"bi" bias

[oddcouple2841]

This is my first post so please be nice.

We have joined AAF and SN and tried to be as up front and honest as possible. I listed myself as "bi curious" because I am. (maybe not for long) . We have chatted with some nice couples and had our fair share of "lone males" pretending to be a "couple". One thing we have noticed though is almost all of the profiles say the women are "bi" or "bi curious" but when we do make contact with them they let us know that the "he" is "bi" or curious also. Now we live in a pretty backwards area where churches darn near outnumber people but really is there such a bias out there against "bi" males but it is okay to be a "bi" female.

We even had one couple where the male wanted to meet us but since she had seen "bi curious" for the male in our profile she would have nothing to do with us even though she was "bi".

[DGrey]

Our reasoning behind not wanting to interact with couples where the male is bi is simple: I donate blood every 60 days and would not be able to do so if I were to have interaction with a man who has had sexual activity with another man. Yes, I could lie about it on the form but I would not feel right about it. My desire to help others through blood donation supercedes my interest in swinging.

I am bisexual though and appreciate when the female of the couple is bi or bicurious. We both appreciate it...and we show it.

E

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by oddcouple2841

This is my first post so please be nice.

Originally Posted by oddcouple2841

We have joined AAF and SN and tried to be as up front and honest as possible. I listed myself as "bi curious" because I am. (maybe not for long)

You are the male half, right? Just checking.

Originally Posted by oddcouple2841

We even had one couple where the male wanted to meet us but since she had seen "bi curious" for the male in our profile she would have nothing to do with us even though she was "bi".

Well, you can't please everybody. Yes, there is more of a bias against bi-curious or bi males. The bi female is almost expected now. I'd suggest just be yourself, keep on being honest about what you're interested in, and you're more likely to find people that will really be best suited for you. Even if the other male isn't bi, a couple that will meet you will at least be accepting, and not bi-phobic. It's best in the longrun. Good luck.

[Tybee Swing]

Another thought: Does your profile state that couples with straight males are fine, and bi-ness is certainly not necessary for you to meet and enjoy someone's company? That might help, if the other couples know it's not an expectation on your part.

[oddcouple2841]

From our profile on SN

We are very open minded and are anxious to please, if you would like to try something don't be afraid to ask. We will not think you are weird or laugh at you even if we say no. We are willing to be as str8 or bi as you are comfortable with.

I am just curious as to why in 2006 is it okay for females to be "bi" but not for males?

Our reasoning behind not wanting to interact with couples where the male is bi is simple: I donate blood every 60 days and would not be able to do so if I were to have interaction with a man who has had sexual activity with another man. Yes, I could lie about it on the form but I would not feel right about it. My desire to help others through blood donation supercedes my interest in swinging.

This is still a problem in 2006 and one I worry about though I doubt it makes much difference. In reality everyone is exposing themselves. Like I said many we have talked to couples or lone males who's profile's say the male is straight but when they find out you are "bi curious" they are also or full bi. So your reasoning may be a bit flawed. You may very well be swapping with closeted "bi" male.

[Mr.T]

I had to say maybe.I'm not bi-curious,but I see no reason to turn a both bi couple down if they're willing to respect our feelings and act acordingly.So long as all players are in agreement on the rules,where's the problem?

[ShellyM]

Well, this is an issue that does come up. Remember, the men are out there to fulfill their fantasies, just like the women are. Jay is straight, but not homophobic. He will not "freak" out or anything like some men will. The only thing I can tell you is to be completely up front with the couple from the very beginning. Most men I have found are straight, although there are some bi-curious men as well. Just be honest, maybe put something tactful in your profile that tells people there will be no bi-male play at all.

[Pepper & Drew]

Originally Posted by oddcouple2841

I am just curious as to why in 2006 is it okay for females to be "bi" but not for males?

If I knew the answer to this, I certainly wouldn't put it out on the internet for free. I'd save that for my best-selling book .

It always surprises me how many bi women (or those who say they are) see nothing wrong with their bisexuality, but see everything wrong with a man being bisexual...as if there's a difference.

Whenever you figure it out the answer, you come back and let all of us know

Pepper

[ShellyM]

Originally Posted by Pepper & Drew

It always surprises me how many bi women (or those who say they are) see nothing wrong with their bisexuality, but see everything wrong with a man being bisexual...as if there's a difference.

PLEASE SAY THIS AGAIN!

It gets on my last nerve how its "cool" for 2 women to play, but the same woman who will have sex with another woman will say its "gross" for 2 men to play. I'm not promoting any lifestyle, its your body. But crap, lets be fair at least!

[gsu22]

I've been suprised recently by a few couples who have looked at me like I'm from another planet when I stated I've had some bi experiences. I state each time that while I have had some bi-oral get togethers I do respect limits and am perfectly happy playing completey str8....I said I'm not into the anal aspect or any intimate touching type situations....

I know everybody's different...Whatever floats their boat I guess....I just said respectfully "i understand...thanks though" and moved on when I got denied.

[ViSexual]

I've found that there are more men who think about certain activities with other men than I'd previously considered. They're just apprehensive to admit it, even to themselves.

OK, guys..., you're at a swingers party and Terri Hatcher is there. Yes, that Terri Hatcher! She's with a very nice looking younger guy and lots of couples, and singles, have hit on them with no success.

You and your wife finally find yourselves in their vacinity and the four of you begin to talk.

You find Terri and her date surprisingly friendly, entertaining, and even flirtatious. Your wife is simply drooling over Terri's date and you can't help but drool a little over Terri as well.

OK, you have to finally ask. "Why did you two reject everyone esle here?"

"We're looking for a couple with a bi, or at least a bi curious enough to experiment, man," was Terri's sincere reply. Then she goes on, "When we swing we enjoy experiencing everything with both partners of our selected couples."

OK, Guys, this is THE Terri Hatcher. Do you decline? Do you deprive your wife?

[telly2]

Originally Posted by Mr.T

I had to say maybe.I'm not bi-curious,but I see no reason to turn a both bi couple down if they're willing to respect our feelings and act acordingly.So long as all players are in agreement on the rules,where's the problem?

I have to agree

[crazycatz]

Sadly, there is a lot of homophobia in our society still. Even when I was single I would refuse to play with couples if they had in their profile something that was overtly anti-male on male contact (i.e. afraid of inadvertant touching etc). Because of porn, female bisexuality has always been fantasised and accepted and I think these norms spill over into the swinging community. THe fact that bimale playing is prohibited in most clubs is a blatant example of this. The reality is, this lifestyle is all about fulfilling fantasy and we should be more openminded and much less judgemental when it comes to bimale fantasies. Personally, I find it really hot to see my man receive or give a bj or more.

[oddcouple2841]

Thank you all for your great responses. I see that there are many more open minded people out there even if they are str8.

So far the poll is running no - 5, probably not - 5, maybe - 4 and 10 definatelys.

Straight men need to understand that at least with me I am not attracted to just any male, just like I am not attracted to every female. I would prefer to experiment with someone more like myself. Someone with a smaller build, not much body hair, are relitively thin and not overly well endowed. The vast majority of men, alone or in couples we have encountered do absolutley nothing for me and I would rather they stay completely str8 if we agree to swap with them.


"But" If we aggreed to meet a couple where the man wanted to explore "bi" but did not fit as the type of person I listed I would try to do my best to give him what he wants and thinks I want. You may laugh but about the only "normal" thing (at least accepted between a man and a women) that I probably could not make myself do with a man is kiss him on the mouth.

When we do get togther with someone else I have made up my mind to try my best to make sure that they get to do most of what they want (within reason) even if I am not particularly interested in them. I figure it won't kill me to "go down on" or "bend over" for some guy if that's what it takes to make everyone happy, especially if it means S can get to do what she wants. I can alwasy close my eyes and pretend they are someone else. I'll bet a lot of you ladies know what I am talking about. I think it would actually be harder for me to "go down" on a female that I was not very attracted to. I think this is what ViSexual was talking about in their last post.

[DGrey]

I just want to add that I think the blood donation "laws" are wrong. I just wouldn't feel right donating if I had done anything against those "laws". After my tattoos, I waited the entire year...I know a few people who haven't. For me, it doesn't feel right.

And yes, in reality, we're all exposing ourselves to potential risk. The reasoning behind the ban on homosexual/bi males donating is that condoms are not meant for anal sex. They are more prone to tearing because of the tighter environment. So, I suppose that if you're hetero and engage in anal sex with a condom, you're putting yourself at the same risk as homosexual/bi people.

Hence why I think the blood donation "laws" are based on fear instead of knowledge.

E

PS Neither of us see anything wrong with men being bisexual or homosexual. In fact, I think it's rather exciting to watch men together.