In swinging groups, are bi females like single males?

[sexy_fl_cpl]

We're in that dreaded category right now. I've never been with a woman, but I'd love to. I also love the idea of seeing the Mr. with someone else, but a woman only. The thought of seeing him with another man totally turns me off, as does the thought of having another man on me. There's no way that the Mr. would go for me being with another man. In a way I think it's a tad bit selfish, but then again I don't want to do it anyways so it's not like I asked him and he said no.

I don't think we'd want to have an ongoing "relationship" with someone. I just want to try it once and get it out of my system LOL. But I do love the swinger's club atmosphere, so I'd like to keep going. I guess you could say we're in the other dreaded category. The ones that go and only play with each other. It just does so much for us sexually. We go and get all charged up, then have an amazing night of sex. It's totally safe, and a lot of fun!

Anyways, I've pretty much come to the realization that a 3some isn't going to happen. I find that most swingers are couples and I don't think it's fair to say "hey, will you let us go and have fun with your woman while you sit on the sidelines?" I'm waiting for the moment that we find that single female, but I know it will probably be a while

[FloridaFlirt]

Originally Posted by Annaiis

So you (and all those other women with partners who are feeling left out) are leaving him sitting on the sidelines while you go off and play with other women??

There's no reason why you can't, and in fact I think you SHOULD, flirt/dance/play with your OWN partner at a swingers club. It can serve two purposes 1) it will make your partner happy because he loves flirting/dancing/playing with you whether or not he ends up playing with anyone else (right?) and 2) it will show those other women by example just how hot and sexy and a turn-on your partner is, and that in itself can attract other women's attention. What my husband and I have found is that the more WE enjoy ourselves as a couple (making sure to appear open to others "joining" us of course), the more attention we BOTH get from everyone.

Annaiis

First of all...I do not leave my partner to go play with other women. I'm more of a "showcase bisexual", meaning I'll play with women for the enjoyment of my partner. We do as much playing together as we do going our separate ways at a party. With our group it is easy to go our own ways and feel very safe.

I agree with you in that if you want things to get going, start it yourself....

[FloridaFlirt]

Originally Posted by Tybee Swing

Hi FloridaFlirt, the first thought that came to my mind is that many, many couples who are new in swinging are looking for this, at first. They're usually looking for a woman to have a FMF threesome with, for the woman to explore her bisexual curiosity with. I see nothing wrong with this, but it does tend to be an early phase. It was the first phase for my hubby and I, too. Then, the couple discovers how incredibly hard it is to find attractive single females for a threesome, and they move on to couples.

There might be swingers who stick with this as their one-and-only choice in swinging, too. I've seen lots of profiles written something like this: "We are looking only for WOMEN. I already have a man who is great, so I don't need that." Again, this is reflective of the idea that they're just trying to explore her bisexuality and/or have a threesome, nothing more. I think very often it's the husbands in these cases don't want another man on their wife, any more than she wants another man other than her husband. Does that make sense?



I don't get this, because your group does have single men allowed there. And the husbands in this group think this is a bad thing? I believe there is room for all sorts of preferences in swingers' clubs/groups. Variety is the spice of life, and there are many styles in swinging. I think that husbands complaining about a couple looking only for FMF threesomes sounds like sour grapes. They saw a woman, they wanted her, she didn't happen to want them, so they're making bitter comments. "Rejection" is just something to learn to accept in swinging, and move on maturely to the couples that are there to swap.



I don't see anything wrong with exhibitionist couples. Some don't want to play with others for a variety of reasons. For one, it's 100% safe sex to only have contact with your own partner. They love the openly sexual atmosphere without wanting to get into the pile. I get it, why some couples would be into this. This doesn't offend me, either. I like watching others have sex. I like having sex with my own husband at swing clubs. We do have sex with others too (provided we've met a couple that we BOTH are interested in). But personally I wouldn't have and don't have a problem with couples that have sex only with their own partner, being in the mix.



I think it's not a bad idea at all to ask what people are looking for when you're interviewing them for membership. But, no, I wouldn't accept or reject them based on it, unless just about everyone coming in wasn't going to mix sexually with others.

The on-premise club we've been to has name tags with stickers. The name tag accomplishes several things. For one, your partner's name is on your name tag, in smaller print, so others can tell right away who you're there with. There are colored stickers on your name tag, too...as many stickers as the individual chooses to put on. The stickers mean different things and are easily identifiable by the members there. One means bi, another means straight, one means soft swing only, one means full swing, another means no-swing (maybe they're just getting started, need to get familiar first, or maybe they're an exhibitionist couple/no swap). The sticker system tells everybody at a glance, with the first hello, what each individual is into. A gold star sticker means it's the couple's first visit to the club. Would that help you out?

Let us know what you do and what works!

There are lots of good things in your post, but I just want to highlight a couple of them.

1. I personally dont have a problem with no swap people, as long as they don;t make up the majority in the group (which they do not)
2. It is possible that the men that are complaining are not getting any results. However, mypartner makes a good point: If a couple comes there, and only the wife gets any playtime with anyone, why would he want to come back?
3. The nametag idea sounds great! We had considered buying some of the colored bracelets that identify people as well. The nametags may be cheaper!
Thanks for your great ideas!

[FloridaFlirt]

Originally Posted by sexy_fl_cpl

We're in that dreaded category right now. I've never been with a woman, but I'd love to. I also love the idea of seeing the Mr. with someone else, but a woman only. The thought of seeing him with another man totally turns me off, as does the thought of having another man on me. There's no way that the Mr. would go for me being with another man. In a way I think it's a tad bit selfish, but then again I don't want to do it anyways so it's not like I asked him and he said no.

I don't think we'd want to have an ongoing "relationship" with someone. I just want to try it once and get it out of my system LOL. But I do love the swinger's club atmosphere, so I'd like to keep going. I guess you could say we're in the other dreaded category. The ones that go and only play with each other. It just does so much for us sexually. We go and get all charged up, then have an amazing night of sex. It's totally safe, and a lot of fun!

Anyways, I've pretty much come to the realization that a 3some isn't going to happen. I find that most swingers are couples and I don't think it's fair to say "hey, will you let us go and have fun with your woman while you sit on the sidelines?" I'm waiting for the moment that we find that single female, but I know it will probably be a while

Let me clarify something with everyone who has been following this thread. The group I am speaking of is not a "club" per se...it is a private group that advertises mostly by word of mouth. We are not commerical in any way. although I handle the membership, the guidelines I use were set up by the owners of the group. There have been times where the group owners asked me to give membership to someone I normally wouldnt have, like single guys.

Anyway, you are not in a "dreaded" group! You are who you are, and you shouldnt change that for anyone.

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by FloridaFlirt

The nametag idea sounds great! We had considered buying some of the colored bracelets that identify people as well. The nametags may be cheaper!
Thanks for your great ideas!

You're welcome! I can't take credit for it, I'm just passing along what this really cool and well-organized club in NC does.

The nametags are the typical business-card sized ones, plain white. They're printed on the computer ahead of time for members who have confirmed they'll be there. Your first name (or chosen nickname) is printed large and centered. In smaller print underneath, your partner's first name is printed. If you're a single, there's no additional name listed (which tells everybody at a glance that you're single). They use clear plastic clip-on name badge holders for the nametags, to just clip on your clothes. If you're wearing as little as a g-string, you can attach your nametag.

At the door when you get there, there's a table where you pick up your badge right after sign-in (they're very organized there). On the badge table are sheets of plain colored circle stickers, like these: http://www.buyonlinenow.com/search.a...abel&source=aw
One of the members tells you what each color means in their club, such as bi, straight, full swap, etc. You pick as many or as few colored stickers as you want, and put them on your nametag. Stickers are optional. As I said before, a shiny gold star sticker is for first-time visitors. This alerts regular members to be extra-friendly and welcoming to the gold star people, to be helpful and make sure they're attended to. It's a simple system, it's very inexpensive, and very effective! The one badge tells you so many important things about people with just a glance.

[Pepper & Drew]

Originally Posted by Tybee Swing

Us, too. We're also in our 40's and most of our contacts are about mid-30's and up. We've rarely seen this "married lesbian" thing that people are talking about.

There was one houseparty one time that was all just girl/girl flirt stuff and nothing else going on, though. Got boring to us. What we did about it: hubby and I started going at it with each other! That seemed to get things moving along. Later, there was more hetero stuff going on.

Maybe if the party or club is boring people with the kind of activity (or lack thereof) going on, it's time for them to take the reigns and just get the party started!

Well Spoo, Chicup, Annaiis...it's official. Y'all just have to move to the tri-state area (GA, FL, AL)

Seriously, now that you mention it, we saw a lot of that when we visited our friends in New Jersey and went to parties in NYC. It seemed like everybody just wanted to take pictures of the girls kissing each other or flashing. Think: Girls Gone Wild without the video cameras. I didn't get it...

Pepper

[Tybee Swing]

LOL! Maybe there's something to that, Pepper.

Y'all come on down yonder, where the girls like the BOYS, too! facelick

[EvilMJ]

Don't lose hope sexy_fl_cpl , it can happen.

I have been known to be a part of a threesome with a few couples. In one case depending on which hubby is busy..etc. we just switch. One time I will be the third for them, and one time she will be the third for us. And sometimes we all play together...it just seems to be an agreement we all can live with.

There is another couple that I join as a third once in a while (the whole situation is complicated as they are a part of a poly quad, but two of them still swing...makes the head hurt). Hubby likes them, and doesn't mind. But it is not every night, just once in a while at a party, especially if he is busy with someone else (like the wife of the first couple).

It only happens with a rare couple, that we all agree on it, and everyone is comfortable.

For me it can be difficult if other couples find out that I have played separately, they just assume that I would do the same for them. Which is certainly not the case.

[wifes_sex_slave]

The club that we belong to does NOT let in any single men, but I don't think that would fix the issue. The issue here is that the ladies who only want ladies and not the partners are being selfish. As the male side of the "partnership", that would bother me a bit (I love the woman on woman) but I would feel left out.
I don't think the owness should be put on you as the host. You are giving "us" an opportunity to play "well" with others.
I believe that the responsibility in this situation would be to the "couple". If she is not willing to play with the partner of the female, then the female should be telling the "single woman" to keep looking. If there were enough couples in the club to hold to this, then the single female would not have as much choice and may consider changing her ways.

In short my wife would tell her "if it does not include my husband, I'm not interested", and single girl would then have to make her choices.

[richdon03]

Originally Posted by Sweet_Candy

Been reading this and shaking my head and wondering where and when did swinging become so rampant with married lesbians? We have seen this scenario in the clubs and the house parties we've been too and have wondered is it worth it to stay in the lifestyle with so few couples actually swapping? Would go as far to say it is the majority in the lifestyle in our area.

Thank you for calling them what they are: Married Lesbians. My wife is straight. Trying to find couples with straight women these days is VERY tough, especially for newbies.

[ACNJ Couple]

We started swinging to get closer to each other and enjoy our sexuality, together. If one of us is in a room with someone else and the other is sitting alone on a sofa waiting for the other to finish, that scene, in no way, serves any purpose to our marriage.

When a couple approaches us and asks for us to split up as a couple so that one of us can join the couple and leave the other aside (you can guess who the "other" is 95% of the time, we just say no.

We have no problem with bi women wanting only to be with other women, but, before she approaches a couple and tries to separate them for her own purposes (or the couple's purposes), she should ask herself why she is in the lifestyle and think that perhaps others have their own reasons for being in it as well. We never ask a couple to separate and we never will. It is rude. If a couple makes you aware they WANT to separate and party individually, THAT is another story, altogether.

[discreetandsafe]

Hi there- I am almost afraid to add my thoughts because I am actually married and my husband and I are not swinging but I would like extramarital sex-and I would like to be welcomed at a swing club for the men you speak about-BUT am well aware that this is considered cheating and I would not be welcome- IS this the case?

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by discreetandsafe

BUT am well aware that this is considered cheating and I would not be welcome- IS this the case?

Well if your husband doesn't approve it IS cheating, nothing considered about it. As a rule you would not be welcome, but my guess is some couples are willing to look the other way more with a married female than a married male. Personally I'd be a lot more worried about a jealous husband than a jealous wife. Hell hath no fury and all that but a jealous wife seems to know to shot the husband, a jealous husband tends to shot both.

[bill&sabrina]

It isn't your place to stand up for spineless men. All you can do is not leave your husband out. The other men that are getting left out need to speak up. If they want more than to sit and wait, veto any playing period. That is what I think the problem is. I'm not shy about telling anyone I am part of the package, or you don't get the package.

[ShellyM]

Originally Posted by bill&sabrina

It isn't your place to stand up for spineless men. All you can do is not leave your husband out. The other men that are getting left out need to speak up. If they want more than to sit and wait, veto any playing period. That is what I think the problem is. I'm not shy about telling anyone I am part of the package, or you don't get the package.

I have to say I agree. I'll be honest, and I don't think this is very PC....so please be gentle when you flame the living shit out of me. But in my personal experience (and I am NOT talking about all swingers in north america, only those I have had personal experience with) I have found many women who are pretty darned selfish. I had a woman tell me just the other day that it didn't matter what her husband wanted, because "its all about me, anyways"....that REALLY turned me off to her. I see this alot in profiles, the "its all about me" attitude. I come from the old school I guess, I just believe that a man loves being made love to as much as a woman does, and if you make love to him he in turn returns the favor and you have a great sexual experience. I think that alot of people see men (including married men) as either a hindrance in the way of screwing the wife or just a tool for her to have an orgasm. I think that is sad, but true. With us, either we both play or neither of us plays, plain and simple.