Any bad experiences? Any why?

[Elusive BiFem]

This may not qualify as a bad experience, exactly, but it almost soured me on the lifestyle.
The first couple I met was from an internet ad. They had a really nice picture posted, and a very well written ad. I met them in a local restaurant for coffee but when they walked in I was shocked. They looked nothing like their picture, and to top it all off they were absolutely slovenly in their appearance. Seriously dirty! When I shook her hand, I noticed it was like an ice cube. He was very aggressive while she sat there like a mouse. I was trying to make polite conversation, but when he finally went to the bathroom I came right out and asked her what the problem was. Bottom line, he was "making" her participate in activities she wanted nothing to do with. Just a few weeks before she had been "hurt real bad" by a man her husband arranged for her to meet with and was simply scared to death. She was especially afraid to tell him she did not want to participate. All I could say in the short time was along the lines of don't worry about this time - I'll get you out gracefully, but you need to make serious decisions for the future - or some such comment. I took the heat for not wanting to pursue and left. I've often wondered about her.

For a while, I was really skeptical about other females really wanting to participate. Having access to this board and reading comments from both men and women has alleviated many of my concerns.

[Nymph an' Satyr]

Yeah, we had a met with a couple where the woman clearly didn't want to be there. We were brand new (we are still very new) and thought maybe she was just nervous- as we sure were. But she just didn't want to be there. It was cold and mechanical and Mr Happy became Mr. Sad rather early. It was rather demoralizing.

Not as bad as mikemary945's tale

Someone on this board said that swinging is an art form that needs practice before it becomes truly good. I am finding this to be very true.

As we have become more experianced, it has become much more enjoyable

[reeltime69]

We have been in the swinging lifestyle for 6 years and the very worst experience had to be our 2nd one. My husband had chatted with this woman on the net about swapping partners. She said she had done it before and had a boyfriend living with her that was interested in doing it. They just lived in a town nearby so we decided to go on over there. Being newbies we didn't set up a date to talk to them before we came over. We just drove over there

Once we arrived at their apartment she introduced herself and seemed like a pretty nice person. Her boyfriend came over later and seemed ok. Since we were new and they were pretty new we decided to play strip poker and slowly move into swapping. Once we all were naked the stakes got higher in the poker game and we started doing special requests for whoever lost the round. After a while we completly swapped and that's when things took a dive. While my husband and the girl were having a great time the boyfriend was not so happy.

I noticed this from the get go and tried to draw his attention away from my husband and his girlfriend. I started sucking his cock and licking it up and down. Unfortunatly nothing I did seemed to relax him and he was not getting erect at all. His cock in fact was very limp. After a couple of minutes nothing was happening except he seemed to be getting even more upset. All of a sudden he had to go use the restroom. While he was gone I gave his girlfriend a puzzled look. She then told me she thought he had too much speed that day!!! This guy was heavy on drugs!! My husband and her continued and he came back into the room. At this point I'm worried that this guy could go crazy any minute. He may feel upset that he can't perform and he is already looking at my husband in a bad way. On top of that I felt bad that I couldn't get his dick up. The whole situation was very scary because we didn't know these people at all. Well fortunatly for us nothing bad happened and after my husband and the girl were done we went home. I was so happy to get out of there.. The situation could have gotton really nasty. After we came back to the house I told my husband that for now on we should meet the people first at a restaurant or something. After our meeting we would call them the next day and either ask them if they would like to meet again or tell them they aren't what we are looking for. This has worked for us pretty well. After a long dinner most of the time you can weed out people that aren't what you are looking for. I think if we would have had dinner with this couple first, the story may have been much different!!

[CherryPunk]

Those are some really good stories. To be honest... we find it hard to connect online with others... even though we connected online ourselves. If either of us are talking to another, we kind of feel deceitful unless it is fully known what we are after (but when we spill the beans up front... it makes flirting kind of dry) ... and so few couples are so up front. Seems so much easier to just let things happen at a party... but, at the same time, it would be nice if we met a couple we could connect with intellectually and that didn't care whether they were talking to the male or the female.

I have noticed an issue with the bi-curious/bi label ... it seems every man says they are straight and every woman says they are bi or bi-curious (beware huge stereotype). The fact is, she is heavy bi-curious.. passing into the fully bi stage... he is still just bi-curious. However, neither of us feel it *necessary* to engage in bi activity... we just like the fact that it *could* happen and if one of us wants to grab a body part and shove it at our partner, we can. It turns us off a lot if someone is so homophobic that they aren't even willing to be touched... I mean, we are all in the same bed (swapping spit is the least of things that go on). We don't like to have to constantly gauge where are bodies are in relation to others. At the same time, we would never expect someone to engage in an activity they found distasteful.

Seem to be rambling... just confused about the classification of sexuality when, at least the way *we* want to swing (with everyone together), there's bound to be touching and such... and how we so *don't* want (especially single) straight men (or *straight* women for that matter), but so many men seem to be so called "open" and turn out to be not only *not* open, but darn near homophobic... and how many women are truly *not* bi, but are only saying they are bi because they (for whatever odd reason) are getting their men other women...


Confuses us to all heck...

[Ashley]

The "bi" label confuses the heck out of me too, even in my own sexuality. I like women but I prefer men. In a group sex situation, I would do anything to please a woman but I would not seek out a primary relationship with a female...it's just an altogether different experience. So am I bi? Who knows!

[EternallySingle]

The first time I went to a swing club as a single man was a disaster. A couple approached me at a club and asked how long I had been swinging. I told them my girlfriend had just moved and I was just there helping with the band, since I had already promised the owners I would. Well, the guy kept hanging around trying to convince me to have sex with his wife so he could watch. Under normal circumstances I would have, but I was still feeling the effects of the breakup with my girlfriend, his wife was not just drunk but she was red faced, and he just wouldn't let up, saying they . I finally told him if he didn't stop bothering me I would report him to security. He just replied that noone would believe me since I was a single male and it was in my best interest to play along since the number of swingers in this area was small and all they had to do was say one thing to one couple and I would be SOL. Turns out they were mostly right. I did say no, security didn't believe me when I said I told them I wasn't interested, and I've been barred from two of the three clubs that allow single males...and I had never been to either of them before.

[Roxysbayou]

Originally posted by EternallySingle
I've been barred from two of the three clubs that allow single males...and I had never been to either of them before.

That is the craziest thing that I have ever heard. What a jerk that guy was, I wouldn't want to go to a club liek that rto begin with.

[CanadianCouple]

Originally posted by CherryPunk
It turns us off a lot if someone is so homophobic that they aren't even willing to be touched... .

Cherrypunk, I must take issue with that statement. My wife and I are both 100% straight, and have absolutely no desire to be touched by someone of the same gender. Accidental brushing of limbs is one thing, but deliberate touching is entirely another matter.

Having no such inclination to be touched in this fashion does NOT make one "homophobic", one of the most over-used words in the history of the English language. Hetersexuals have as specific a sexual orientation as do bi's and gay's, the difference being these days ours is still fair game for ridicule.

Dan

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by CherryPunk
... just confused about the classification of sexuality when, at least the way *we* want to swing (with everyone together), there's bound to be touching and such... and how we so *don't* want (especially single) straight men (or *straight* women for that matter), but so many men seem to be so called "open" and turn out to be not only *not* open, but darn near homophobic... and how many women are truly *not* bi, but are only saying they are bi because they (for whatever odd reason) are getting their men other women...


Confuses us to all heck...

Don't feel alone CherryPunk. I posed something similar to this a while back. You can read it here. Why are you Bi?

After having met for dinner/lunch/cocktails with somewhere around 30 couples, we have learned that you can easily tell whether or not they are who they portray themselves to be. One of the biggest reasons that we make no bones about our policy of not swinging on the first meet. We have long term goals to fulfill some fantasies in which it will require the males to be in close contact, which is part of the criteria of who we choose to play with. Too often neither are who they portray themselves to be and we could never play with someone that we had to be more concerned about getting "too close" as opposed to having fun.