Stood Up, and I"M playing a game?

[MoonLightKiss 28]

I posted earlier last week about how we weren't looking for a single for a MFM but that one kinda fell in our lap, and we decided to enjoy the situation. We both thought he was quite respectful and understood the "lifestyle". Apparently we were wrong.

 

Friday the 13th we had our date all planned, dinner at 7, drinks, hotel room. We made the reservation, he had claimed to make a reservation for his own room. Friday afternoon, I am getting ready; going through the whole "get really pretty" process. Hair done, nails done, shaved and trimmed properly, blah blah.

 

As we are walking out the door, my cell phone rings. It is him canceling plans. Under some circumstances I would understand it. Life does get in the way sometimes. His excuse "The Cardinals are playing Saturday and I am going up to St. Louis tonight with a friend to a pre-game party." I wanted to scream "HELLO, are you really like that? You make plans with one person and then blow em off last minute when something better comes along?"

 

Is it me or was this just plain rude? I have made plans with people, had something that sounded better come up, and kept my original plans, because I told them I would be there. Did I miss out on some fun stuff? Maybe, but ya know, I sleep well at night knowing I didn't go out of my way to hurt someone. Anyway, that night hubby and I went out anyway for dinner drinks and did some Christmas shopping for the kids since they were at Granny's for the night. No sense in sitting home and moping and not taking advantage of no kids for the night.

 

Three days later he writes me this email apologizing for leaving us hanging. I sent him one back saying "thanks for the apology, but it turns out we may not be compatible after all. I wish you all the best."

 

He sends one back saying "Just like a damn woman, always playing a game."

 

So my question, did I play a game and not realize it? Should I feel bad about changing my mind?

[VanHlebar 187]

Shit HELL NO!!!

 

This is the type of thing that give the good single guys a bad rap. Hell, I wouldn't tolerate this type of behavior from anyone, single or couple, in our out of the lifestyle. This is just a lack of class and I would have done the same exact thing.

 

What the hell is that supposed to mean..."Just like a woman..." give me a break. He cancelled the plans on you, last minute no less, and then blames you for tell him that you don't think you are compatible.

 

I guess to me I would leave it at that and say good riddance. No point in wasting anymore of you time on a jerk like this.

 

Just my opinion of course.

[dayhiker 83]

Well, all I can say is now he confirmed that he isn't who he was letting on he was. No respect. Better to know before hand that one the playing begins.

 

bummer tho, get your hopes up and then be let down!

[havefuninsun 122]

Just like a woman, always playing a game? Well that statement alone shows what a moron he is. Arrogant, no respect for others' time, seems to only think of himself -- yeah. You're playing the game alright. >

 

It's so tempting to write back and get into a pissing contest with these people, but I'm glad you resisted. He's not worth YOUR time.

[rudrjunk 28]

Put his emails in the junk folder and report him for spamming...What you did was not incorrect at all. It was he who was the problem and I would thank god that you did not get to meet him.

 

What ever happens happens for good. Good riddance to bad rubbish. Well I can go on, but you've got the idea.

[Roundstic 15]

That guy was an idiot you did the right thing and let it go. If it was my wife I would have been so glad that we didn't waste time on a smuck like that.

 

You go girl!

[Chicup 38]

Some people are single for a reason.

[looking2swing 17]

I agree!! He must have forgotten his manners along with any respect for other people. As the F in a MFM, I think that you should try to find another compatible male, but don't be afraid to be picky!!!

[pumpkins1970 17]

No, you're not wrong, but that single male is an ASSHOLE!

[LFM2 1,481]

He really does give single males a bad name, doesn't he? Boy, I would have done the same exact thing you did.

 

If that's bad, I guess we'd both be in the wrong.

[JP51 40]

Have to agree with all the other posters...you did the right thing. Really sad...am sure he would have met a wonderful sharing couple to have a great time with.

[prettylady 221]

I wanted to scream "HELLO, are you really like that? You make plans with one person and then blow em off last minute when something better comes along?"

 

You know MLK, I only know you from your posts, but I absolutely adore you.

 

There was nothing better to do! How could there be? Giving up an evening with a woman as beautiful as you, is giving up the "something better" not the other way around.

Chin up girly, Your single guy will come along.

 

You don't have to look far to see that they really do exist. Problem is they are in another country. Damn you Americans for not living in Canada!!

[JustAskJulie 2,588]

Evidently it's just like a woman (all women with brains that is) to not sit around waiting for him to call when he's ready.

[Sweet_Candy 54]

Your were correct to inform him you didn't feel compatible after is lack of respect towards you and your SO. If swinging were a game then I would say you played it fairly well.

[riswingcpl 16]

Your response was perfectly normal, acceptable and understandable. This guy is a dickhead, and you're better off to have found that out before anything happened, rather than after you've opened yourselves up to him.

 

Keep looking...you'll find the right guy. It took us a while, but we eventually did.

[bigjoehd 26]

You are not alone, on one occasion a single friend cancelled a weekend we had planned because he wanted to go deer hunting on opening day, on another occasion he canceled on us to go watch a football game. This was our last straw and we both told him that these things are the reason that he is single and most likely will remain that way.

 

Is it just me or is there something terribly wrong with a man turning down a night of fun with a beautiful woman and going to a ball game instead?

[Gladiola4u 16]

I've got to tell you MLK that at least you used nice words to tell him where to go. If it would have been me, I would have given him a piece of my mind. That was plain and simply ignorant and a person like that does not deserve a second chance because who know what would happen. And that comment that he gave you, oh man, you have no idea what is going through my mind.

[gatorvol64 216]

I think you handled that very well. No respect and no manners. Glad you didn't waste any more time on him.

[lovefest04 685]

You were so in the right....What a prick.

 

I just feel sorry for the woman who marries or dates him. I can just see the poor girl in a super sexy outfit, stripping for him in the living room while he ignores her and watches T.V.

 

Dude get your priorities straight. A ball game and a beer vs. hours of sweet pleasure with a beautiful woman. Men can be soooo stupid.

[Dynamar 246]

Dude get your priorities straight. A ball game and a beer vs. hours of sweet pleasure with a beautiful woman. Men can be soooo stupid.

Or just the beer... it sounded like he was just going to a party, not the game. What a dumbass!

[rpu3 630]

I'm sorry that it didn't work out. I am glad you found out in advance... and you certainly were not playing a game; that comment was just out of line. It's not fun finding out that all that time trying to get to know someone to make sure it was a good fit was for naught, only after the deed is done. Been there, done that, and I'm glad you didn't get the t-shirt.

[dinkydow4us 15]

I'll bet he's gay. What else could it be? Nobody in their right mind would turn down a chance like that :rollseyes: Keep looking, there's a lot of good guy's out there, you'll find one. Good luck

[MoonLightKiss 28]

You guys are wonderful...absolutely wonderful...thank you all for the confidence boost. It really makes me feel better knowing it wasn't me but him being an ass. And ya know what, who cares. Plenty of single men out there, just waiting to give up a night of ballgames and beer to be with a nice woman. I stated this on another post here, and am gonna repeat myself again

 

Sometimes fate steps in and takes a hand when we are about to make a big mistake. So gonna have to say thank you to fate for taking a hand in this. I can just imagine how it might have all played out had it happened.

[Guest MrsVan]

I agree with everyone else! He is an ass and there is no reason for you to feel guilty. We have had singles and couples cancel on us at the last minute and I find it to very rude. We actually had a couple who would make plans with us, cancel at the last minute and then they forgot that they cancelled with us and what their excuse was for cancelling and end up bringing up later about how they met another couple and hung out for the day. We also have a single guy that we know is a great guy and he had to cancel on us the 2nd date because something had come up. I did not ask questions and knew that it had to be something of importance because his personality and the way he does things in the lifestyle shows that he did not cancel just because but that he had a legit reason.

 

I agree that life gets in the way and sometimes things happen and there is nothing you can do about it. But if you make plans and cancel because something better came along, then that is just plain rude.

[Amanda69 24]

It was bad enough he blew you off in the first place but to then not accept the consequences of his choice and try to turn it around on you is just foolish and idiotic. As someone said some people are single for a reason.

[Spoomonkey 418]

So my question, Did I play a game and not realize it? Should I feel bad about changing my mind?

 

Nope - you were right on the money.

 

He was trying to turn the blame back on you - when really, if he makes plans and changes them, he is playing games. A pre-game baseball party or sex? Hmmm... Maybe he's queer...

 

:rollseyes

 

No - he is a dick - and his last e-mail was little more than a tantrum. Finding a good single guy is TOUGH. Sorry you are learning the hard way.

[curiousagain 326]

You were much nicer in your goodbye email than most of us would have been or he had any right to expect. You didn't do anything wrong, he did. And as for playing games, that was him, no one else.

[VanHlebar 187]

You guys are wonderful...absolutely wonderful...thank you all for the confidence boost. It really makes me feel better knowing it wasn't me but him being an ass. And ya know what, who cares. Plenty of single men out there, just waiting to give up a night of ballgames and beer to be with a nice woman. I stated this on another post here, and am gonna repeat myself again

 

Sometimes fate steps in and takes a hand when we are about to make a big mistake. So gonna have to say thank you to fate for taking a hand in this. I can just imagine how it might have all played out had it happened.

 

Well you are correct about that...it's a good thing that you found out before you maybe made a mistake.

 

Finding a good single guy is really just about as hard as finding a single lady to be honest. Our best luck with MFMs has been with a husband of a couple.

 

You know...MrsVan might be willing to lend me out..all in the name of helping a fellow board member out I'm sure. Oh crap...I forgot you wanted a "good" single guy

 

Good luck in your search and just be patient...it will happen eventually.

[Guest MrsVan]

You know...MrsVan might be willing to lend me out..all in the name of helping a fellow board member out I'm sure. Oh crap...I forgot you wanted a "good" single guy

-Van

 

I would be more than willing to share MrVan as long as I can come and watch As MrVan stated we have found some of the best MFM and MFF to be with couples as "good single guys" are hard to come by.

 

In time you will find a good single guy until then be patient and just have fun with couples in mixing it up if everyone agrees and is comfortable.

[WesternSwing 504]

Three days later he writes me this email apologizing for leaving us hanging. I sent him one back saying "thanks for the apology, but it turns out we may not be compatible after all. I wish you all the best."

 

He sends one back saying "Just like a damn woman, always playing a game."

 

So my question, Did I play a game and not realize it? Should I feel bad about changing my mind?

No, he played a game. Plain and simple. He's a jerk, you did the right thing, and after that comment I would block him, too. And although I always try to take the high road, I would have a hard time not "warning" our close swinger friends about him (they can tell whoever they want ). Not only is he disrespectful of your time as a couple, he was disrespectful of women overall with that comment.

[NandTfromCA 84]

He sends one back saying "Just like a damn woman, always playing a game."

He is a fuck stick. I wonder if he would say that to you in person...with the Mr. standing there.

[LOL_OMG 130]

JUST like a guy....giving up sex for, erm. No wait. I don't know any guys like that :p Or maybe I just don't wanna...

 

Seriously, Chicup is right. Some people are single for a reason.

[Tybee Swing 286]

Some people are single for a reason.

 

Big Ditto!!!

 

What a Neanderthal!! The "block" feature was just made for a guy like this one.

[ShellyM 1]

A pre-game baseball party or sex?

 

LOL! When Jay read that he was like "is he crazy?" lol.

 

I don't know about the rest of the gents here, but I don't care what Jason is doing, nothing takes priority over sex. Well, only the children.

 

Other than them, if the panties hit the floor forget it. Ed McMahon could be at the damn door, and Jay would be "hold on a minute Ed, I'm gettin' me some." lol

[Swing*8701 885]

Hmmm? Sex or hanging out drunk with my buddies? Sorry, I'm getting laid. Plus, it's a threesome. Yet, you cannot fix stupid.

[intuition897 2,177]

He sends one back saying "Just like a damn woman, always playing a game."

 

All that tells me is that he has quite a bit of experience pissing women off and never learning why they got pissed off in the first place. Kinda says something about his IQ, don't it?

 

"Just like a woman", eh? Sounds more like he was the one who enjoyed the games...blowing off a perfectly good possible threesome so he can go to - what??? - a pre-game party where he'll drink half a keg and puke on his own shoes. Mmm-hmm. What a winner. :rollseyes

 

Hope you have better luck next time, MLK!

[NoVACouple 15]

...going through the whole "get really pretty" process. Hair done, nails done, shaved and trimmed properly, blah blah.

 

I wanted to scream "HELLO, are you really like that? You make plans with one person and then blow em off last minute when something better comes along?"

 

Is it me or was this just plain rude?

 

So my question, Did I play a game and not realize it? Should I feel bad about changing my mind?

 

1. It sounds like he missed-out on a great experience.

 

2. He was "just plain rude" and then made it clear that in addition he is a no-class cretin.

 

3. You did not play a game. Do not feel bad.

[nice_cpl_n_bama 24]

Wait a second. This guy thought going to a ball game was something better than spending an evening with a beautiful woman in the mood to play? Setting aside all the unbelievable rudeness of the little jerk, SOMEBODY needs to have his priorities examined.

 

Imagine, picking a BALLGAME over a beautiful, playful woman!

[ShellyM 1]

Every time I read this I laugh. You know, it makes me wonder if other women were there. Because, either this guy is crazy or just plain stupid. Jay would crawl on his knees on nails to make love to a hot, willing woman. I could call him from Austin, and he would probably hitchhike to get there lol.

[bill&sabrina 22]

Imagine, picking a BALLGAME over a beautiful, playful woman!

 

NO!!! I'm not going to imagine that, and you can't make me. Isn't it a rule, that you can be as mean as you want to someone suffering from self induced stupidity?

[bostonerotic 15]

You are not serious are you? You were stood up plain and simple. The games were on the other side of the court.

[ktimephoenix 156]

Or just the beer... it sounded like he was just going to a party, not the game. What a dumbass!

 

I've passed up offers of sex to watch a car race or go for a surf when I was single (Mrs P was quite surprised when I told her that I wouldn't come over until the biggest race of the year finished ), all I can say is sometimes I'm not sex obsessed... but I have never cancelled plans for reasons other than personal or family emergencies.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,019]

Three Strikes and You're Out

 

OK, here I sit at my keyboard, JoAnn is propped up in bed flipping channels on the television. We were supposed to have visitors at the house tonight. Nobody showed. Nobody called. As late as noon today, one of the two confirmed by a text message that they would be here at 7 pm. We had a good date with them last August. In September, they skipped out, called later in the evening and offered the explanation, "I had to work late." In November, they we so eager to see us that they ran their car into a ditch (in retrospect, wondering about that story). Tonight, the roads are clear, the weather is good, all cell phone and land lines are functioning perfectly. But no swinger couple at our door and no phone call to say they have been detained. No explanation need be offered this time. Three strikes and you are out!

[bbarnsworth 2,534]

We're running into a bit of a similar situation. We're trying to work things up with a single male for an MFM. We've met him for a meet and greet. He's nice, intelligent, well spoken, etc. For my wife, he hits on all the major cylinders. My wife said if she were single she'd possibly date him, and she does want to have sex with him.

 

So, we worked to set everything up for a date some weeks ago. It didn't pan out. I won't go into details here, but it didn't pan out. The reason given was believable enough though, so we decided to give it another go. Right now, we're waiting to see how things go for this second setup. So far, it hasn't been so good. Drops in communication being the biggest thing right now. We've got a tentative date set up in the near future, and are expecting to hear from him soon. My wife isn't as jazzed about him as she was, but is still willing to play if he doesn't drop the ball again.

 

If he does drop it, he's toast.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,019]

. . . . Right now, we're waiting to see how things go for this second setup. So far, it hasn't been so good. Drops in communication being the biggest thing right now. We've got a tentative date set up in the near future, and are expecting to hear from him soon. My wife isn't as jazzed about him as she was, but is still willing to play if he doesn't drop the ball again.

 

If he does drop it, he's toast.

My wife was feeling rejected over the whole affair so I made a suggestion to her that we accept an invitation to a Saturday-evening house party which we had received earlier in the week. Well, both she and I had a really good time and are now feeling pretty mellow. I hope your meeting with your man friend comes off OK. Let us all know.

[sweet_tna 680]

My wife was feeling rejected over the whole affair so I made a suggestion to her that we accept an invitation to a Saturday-evening house party which we had received earlier in the week. Well, both she and I had a really good time and are now feeling pretty mellow. I hope your meeting with your man friend comes off OK. Let us all know.

 

I'm so sorry to hear she was left feeling bad. Glad ya'll found a way to make up for it, though.

 

I seem to attract friends who are a bit flaky when it comes to making plans (mostly in regard to vanilla stuff, though). For someone like me, who goes out of her way not to disappoint anyone, it really stings. I've gradually gotten a bit of a thicker skin about it and have learned with certain folks to just keep my expectations low. (shrugs).

[bbarnsworth 2,534]

I seem to attract friends who are a bit flaky when it comes to making plans

 

I wonder if the lifestyle attracts more or less flaky people than the average in society?

 

At any rate, in trying to assuage my wife's concerns of this single male we're trying to set things up with (who keeps dropping the communication ball) I told her not to fret too much about the flakiness. "Do not attribute to rudeness/stupidity/etc. that which can be attributed to innocent flakiness"

 

Flakiness by itself isn't bad. There are personality types out there who are the life of the party, who don't think about much more than the here and now in any particular serious way, and live life moment to moment when not focused on work, etc. These people are often labeled as "flaky" and there's really nothing bad about them. They're just fun loving people.

 

My wife isn't holding her breath over this guy. If it works out, it works out. Personally, I think she's going to have a great time having sex with him if it works out. I think he'll be a lot of fun in bed. It's just getting there that might be the problem

 

We were hopeful that this guy might be a regular. He's local to us, which makes setting up play time easy. But, he probably won't work out as a regular. C'est la vie. It if happens, it'll still be fun.

[sweet_tna 680]

I wonder if the lifestyle attracts more or less flaky people than the average in society?

 

I'd venture to say that like a lot of things, it's probably about the same with vanillas and swingers.

 

Flakiness by itself isn't bad. There are personality types out there who are the life of the party, who don't think about much more than the here and now in any particular serious way, and live life moment to moment when not focused on work, etc. These people are often labeled as "flaky" and there's really nothing bad about them. They're just fun loving people.

 

To a point, I agree. There is something to be said for living in the moment, but there's also something to be said for common courtesy. If you make plans with someone, then KEEP them. If something genuinely comes up, then let the folks with whom you have plans the courtesy of a phone call or text as soon as you know your plans have changed. (Can you tell this is a pet peeve of mine?)

 

My wife isn't holding her breath over this guy. If it works out, it works out. Personally, I think she's going to have a great time having sex with him if it works out. I think he'll be a lot of fun in bed. It's just getting there that might be the problem

 

Kudos on maintaining a good attitude about the situation. Hope it works out!

[bbarnsworth 2,534]

... but there's also something to be said for common courtesy. If you make plans with someone, then KEEP them. If something genuinely comes up, then let the folks with whom you have plans the courtesy of a phone call or text as soon as you know your plans have changed. (Can you tell this is a pet peeve of mine?)

 

I agree it's definitely common courtesy. The problem we had was the guy in question simply vanished. We couldn't reach him via e-mail or phone. He re-appeared some days after when we were supposed to get together with him. His explanation was quite believable, but as my wife said "Fool me once..." He gets a second chance. No third chance.

 

For our part, we've never stood anyone up in swinging. If we make a commitment, we stick to it unless a serious emergency arises. If that ever happens, we will inform our play partners as soon as we are able to.

 

Kudos on maintaining a good attitude about the situation. Hope it works out!

 

If it doesn't, it doesn't. There's other prospective play partners in the works anyways, so it's not a big deal if this one doesn't work out. One in particular we're quite interested in. Still, though we're not wildly experienced in swinging, we've been around long enough to know not to get your expectations of anything up, and just go with what comes your way.

[sweet_tna 680]

If it doesn't, it doesn't. There's other prospective play partners in the works anyways, so it's not a big deal if this one doesn't work out. One in particular we're quite interested in. Still, though we're not wildly experienced in swinging, we've been around long enough to know not to get your expectations of anything up, and just go with what comes your way.

 

That's pretty much how we are with any lifestyle stuff. I figure a night out with my honey is never a loss.