Bisexual pressure/presumption

[Pixey]

Dear lovinher,

[Huh???? As a totally 100% straight guy, I guess I have no idea what you are talking about.] Most bi-curious guys place themselves under the classification of being straight because they don't want everyone to know they are bi-curious. It's ashame b/c there is a tremendous amount of stigma against these fellows who want to express themselves. I was told guys need to do this because it is not preferred that men are bi/curious/sexual in the lifestyle. Then they can fly hawkeye (hidden) and feel out the opportunity. I feel like women in this lifestyle are expected or it's the custom to be bi-sexual, period. However, on the other hand, women do have the freedom to express who they are without stigma, favored, no less. I guess I feel a little intimidated by people's intentions. In our current society, it is also the "in thing" for men to be ogling after GOG. Thanks for stopping by and voicing your opinion. It really helps to hash out these ideas on here!

[Chicup]

Men don't put bi-curious on profiles for the same reason the husbands of women will put their straight wife as bi-curious.

To get more 'action' on their profile.

Putting 'bi' as a male I'm sure is going to limit the couples who respond, and those that do will most likely be looking for male bi.

Likewise, listing the woman as straight will eliminate many couples who are looking for GG activies. Now this I know to be true as, even though Mrs. Chicup is mildly bi we put in our profile that GG activies are not our primary goal in swinging, which was a turn off to many couples.

[Dooode]

Dear Pixey,

Thanks for your encouragement. I had a couple glasses of wine tonight and my writing might be a little sloppy, but here goes!

I think there are three ways bi-curious people handle their curiosities: 1) they get it out of the way quickly, 2) they pretend they don't exist and continue on their merry way, or 3) they take their time, think it through and get their questions answered before taking the next step.

This last method was my experience.

I listed myself as bi-curious when I first started in the lifestyle, nearly 10 years ago. I was lucky in that I was contacted by a bicouple of 20+ years' swing experience and we remained exclusive for 8 months. During those 8 months, I was able to get my questions answered and think things through. There was no pressure. Sometimes I was with the wife alone, sometimes I was with the husband alone, most of the time we were a threesome. My footing became more solid as I became more confident as a sexual being.

But better than just being sexually exclusive, we were also friends: I was invited to their holiday dinners, we went out to comedy clubs, restaurants or shopping. Sometimes we just hung out: an evening of TV, an afternoon of swimming or just futzing around with the computer. It wasn't until the fellow had a heart attack that I called it quits on playtime and redefined our association as "just friends" and we remained so for another 7 years, then we lost touch.

Following the 8 months' exclusivity, I really pushed the envelope on my sexual identity, just to see how far the bisexuality extended. I now know where my boundaries are and I can say with confidence that I know who I am as a sexual being.

Your situation's a little different. You can't list as bi-curious and expect people are going to honor and respect your boundaries because ... well, you're EXPECTED to be bisexual where I (as a guy) would not be.

With that in mind, my opinion is that you should list yourself as straight to specifically limit your options (no different than me listing myself as bisexual). The advantage to this is that listing as straight is going to eliminate the noise--and pressure--you get.

Secondly, after changing your listing as straight, re-write your profile to state specifically that you are heterosexual with slight bisexual curiosities. Should any couple write and say "I'd love to see you and Diana together!", kick it back with the response "re-read my profile, stud" and if they persist, block 'em.

YOUR body, YOUR life, YOUR rules.

Lastly (and this is going to be the tough one), try to find a couple who can be your friends as well as a playmates. I would love that you could have the experiences that I did, but obviously everyone grows differently. But if the husband is hot and the wife is somewhat attractive to you, who's to say that some evening an experiment wouldn't happen? The key here is that it shouldn't be EXPECTED from you.

And that's my re-constructed 2-cents!

[lovinher]

I think I'd a little pissed if we made arrangments with a bi-curiuos female only to find out during the fun that she had no intentions of exploring that. This is assuming of course that this was not made clear in advance. Seems hard to believe that this would not be discussed before playing.

That being said, my wife is looking to explore that side of her. If we were to meet a couple, and for whatever reason she did not want to play with the woman, we certainly would not put up with her being pestered or talked into it. The difference is you dont really seem to want this yet and you are not communicating that.

In our current society, it is also the "in thing" for men to be ogling after GOG.

It sure is the "in thing" for me. But judging by all the MFM threads and stories on this site I must be old fashioned

[Pixey]

Dooode, You really brought a tear to my eye. I wish most men were as brave as you are. Thank you for touching my heart. It really shows how you spoke from the heart. Blessings to you!

[Dooode]

Thank you, beautiful lady!

I didn't mention, but that couple moved to Minnesota, which is why we lost touch. I thank them for being who they are and I hope wherever they are, they're healthy and happy.

Firm in your convictions, you'll make it! I'm on Swing Lifestyle as well and you're welcome to write anytime you like.

Good night and sweet dreams! *kisses*

[Kycouple4fun]

We can totally relate, my wife is curious (meaning she is exactly that curious) but doesn't want to feel pressured if she says "Wait I am uncomforable." so we are considering listing her straight for that reason alone. Our hope is that we find a woman or couple who are in the same situation and maybe some experments will occur(God I hate putting it that way, sounds like the girls will be in lab coats with flasks of liquids pouring them together LOL).

She admits it would have to be "The right kind of woman" (Meaning patiant and willing to realize this is not nessessarly where she might go and she might say stop at a moments notice) before she did, and she would have to feel very comfortable.

Me I admit to being "curious" about a few things, but again I would have to feel comfortable as well, so I list as straight for that very reason.

[She_n_Jaybee]

Originally Posted by 2jersey

I like your approach.

I like your Avatar!

[She_n_Jaybee]

Originally Posted by lovinher

I think I'd a little pissed if we made arrangments with a bi-curiuos female only to find out during the fun that she had no intentions of exploring that. This is assuming of course that this was not made clear in advance. Seems hard to believe that this would not be discussed before playing.

That being said, my wife is looking to explore that side of her. If we were to meet a couple, and for whatever reason she did not want to play with the woman, we certainly would not put up with her being pestered or talked into it. The difference is you dont really seem to want this yet and you are not communicating that.

In our current society, it is also the "in thing" for men to be ogling after GOG.

It sure is the "in thing" for me. But judging by all the MFM threads and stories on this site I must be old fashioned

We're both old-fashioned then. I love watching She have her fun. Sometimes too much. She will be waving a free hand to get me to come over and join in before I decide to stop watching and start doing.

[Sweet_Candy]

Originally Posted by lovinher

In our current society, it is also the "in thing" for men to be ogling after GOG.

This statement makes me laugh because I will bet most of these same guys would cry foul if it were Guy on Guy play. Girl on Girl or Guy on Guy is the same action called same sex. It's so hypocritical.

[lovinher]

Sweet Candy. Your quote attributed to me is by Pixey. I have not figured out how to do the quote thing

Sorry for the confusion

[Sweet_Candy]

Originally Posted by lovinher

Sweet Candy. Your quote attributed to me is by Pixey. I have not figured out how to do the quote thing

Sorry for the confusion

No reason to be sorry my mistake, please accept my apology for attributing this sentence to you.