Bi sexual / Bi curious Ladies

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by bill&sabrina

For some bisexual people not getting same sex play might be ok. That doesn't mean every bisexual person should be ok with it.

They must have an awful sexlife at home then since their husband is only one sex.

This wasn't stated in the original post, and if implied I missed it. I think this came about by way of a hijacking.

Perhaps, but thats what this really boils down to. Its that for many couples 'swinging' isn't about swapping partners, but men watching their wives have sex with other women. (I don't know if this applies to couples with a male bisexual, we've only encountered it with females) Female bisexuality is 'hip' right now and perhaps this is an offshoot of that.

[bill&sabrina]

Originally Posted by Chicup

They must have an awful sexlife at home then since their husband is only one sex.

Well straight swigers must have an awful sex life at home since their partner can't be a variety of people. I thought swinging was about enhancing your sex life, not making it better. I guess I misunderstood those posts.

Originally Posted by Chicup

Perhaps, but thats what this really boils down to. Its that for many couples 'swinging' isn't about swapping partners, but men watching their wives have sex with other women. (I don't know if this applies to couples with a male bisexual, we've only encountered it with females) Female bisexuality is 'hip' right now and perhaps this is an offshoot of that.

I can't feel sorry for people that go along with something they don't like. We are in this to swap, and have same sex fun. If either one of those isn't a possibility with a couple, we move on. It's right for us, and that is all that matters.

Bill

[The_Phoenyxes]

Originally Posted by Swingercast

Curious to hear from the women regarding their own personal interpretations of some of the bi labels/classifications? on profiles.

What exactly does it mean to you in terms of play when you see this on a profile...

Bi Curious?

Bi Comfy?

Bi Sexual?

Bi Social?

It would also be helpful if you would also mention what you put on your profiles and how you see yourself and how you play.

These terms are very confusing to me and I asked some women at a club last weekend what these terms meant to them and I got completely different answers and personal interpretations of these "labels" from four different women who all are very experienced swingers and active in the online dating scene. They were all very confident of their own understandings of these terms as being generally what others thought as well and seemed very surprised and uncomfortable hearing their friends interpretations of the terms being so different from their own. I don't have much experience with the profiles and online dating as my husband and I most often go to clubs....so these terms are confusing as hell to me...especially the bi-comfy one. I don't usually have to use any of these terms in the club setting which is a relief. If I am forced to choose one of the terms in writing, I seem to most often choose bisexual based on my lifestyle experiences but I do not personally consider myself bisexual(In my mind I'm just sexual)...in label land I think I might even be considered bi comfy but I am finding out this term(and the others) seem so ambiguous in meaning to other women in the Lifestyle too. Hell, maybe it is just me and my aversion to labels in general,but, I sure would like to hear other women's thoughts on this!
Allie

Bi Curious: Intrested in playing with a female to see what it is like.

Bi Comfy: Ok if the other female tries to play with her while everyone is having fun.

Bi Sexual: Enjoys and would prefer play with the female when playing with a couple. But can also do without if that is requested.

Bi Social: To me, this means they are bi in public (girls on the dance floor kissing, touching, etc.) for show, imo. (Thats not meant to be offensive, but thats what i think.)

On my profile i put very bi-sexual (i love the girls as much i love the guys! facelick ). However i like the way you said it best. Im just "sexual" . Guy or girl, if i feel an attraction then im good to go!

Hugs,
Mrs. Bird

[WesternSwing]

Originally Posted by Chicup

...for many couples 'swinging' isn't about swapping partners, but men watching their wives have sex with other women.

I find this to be true about those living on the fringe of the swinger lifestyle. They are all about their wife and them getting with another woman, but no man will 'tap' their wife. If feel they usually don't stay around in the lifestyle long since in my opinion the wife is usually fulfilling her husband's fantasy, even though she's not against girl/girl sex herself. We've seen this over and over and very quickly it starts to breed resentment between them because the wife gets to feel the hubby is getting all the real action since he is getting 'strange' pussy but she isn't getting any 'strange' dick. It works for awhile, but not in the long run.

Originally Posted by Chicup

Female bisexuality is 'hip' right now and perhaps this is an offshoot of that.

I agree. We see allot of this as "socially-bi" behavior at non-swinger night clubs where 20-something women dance sexy with their friends to turn their boyfriends on... but none of them will take it past a dance, kiss, and an an occasional grope. It's all for show.

Mr. WS

[Swingercast]

Originally Posted by The_Phoenyxes

Bi Curious: Intrested in playing with a female to see what it is like.

Bi Comfy: Ok if the other female tries to play with her while everyone is having fun.

Bi Sexual: Enjoys and would prefer play with the female when playing with a couple. But can also do without if that is requested.

Bi Social: To me, this means they are bi in public (girls on the dance floor kissing, touching, etc.) for show, imo. (Thats not meant to be offensive, but thats what i think.)

On my profile i put very bi-sexual (i love the girls as much i love the guys! facelick ). However i like the way you said it best. Im just "sexual" . Guy or girl, if i feel an attraction then im good to go!

Hugs,
Mrs. Bird

Thanks Mrs. Bird!!


Bi-Curious ? for you- Once someone acts on their curiosity does that make them then Bi-comfy in your view?

Bi-Comfy ? for you- If a bi-comfy occasionally initiates or makes the first moves, would she be better understood if she identifies herself as Bi-Sexual in your view?

Bi Social- Honestly, I hadn't a clue what bi social meant! I have seen what you are describing as bi social behavior but have never played with any of them so I never had personal proof that it was just for show. However, I did watch a woman last weekend completely flirting and all over the female part of the couple at a table by the dance floor and then on the dance floor ..making a real show. The other woman disappeared for a while and came back with some sexy lingerie on and the flirtatious woman said, "Look honey, she got dress for me , isn't she sexy." I thought they were surely headed back to the play area at this point. What happened really surprised me. The flirtatious woman quite abruptly was no longer flirting with the woman. Her personality did a major 360 turn. Before she couldn't keep her hands off the woman and now she wasn't even at arms length but across the room talking to another couple while her husband, the sexy lingerie woman and her husband just sat at the table. John and I danced for about four songs and I never saw the flirtatious woman even come back to their table and talk to them. It was very odd to me. John and I moved to the next room and to refresh our drinks and while we were drinking at a table we saw the sexy lingerie couple walk back to the play areas alone. Minutes later they came out and she was wearing a long coat and looking very disgusted and hurt. She didn't even want to wait for her husband to get their alcohol and was out the door so quickly. I'm guessing we witnessed a Bi-social breakdown here. Unfortunately, the Bi curious or bi-comfy woman will probably not be very comfy or curious for a long time now and hopefully the Bi-Social will think twice about her behavior in the future that could easily be misread and hurtful to others.

[The_Phoenyxes]

Originally Posted by Swingercast

Thanks Mrs. Bird!!


Bi-Curious ? for you- Once someone acts on their curiosity does that make them then Bi-comfy in your view?

Bi-Comfy ? for you- If a bi-comfy occasionally initiates or makes the first moves, would she be better understood if she identifies herself as Bi-Sexual in your view?

Oh boy, now yo uare asking me to think lol.

If someone who is bi-curious acts on their curiosity however they felt about it afterwards would, imo, make them either bi-comfy or bi-sexual. All depends on whether it was for them or not. Now, with that said, id say that bi-comfy (to me, i know it will differ) is when you get a woman that doesnt mind some play (caressing, maybe a little tongue action on the upper part of the body and kissing) but may not want to go all the way (no oral sex and no play below the belt). But then again, that is just me!

Hugs,
Mrs. Bird

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by Swingercast

Curious to hear from the women regarding their own personal interpretations of some of the bi labels/classifications? on profiles.

What exactly does it mean to you in terms of play when you see this on a profile...

Bi Curious?
Bi Comfy?
Bi Sexual?
Bi Social?

Hi Allie,

In my personal experiences, these labels usually tend to mean the following:

Bi Curious: have thought about it a lot, fantasized about it, interested in trying it when the right opportunity arises. Haven't done it, yet. (Some women who have been bi active still continue to use this label, and when they do, I feel like they're just afraid of the "bi-sexual" word.)

Bi Comfy: I've seldom heard this one. It sounds to me like someone who doesn't define herself as bi, but if "something happens", they're not uncomfortable with it - they won't get mad, scared, or run away. (It sounds like a very passive way of saying that they'll participate.)

Bi Sexual: Someone who enjoys having sex with both men and women, and isn't afraid to admit it. She's confident and comfortable in her bi-sexuality. (Bi-sexual doesn't necessarily mean her interest is divided 50/50 between men and women.)

VERY Bi: When women say this, I usually take it to mean that she's 50/50, equally attracted to men and women. She has a high interest in sex with the other woman if they're with a couple. (Maybe she'd even be open to her primary relationship being with a woman, if she weren't with her husband.)

Bi Social: Someone who just plays and teases, usually for a show in public, but also perhaps for a "show" for her husband (such as in a room with another couple). I think that a woman who would use this term doesn't feel that she's bi, just participates for social/show reasons. Personally, I don't want to touch these types with a 10-foot pole.

Bi Passive: Here's another for your list. I've seen this term many times. It seems to mean that the woman will lay back and receive from another woman, but they will not make any overtures and they won't reciprocate. (I want that about as much as most men would want that. NOT.)

If someone we're meeting says they are bi-curious, socially-bi or bi-passive, I always ask them to elaborate. The meanings can vary, so I give them a chance to explain what they are and what they want. Sometimes, after they define it better, they're just simply bi much like I am, and looking forward to playing.

If someone says she's bi-sexual or very bi, I'll bet I'm going to be having a good time with her. She's into it, and she's not coy about it.

Originally Posted by Swingercast

It would also be helpful if you would also mention
what you put on your profiles
and how you see yourself
and how you play.

I call myself bi-sexual in our profiles. If the lady and I have a connection and it happens, great. If we don't, okay. Just like with any person, male or female, I need to feel attraction and interest. I find it very weird when women say they are "only bi with the right person". Heck...it has to be the right person for me to have sex with men, too. But, I wouldn't write in my profile, "only hetero with the right person".

How I play: If I'm with a woman, it needs to be equal. If the woman isn't really bi and just putting on a show, or just fulfilling her husband's fantasy (not her own), being boringly passive, etc...I'm not going there. Not interested. I need to sense mutual attraction and interest to be with a woman. I have to get a vibe that she's on board, too. First-timers are fine, as long as they're into it.

How I see myself: When it's just me and my husband, I'm 100% for him (very straight). I like to be with women sexually as something different from my main course. In the swing setting, I'm about 75/25, or 60/40, or maybe sometimes 50/50 if she's good. I always have and always will favor men for my love relationship (hopefully my husband for the rest of our lives). Even though I'm sexually bi in the lifestyle, I actually feel like a straight woman who just happens to love sex and enjoy sexual diversity. It's all good, kwim? If I'm having sex with a woman, I'm really having sex with her. If I'm having sex with a man, I'm really into it. MANY women we've talked to and have been with feel the same way I do, but they don't have a real definition for us, so I just call myself "bi" and move on. LOL

Originally Posted by Swingercast

I asked some women at a club last weekend what these terms meant to them and I got completely different answers and personal interpretations of these "labels" from four different women who all are very experienced swingers and active in the online dating scene. They were all very confident of their own understandings of these terms as being generally what others thought as well and seemed very surprised and uncomfortable hearing their friends interpretations of the terms being so different from their own.

I know what you mean. There needs to be a consensus!

[Swingercast]

Thank You so much Mrs. Bird and Tybee!! Very thoughtful and honest answers to my questions...I really appreciate you two taking the time and helping me get a better idea of how others interpret all these bi labels!

It is interesting that you two identify yourselves as bi sexual or very bi and pretty much have similar understanding of these terms. I would love to hear from some of the straight , bi curious and a bi comfy women also. When I spoke with women at the club and got four completely different interpretations of the labels, two identified themselves as straight , one bi curious, and one I am guessing now was bi passive. She waited until the others were not around and described pretty much exactly what Tybee described as bi passive(i had never heard of that one before)....I'm not sure if it was just a fluke or not that I got such different answer from these women that don't identify themselves as bi sexual.

I think it is cool Tybee that, after hearing your descriptions and sometimes not so positive thoughts about some of these labels, you look past those ambiguous bi labels and when you meet a woman you have her elaborate in her own terms regardless of whether she put bi-curious, bi-social or bi- passive on her profile. We are all different and enjoy a wide range of play in the lifestyle, superior open communication skills are what I like to think all women in the Lifestyle share and I think with this super power, we can get past all these silly labels and all have great time!

Allie

[Tybee Swing]

Allie, you're welcome. I'm glad that helped! Of course, every woman you ask will probably have different ideas. The more you hear from different women, the better! Maybe you can share your research results with all of us.

Originally Posted by Swingercast

I think it is cool Tybee that, after hearing your descriptions and sometimes not so positive thoughts about some of these labels, you look past those ambiguous bi labels and when you meet a woman you have her elaborate in her own terms regardless of whether she put bi-curious, bi-social or bi- passive on her profile. We are all different and enjoy a wide range of play in the lifestyle, superior open communication skills are what I like to think all women in the Lifestyle share and I think with this super power, we can get past all these silly labels and all have great time!

Allie

I agree, it's ALL about communication. The reason I don't stop at just simply the label someone places on herself, is like you said - many of those labels are intended in a variety of ways. Some women don't even know what to call themselves, so they just pick a label they've seen around, and use it. So...I've gotta ask.

It's not just the bi stuff, either...it's many other common phrases and words that a lot of people in the Lifestyle may use. One example is when the "friends" word is mentioned in profiles. Some people run screaming from the mention of "friends", and sometimes perhaps too quickly. Does it mean we must become close friends first, go on 10-20 dates and tell all our intimate secrets before anything happens? Or, does it just mean that they'd like to like us or at least feel good about us before sex? Does it mean that sex can happen whenever (even on the first date) but they enjoy developing new friendships in the process, too? It can get crazy. We just have conversations with them and ask.

[GerdOEvert]

I think the reason it is not more clearly written in profiles, is that women like to find out indirectly what the other pair's interests and leanings are.

In our most active years, many many of the women were bi, but not many were lesbian.

I also think it is the bi orientaiton that brings many to the LifeStyle Scene. If there were not a need for something different, and curiosity + experience, the vanilla life would continue. The lifestyle has some risks, especially for women.

Now, something I would like to learn about is: How many women in the lifestyle had gay or bi experiences in college? Eileen certainly did, and enjoyed them. Good Catholic Girls School. My friends in Nursing also say that is not uncommon there.

Otto & Eileen.

[The_Phoenyxes]

You are very welcome Allie! I think that its great that you are trying to get a full understanding on these labels (i'm sure it is VERY helpful when you do your searching). Hopefully more people will come in and contribute to this thread.

Hugs,
Mrs. Bird

[Swingercast]

Originally Posted by The_Phoenyxes

You are very welcome Allie! I think that its great that you are trying to get a full understanding on these labels (i'm sure it is VERY helpful when you do your searching). Hopefully more people will come in and contribute to this thread.

Hugs,
Mrs. Bird

Yes, Come on you sexy swingers, please help me out by sharing your thoughts regarding these bi labels too.... pretty please. xoxo Allie

GerdOEvert I think the reason it is not more clearly written in profiles, is that women like to find out indirectly what the other pair's interests and leanings are.

In our most active years, many many of the women were bi, but not many were lesbian.

I also think it is the bi orientaiton that brings many to the LifeStyle Scene. If there were not a need for something different, and curiosity + experience, the vanilla life would continue. The lifestyle has some risks, especially for women.

Now, something I would like to learn about is: How many women in the lifestyle had gay or bi experiences in college? Eileen certainly did, and enjoyed them. Good Catholic Girls School. My friends in Nursing also say that is not uncommon there.

Otto & Eileen.

I am also interested in this too. You said that you think that it is bi orientation that brings many to the Lifestyle...probably so, BUT I am finding out that there are many women who never had any bi experiences before getting into the Lifestyle...I'm thinking it goes both ways here. I spoke with a woman (sex researcher) last week who did a study in the eighties of female swingers in their thirties who had never had any bisexual experiences until getting involved with the lifestyle. I'm real excited to meet with her(hopefully this week) and talk more in depth about her findings, mainly, because I am one of those women who never had any bi experiences until my husband and I got into the Lifestyle in our thirties. Allie

[Tatakai]

Reading over these post we got to talking and what we have come to realize is that the wife is Bi-sexual in that she wants to play and will get involved but it takes her time to feel comfortable with another woman. She wants to be seduced by the other woman and turned on. Once she is she is fine and enjoys making love to another woman. For me I think it is more her nerves and knowing her as long as I have. She is very shy and timid, until she knows you she won't say much at all. That has been a hinderance in some situation and others have felt that she wasn't into being there. The ones we do meet with they have become as close as sisters so to say. With us the whole GG thing isn't a must but when it does happen it is great for us both.

Tatakai

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by Tatakai

Reading over these post we got to talking and what we have come to realize is that the wife is Bi-sexual in that she wants to play and will get involved but it takes her time to feel comfortable with another woman. She wants to be seduced by the other woman and turned on. Once she is she is fine and enjoys making love to another woman. For me I think it is more her nerves and knowing her as long as I have. She is very shy and timid, until she knows you she won't say much at all. That has been a hinderance in some situation and others have felt that she wasn't into being there. The ones we do meet with they have become as close as sisters so to say. With us the whole GG thing isn't a must but when it does happen it is great for us both.

Tatakai

Hi Tatakai,

I've found that many women we've encountered so far are much like your wife. They want the other woman (me in this case) to be the seducer, the aggressor. They want me to be more "butch" I suppose, to be the "guy" in the scenario, while they get to play the passive, feminine role.

The reality is that sex between bi-femme women isn't like that. It's not about masculine/feminine roles or aggressor/passive roles. I think this is what causes a lot fewer connections for the bi-fem connections. In MF sex, many women want the man to take the lead and to seduce them, sort of coax them. Women seem to expect the other bi-female to be like the male lovers she's had. The other woman your wife is interested in probably wants the same thing that your wife is waiting for! I don't know why many women think that seduction & sex with another woman is going to work the way it does with a man.

Personally, I don't want to have to coax and seduce another woman. I don't want to be the "man". I'm very feminine, and I don't appreciate it when another woman pushes me into that role. I only like it if the other woman is equally showing interest and if we're seducing each other.

Maybe if your wife thinks about it this way, realizing that the other women she'd like to connect with are like her, waiting to be seduced too, she might meet them halfway? It's only fair, right?

[Tia Vampire]

Thank you Tybeeswing, i now know that i'm not bi-curious at all. Two of your other descriptions describe me to a tee.