Where are all the straight couples?

[Sweet_Candy]

I was in the lifestyle between 79-81 and left. Have been in the lifestyle again for a year. It seems to me the most of the couples in the lifestyle now are in it for the woman to have fun with other women without the men being involved. My memories of the lifestyle are of couples getting together and having a foursome of sex with little or no intimacy between the same sexes. Is this trend of girl on girl a regional thing? Or is the trend of the lifestyle in general? When we go out to the clubs it seems this is all we run into. The personal ad sites are not much better. Where are the straight couples? I feel like Rip Van Winkle.

[VegasLee]

Yes, things have changed greatly over the years in the Lifestyle. Most of the people in the Lifestyle don't play at all. They are there to watch, be watched, Dance or be social.

Laura is one of the few straight ladies we know in the lifestyle and we have been in it for many years. We have found that going to on premise clubs that allow single men tend to be better for us. We find a lot more people that play there and more men that will also play so she is not limited to just the bi women with men watching that way.

Even though we work online we have found online to not be a good place to find real players. Most online don't ever show up and if they do chances are they are not what they claimed to be online.

Check out some good on premise clubs that allow singles and I believe you will find what your looking for.

Good Luck.

[VanHlebar]

Well Mrs Van and I are new to the lifestyle but we have commented to each other about this often. It appears that almost every single profile that we read the lady is listed as either bi or bi-curious. We wonder how many of them really are or if they just say that thinking that is what most couples want.

Mrs Van is straight... she hasn't completely ruled out a bi encounter but I think it would be one of those things that just kind of happend during the heat of passion. The FF play is not what we are in this for, we are in as a couple to play as a couple and so far not having much luck with that part.

-Van

[mitzi54]

My wife is listed as Bi on our profile. Before I met her she had some FFM or FF encouners. We have only had one time where she played with the other woman while swinging. She is not specifically in it to play with other women, it's the experience with the both of us we love. If someone is looking for Bi female it a bonus, but not something expected.

[wolfnblu]

We are both straight, it says in our profile on both sites. I would actually consider myself "bi above the waist"...but that's not an option in the descriptors. We are also starting to get a little frustrated by all the supposedly bi women...no, I don't really believe that that many - a disproportionate number - of women are truly bisexual. We look at profiles and so many have pics of their lady going down on another woman, or she's going down on another woman. Not into that, here. It narrows down the number of potential playmates, definitely.

[WesternSwing]

In the past couple of years we've been in the lifestyle we have found that many of the women are bi, or bi with the right woman. However, we haven't found many where only the girls play and the guys watch. Most all are full-swap couples and the women can take or leave girl/girl play depending on the comfort level of the other person. It's not a must or prerequisite for playing. Being bi doesn't mean you're bi with everyone. We've played with couples where the husband is bi and he never made a move on me because he knew that was not my bag. And we have never excluded playing with a couple because the wife wasn't bi. It's not just about one sex act with us.

We stay away from the girl/girl only couples though, because 1) there is nothing there for me as a male, and 2) they seem to be a jealously train wreck waiting to happen.

Like Vegas Lee said, we do see several couples at many of the meet-and-greets that live on the fringe of the Lifestyle but they don't attend many of the house parties where all the real action happens.

Mr. WS

[CB_n_Red]

Originally Posted by Sweet_Candy

Is this trend of girl on girl a regional thing? Or is the trend of the lifestyle in general? When we go out to the clubs it seems this is all we run into. The personal ad sites are not much better. Where are the straight couples? I feel like Rip Van Winkle.

Red is straight. Not even remotely bi-curious. It hasn't stopped us having fun but it does seem to reduce the opportunities these days. What you describe seems pretty common in the UK as well, so it can't be a regional thing.

We have found that a lot of couples that claim to have a bi or bi-curious female actually don't (or at least the issue isn't pressed). We assume it is somehow de rigeur these days for ladies to be bi/curious so the claims are made. Equally we have found ourselves a few times in situations where the other female made assumptions about Red, that she only needed to be introduced to FF sex, to make her change her mind. Big mistake.
Needless to say, we don't see any of those people any more.

Given our "success" rate over the last year or so, I think Lee is right that the clubs are the best place to find the real players.

CB

[Happypair]

As an older, essentially straight couple, we really relate to many of the sentiments expressed here. Mama is listed as bi-curious because 1) she doesn't rule out at least a bit of experimentation, and 2) she doesn't want to appear too rigid in this "enlightened" era and thereby be eliminated from consideration. What we make clear with any new couple from the very beginning, however, is that anything bi must be considered a bonus, and unlikely at that. If it's an expectation, colour us gone!
When it comes to couples who seek only bi-females, or couples with bi females, we suspect we are just hearing the point of view of a jealous, controlling husband. He wants to boink other women; he wants a girlie show because that doesn't threaten him, but he is terrified when he considers the possibility of me getting within pronging range of his bride. God forbid, I might be... competent.
As to where is the best place to meet couples.. our experience is that ads are okay, clubs maybe, but referrals are best of all. Friends steer you to other friends, the new people have already been run through the bullshit filter. Networking works in sales jobs, and it's great in the lifestyle as well.
Cheers, everybody.

[good times]

Yep, we have noticed this also. We are both straight and only play with other couples.

We run into a lot of couples at clubs that the female only plays with other females and the guy just watches. Another thing we have noticed lately is that more and more single women are showing up at the clubs, but they aren't bi, they are lesbians and are only looking to play with females. I think that this is a result of the increase in acceptance of same sex play at the clubs. Word has spread that it is easy pickings for the lesbians and they are starting to show up in larger numbers. We have even seen lesbian couples at the clubs. Personally I hope this is just a temporary thing, but I doubt it.

[mitzi54]

Originally Posted by good times

We run into a lot of couples at clubs that the female only plays with other females and the guy just watches.

That's interesting. We have never run into a couple at a club where the guy just wants to watch.

We have not seen an influx of single women at the clubs either.

There is always the chance we are just missing it. We don't get to hit the clubs a whole lot, but we try to get out once a month.

[VanHlebar]

don't tell me that... Mrs Van and I are going to a club this weekend for the first time and we are hoping to have a good time ... I am sure we still will but I really think that most of the ladies are listed as bi b/c they feel they have to or Happypair said, it is a husband that wants to be with other women but won't allow his wife to enjoy the fun. We have also run into alot of "couples" that I think are really single males with old girlfriend pics in their profiles. We have started asking for couple pics with faces just recently and we have noticed that after the initial email we don't usually hear back from them

-Van

[VegasLee]

Things I have noted in the last few years on this subject.

Many MEN are the ones handling the "on line" profiles, not the ladies. Seems that many ladies on their profile are BI but they just don't know it yet but their husband puts it on their profile for her. Oh ya, she just might be curious.

We have had many more single ladies showing up at the club in the last year but they are not lesbians looking for women. Most of them DON'T even want women. They are there for the guys.

We have also had an explosion of couples that come to the club that don't play at all. Seems they just like to watch others, get turned on and go home to have their own partty. Also many that only the WOMEN play. Either with other women or with men while the husbands watch. That has become very common. I am guessing once again as a turn on then they go home and play with each other.

A bit of a surprise to us has been that we see many even come to Convention each year and the same things happen. The couple is not playing with anyone else or just the women is playing, the husband watches then off they go to their own room at some point by theirself.

Times have changed, people are joining this lifestyle for many of their own reasons. It is not like it used to be years ago but as long as it is not hurting anyone else and they don't try to change the rest of us I guess there is nothing wrong with it. I only get ticked off when the "new swingers" try to tell the world and the rest of us that their way is the right way. There is no right or wrong way, what works for you is your right way.

[SW_PA_Couple]

Originally Posted by VanHlebar

Well Mrs Van and I are new to the lifestyle but we have commented to each other about this often. It appears that almost every single profile that we read the lady is listed as either bi or bi-curious. We wonder how many of them really are or if they just say that thinking that is what most couples want. . . . . -Van

Well, we are not curious about anything. We are both straight. But this has not proven to be a barrier for meeting people, neither those who list themselves as bisexual nor those who do not. Neither of us would run screaming out of a room if a same-gender person incidentally or even intentionally touched us. We suspect, as another member posted, that bi-curious is often put up at a profile owing to the perception that it seems expected. We have, however, observed at swingers' clubs that a predominance of bisexual women are in attendance. May not sound politically correct, but I will offer the theory that bi women are attracted to the dance floor -- like to see themselves and the other females move to the music. Straight women seem to be frustrated in getting their straight husbands onto the dance floor for any reason.

[WesternSwing]

Originally Posted by VegasLee

Many MEN are the ones handling the "on line" profiles, not the ladies. Seems that many ladies on their profile are BI but they just don't know it yet but their husband puts it on their profile for her. Oh ya, she just might be curious.

We have seen quite a few husbands putting-up profiles hoping their wife will get into swinging. Had several of those contact us recently.

We have had many more single ladies showing up at the club in the last year but they are not lesbians looking for women. Most of them DON'T even want women. They are there for the guys.

Ditto. At the club last week there were two newly single females looking to have some unattached fun.

Times have changed, people are joining this lifestyle for many of their own reasons. It is not like it used to be years ago but as long as it is not hurting anyone else and they don't try to change the rest of us I guess there is nothing wrong with it. I only get ticked off when the "new swingers" try to tell the world and the rest of us that their way is the right way. There is no right or wrong way, what works for you is your right way.

Amen, brother.

Mr. WS

[ohcurcpl]

I have thought about this as well. I am listed as bi (mrs) but it doesn't mean that I am bi with everyone. Just because I am, doesn't mean you have to be. If it happens, hey, bonus for me. But then again, if we start out as full swap, and the female 1/2 and I start enjoying each other, then the hubbies get left watching. I haven't heard him complain, so I guess thats a good thing.

I guess my point is, just because I list myself as bi, don't exclude us as prospective playmates.