Question about bi experimenting.....

[maybecurious]

I am not really sure how to approch this....
I am a straight female. My husband has been bothering me for sometime now to experiment with a female, and I have always said no way. I have always found the thought of another woman touching me in a sexual way quite disgusting. Until recently.

We recently had our first swinging experience with another couple. The woman has made it quite clear that she is attracted to me as well as my husband, but that she will not try anything with me unless I say it is ok. We have had a few meetups with them, and now I really wonder what it would be like to be with her. The big problems are,
1) if I did do anything with her, I do not think I would be comfortable with my husband there. I think he would be mad that I wanted to try something he has been fantasizing about without him present, but I am pretty shy, and I think having him there might ruin the whole thing for me.
2) We are both same room swapping, no swapping alone. I dont know how I would explain that I would want to do this alone. and
3) the biggest fear of all...if I do not enjoy it...if it weirds me out like I think it might, how do we go back to the status of friends/swingers we were before, because I am really really into her husband. I think it might also create a gap in our current relationship. But that is the big thing...I would not want to try bi with anyone else but her.
Does that make sense?

How would you handle this situation....?
I am also a little scared to discuss it with my husband, because not only would he bug me about trying it even more, but I dont want him talking to the other couple about it without my knowledge.

I would love some feedback...any comments/suggestions are welcome!

[WildMiCouple]

As a husband, I don't understand why you would feel uncomfortable with your husband there the first time. I would have been very disappointed if Tammy had said she wanted to try it alone the first time. Why not look at it as a treat for you both? Tread lightly here girl.

As far as how it may affect your relationship with this other couple, if it doesn't work out? Have a talk with them first.......hubby included and he won't be discussing without you . Let them know your concerns up front. Be honest with them and I'll bet they'll understand.

Good luck

Brett (and Tammy)

[JandCMI]

Discuss this thoroughly with your husband and figure out how he feels and find out if he is supportive of your feelings on the matter.

Just MHO if he is "bugging" you about it, you obviously have more discussing to do before actually trying anything.

[SluttyWife]

My thoughts...

Had you thought about NOT jumping right in but doing something much "softer" like say...dancing, kissing, etc. etc. ? Might make it a whole lot easier for everyone involved if you just "feel things out" and take things one small step at a time. Any off-premise dance-type social/party would provide the environment for this. You can dance with just her and get that lil bit of privacy you seek. No need to take things straight to the bedroom right away, ya know. Seduction can be very titillating IMHO.

;-*

Slutty Wife

[bluedragoness]

I have had the same thoughts about experimenting with bi, but I also came up with a solution to my fears and being uncomfortable.

I haven't tried it yet but , when I do, I am most defenitly inviting my husband to be with me and even join in if he wanted to.I know this way he is there supporting and enjoying along with me and seeing my first experience with another woman would really be a turnon for him.


I say just do what makes you feel right about it and, at the same time ask him to atleast be in the same room. If you feel good and comfy about it, by all means invite him to join you.


Or better yet just beckon him over to you for a good ol BJ while you have you're own exp, he might even enjoy that more and you would forget all about who is with you besides him.


Just my thoughts as to how I would go about handling my first time with another woman.

Mrs Blue

[BradAndJanet]

I'd be OK if J wanted to try this alone the first time, as I know how shy she can be sometimes. Just my 2-cents....

-B

[ALilOEverything]

You need to discuss this with your husband. Let him know you need to do this at your own pace and you don't want him pressuring you. Through communication this with your husband you should be able to find some common ground as to what you are both comfortable with.

[TNT]

Originally Posted by maybecurious

I am not really sure how to approch this....
I am a straight female. My husband has been bothering me for sometime now to experiment with a female, and I have always said no way. I have always found the thought of another woman touching me in a sexual way quite disgusting. Until recently.

I really hate reading where one half of a couple can't take no for an answer. It's ones own personal decision whether or not they ever want to experiment sexually with someone of the same sex and no one should pressure them to do so.

Originally Posted by maybecurious

We recently had our first swinging experience with another couple. The woman has made it quite clear that she is attracted to me as well as my husband, but that she will not try anything with me unless I say it is ok. We have had a few meetups with them, and now I really wonder what it would be like to be with her. The big problems are,
1) if I did do anything with her, I do not think I would be comfortable with my husband there. I think he would be mad that I wanted to try something he has been fantasizing about without him present, but I am pretty shy, and I think having him there might ruin the whole thing for me.

You really need to discuss this with your husband, your comfort level should be top priority. I can understand where he might be disappointed but he should also think about you.

Originally Posted by maybecurious

2) We are both same room swapping, no swapping alone. I dont know how I would explain that I would want to do this alone. and

You will need to discuss this with the other couple. They may or may not be comfortable with having the two ladies play alone.

Originally Posted by maybecurious

3) the biggest fear of all...if I do not enjoy it...if it weirds me out like I think it might, how do we go back to the status of friends/swingers we were before, because I am really really into her husband. I think it might also create a gap in our current relationship. But that is the big thing...I would not want to try bi with anyone else but her.
Does that make sense?

Explain to the other lady that you are curious, but you're also worried about freaking out and you don't want to cause any problems with the way the relationship is currently. Once she knows your concerns, hopefully she will be willing to let things progress only as far a you are comfortable, either alone or just the two of you playing together while the men are in the same room.

Originally Posted by maybecurious

How would you handle this situation....?
I am also a little scared to discuss it with my husband, because not only would he bug me about trying it even more, but I dont want him talking to the other couple about it without my knowledge.

I would love some feedback...any comments/suggestions are welcome!

Again, you really need to talk to your husband. Let him know that your thinking about it but don't want it discussed with the other couple. Also let him know that the more he pesters you with this, the more you get turned off of the whole idea. Ask him how he would feel if you were pressuring him to have a bi experience with another man.



Teresa

[maybecurious]

Thank you to each one of you for your responses. I know that I do need to discuss this with my hubby if I want my curiousioty (sp?) to ever go anywhere. I honestly do not think I will go beyond having this in my head, as the more I think about it, the less enthuastic I am. It is hard to talk to hubby about something like this, because I am pretty sure his attitude would be "JUST TRY IT" and then keep bothering me if I dont. He is not always the easiest man to deal with, lol. I also do not want to bring it up to him because of a prior incident, where we were talking to another couple. I was going through all our emails and found one he had sent that I did not know about where he told the female half of that couple to just try something with me to see how I would react. I was beyond hurt and made it clear that if anything like that EVER came up again, our trying swinging would be over right then and there. Both him and the female half of that couple apologized and it has never been discussed since.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SluttyWife My thoughts...

Had you thought about NOT jumping right in but doing something much "softer" like say...dancing, kissing, etc. etc. ? Might make it a whole lot easier for everyone involved if you just "feel things out" and take things one small step at a time. Any off-premise dance-type social/party would provide the environment for this. You can dance with just her and get that lil bit of privacy you seek. No need to take things straight to the bedroom right away, ya know. Seduction can be very titillating IMHO.

;-*

Slutty Wife
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is actually a good idea IMO...if we did parties or anything like that, which we do not. Thank you for the suggestion!

Thanks again everyone...I just do not see bringing it up to hubby and us being able to talk about it rationally. I just wanted to see what everyone might have to say and I appreciate your responses!

[bluedragoness]

If he keeps pressuring you, ask him how he would feel if you asked him to try it with the same sex, you never know he just might let up!

[jennandjamesinm]

Maybe -

We are newbies also, and have never had any experiences, but I had to add my 2 cents. I am also curious, and am nervous too. BUT - if James ever tried to down play my concerns or feelings or told me to try it I might like it - I would be very upset. Swinging is a mutual pleasure, not one person doing it for "the team" so to speak. This is something that the two of you have chosen to do TOGETHER. I think that you and your SO need to really have a talk, go back to the babysteps and re-define your boundaries. I guess it all goes back to COMMUNICATION, thats the key word I keep seeing here on the board. You should NEVER have to do something that you are uncomfortable with - whether you are swinging or in real life. If this is something you want to do for you, then work up to it, that way you can put on the brakes if you find out that its not something you like or are comfortable with. Just my opinion.....Good luck to you!!!

Jenn

[maybecurious]

Just a quick sort of update...my hubby clicked on this thread out of curiosity and he ended up figuring out it was me. We did discuss it a little bit, but I dont know what is going to happen with the situation. Thank you all for your responses.

[jennandjamesinm]

Originally Posted by maybecurious

Just a quick sort of update...my hubby clicked on this thread out of curiosity and he ended up figuring out it was me. We did discuss it a little bit, but I dont know what is going to happen with the situation. Thank you all for your responses.

That's ok that he figured out that it was you Its another way to help kickstart a conversation....We do it all of the time. I'll post something and James will read about it later, and then we talk about it. Good Luck to you!!!!

Jenn

[bluedragoness]

What Jen said, since Mr B and I joined the board, we have found out more and more about each other in the threads that we haven't discussed between us yet. Its a great way to bring up the subject for sure: :rollseyes .


Good luck to you both on whatever you decide and yes communication and mutual agreement is the key to being successful.



Mrs.B

[BuNNyinmi]

My first bi experience was with both husbands not in the same room as me and the other woman. This was mostly because I was very shy and not sure about liking it as you are. After that experience though I have become fully bi. I had always wondered about it though would be the only difference for me. I have even in the past helped some other females become bi doing it in a room without the husbands.

Like everyone says it is about being comfortable and communicating with everyone involved, especially your husband. And your husband respecting your wishes as to how you would like to do things or not do things.