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MasterHack2007

Hard to find bi male/straight female couple

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It seems that female bisexuality is expected (we have been turned down for my wife not being bi a lot). But at the same time bi males have to hide their sexuality even in this open-minded kind of lifestyle. I say this because I have had many responses for threesomes from guys marked as straight on their profile and email saying they are really bi and would love to be apart of our fun. Whether they are just saying it to get to my wife or hiding their sexuality I have no clue.

 

We also have had a couple we met at a club say they would never play with a couple with a bi male. I personally am very respectful and would never try to play with a guy that wasn't comfortable with it. And a quick search within 50 miles of my area only shows two couple in our age range who even have a bi guy. One with a bi female which I'm kinda afraid to contact (when we are ready to play couples again) for worry they won't want us because my wife isn't bi.

 

So why the stigma against respectful bi guys? I saw a couple of profiles when we went on vacation that they said in their profile the guy was respectful and wouldn't try anything not wanted so obviously guys are afraid to even be naked around a bi guy. Why?

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... so why the stigma against respectful bi guys? i saw a couple of profiles when we went on vacation that they said in there profile the guys was respectful and wouldn't try anything not wanted so obviously guys are afraid to even be naked around a bi guy. why?
I'm not a guy, but I'll take a guess.

 

I think it makes some straight guys uncomfortable to think that a bi-guy might be getting as turned on by looking at him naked and performing sex as he (the bi-guy) gets when watching/playing with women.

 

Simply put: It's just too ooky to think about!

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As far as the ads..., you'll find lots of guys who are a bit bi won't put it on a profile.

 

And, my wife isn't at all bi, and we have had several friend couples with bi husbands and very straight wives.

 

It's not all that uncommon at all.

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But at the same time bi males have to hide their sexuality even in this open-minded kind of lifestyle. I say this because i have had many responses for threesomes from guys marked as straight on their profile and email saying they are really bi and would love to be apart of our fun.

...Because there still is a social stigma or double standard in the swinger community regarding bi males.

 

My wife and I are brand new to this lifestyle (we've had a profile for only 2 months) and are still looking for our first mmf or mfm. I am bi-curious and would like to experiment a little but I also do not want to limit my wife’s selection of available men and have no problem keeping my hands to myself if the other guy is straight so I list as straight on our profile. If I listed bi-curious, it would reduce the number of men willing to contact us. What we have done is created a second free profile that has me listed as a bi-curious. Funny thing happens; we get contacted on both profiles by a lot of the same men. 9 out of 10 men who contact the bi profile have their profiles listed as straight. After chatting with these men, it is obvious they have some bi tendencies but do not list it that way in their profiles. Before any of you condemn us for not being totally truthful, the men that contact the bi profile are ALWAYS told of the straight profile and that we have the second profile to filter for bi men since so few of them will list that way. And it works well too! Granted we are not telling the straight men because we are still open to straight mfm sex.

 

It’s sad that the Swinger community is still stuck on some of its old ways but it appears those old ways are slowly dying.

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Yep... it's definitely much harder to find bisexual men in the lifestyle (at least guys who'll openly declare their bisexuality)

 

A resource you might want to try are your local "kink" communities ... BDSM / Kink-Groups (at least in my experience) are usually much more open to bisexual / heteroflexible / gay men.

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Few things to remember.

 

Swingers are no more open minded then anyone else. They are different minded. If it is something they don't want or want to deal with they are just as close minded as anyone else.

 

In the "male" world of swingers, most feel a bi-male is a gay male yet a bi women is just more fun.

 

It has got better over the years but many/most men don't or won't admit if they are bi.

 

There are MANY bi men at most swing clubs and parties though. They just tend to stay behind closed doors.

 

That is the real world.

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I agree with what VegasLee has said.

 

The lifestyle IS open, some of the people in it ARE NOT. And, yes, that is the real world. Jess and I both list as Bisexual. Does it hinder the amount of people who contact us? Perhaps. BUT, the people who do contact us are more compatible with our sexual likes and dislikes anyway, so it really is a win-win.

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What Jessicat and VegasLee say is right on. When you are looking for males, it makes almost no difference if you list as bi, as you've found. The two major differences it does make is eliminating those who have a serious bisexuality aversion, and it inspires all "straight" males who respond to you think about male bisexuality and may result in a willingness to explore their own in a safe and discrete manner.

 

That's why I would recommend listing yourself as at least bi-curious. It may actually improve the quality of the responses you get. If you're primarily looking for couples, there are those who are male bi averse. Personally I'd rather not play with even in a foursome with those whose sexuality is limited by bi aversions. Plenty of straight couples have no such aversions as long as they are assured you recognize that they're straight.

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don't think it's hard to find bi male with a straight female. just search more......

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You can filter your searches on SLS for only couples with bi/bicurious husbands and straight wives. But, honestly, just put bi on your own profile and the couples with husbands who don't will find you.

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The longer we are in the swinging community the more I believe the saying that the more things change the more the stay the same. There are lots of bi men that do not come out on their profiles for fear of discrimination. Heck you see it hear. Some people state that they won't even go to a club if they see male to male contact. How silly is that. I would just ask in a private message if the husband is bi. A couple of the man part of the couples we play are bi. They just never showed that to us and I think some of my early homophobia might have pushed them away. I am a recovering homophobe.

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Like other have mentioned, the main factor for the low Bi-guy factor is stigma and lingering homophobia both in vanilla and LS venues.

 

Personally I believe the numbers are in no way reflective of the reality and there are more Bi and especially Bi-curious dudes out there who because of the perception don't wish to identify as such. In the same vein, the reaction of some straight men to same-sex contact keeps more Bi men from contacting straight male couples and vice versa even if both sides agree to play everything straight.

 

In fact, personally I've never understood the whole concept of homophobia due to the fact I believe there is a certain amount of bi-tendencies hard-wired into all human DNA. Though there are those who would vehemently disagree with me, but I'm sorry, show me a guy who watching porn has never seen another dick and just at least briefly thought "hmm" or been aroused and I will call them out as a liar. Fantasizing does not make one gay, bi or even bi-curious and there's a vast gulf between what-ifs and actual trying something.

 

We have been with several couples with a bi-male and even put on our profile we have no problem meeting with them as long as they respect the fact I have no interest in experimenting at this time and only one time was it a problem with a couple who kept trying to push those limits requiring us to break it off with them.

Although Mrs. Fours is very bi, we use the same approach with straight female couples, in that we have no problem playing with them either and will respect their limits. We figure why should I give up being with might be a wonderful woman or Mrs. Fours, a wonderful man, just because of the orientation of the other spouse?

 

By making where another couple falls on the straight/bi spectrum a defining criteria is just limiting one's opportunities and seems a trivial hangup.

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I'm a bi male with a bi wife. Here's a little insight for the straights out there: not all of you are irresistible. No really. It may be a blow to your ego but it's true. I'm very picky about the men I sleep with and most of you don't fit the bill.

 

And anyway, if a guy labels himself as straight only, then I'm hardly likely to grab his cock during playtime. That's just common sense.

 

As for the pairing of straight gal/bi guy, I gotta say that's rarity. Switching your label to bi curious is good advice (as others have mentioned on here)

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As for the pairing of straight gal/bi guy, I gotta say that's rarity.)

 

I have to differ because of the bisexual husbands I know, all say their wives are straight. And, my wife has proven to me she is. I really think that a lot of couples list the wives as bi or bi-curious for the same reason the bi husbands list themselves as straight. It's go increase the field. Wouldn't it be nice if ads were more honest?

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I totally agree with you on the honesty, Visexual. It would be a pleasant change. Also, you must tell me where you hang out because my experience is that bi guys generally come with bi women (who have encouraged their men to take a walk on the bi side). Lol.

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Though there are those who would vehemently disagree with me, but I'm sorry, show me a guy who watching porn has never seen another dick and just at least briefly thought "hmm" or been aroused and I will call them out as a liar.

 

Feel free :cool:

 

While the number of bi guys is greatly under-reported in swinging, based on the number of "straight" profiles alone which when they start to talk ask if you are into guys, some of us really have not any desire to have any part of a cock. I have no homophobia or aversion to it, I'm not one of those guys who would "freak out" being near some guys cock, but no attraction either. It might as well be his big toe (not into feet) in terms of my desire to do anything to it.

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The whole bi label is laughable at times. It means such different things to different people. The funniest is the fear that a bi man might "go after" a straight man when couples couple.

 

For me the simplest basic differentiation is sexual, heterosexual, and homosexual. Sexual means sexual, no gender calcification. Many are heterosexual, meaning only sexual with the opposite sex, and fewer are homosexual, only sexual with the same sex. Those who are fully sexual don't have gender bumping in the way so exclusively.

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The whole bi label is laughable at times. It means such different things to different people. The funniest is the fear that a bi man might "go after" a straight man when couples couple.

 

For me the simplest basic differentiation is sexual, heterosexual, and homosexual. Sexual means sexual, no gender calcification. Many are heterosexual, meaning only sexual with the opposite sex, and fewer are homosexual, only sexual with the same sex. Those who are fully sexual don't have gender bumping in the way so exclusively.

 

This makes sense to me. He and I both identify as "heteroflexible." To us, that is that our default is attraction to the opposite sex, but fooling around with the same sex is entirely possible and not icky. Finally, I should note that seeing two men who are turned on by me and each other turns ME on. A lot.

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I have to differ because of the bisexual husbands I know, all say their wives are straight. And, my wife has proven to me she is. I really think that a lot of couples list the wives as bi or bi-curious for the same reason the bi husbands list themselves as straight. It's go increase the field. Wouldn't it be nice if ads were more honest?

 

I'm one of those bi males that has a str8 wife and have to agree there is a lot of stigma out there.

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I've been looking again for a bi married male and can't find one at all. It took FOREVER when I first got started years ago in swinging.

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