Disappointed in local swing club

[azure_dawn_2]

We've gone to local swinger clubs at least 5 or six times over the last year and it's been a bit disappointing. I think we are looking for more of an orgy scenario, everyone doing everyone, groups of 4 or 5 or 6, something wild like that. Our first night at the one of the clubs was like that, about 1 1/2 years ago. We met 2 bi girls and a guy and had a "5-some". It was Incredible. My husband and I talked about it for a long time. Now that was something memorable! It's been downhill ever since though. We've since never seen groups of bi girls it's just couples and most women in these couples are NOT bi, contrary to popular belief. It seems to be mostly swapping, and most of the people we have met have been somewhat rednecky. This might sound crazy to some people, but this lifestyle strikes me as kind of boring. I'm not looking to trade husbands with someone. I'd rather share him with a small group of people.

It's the same thing every time we go, all the husbands want to do me, but they all say, "my wife is straight" or "she is only bi sometimes". I hear this a lot. I feel like the guys are interested, but the wives aren't all that friendly. My husband is fairly passive and friendly. We are friendly and assertive but not at all pushy.

Another thing I've noticed at the club, by FAR the people I see having sex in the back are couples that came together. They aren't even swinging, it's just married couples having sex with each other in public. I think of this, "yawn"!! This may sound terrible but,.. I don't find it much of a challenge to get men into bed. A woman can go to any bar and pick up a guy for sex, it's pretty easy. I don't need to go to a swinger club and pay $125.00 for the privelige. I wanted something a little more unusual, a little more daring.

When I read these posts here, I feel as though many of you are not having the kinds of experiences we are having. Many of you write eloquently and intelligently, and seem to be having a great time. I wonder, what are we doing wrong, why can't we seem to come across people such as yourselves?

I would have posted this in the "bisexual" forum, but it won't let me start any new threads for some reason.

Thanks,
Dawn

[OhioCouple]

Hi Dawn,

We have been to several different clubs over the last two years. What you are describing that you are looking for has been indeed a rare occurence in those that we have been to. We have only seen one group sex scenario.

Quite often many attend with pre-known other swingers and keep their activities to themselves and there are many that are there just for the sexually charged atmosphere and have no desire to swap partners, but enjoy having sex with each other in the on premise environment. The nice thing about it is that clubs offer an air of 'electricty' that can accomodate all types of swingers.

If you are specifically looking for a group sex type scenario and that is what 'turns' ya'll on, I'd suggest setting up a house party sort of thing of your own. That way you would be guaranteed to get the satisfaction of what you are looking for as clubs tend to vary from week to week with differening tastes.

I would have posted this in the "bisexual" forum, but it won't let me start any new threads for some reason.

The only bi-sexual forum we have here, isn't really a forum. It is an archive, and you can't post to those. That may be where you ran into trouble.

[azure_dawn_2]

Originally posted by OhioCouple
Hi Dawn,

We have been to several different clubs over the last two years. What you are describing that you are looking for has been indeed a rare occurence in those that we have been to.

If you are specifically looking for a group sex type scenario and that is what 'turns' ya'll on, I'd suggest setting up a house party sort of thing of your own.

Thanks for the advice, I really appreciate your reply. I will consider what you said, it makes a lot of sense.

I think in addition to everything I've posted about, I'm sorry to say that I also feel let down in other ways. We just went to the club last night, and I just don't see too many interesting guys. I would probably be interested in just a regular swap if I didn't get the short end of the deal. The girls are often attractive and the men rarely are. They are almost always quite a bit older and balding, chubby, etc. And they are PUSHY. The wife just sits there obediently while Mr. horny older man tries to get in my pants. And my husband doesn't really know what to say, because he is not wolfish at all and not a redneck. It's very hard for us to feel comfortable there, we are more of software geek types (but attractive) and we keep meeting these country bumpkin couples and it's just so akward. My husband is completely out of his element with these people and I'm sure that doesn't help. Me, I'm dressed in something slutty so I could be speaking greek and it wouldn't matter. All I have to do is stand there and some drunk guy comes up. It feels very much like Friday night at the singles bar.
My husband is very easy going and doesn't mind any of this. He thinks it's fun even if we end up just being alone and not having sex with other people. He thinks it spices up our sex life. I'm probably investing too high of expectations in this I guess, but I'm feeling down about it and want more.

Am I being an idiot? Am I a snob? I'm not sure if I'm being fair. I don't need some male model or genius or anything. I just wish we could meet people that we had something in common with, that just rarely happens.

Dawn

[customhardtail]

This may be totally off the subject or might not help much...but here it goes anyway.

If you ever have a chance to visit Seattle. Seattle is the heart of software geek type kingdom. New Horizons is a beautiful club filled with beautiful people. There are all age groups, but alot of young attractive couples and single bi-females that come to play. Our first time there, there were over 300 hundred guest that night...with that many people there to play you can usually find what your'e looking for.

I also was going to suggest a house party. They are great...you can invite the people that you are both attracted to.

FWIW

[Brit_Pair]

There are some out there who probably would damn you for being snobbish or elitist. We wouldn’t. The point has been made before (quite recently IIRC) but you and your husband have the right to choose whoever you want to play with. There is no rule book that says, “You must not reject someone on the grounds that they are old / bald / fat / ugly / country bumpkins”, no matter what others might say.

Are you being unrealistic? From the description of some of your experiences, no, not at all. They sound like occasions to cool most peoples ardour.

Once again, the dreaded P word is about to be wheeled out. In this case, it sounds like you need to be patient while you check out some new venues, or try making contact with more compatible couples via alternative routes. There will be people out there who are more to your taste.

At the end of the day, you have your preferences. Stick to them. Don't sell yourself short.

[Close Encounters]

There are several clubs in the Atlanta area to choose from. If you are not finding what you want at one, try another.

We spent the week of August 10-16 in the Atlanta area and had a blast.

We started the week at Pleasure Grove a lifestyle friendly nudist resort.
Moved on to Atlantas version of Trapeze and wrapped up our trip at United Socials of America

Each place was different and offered their unique flavor of the lifestyle.
Pleasure Grove was laid back and lazy, swinging just happened.
Trapeze was high energy with lots of choices.
USA was a hotel arrangement that allowed us to host our own party in our room with the couples we chose to invite.

We only wish we had more time to explore all the other lifestyle options Atlanta has to offer.

[JustAskJulie]

Gail & PeeWee hit on exactly what I was going to say/ask.

Have you only visited one club? Or have you tried them all several times and found this to be the case widely in your area?

As long as there are more clubs to try, keep trying them. Every club is diffferent. And as someone else mentioned, if all else fails throw your own party and invite people you want to play with.

You also can't expect others to be the ones to make the moves. If there's something you want then you need to go after it. Especially if your hubby isn't the type to ask... one of you has to be. It won't just come to you, you have to make it happen the way you want it.

[wesharedou]

We were in Atlanta for business and to celebrate our anniversary.

A few years previously we had Visited the Velvet Heaven and it was to pricey, and to scummy for our taste.flamethrow

This time, (on wed the 28th of Jan) we decided to visit the Trapeze in Atlanta.

Mind you, we were only in town a couple of days, (we didn't need, or want a six month membership to the tune of 50 bucks)

Before we arrived, we called the manager to inquire what to expect, and how many people might be there during the week like that.

He proudly advised that as a rule, there would be about 100 people present, 45 couples, and around 10 single males..
NOT

There were 10 single males alright, but also only about 10 (clicky) couples..

It was reported that they had this HUGE dancefloor, NOT.. our kitchen is bigger than that dance floor. And OMG where did that DJ come from??? He played exactly ONE fast song that was decent enough to dance to..

As for the looks of the attendees?. damn the waitress was HOTTER than the women there.. The married guys were all checking out the wife, and some of them looked good, but the wives were pretty doggy looking..

Then, if and when you might want to go into the back playroom, you HAD to get naked....

WHAT IF YOU DON'T WANT TO GET NAKED?

As far as we are concerned. we WASTED 85 BUCKS AND WERE
tottally bored for an hour, then we left.

[Vjklander]

We've gone to a few club events with the basic intent to go with the flow, and if nobody clicked, we would just have fun by ourselves. Since we are both voyeurs, we don't have to play to have fun GEnerally, if you want an orgy, get a few couples and singles you like, then arrangea group scene with them. At least you know everyone and know you are compatible.
J

[LikeMinds321]

My husband and I are just venturing out and will be revealing ourselves to the public on Valentine's Day when we attend a local swingers club event.

Being prominent business people in our town for the past three decades, I fear members of the club may "talk" to non-swingers and this could have negative repercussions in our business. Discretion is important to us; I want to believe other swingers want the same.

Should we stay away from clubs? Please, anyone, give me some feedback on this subject. HELP

[EternallySingle]

Originally posted by LikeMinds321
My husband and I are just venturing out and will be revealing ourselves to the public on Valentine's Day when we attend a local swingers club event.

Being prominent business people in our town for the past three decades, I fear members of the club may "talk" to non-swingers and this could have negative repercussions in our business. Discretion is important to us; I want to believe other swingers want the same.

Should we stay away from clubs? Please, anyone, give me some feedback on this subject. HELP

Thats an understandable fear, but its not very likely to happen. I wouldn't worry about someone from the swingclub revealing your secret unless you do something to actually embarrass or hurt them physically, emotionally, or financially. Think about it. How are they going to keep from revealing that they went to a swing club if they say they saw you there?

[2neophytes]

Hey Dawn,

I'm going to second K the female half. You should really make a trip out to Seattle. There are so many venues, so many resources. And there are plenty of geeks (including us!) here. My spouse and I are originally from Arkansas, and we totally understand what you mean by "pushy" men. I've had to deal with my share, let me tell ya.

I can also commiserate with your aversion to certain things/people. And yes, I may come across as snobby, but some of these folks are really scary. For me it wasn't really the looks so much as the energy those people would put off. The looks only made it worse. But this is only my opinion based upon my own personal experience. Not to mention, I am so very human.


If you ever make it to town, let us know!

jane