Boyfriend is BI?

[smc0516]

okay I have a problem.. I think my boyfriend is Bi-sexual... actually I know he is but he hasnt told me yet... I have proof, but I cant show him. I have hinted to him many ways that if he is Im okay with it.. I have even told him that it would be such a turn on to see him with another man... but still he hasnt confessed... the worst part is I think he is hooking up with men behind my back, which means he's cheating. I think he is afraid to tell me because we are swingers and he might be afraid that couples would be turned off to us if they knew he liked men too. We have been dating for over a year, so why is he holding back part of himself. Can anyone help shed some light on how to get him to confess???
thanks

[sexyshelby]

How would you handle the situation if you suspected he was cheating with another woman? You should deal with it the same way.

I would just confront him with what you know. See how he reacts to it and then go from there. To me, the bigger issue is whether or not he is cheating, not if he's bi or not.

~SS

[HotMoCpl]

This happened to my wife in her previous marriage. She was seven months pregnant before she realized he was not straight. No, she didn't like it. SexyShelby is right. Confront him and get the issues right.

[Edison Carter]

Susan here-- The following is my opinion and if I scare anyone, I don't care. I've only known one person ever to contract HIV in the Lifestyle. A married, bisexual male who played solo with men. Statistically, it just jumps the numbers through the roof.

I never had sex with this guy, I'd call him an acquaintence, at best. I knew him years before I ever Played. He did not infect his wife, but they never had anal sex. And yes, this was in the late 90's and he did die of HIV.

So, yes you need to confront him not only about the homosexual behavior, but his safer sexual practices. However, he's already lying to you and probably will continue to do so. Regardless, you need to get tested now and probably again in three months as the T-cell response can take some time. He needs to get tested as well, but I would not trust him to tell the truth about any lab result.

[iapr]

I agree with the others in that the real issue is the deception and cheating. If he is not admitting it here is the possible reasons

#1. he has some serious issue over it and is not comfortable with it. Not good.

#2. He is getting his extra cock on the side and does not want to involve you in it. In otherwords is cheating. Again not good.

#3. he is not actually bi but is displaying all the signs of being bi and sneaking around and having sex without your knowledge or approval. Again, really not good.

#4. He is engaging in behaviours that he is afraid you will not approve of so he is hiding them from you and since you are already swingers and you have told him you would like to have a bisexual MMF experience with him. REALLY REALLY NOT GOOD!!


You have a highway of red flags here and the issue is not swinging and it is not because other couples won't accept him. You have issues here because there are some really big problems taking place here.

[jdtpcouple]

Ok my initial response is "lucky girl" as I find bi-guys a turn on.

I get what you are saying about his reservations in confiding in you being swinger related because even in an open minded community like swinging there can still be a homophobic atmosphere in the "boys club".

I think you got a good start with giving him a positive reaction before he brings it up. I would have advised you to be patient with him, but then I read the post about HIV. The "cheating" is a relationship issue, not a swinging thing and his extra curricular activities put your sexual health & those you swing with at risk.

I dislike the use of the word "confront" because it makes it feel as if you are going to attack him with your proof of his bisexuality, resulting in him being defensive if not fully denying it. Try to bring it up in a loving way, showing support & present what you know as an attempt at growing closer. The "cheating" and condom use part of the conversation will follow naturally. He will be more likely to be honest about how many partners he's had on the side & if he used protection if you are not screaming "I know you are cheating with this guy & I can prove it too!"

[blondie77]

There are so many red flags here that it worries me. The one thing that keeps popping up in my head is.....is there a possibility that he's gay? I don't mean to say that he is....but why hide it if you say you would love the opportunity to share this with him? I could be WAY off course here, but obviously somethings going on that's deeper than just him thinking he'll scare off potential couples. And I agree....I think the more important issue is his cheating.

[Chicup]

Just a hunch but I'm more thinking that your boyfriend is gay.

[novabicple]

smc0516,

We don't think this is a bi-guy problem or a swinger problem. It's a relationship problem. It doesn't belong on a swinger site. It belongs on a "I can't communicate with my boyfriend." site.

Aside from that, though, we think every poster including the OP has misdiagnosed the issue/problem. We think it's not whether or not he's bisexual (so what!), gay (how could you possibly reach that conclusion from the OP posting?!?) or cheating (heinous!) but rather, it's a issue/problem of communication.

Your collection of 'proof' or 'hinting to him many ways' are, to us, glaring red flags that you and he have a serious communication problem. This is a relationship killer! If you are truly a couple, or truly want to be a couple, there should be no reason why you can't just talk to him about your feelings.

Try it and see what he says. Make sure your prepared to LISTEN to what he says, not just HEAR what he says. His answers to your questions may be surprising, and even... fun! Then again they may be disappointing. Be prepared for all.

NOVA

[FloridaFlirt]

IMO, it is the fact that he is sneaking around behind your back that is bothersome....him being bi is no biggie..actually can be a turn on...

The only way to know is to talk frankly about it.

[rokhead]

Have a MFM, get the other guy to fuck you doggie while your guy lies underneath licking your clit. You'll find out in short order what he likes. Actually, it's one of my unfulfilled fantasies to be the one on the bottom looking at the cock fucking my girl. Yet, I've never had a home experience, nor wanted to.

[Beardedknight]

Okay, this is my first post but felt I should add my thoughts on this subject.

First, everyone else has pretty much covered the point of this being an issue of honesty and communication and cheating. But I would like to add a different view, but not saying what he is doing is right or wrong, that is for you to decide.

Anyway, as a Bi-Male I can still remember the feelings I had before I was able to not only admit it to my GF, but also admit it to myself. I had all these fantasies about being with either another guy or a TG or a female with a strap-on, etc. For a few years, but never acted on them do to being in the Military, but when I got out and my first wife left me, it was my chance to explore.

But I felt that since I was still fantasizing more about women then I couldn't be gay, didn't think about being Bi. So I started hitting some of the adult "book" stores and would let guys suck me off while watching a video, etc.

Well, my GF (second wife) had an idea that I might be Bi. We would read variations and bi-options and of course I would get extra turned-on when it involved MMF situations.

She finally confronted me, first by using her fingers in my ass while giving a BJ, which was wild. Then after she started talking to me about it and I finally confessed, and with her help I was able to accept that I was Bisexual and not Gay.

I can also say that during my bookstore days, it was only getting and giving oral, and I do follow the europeans that believe we have too much acid in our stomachs for any std's to survive. But I also did make sure I didn't have any open gum sores in my mouth too.

So, maybe he is being safe at what he is doing. The other thought is that maybe he is having an affair with a gay man and that is why he doesn't want to admit it.

But as everyone else has said, you do need to talk to him in an open and honest way, not attacking. And you do need to make sure he is being safe! But you should still get tested, at least twice!

Hope this point of view helps some.

Good Luck,
Tim the Beardedknight

[badboyooplik]

Well you do have a problem there. I'm bi and I've been out for a very long time. I meet guys all the time that are as you have desrcribed your boyfriend. And your probably right about some of the reasons he won't open this part of himself up to you.

It is taboo and alot of men won't even be naked in the same room with a guy who they think may even be looking at them in a sexual way. They don't want to swing with couples with bi men even if the bi man understands that the other man is straight.

There are many reasons for this most of them are stupid. People are afraid of disease but what they don't realize is that women get infected with HIV by taking a good load in their pussy way faster than a guy could by giving a blowjob.

One other is just plain homophobia.

It could also be that there are times that he just wants to be with a man. If he really is bi then that may be it and if your not approving of this then he WILL sneak around for it. "The leopard cannot change his spots." If he is bi he has needs and they must be met or the conflict in himself will tear him apart. If your not willing to let him play alone then he will sneak it, and feel guilty about it, and it will destroy him and the relationship.

Whatever the reason the whole thing isn't healthy for him, you or the relationship.

If you care, you should confront him with whatever evidence you have and make him talk about it. Tell him that lying is not acceptable and that if he isn't truthful with you about his sexuality and that if it doesn't change your going to have to re-evaluate the relationship.

Or you can keep the status quo and turn a blind eye.

[twohots4u2]

We recommend that you let him know that being bi is OK with you. But, then discuss the "cheating" aspect with him. Work with him to determine if your relationship still works or not. Then, if you want to continue with the relationship, try an MFM, and both of you play with the guest. That way he can satisfy both of his interests without cheating.

The bottom line is that the most important thing in a relationship is trust.

[Cerberus]

I have never met a woman that thought two guys messing around was hot......