Bisexuality: Nurture or Nature?

[Dooode]

Here are a few questions for any folks out there who are bisexual:

Is your current bisexual status based on a decision to change your orientation, or have you been bisexual your whole life?

If it was a decision, what were your influences? (ie. magazines, spousal encouragement, acting on curiosities, etc.)

If you've been bisexual your whole life, were there influences that made you think that you were other than bisexual? (ie. getting married and having a family, more same-sex relationships than norm, etc.)

How have you found your current status beneficial to your personal growth?

[Pepper & Drew]

Originally Posted by Dooode

Here are a few questions for any folks out there who are bisexual:

Is your current bisexual status based on a decision to change your orientation, or have you been bisexual your whole life?

I think that I've always been attracted to women. When I was a teenager, I looked at porn magazines, and was stimulated by seeing the women far more than the men. But, I found boys (men, later on) attractive in real life, so I didn't really think I was anything other than straight.

If it was a decision, what were your influences? (ie. magazines, spousal encouragement, acting on curiosities, etc.)

Well, even though I don't consider it to have been a concious decision to be bi, what led me to explore the issue was a particularly erotic lap dance that I got from another woman at a strip club. Just her nearness, her touch, the way she looked and felt was so exciting that I was pretty dang sure that I wasn't completely straight by the time we left the club.

If you've been bisexual your whole life, were there influences that made you think that you were other than bisexual? (ie. getting married and having a family, more same-sex relationships than norm, etc.)

Because being anything other than straight is not widely accepted, and my attraction to women wasn't strong enough to make me identify as gay, I didn't really know there was something in between.

How have you found your current status beneficial to your personal growth?

Having bi-sexual experiences have helped me to learn more about my anatomy and helped to de-stigmatize some sexual acts for me. I had a hangup about having oral sex performed on me (a leftover from social stigma--that women smell like fish, that "down there" is unclean, etc). After I performed oral on another woman, I relaxed a lot, because I realized that it was pleasurable to give. It was only then that I could relax enough to have orgasms from oral. So, that's been EXTREMELY beneficial to my personal growth .

Pepper

[Amanda69]

Is your current bisexual status based on a decision to change your orientation, or have you been bisexual your whole life?

I am actually open to bi activity with certain women and I enjoy it but I don't consider myself bisexual. It is interesting that while many women enjoy other women sexually within this lifestyle I would wonder how many are truly bisexual (as in would equally consider a relationship, not just sex with another woman).

If it was a decision, what were your influences? (ie. magazines, spousal encouragement, acting on curiosities, etc.)

The only influence on me was a partner who took me to a ladies only party where they introduced women to the concept of sex with other women. It was so low key and non pressure that I thought okay I would give it a try. I ended up playing with about 4 other women at the party, it blew my mind.

I don't find I am attracted to many women but when I am it is usually a strong attraction (but just physical). I find for the most part women tend to kiss better than most men.

I never had any attraction to women growing up, my fantasies were always males. Now currently I have a big one about Angelia Jolie that I just can't get out of my head. That woman is pure, raw sex.

If you've been bisexual your whole life, were there influences that made you think that you were other than bisexual? (ie. getting married and having a family, more same-sex relationships than norm, etc.)

Not applicable to me.

How have you found your current status beneficial to your personal growth?

My current status is hetero-sexual with a little bi -sex attraction within the lifestyle thrown in for some added pleasure. It benefits me in a purely sexual enjoyment way.

[Rockme]

Here are a few questions for any folks out there who are bisexual:

Is your current bisexual status based on a decision to change your orientation, or have you been bisexual your whole life?
Since puberty. I remember the first time I felt anything at all. I was looking at a magazine, with a friend, of a woman giving oral sex to a man. My friend was going on and on about her doing this to him. While I sure liked that idea of having that done to me, I also could not stop thinking about what it would be like to be the one giving! I even said something to my friend like "lucky woman." My friend looked at me like "say what!?" I made something up about how good she was and should be lucky he let her do something like that. He never said another thing and neither did I



If you've been bisexual your whole life, were there influences that made you think that you were other than bisexual? (ie. getting married and having a family, more same-sex relationships than norm, etc.)
No. I like women WAY more than I do men. I am married to a woman and would not want it any other way. I have always looked at it this way. Women are beautiful and I am attracted to them. I have never been attracted to a man before! It is more pure lust towards a man. I would make love to a woman over a man any day of the week!!

How have you found your current status beneficial to your personal growth?
I think you understand the other sex a little better. My wife did not know what I was until after we were married. It came out and she was fine with it. But before she knew about it she would say something like "you have no idea what I go through giving oral sex! Would you like having a penis shoved in your mouth? You have no clue what it is like to have cum in your mouth." After the truth came out we became even closer. She knew I was not asking anything I had never done before!

[Dooode]

Thanks for your replies, folks! I've always found the responses and individual histories interesting!

Is your current bisexual status based on a decision to change your orientation, or have you been bisexual your whole life?
For me, it was ultimately a decision.

If it was a decision, what were your influences? (ie. magazines, spousal encouragement, acting on curiosities, etc.)
When I was a child, I was a natural hetero; looking at dad's Playboys or other T&A mags of the 60's .. I was always fascinated. It wasn't until I was in late puberty that I grew curious about another cock: Does it look like mine? Do guys masturbate the same way I do? Although I never lost my love (and lust!) for females, but I did admire the male form as well.

In 1979, when faced with the decision of whether I was gay or straight, I decided I was straight .. and put all the curiosities on the back burner and went on to live a hetero life: marriage, work, step-kids, etc.. In those years, I didn't know there was such a thing as bisexuality for men. It was gay or straight and I knew I wasn't gay ... so straight it is!

When I reached 37, I stumbled across bisexuality as a concept for men. I honestly don't know where the idea came from. I always knew that it could be so for women -- as anyone who's ever picked up a Penthouse can testify. But it never dawned on me that it could ever be that way for guys too. So I looked at the idea, and the curiosities resurfaced.

After the failure of my marriage, I decided to satisfy these curiosities (no, the failure of the marriage wasn't because of the curiosities!) and ultimately ended up in the swinging lifestyle.

How have you found your current status beneficial to your personal growth?
I think I've come to understand women a lot better, particularly in dealing with men and male attitudes. I think I've become more sensitive to who they are as people and as a sex.

[EvilMJ]

s your current bisexual status based on a decision to change your orientation, or have you been bisexual your whole life?

I think the first time that I realized that I may be something other than straight was in my later teens. My friend and I ran across her brothers playboy magazines and I found myself very curious about the pictures. I found them strangely attractive or as Pepper said stimulating. I still found myself more attractive to men, but there was something there that I knew probably wasn't normal and, for the most part, just kept that to myself.

If it was a decision, what were your influences? (ie. magazines, spousal encouragement, acting on curiosities, etc.)

My first bisexual experiance was with someone we met at a swingers dance. I actually started out the evening with her husband (and my husband with her). But found out she was bi sexual. One night when we were out to a club (vanilla) she came home (with her hubby's knowledge) for a threesome. It just felt natural to have sex with her and she never once pressured me into doing anything I didn't want to. It was a great experiance and that's when I realized that I enjoyed women, even if I enjoy men even more.

If you've been bisexual your whole life, were there influences that made you think that you were other than bisexual? (ie. getting married and having a family, more same-sex relationships than norm, etc.)

How have you found your current status beneficial to your personal growth?

It has made me a little more confident in myself. I am more open at swingers events and able to flirt freely with both men and women. It is kinda of liberating knowing that I am not so different or a freak and that there are lots of other people like me.

[lucky007]

I agree with you about "getting to know your own anatomy as well". I never had an orgasm and was very self-conscious about oral sex till I performed oral sex on another woman, and she didn't stink or taste gross. Now I enjoy receiving and giving oral sex and having orgasms!!!

[GoNatural]

I believe that it is Nurture. From experience, because I'm bisexual (sexual, not face to face intimacy), I can say that my life experiences have influenced me most. Nevertheless, I believe that nature does expose some people to more same sex thoughts than others. Especially those that compare themselves to members of the same sex, realizing that they are not quite the ideal male, or the ideal woman, so to speak.

[mixtupcpl]

Not bi, so am not fit to answer, but just wanted to say great thread Dooode. This is a very interesting discussion.

I've always felt that if same sex attraction the full way is a biological reality (I believe in nature there), then something that falls in between simply must also be a reality. Nature tends to operate in shades of grey.

I suspect that nurture awakens something that was there, in other words, and in someone for whom there really is NO appeal (ie - a gay person with opposite sex, or a straight person same sex), no amount of exposure will somehow "convert" them. So I guess for bi what seems most logical to me is that it takes a bit of nature and a dash of nurture.

[2inVT]

Originally Posted by Dooode

Is your current bisexual status based on a decision to change your orientation, or have you been bisexual your whole life?

I've been bisexual my whole life. I have always been very much attracted to both women and men,

If you've been bisexual your whole life, were there influences that made you think that you were other than bisexual? (ie. getting married and having a family, more same-sex relationships than norm, etc.)

It was more not really considering it. It just wasn't something I thought was an option. It wasn't until about 10 years ago that it became an option I was able to explore.

How have you found your current status beneficial to your personal growth?

It allows me to be more true to myself.

[screaminggood]

I remember having a bi dream about a friend in high school and I definitely got excited looking at mags with naked women in them as well as men, although I think I most liked the idea of putting myself in her place. But I never really considered acting on any attractions until my hubby made it clear that the thought excited him. That's how we got into swinging by the way. I still love to be with women although it feels like in my present community, people use it as an appetizer to having men instead of the entree.

[herpob]

Here are a few questions for any folks out there who are bisexual:

Is your current bisexual status based on a decision to change your orientation, or have you been bisexual your whole life?

No orientation change and no I have not been bisexual my whole life nor do I consider myself now, but the definitions of bisexuality stats that I have been for quite some time and my more recent actions confirm the definitions.

If it was a decision, what were your influences? (ie. magazines, spousal encouragement, acting on curiosities, etc.)

I have never been into women – I simply loooove men, but I also loooove sex. Sex is sex is sex with me, machine, toy, male, female, doll, whatever. If I am having sex and a female joins in up till recently I merely concentrated on the males. Yes I had been eaten by girls, breasts sucked, fingered, dildoed, etc. and it was pleasurable but again my focus was on the guys we were with. Recently my husband set up a group session where the females concentrated on me though I still focused on the men. I admit I am a cum addict and in the heat of things I wound up eating cum out of several females that weekend and licking clean many freshly coated penises pulled directly from the ladies. I wound up in more than a few female 69s with cum, cream, and juice running all over me in some serious female on female oral fests. I was so hot and horny I didn’t care who I was having sex with. The kissing with my husband after each episode was hotter than hot!

So sex in itself is my influence. The hotter I get the more likely I will do anything with anyone. The more sex I get in a weekend the more I want and with whoever. I am not curious about the female body, I have one, I know it well, I know what pleases it. I still love men, I still crave cock and cum, but I will have sex with females and no longer just receiving it. I’ll eat a wife or two or three out but I do not desire them, crave them, or want them, I simply do it because it feels good or they are enjoying it. Of course I have sex with other females for my husband quite often now and love that aspect of it tremendously! I’ll do anything he directs or asks to see and have no problem with that. I still have yet to ever see a female, even one I think is attractive, and WANT her! Although I have seen some that I thought it might be fun to have sex with in a group with my husband or with some of the other husbands. Have enjoyed watching other ladies have sex, mostly with the men but also having fun with one another, I love to watch people enjoy themselves and I repeat I love sex watching it is just as fun occasionally.

If you've been bisexual your whole life, were there influences that made you think that you were other than bisexual? (ie. getting married and having a family, more same-sex relationships than norm, etc.)

N/A

How have you found your current status beneficial to your personal growth?

By not being inhibited or hindered to any limitations has opened up a wide variety of sexual opportunities for our marriage. No one ever has to stop because someone doesn’t like that particular set up. We all share body fluids, no biggy anymore, kissing is better, penetration is freer, certainly we are careful about hygiene and what has been where and take breaks for clean up accordingly. I have even had females kiss me with mouthfuls of… and no problem with the kissing. Getting kissed by a female does nothing for me except that it is like kissing anyone when I am hot and bothered. Add in the mouthful and I go nuts no matter who it is. My husband especially loves to watch the female kissing; he says it is one of the most erotic things he has witnessed so I do it for him as well. I can kiss a female passionately but again it is not a desire I have, I merely can do it.

Summation - before, I could let a female have sex with me, now I can have sex with other females, BUT I could never Make Love to a Female!

[sweet_tna]

Originally Posted by mixtupcpl

Not bi, so am not fit to answer, but just wanted to say great thread Dooode. This is a very interesting discussion.

I've always felt that if same sex attraction the full way is a biological reality (I believe in nature there), then something that falls in between simply must also be a reality. Nature tends to operate in shades of grey.

I suspect that nurture awakens something that was there, in other words, and in someone for whom there really is NO appeal (ie - a gay person with opposite sex, or a straight person same sex), no amount of exposure will somehow "convert" them. So I guess for bi what seems most logical to me is that it takes a bit of nature and a dash of nurture.

I'm inclined to agree with you here, Mixupcpl. I think the bold-faced portion of your post describes me best. I don't recall ever specifically being sexually drawn to women, though I'd always thought them attractive. It wasn't until last year at a meet and greet where I found myself sexually attracted to another woman--totally threw me for a loop!

I'm still on the bicurious side of the fence, as I've done most everything but give another woman oral. Why? Because I won't know for sure whether I'll like it or be any good at it until I try it. And I would so hate to be a disappointment to anyone. I've even gotten up the nerve to try it a couple times, but my luck being what it is, something happened to prevent it from happening.
So I think that it's in my nature to be curious (and possibly even bi), and by nuturing that curiosity I can find out what side of the fence I'm really on.

=)

[mixtupcpl]

Sweet... Just DIVE IN (ugh... that was brutal)

Women being bi-curious makes total sense. Who WOULDNT want to please a hot sexy woman!

I suspect that if science can ever isolate the series of genetic cues that define sexuality, they will likely determine that whatever process leads to same sex attraction can sometimes not "fully complete" (pure theory here) and leave someone with the potential for confusion.

I also wouldnt be surprised if it came out that, for whatever chemical reason, this was more likely to occur in females.

[SIR_DRAGONFIRE5]

I'm bisexual by nature. I never pursued this til after married. My wife out of the clear blue sky said, I got a queston & answer honestly, it will not effect our marriage. I answered yes, she was thrilled & wanted to observe. She's very turned by watching 2 bi-males & then joining in. I feel that this made me a more secure person.