Funny, I don't FEEL Bisexual

[4sum]

In several threads lately there has been an interesting exchange regarding male bi/homo/sexuality. In the past there have been similar threads regarding women.

I've come to the conclusion from my own experiences that one of the things that makes this so devisive is that there are two perspectives on this issue. I'll illustrate what they are.

1) External: You watch someone in a sexual act with another. You conclude bisexuality or homosexuality by the nature of the act.

2) Internal: You engage in same sex activity. Depending on your motivation for doing this (Was it out of curiosity, or because you wanted to turn on others present, or out of an innate ongoing desire or need to be with members of the same sex, or out of friendship as a personal exchange, or other reasons and combinations of reasons), you may or may not consider yourself bi or homosexual. It's a personal perspective base on preference and need.

How many of you have particpated in and enjoyed sexual acts with members of the same sex and come away feeling like "Funny, I don't feel bisexual"?

[Flori_DAMAN]

Originally posted by 4sum
In several threads lately there has been an interesting exchange regarding male bi/homo/sexuality. In the past there have been similar threads regarding women.

I've come to the conclusion from my own experiences that one of the things that makes this so devisive is that there are two perspectives on this issue. I'll illustrate what they are.

1) External: You watch someone in a sexual act with another. You conclude bisexuality or homosexuality by the nature of the act.

2) Internal: You engage in same sex activity. Depending on your motivation for doing this (Was it out of curiosity, or because you wanted to turn on others present, or out of an innate ongoing desire or need to be with members of the same sex, or out of friendship as a personal exchange, or other reasons and combinations of reasons), you may or may not consider yourself bi or homosexual. It's a personal perspective base on preference and need.

How many of you have particpated in and enjoyed sexual acts with members of the same sex and come away feeling like "Funny, I don't feel bisexual"?

How does one "feel" bisexual?

Do you "feel" republican?
If you enjoyed it and don't want to do it again what does that mean?
You are converted?
I cried at an AT&T commercial once. But I use Sprint.
When I sucked on a guys dick it honestly felt obstrusive. Like it didn't belong on my mouth. But the pleasure it bought my signifigant other was monumental. So am I a S/Osexual?
Terminology is ridiculous.
If you liked it then thats ok.
If you liked it and don't wanna do it again thats ok too.
You needn't laden youself with a label.
John.

This is ALWAYS a provocative topic. I think psychology has some things to inform the discussion. The “law of attribution” states that people tend to attribute their own behaviors to environmental influences, whereas they attribute the actions of others to internal, personality-driven factors.

For example, you and I are in a pile of nudity someplace. In the heat of the moment, we both end up having a same-sex encounter. The law of attribution would predict that you’d attribute your behavior to the “heat of the moment” while you’d attribute the behavior that you observed me undertaking to my bisexuality.

Just my two cents

Cheers

John

[4sum]

Originally posted by Lakota
The “law of attribution” states that people tend to attribute their own behaviors to environmental influences, whereas they attribute the actions of others to internal, personality-driven factors.

Exactly my point. It really has to be that way, or else we wouldn't be able to establish a basis for evaluation. I think people tend to jump to conclusions or even worse, use the act to define the participants in absolute terms. I think this contrast is much more evident with us guys..."If you touch me you're a fag/If I touch you I'm a fag" because our culture has made this a black/white issue.

But I feel the same is true for the ladies. I know some women have their first same sex experience and revel in the discovery of their bisexuality, while others (like my wife) can have had and enjoyed giving and receiving same sex pleasure and still have trouble with the terminology. I don't think I understood this distinction for years until I got a chance to experience it first hand. It would be interesting to hear a lady's perspective on this.

[4sum]

Originally posted by BostonDLT
Wouldn't you actually make such an assumption on the basis of WHO (2m or 2f) is performing those acts versus the acts themselves?

In a generic sense....I doubt many people would even try to make much of a distinction between the people and the act...unless...they already knew the participants involved. That would probably also presume a well formed opinion on that person's sexual orientation based on past experience, so it kind of blow the spirit of the example.

But let's make it a little more specific:

Stage door Janie runs up to Misty Delight at her book signing and tells her that she's in deep lust with her after seeing her sex scene with Lila Thong in her latest adult feature.... Is Misty Bi? Is she Lesbian? Is she straight but willing to do Lila for the right paycheck? Janie has assumed that she's at least Bi, without Misty having any input (pun intended). But there may well be a huge difference between Janie's opinion of Misty's orientation, and Misty's own sexual self-definition.

[Gwendolyn]

Ok here's my 2 cents. I believe it is much tougher on most men to deal with the same sex issue than women. I think our society is a big part of that. We have been told by most people our whole lives these things. Two guys? No that means you are bad you are a sexual deviant. Two women? Isn't that just the most exciting thing in the world?

I personally am bisexual. I think women are very sexual and I enjoy playing with other women a lot. However I love men so I could never be a lesbian.

My husband is straight. His reasons are not because of hang ups. He explored same sex situations and it wasn't for him.

As to the question of when do you become bisexual? Here's my take. When you start to look for same sex encounters as strongly as opposite sex encounters, you are now bi. I don't believe exploring something a couple of times to appease curiousity makes someone bi.

Here's my last thought. why do we have to label people in the lifestyle anyway?

Be naked......Be Happy..... and Play

[4sum]

Originally posted by Gwendolyn
Here's my last thought. why do we have to label people in the lifestyle anyway?

Be naked......Be Happy..... and Play

All good points! And I agree with all of them. One of the reasons I started this topic is that through my own evolution I've come to believe that the majority of men are generally more prone to blanket categorization, and I thought that looking at it from this perspective might give a little more insight to the way we are taught to think about what we do versus how we are defined. I suspect this may be true for some women as well.

To give you my take on your final question, we need some degree of terminology just to be able to open the lines of communication. I mean, just look at what you wrote...saying "people in the lifestyle" is a label in itself. The common idiom "members of the lifestyle" is even worse. It makes it sound like a unified club of some sort. We aren't "members" of anything. Personally, we don't consider what we do "swinging" and we don't consider it our "lifestyle" but we use those words because other people are comfortable with them and know what they mean, and in that respect its a close enough approximation for this forum. As with most people, what we do we do out of our own choice and fulfillment, and not out of a sense of belonging to a group.

Preference is a personal thing. My wife can eat brussel sprouts, but she wouldn't want them on a regular basis. I like brussel sprouts and could eat them on a regular basis, but wouldn't want them all the time. Someone else LOVES brussel sprouts and would eat them morning noon and night if possible. While we could all be labeled as "people who like brussel sprouts", that doesn't make our desire for them the same. It also doesn't make the label "brussel sprout liker" a bad thing because of its inherent inaccuracies. It only is a problem when someone makes a blanket judgement based on generalized information. For instance the government steps in and says "We are controlling the food supply from now on. Since you are all brussel sprout likers, that's all your going to get to eat from here on out." One of us is deleriously happy, one is ambivalent, and one is extremely unhappy.

A Label is not a Definition!

[TeamSoBe]

I've been slowly wrapping my mind around this bisexual thing since college, and an aversion to "labels" is a subject that always used to come up in our little queer club discussion groups at my college. Bisexual people always like to complain about being labeled, and gay people in general kind of resent them for it. Gay people feel that bisexuals have the best of both worlds because they can pretend to be straight when they need to and gay when they need to. The label "bisexual" makes them a pariah in both cultures, the elimination of the label makes a bisexual person into somebody with "straight privelige" while still enjoying gay impulses.

My strategy on the whole subject ever since college has been to just not discuss it. Normally people don't go around asking you flat-out what your orientation is, so you just never mention it and the subject is moot. It's a little strange for me to interact with the swinger crowd because people really do walk around just flat-out asking you what your orientation is.

[ciscosv]

Originally posted by TeamSoBe
It's a little strange for me to interact with the swinger crowd because people really do walk around just flat-out asking you what your orientation is.

[ciscosv]

Originally posted by TeamSoBe
It's a little strange for me to interact with the swinger crowd because people really do walk around just flat-out asking you what your orientation is.

I screwed that one. Now I'm back on track.

This statement is funny to me. While being true, I have also experienced this question at "gay" bars. Are you gay, straight or Bi? My answer is straight. I'm out for a beer and nothing else. (pre wife) I was even asked by the straight female bartender this question before I ordered my beer. I have been hit by a number of guys in several states numerous times. I guess I jam their gaydar. To me, people are people.

4sum is right. We need to have these terms in order for people to know what we a re refeering to and what the conversation is about . You dont walk around asking, "Do you prefer men, women or both? It just doesnt have the zing.

I look at guys and can say to my wife, "That is an attractive man" or "That dude has a nice ass". To me it's no big deal. If my wife wanted to see me with another man, I would do it all but anal play. I am just not into butt sex. Even with women, butts are out. I am not into the feeling of it. The wife isn't into it all either. (Were a match made in heaven) So now that I have let a cat out of the bag, Would this make me bi-sexual? Not to me. I would just do it. Again, No big deal.

My wife has performed oral on women and vise versa. She doesn't consider herself bi either. She does it because it feels good.

I just think either you do it or you don't plain and simple. And in most cases words are words.

Hope that made sense to all who read this.

It's interesting to see the various opinions on this topic, until recently I never would have thought there could be a debate. I don't imagine in our real lives (non-online) there is. Try to picture at the pub watching the game, and you're arguing with your buds.... "no... I only suck dick once and a while! I'm straight!!"

Can't see that happening, if someone's actively, and willingly involved sexually with the same sex it's impossible to call them straight. (It's like calling the color grey, white) Maybe a new 'label' is needed, say~~ partially bi-sexual, or bi-sexual if need be.

[Flori_DAMAN]

Originally posted by everlast
It's interesting to see the various opinions on this topic, until recently I never would have thought there could be a debate. I don't imagine in our real lives (non-online) there is. Try to picture at the pub watching the game, and you're arguing with your buds.... "no... I only suck dick once and a while! I'm straight!!"

Can't see that happening, if someone's actively, and willingly involved sexually with the same sex it's impossible to call them straight. (It's like calling the color grey, white) Maybe a new 'label' is needed, say~~ partially bi-sexual, or bi-sexual if need be.

OK if a republican votes for a democrat does he have to change his party affiliation to partially republican? Maybe he is a conservative that leans left....but he's still a republican...i think the same thing holds true of straight people that occasionally have oral sex either to please there partner or just getting caught up in the intensity....really new definitions aren't needed, just the reality that straight people sometimes will engage same sex playtimes....it's not a new phenomonen.

Many studies have indeed shown that males especially experiment with other males...how many teenagers indulged in mutual masturbation with there buddies?

The majority in actuallity.

Suppose a person is incapable of performing..for instance a religious person that took a vow of celibacy, but gets aroused by fantasizing strictly about same sex experiences. Is that person not a homosexual just because he/she doesn't have sex? Not in my opinion.

That person also wouldn't fit the description of a enuch (sp?) either because he/she is indeed sexual because of entertaining fantasies.

Its not real complicated to me. John.

[JustAskJulie]

I have to agree with John here. Labels are irrellevent because the meanings vary based on who is using the label.

Originally posted by Flori_DAMAN

Many studies have indeed shown that males especially experiment with other males...how many teenagers indulged in mutual masturbation with there buddies?

The majority in actuallity.

??? You must be kidding... mutual masturbation. Although I've heard of the odd case of this happening I can't see it being all that common. We used to get pretty bored as teens sometimes but I don't recall anyone saying ..."hey guys... I got a great idea...."

I don't know John I guess we're from different worlds

[Flori_DAMAN]

Originally posted by everlast
??? You must be kidding... mutual masturbation. Although I've heard of the odd case of this happening I can't see it being all that common. We used to get pretty bored as teens sometimes but I don't recall anyone saying ..."hey guys... I got a great idea...."

I don't know John I guess we're from different worlds

Actually I probably come from the same world as you. Personally I only engaged un mutual masturbation one time with a friend. We were about 15 and got our hands on a porno flick. At the time it involved setting up a projector and all so it wasn't quite like popping a vcr into the slot. We didn't touch each other or anything like that but it was mutual masturbation.

97 percent of males in this age group statistically also have used homosexual slurs. Of course this is a means of proclaiming there heterosexuality and I see it often at any male gathering. I indulge myself in joking about so and so acting like a fag also. The few homosexual male friends I have don't seem to be offended and if they are "out" will join in the innocent poking (scuse the pun) of fun.

The reality is though that all over the country, ( most of the free world), men gather in great numbers to observe females they don't even know shed there clothing and dance topless. They high five each other and act like total idiots throwing perfectly good money at females they don't even know.

The point is that many men gather together to enjoy sexuality. It is easily justified in their own mind by the fact that there are females there. Topless bar owners know that they do much better when there are many males in the same place though. If there were only one guy in the club (please don't say NOT ME, cuz I'm talking numbers here), most would walk out because they need the male compadre as this is what tittie bars thrive on.

I have seen many males at swingers clubs masturbate while there wives enjoy each other. This is mutual male masturbation also. Two males masturbating in the presence of each other. What if the females were not there? Would this change the actual fact that there is indeed mutual masturbation occuring?

Just because you or I don't do it realize that the two of us aren't statistically signifigant.

By the way, the mutual teenage male masturbation studies dated to Masters and Johnson, and have been verified in uncountable studies.

Now, females don't do this nearly as much as men. I guess it is because the male is much more excited by visual sex than the female is. That may be why you don't see nearly as many male strip clubs as topless ones. John