bi-sexual vs. lesbian/gay

[sepacouple]

My wife and I were talking about what the term bi-sexual means compared to being refered to as a lesbian or gay.

She says that she is not interested in playing with another women because she is not a lesbian.

My feeling is that it is not the same thing.

Being bi-sexual means that you enjoy sexual pleasure (giving and/or recieving) with both sexes and that the terms lesbian (women) and gay (men) refer to the kind of living relationship (on a daily basis and not just sexual) that you enjoy or desire.


Am I on the right track or am I clueless about the whole thing?

Anyone have some opinions on this?

[b smith]

Reading your definition you are on the right track. However the definition could be a bit broader. This reply avoids the debate of can you change someone who is gay. Also this posts avoids the debate of, if a gay individual who has had experience(s) with the other sex sex are they truly gay or are they really bi-sexual with a preference for a relationship with the same sex.

Think about sexaulity as a spectrum where an individual could plot at anytime where they were on it. At one end of the spectrum you have heterosexuality, in the middle is bisexuality, and at the other end is gay. Bi-sexuality would then be seen as a combination of hetrosexaulity and gay. Each segment would then include experiences, preferences, and desires. In theory you could move along the spectrum in any direction and move from one end to the other

Based on this concept, gay would be someone who had strong preference, strong desires, and repeated experiences with someone of the same sex. Whereas the bi-sexuality would include individauls with experiences with both sexes, desires for both sexes, and preferences for both sexes that might change over time. Whereas hetrosexuality would be an individual with repeated experience with the opposite sex, limited preference / no preference for the same sex, and, very limited / non existant desire for experience with the same sex. The majority of people would probably fall somewhere towards the middle and not at the extremes.

[Spoomonkey]

Your definition is right - but, unfortunately, her's is the definition that counts.

Mrs Spoomonkey has become a willing playmate with some of our female friends during group play, but she does not consider herself bi. Lots of folks would argue with that, but I can see her point - she has no desire to play with a woman by herself, doesn't look for female playmates and just "goes with the flow" when we all get to a room.

So... Bi, gay, straight... The bottom line - if she isn't interested in playing with a woman, semantics won't change her mind.

Spoomonkey

[mrs good times]

Dito to Spoomonkey.

Just last night I had a guy walk up to me at the bar and ask me if I wanted to kiss his wife. I said no as I am straight. However, if we had been playing with this couple and she kissed me I would have returned the kiss but I would not have initiated it.

[Vespertine]

I use the same definitions as you do.

Although I do add in "bi-curious".

To me bi-curious means you don't play alone with the same sex but will play with the same sex if the opposite sex is involved.

You follow?

[stoutgatte]

Hmmm... We're all bisexual on some level... Even gay people or straight people, we all have some form of attraction to the same/opposite sex. It's more difficult for some to admit than others, but in the right (perfect for some) circumstances most people would play with others of the same sex.

In terms of your wife, Spoo is right, it doesn't matter. IF she is interested in kissing another woman, and it happens, she'll either go with it or run like hell... You'll just have to hang on for the ride... Nothing you do/say will convince her otherwise...

[good times]

Since Mrs. GT already responded to this post with an opinion equivelent to mine I wasn't going to respond. But I couldn't resist because it is the first time I recall that my opinion differs significantly from stoutgatte's. No offence stoutgatte, I still like you (in a hetrosexual way, of course).

Originally Posted by stoutgatte

Hmmm... We're all bisexual on some level... Even gay people or straight people, we all have some form of attraction to the same/opposite sex. It's more difficult for some to admit than others, but in the right (perfect for some) circumstances most people would play with others of the same sex.

I don't think I am bisexual at all, I'm sorry if it offends some, but I just don't find men attractive in the least. Now if the circumstance arose that a guy offered me a million dollars to give him a blow job, I may choose to do it, but that would only indicate that I'm greedy or materialistic, not bisexual.

[De and Ci]

Before we started playing around. My wife insisted she was straight, She now plays around with other women in a swinging situation but still considers herself straight but bi playful-she can get excited but utimately needs a man or ment to fully please her. She would never play with another woman on her own without guys to finish the job

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by good times

Now if the circumstance arose that a guy offered me a million dollars to give him a blow job, I may choose to do it.

I was going to post that I wasn't bi at all...

Then I read this...

And for a million dollars - yeah, I'd receive a blow job... Heck - for a million dollars I'd even give one. But - I'd warn the guy first that it wouldn't really be worth a million dollars... And there would probably be a lot of gagging and tears... But - some guys like that.



Spoomonkey

[stoutgatte]

To Spoo and Good Times... I expected someone to say this... But you two? Sheesh...

But seriously, I've been a liddle teeny weeny bit of the straight and narrow for ages, ie I can look at another man and think he may be attractive, have no (and I really mean not in the least) desire to get involved in any sexual form of activity, but I cannot say I'm perfectly straight.

So what am I saying, you two will consider money for sexual favours... Ie, greed, and both will say that you will not enjoy the experience, but what made you think of it in the first place? Oh yeah, the thread, OK, hehe. Lets try this approach, are there men out there with whom it (getting payed for a bj) will be easier than others? I'm not saying you have to find them attractive, just less not attractive...

I guess it's a lost cause, men are raised with such a strong aversion to homosexuality, that it's impossible for us not to repress any sort of thoughts that way...

[tina78]

To me, being a lesbian (or a homosexual male) means you have true, emotional, and unconditional feelings for someone of the same-sex - you want to live your life with that type of a person ONLY, and not go back and forth between both genders. It's not at all about sex or sexual needs or desires, it's about a true love that you feel for someone who is the same sex as you are.

When I decided to explore the things I had been wanting to explore, I honestly was scared to death that in wanting to be with a woman sexually it meant I was a lesbian...but then I realized just how much I like...no, scratch that, love dick. I wouldn't give it up for the world...it means way too much to me and nothing I will ever do with a woman will make me feel the way I do when I have a man inside me, or even when a man kisses me. However, I do, occasionally, *crave* a woman's touch or just lay with a woman and cuddle, kiss, hug, stuff like that. That's how I knew it was time to define myself as a bisexual....I'm past the stages of being bi-curious, bi-playful, bi-comfortable, or whatever other words you want to use, and have put myself onto the bisexual catagory.

[wrnakedru]

Dito to what tina78 said.

Hubby and I seek to find other couples where the female is bisexual not because the activity is mandatory, but because of what it says to us about her mental attitude. Of course, to be sure about that there needs to be discussion of the topic. Awareness of the choices of definition allowed on the particular site where one may be seeing a couples profile is a factor. I am prone to feel that a lady is either bisexual or she is not ... PERIOD. I don't have much tolerance for those who are still calling themselves "Curious" after years of exposure to the activity. I mean, geez, make up your mind! :rollseyes

"Socially bi" to me means you will play at the activity to stimulate your man, but don't actually get into it. Golly, why would one do anything that one didn't derive some degree of pleasure from doing? Is one so phobic about admitting to the pleasure derived that one shrinks from terming themselves thus?

"Passive bi" is another term that makes me wonder. Is this supposed to be an appealing term? Appealing because it means the lady is willing to receive pleasure regardless the source? I have the thought: Why would one be the recepient of attention one would never consider reciprocating?

Bottom line: not all mean precisely the same thing when using different terms. It's best, therefore, never to make assumptions regarding any terminology used without affirmation from the writer.

WR

[good times]

Originally Posted by stoutgatte

Lets try this approach, are there men out there with whom it (getting payed for a bj) will be easier than others?

I can't answer for Spoomonkey, but for me he disribed what my reaction to it would be prerfectly. And as I don't think their is different degrees to my rolling on the floor wretching, I doubt very much if it would matter how he looked. I have learned from my lovely wife that I have absolutely no idea what makes one man more attractive than another.

Originally Posted by stoutgatte

I guess it's a lost cause, men are raised with such a strong aversion to homosexuality, that it's impossible for us not to repress any sort of thoughts that way...

Or maybe it is as the homosexuals say, that they are born that way. If so, it seems logical to assume that I could have been born totally straight. I am certain that the only male body I have ever been comfortable playing with is my own.

[keila]

So... Bi, gay, straight... The bottom line - if she isn't interested in playing with a woman, semantics won't change her mind.

Spoomonkey[/quote]

Dito

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by stoutgatte

I guess it's a lost cause, men are raised with such a strong aversion to homosexuality, that it's impossible for us not to repress any sort of thoughts that way...

Far as I can tell I'm 100% straight. The thought of male-male sex makes me repulsed, and its not as if I haven't seen it, or was raised in a homophobic household. Its just icky

Now if someone were to pay me to blow him, I COULD do it, but it would require a LIFE changing amout of money. A major life changing amount. It would be in excess of a million dollars and I'm being honnest here, maybe 10 and I'd have to think about it a long time. Its sort of one of those 'whats the most horrible thing you could do for money' questions. I'd rate it up there with losing a finger.

Now perhaps my homosexual side has been SO repressed that even in a totally private situation, where no one would know, and I'd be paid a huge sum of money, I'd rather lose a finger then perform a sexual act on a male. That or I'm 100% straight :rollseyes

Now my wife on the other hand has been turned on by women since we started going out and she DID repress it. It made her uncomfortable that seeing women together turned her on, and it took her a couple of years of swinging to perform a sexual act on another female (she recieved the first time no complaints hehe), she is now comfortable with it, but the spark was always there.