Bisexual pressure/presumption

[Pixey]

Hello ALL!!! Currently, I have posted on my swinger profiles that I am bi-curious. But I am finding it a little annoying that couples make this precedence that I will be active with both of them. I almost feel like I need to list myself as straight to allow myself some breathing room to open up instead of everyone assuming I am an opportunity for them.

I find it funny most men have this highly formulated excuse as to why they don't list their bisexual classification. Since they can fly hawkeye, then it's not assumed and they don't feel the pressure to perform. If something happens, it will happen behind closed doors where no one will know. As if some sort of blue ball disease will fall on them if they list themselves bi-anything. The totally 100% straight line always makes me giggle! I think it's extremely unbalanced and the pressure for women to be bisexual sucks.

I am highly clairvoyant so I feel and hear what's going through their (other couple) minds, how they try to control and manipulate our relations [Speaking from a totally undefensive place.]. I feel a tremendous sense of pressure from both the man and the woman of their attraction to/expectations of me. It's enough dealing with the attraction of one member (male) of the couple but then 2. I can feel how the husbands are craving to see their wives in action with me. The pressure becomes nauseating, uncomfortable, and disempowering. What I found was, I was burying this down in my body and making myself unwell. I have stopped this pattern. I have not had a bi experience yet. I am still throwing the idea around.

It seems in the lifestyle as if it's expected that women SHOULD be bisexual and favored if so.

I've heard, "Well, no ones forcing you to do anything!" No, no one will ever force me to do anything. But I feel that sense from people and what they desire. Because if you're not bi enough for them then we don't want to be friends. Yuck!

I say, everybody needs to sit in a bucket of ice and cool down.

So, my questions boil down to: Does it help to list myself as Straight to allow myself some breathing room? I was told I narrow my chances of meeting cool people by listing myself as straight. (There again, tremendous pressure is then hinged on getting a high level of interest from couples because of my sexual orientation listing.)

How do I deal with this pressure? I am nuts for feeling this way? Has anyone else had similiar feelings?

Maybe it just boils down to my desire to make everyone happy. Forget it! Right?

I love people. That is the sole reason I'm in this lifestyle! But the desires get a little overwhelming for me. HELP!!!!

[Amanda69]

Does it help to list myself as Straight to allow myself some breathing room?

How about communicating clearly with a couple about your attraction to one or both so they know the lay of the land so to speak. I also find it interesting that as a heterosexual it is taken for granted that you wouldn't be sexually attracted to everyone of the opposite sex but list yourself as Bi and there seems to be an assumption that you should be willing to play with all females.

Personally I would remain honest about my sexuality. The reaction to you is their issue not yours.

I was told I narrow my chances of meeting cool people by listing myself as straight. (There again, tremendous pressure is then hinged on getting a high level of interest from couples because of my sexual orientation listing.)

Really!!! That is a new one on me. There are many women in the lifestyle who are not bi and I can guarantee they are some of the "cool" people.

You are a single female and regardless of your sexual orientation you will have many couples approaching you. Law of supply and demand. There are far more couples seeking than single females open to playing.

How do I deal with this pressure? I am nuts for feeling this way? Has anyone else had similiar feelings?

That depends are you saying this pressure is implied or that

I am highly clairvoyant so I feel and hear what's going through their (other couple) minds

. In the first case, be open with the couple ask them their interests and set the boundaries for play. In the second, sorry this is beyond my ability to offer advice on, except to say, if you are indeed

clairvoyant

then you should be learning how to shut off the connection to others to give yourself peace of mind and to enjoy the moment.

We all know we have rampant, raging thoughts going on in our heads. These rarely translate into any form of reality and certainly are not meant for public viewing or acting on in any way. Yes, many men have the fantasy of wanting to see two women together. Doesn't mean that a male in a play situation would attempt to influence or push his partner into doing anything more than she is comfortable with.

Maybe it just boils down to my desire to make everyone happy. Forget it! Right?

Depends on what you are in the lifestyle for. I identify singles as toys for couples in the lifestyle. (I was one myself for a few years) Personally my aim was always my own pleasure and fun, couples were a great way for me to enjoy myself, double my pleasure and make a number of great friends along the way.

Good luck and play safe...

[Sweet_Candy]

Good questions and if I may offer some advice. List yourself, as straight it will weed out those who are really just here for GOG play. Straight couples still have some bi interactions amongst themselves but it's not the intent. If your are here for mainly men than explore that avenue if you're wanting some GOG play it will come occasionally with some that you do play with.

Candy started out listed as Bi but after several encounters she admitted it was lacking. When I asked what it was lacking she said a man. Seeing two women play with each other does nothing for myself so there's no pressure from me for her to play with women. We changed her status back to straight and we still get as many inquires as before but when the couple has a bi-sexual female listed we asked them will straight play be enough for them and so far only one has said it would be a problem for them.

Be who you want to be not what others want you to be. Good Luck!

[ohash01]

I also list myself as bi-curious...and I am...however, I make it blatantly clear to all couples that contact us that this would be my first EVER F-F experience and I want to be completely comfortable with the woman, completely attracted to her, and completely at ease with the whole situation. You'll get a lot of honesty that way. The one couple we're talking to has a bi F. I stated my position and my fears to her. She said...

"The first time you went out with a guy, you didn't jump right into bed with him...I don't expect that either...I'm okay with goodnight kisses to start out with. If you don't even like that, that's ok...we'll straight soft swap".

Most people are very understanding. Tell them straight out what you are and are not ready for. If they aren't okay with that, they aren't the couple for you to start exploring your bi-curiousness with.

[Pepper & Drew]

Are you swinging to make everyone else, even people you don't already know, happy, or to have your own fun? It sounds like you ARE straight, and you should list yourself as such. You'll probably get the same amount of attention and they'll know, upfront, that GG play is not going to play a major part in your play.

I know the pressure exists. I have a straight friend that says often women don't even ask before touching her, etc. or view her as some conquest to turn bi. It sucks, and I'm sure it turns some women off of the lifestyle.

Pepper

[She_n_Jaybee]

We have gotten to the point where we seldom initiate contact in regards to our ads. They are reasonably clear about our interests. If we are contacted by a couple with the woman listed as straight, bi-curious, passively bi or socially bi, we warn them that She is bi, and our main interest is for her to enjoy that part of her sexuality. If the woman really isn't interested in She, then there's no sense in wasting everyone's time. On the other hand, if the women hit it off, there is a very good chance we'll end up with a full-swap.

My advice is to list yourself as what you truly are, not what you want to be, or what others want you to be. In your profile be clear about what you are looking for and what turns you off. It's about you.

[Pixey]

Thank you, everybody! You're support is incredibly encouraging! I feel loved for being straight! I think I will come out of the closet, be straight and proud of it!

As of 11:46AM EST:

She_n_Jaybee: I think you are exactly right. I do need to list myself as what I am and when the opportunity presents itself, it will. Thank you!

Pepper & Drew: I'm glad the pressure is understood and not something that I've been imagining. Thanks for letting me know that some view it as a conquest. I will approach their demeanor with calm mind and heart.

ohash01: I have it on my profile that I find it a total turn off if they ask if I will play with their wives. I think I've felt funky when a woman explains to my husband and I how much she has enjoyed her GOG relations. I start to feel queasy with jitters. I think it's a great idea to start out with a good night kiss with another woman. I could make baby steps or "maybe steps". I think I will write a more clear statement in my prolfile of what I am all about.

Sweet_Candy: That's great advice! I hoped that it would weed out the ones who have the strong interest for GOG action. Most web pages profiles list the catch all straight, bi-curious or bi at the top and so most don't completely read the profile. I will make my catch all listing Straight and deep into my profile, I will explain my intentions and parameters.

Amanda69: I think deep inside I am afraid of scaring off cool people when I tell them, I am attracted to you but not your wife. I can see it now, their inflamed penises will soon lose the flame! I am really concerned about them feeling the burn of rejection. I will have to be the brave little swinger that could and just be open, honest and comfortable within myself and let go of worrying about what everybody else wants. It's about my experience not theirs.

Really!!! That is a new one on me. There are many women in the lifestyle who are not bi and I can guarantee they are some of the "cool" people.

You have no idea how this relieves me!!!!!

Personally I would remain honest about my sexuality. The reaction to you is their issue not yours.

You are so RIGHT! Thanks for the incredible support.

Thank you for taking your coffee time to help a fellow swinger. I love this forum. I feel I can be myself and I am accepted for who I am, whatever that is! Blessings to you all! OXOX

[discoandvyper]

It is true, and unfortunate, that the majority of swingers are going to automatically assume that you're going to play with both if you list yourself as bi-anything.

You could list yourself as bi-trash container and the majority is just going to read the BI part.

You could list yourself as straight to give yourself some room, but then you're going to run the risk of missing that couple with a bi female that you may have wanted to play with. You'll get a lot of straight couples trying to contact you in that case, which isn't a problem as far as we can guess from you - you are, after all, wanting to rest from having so many people pressure you into something you're not ready for yet. If you're comfortable with straight play, by all means don't cut yourself out of it just because you bang the idea of women around too.

Living in the bi-curious position is a tough place to be. You're either going to get bothered by people wanting you to do something you don't want to do yet, or you're going to run the risk of missing out on that special someone you did want to get with after all.

Whatever you decide, good luck to you.

[Mr. Truelove]

This thread has been a bit of an eye-opener for me. I'm glad someone raised the question because I always thought of bi-curious to be more bi than not. But now I realize that it covers much more than that and simply realizing that may help to keep from having unreal expectations.

We might have to change our profile and elaborate a bit more to explain our position more clearly.

[lovinher]

I find it funny most men have this highly formulated excuse as to why they don't list their bisexual classification. Since they can fly hawkeye, then it's not assumed and they don't feel the pressure to perform. If something happens, it will happen behind closed doors where no one will know. As if some sort of blue ball disease will fall on them if they list themselves bi-anything. The totally 100% straight line always makes me giggle! I think it's extremely unbalanced and the pressure for women to be bisexual sucks.


Huh???? As a totally 100% straight guy, I guess I have no idea what you are talking about.


I am highly clairvoyant so I feel and hear what's going through their (other couple) minds, how they try to control and manipulate our relations [Speaking from a totally undefensive place.]. I feel a tremendous sense of pressure from both the man and the woman of their attraction to/expectations of me. It's enough dealing with the attraction of one member (male) of the couple but then 2. I can feel how the husbands are craving to see their wives in action with me. The pressure becomes nauseating, uncomfortable, and disempowering. What I found was, I was burying this down in my body and making myself unwell. I have stopped this pattern. I have not had a bi experience yet. I am still throwing the idea around.


Just because YOU can read minds doesnt mean they can. How about communicationing a little better BEFORE you meet them. Why the heck would you list yourself as bi-curious if it makes you so sick and miserable. Why not list yourself as straight and YOU pick couples with a bi-curious female? Then you are completely in control of what happens next. To list yourself as bi-curious, then get annoyed if a couple is hoping you explore your bi-curious side seems a little deceptive on your part.

[b]So, my questions boil down to: Does it help to list myself as Straight to allow myself some breathing room? /B]

hmmmm...yes


I was told I narrow my chances of meeting cool people by listing myself as straight. (There again, tremendous pressure is then hinged on getting a high level of interest from couples because of my sexual orientation listing.)

So you misrepresent yourself so you meet more people? Are you saying you can't get any action as a straight female? Sorry, but I can't believe that. MAYBE you are putting yourself in these positions. Sorry to be so harsh but I think you need to think hard about what is going here and why.

[Dooode]

Pixey:

I wrote a long response based on my experience, went back to grab a quote, then BANG! Everything I wrote was gone.

But after having gone through all the posts and seeing your reaction to them, I'd say you're on the right track for your needs, so all I can say is good luck!!!!!

[Pixey]

Thank you for everyone's positive input. This is great. I am glad I could open the eyes of some others! I know it's been a confidence booster for me! Dooode: I'd love to hear your side. When you get the chance, please share! lovinher: My husband and I are always complimented on how nice our profile is. I do think I need to be alot more clearer about what I am looking for. I've enjoyed opening this discussion. Enjoy the weekend!

[ShellyM]

I can relate to what you say in regards to the female bi issue in swinging. It seems that at least 95% of female swingers are at least bi curious...which is cool, no problem. I, however, honestly consider myself to be completely heterosexual in nature. I just don't get turned on by women in any way, shape or form. As a matter of fact, I like men who have the more rugged look albeit facial hair and chest hair. I will play with a woman, but honestly for the enjoyment of the others. This is what I put on my profile on Swing Lifestyle. If you are really upset about it you need to go ahead and change your preference to straight. Now, this will mean alot less emails, and thats the truth. But if you just aren't turned on by women, not even play wise, you need to do that. I for one don't mind playing, but I do let the woman know from the very beginning where I stand, so she doesn't enter into something unexpected either.

[2jersey]

Originally Posted by ohash01

I also list myself as bi-curious...and I am...however, I make it blatantly clear to all couples that contact us that this would be my first EVER F-F experience and I want to be completely comfortable with the woman, completely attracted to her, and completely at ease with the whole situation. You'll get a lot of honesty that way. The one couple we're talking to has a bi F. I stated my position and my fears to her. She said...

"The first time you went out with a guy, you didn't jump right into bed with him...I don't expect that either...I'm okay with goodnight kisses to start out with. If you don't even like that, that's ok...we'll straight soft swap".

Most people are very understanding. Tell them straight out what you are and are not ready for. If they aren't okay with that, they aren't the couple for you to start exploring your bi-curiousness with.

You are handling things very well (properly). Direct and simple yields the best results.

[2jersey]

Originally Posted by She_n_Jaybee

We have gotten to the point where we seldom initiate contact in regards to our ads. They are reasonably clear about our interests. If we are contacted by a couple with the woman listed as straight, bi-curious, passively bi or socially bi, we warn them that She is bi, and our main interest is for her to enjoy that part of her sexuality. If the woman really isn't interested in She, then there's no sense in wasting everyone's time. On the other hand, if the women hit it off, there is a very good chance we'll end up with a full-swap.

My advice is to list yourself as what you truly are, not what you want to be, or what others want you to be. In your profile be clear about what you are looking for and what turns you off. It's about you.

I like your approach.