of a couple first and if he doesn't catch her eye she will have no interest in that couple regardless of how hot the female half is. A bi woman will be attracted to and engage in conversation, flirting etc with a hot woman regardless of how unattractive the male half is.

- Will talk to another woman about work, kids, current events etc but will not usually talk about anything personal with any degree of interest or enthusiasm or depth. She will then talk to the male half about his interests and disinterests, will point out things about his appearance or physical characterists and will flirt with him and try to get to know him on a more personal level. A bi woman will converse freely about personal topics with enthusiasm with a woman that she is attracted to.

- will subconsciously turn away or step back when a woman enters her physical space. If a woman reaches out to touch her to flirt or comment on her clothing or accessories she will slightly stiffen up and turn slightly away from the other woman and will break the contact as quickly as possible even if smiling and politely accepting the compliment. She will make limited or no eye contact during the encounter but will instead look at what it is that is being admired. If a male she is interested in does the same thing she will turn her body towards the male and make engaging eye contact and will "present" the thing that is being admired. She may even point out something similar about his appearance or attire and make physical contact with him. A bi woman will do this with a female as well.

- When looking at another woman will make a breif head to toe scan and quickly make note of what looks good and what doesn't about that woman. A bi woman will scan untill she sees something she likes and then will hold the gaze onto that particular trait or object. Then continue the scan and hold the gaze and so on.

- Will overtly appear uncomfortable ( flat or serious facial expression, stiffening of spine, upper arms will come in tight to sides of chest, forearms will close across chest or abdoman, chip will drop will flexion of neck) when approached or touched in an overtly sexual or erotic manner by another woman regardless of how attractive she is even if she is known and liked by the straight gal. A bi woman will engage in these activies freely if it is a woman she is attracted to and likes.

- often not go dance "with the girls " or if she does it is in a nonsexual, nondirty dancing way and with no or with limited physical contact and if there is physical contact in is in an intentional and "forced" manner, ie it does not appear to be a natural act. Bi women love dirty dancing with the gals.

- will only show obvious flirting behaviour with the male half of couples. A bi woman will both openly and subtely flirt with other women she is attracted to.

- when engaged in a personal conversation or "Schmoozing session" by a male that she is interested in, she will show no attention or affection to female half at all. A bi woman will still show attention/affection to a woman she is attracted to even if engaged with the male half of a couple.

- Will have to be reminded that it is the female half of a couple that determines if play will occur or not and that the female half must be comfortable with the situation. When she does does engage the female half in conversation it will be in a somewhat forced and intentional manner and not be a naturally flowing engagement. Bi woman know this without being told and does it naturally.

- will often not be into doing a lot of "girl stuff" in the vanilla world, ie shopping trips with the girls, girls nights out, getting together with the girls on a regular basis for mutual nurturing/validation/empowerment etc etc etc.

- and the real clincher is straight gals don't engage in public sex acts with other women in the clubs. If you see a gal going down on or fingering another gal at a club, there is a high degree of probability that she is bi.


I am sure there are many others but this is what I can come up with at the moment. Now please keep in mind that there is no black and white here and that everything is a matter of degrees. For instance all women like to go shopping with the girls but while some may do it a couple times a year with one or two close friends others will do it a number of times a week and do it in groups and whith whoever is asking at the time. That principle applys to all of those traits.

I agree with all except the girl stuff. I am what I call hetero-sexual with a sometimes bi twist if I am attracted to a particular woman....I'm a dick girl. However, my best friend (other than Jay) is a woman. I LOVE girlie things. Love girls nights out at vanilla clubs...shopping and such. We just don't screw when we get back to the house lol.

But I agree with you pretty much. When we meet a couple my determination is 100% on the male of the couple. If I'm attracted to him than its a go on my end. I really do enjoy bi play, because to me women are naturally sensual creations and its alot of fun. However, I do not make out on the dance floor with chicks and such, so I do agree with almost all you said. Unless I am particularly attracted to her, which has happened in the past lol. I'm just usually 99% attracted to males, but occasionally there is that lady who is the 1%.
Shell

[Michfunlovers]

Thanks to all who have responded! You've been very helpful and provide yet another reason why Swingersboard is such a value to those of us who are trying to find our way throught this fascinating lifestyle. We'll keep checking here for more thoughts, but wanted to express our appreciation to those who already have taken the time to offer their input.

[GoNatural]

iapr has definitely posted some useful information. I'm a single guy looking for a bi girl out in the vanilla world for a LTR So, possibly some of his insight will help me.

I also agree with swingercast, if the look is given from a distance. According to communication expert Liel Lowndess, if a woman makes lingering eye contact, then looks away, and looks back again within 45 seconds, she is interested, especially if she looked down and not up when looking away. If she looked to the side, she is interested, but not sure about you yet.

For information about looks from a closer distance, iapr has explained most everything, including the sexy gaze. She may let her eyes vacation farther south.

[screaminggood]

I am a bi-woman. The most important fact is that when I talk to a couple, I focus on the woman if I want her. Basically, I'm coming on to her, flirting with her, paying attention to her. Bi-women start dancing with the other woman of a couple and the men are on the edges of the dance....even if we intend to do something with our males later, again, the focus is on the women.

[ShellyM]

Yep, thats the concensus, because I focus completely on the male pretty much.
Shell

[trifectagirl]

Originally Posted by screaminggood

I am a bi-woman. The most important fact is that when I talk to a couple, I focus on the woman if I want her. Basically, I'm coming on to her, flirting with her, paying attention to her. Bi-women start dancing with the other woman of a couple and the men are on the edges of the dance....even if we intend to do something with our males later, again, the focus is on the women.

I have to agree here. I am bi and I always check out the F half if it is a couple before I check the M. Not to say I don't like dick, it's my preference overall. But my first instinct is to check the woman out first.

[des1re06]

Sorry I missed this post when it first went up...

As a "very bi" woman, I tend to pay more attention to the female half of the couple; talking, flirting, complimenting clothing, asking to dance, asking if she likes toys. I'm not shy at all, so if you're not interested, it's good to say so right away. If you notice the female half of a couple totally being into you, then please just say, thanks but I'm straight. I'm never offended by women telling me that! As our profile states, I'm bi, but that's not required for us to play with you. I can keep my hands (but not my eyes) to myself.

Mrs. D