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[dave110256]

Is it just us or is this that difficult???
We've had a fantasy of having another man join us for a MFM for years. We're VERY happily married, considered attractive by most and very secure with each other.
We knew this would eventually just happen so we never arranged anything. We recently took a vacation and met a man one evening. He came on very strong with my wife all night long flirting. When my wife and I went back to the hotel room for the evening she asked about possibly going back down and asking him to join us. To make a long story short....so was he. He was hung like a mouse, couldn't get it up, she said he was just terrible.
So a few months later we thought we'd give it another try and chatted for quite a while on AFF with another man and finally met with him for lunch. He seemied like a great guy so we scheduled a get together that weekend for an evening at a hotel. This guy lied about his age, name, cock size and sexual abilitiies. My wife is very sexy and did just about everything possible to get this guy excited but he was anothe complete dud......and she's fantastic in bed. He couldn't keep it up and had a little cock as well.
What are we doing wrong? We're about to give up! We're in our late 40's, maybe we need to go for a younger guy?
We'd really like to do this but can't handle more disappointment. Do we ask for referrences?

[VegasLee]

It happens. You have been a member of these forums for years and I am sure you have seen this same story no less then 100 times.

It is a numbers game pretty much.

Many on line are fake or give false information. Guys on line have a different way of measuring dicks them guys in person. They are always longer and everyone weighs less on line.

We have found the best way is to go where the swingers are, to a club. You see what your getting. Does not mean they may not have performance problems but at least you have other choices if they do.

No use giving up. Just find better ways of getting what your looking for. The Internet is to much of a fantasy land for us to waste our time on it. Others seem to have good luck at times on the Internet but not many/most.

[dave110256]

We are planning on another trip to Vegas in the fall and we plan on going to the Rooster again. Last time we did go but only stayed for a few minutes, wife felt a little uncomfortable so we left before anyone was upstairs.
I guess we just think of this as more of an intimate thing and are not sure about the club thing, definately not locally. People around where we live all talk about each other and we know one person that went to a local get-together and mentioned names of other people there......we don't need that. But Vegas is a great place, we love it and even got married there.
We had our first experience in the Bahamas. Maybe we can get this right just once. We've even talked about meeting a couple but it's difficult enough to find just one person who fits us to think about actually trying to find a couple that we both have chemistry with each.

[Chicup]

Remember most single guys are single for a reason. While single men are a dime a dozen, single men that are really 'lifestyle' are another matter.

[dave110256]

very good point. So are you saying we might be better off seeking a couple in the lifestyle and asking to (borrow) the husband? I know my wife would never go for that.

[Chicup]

Not at all, I'm just saying finding the 'right' single male can be hard too.

The 'borrowed' man thing can happen but its not common either, most of the time its more borrowed cheater.

[bbarnsworth]

Originally Posted by dave110256

very good point. So are you saying we might be better off seeking a couple in the lifestyle and asking to (borrow) the husband? I know my wife would never go for that.

My wife and I have had several MFMs. None have been as dud as you described. One was so so, but not terrible. One in particular was very, very, very good.

I don't agree with the idea that single men are single for a reason that has to be related to the lifestyle. Not all single men are dickless, incapable in bed, etc. Some men are single by choice, some because their long term relationship skills are poor, some because they do not make good marriage material. These things don't preclude them being fantastic sex partners, as my wife found out in a very, very good way.

[The Fuse]

Mr. Fuse and I would be psyched if a couple we liked wanted to borrow him. It's happened a couple of times and I would love for it to happen again.

Why would your wife object to borrowing someone's husband, assuming his wife was okay with it? That way you know you're getting someone who has the social skills to be married, but won't be clingy, also because he's married. Or at least less likely to be clingy.

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by bbarnsworth

My wife and I have had several MFMs. None have been as dud as you described. One was so so, but not terrible. One in particular was very, very, very good.

I don't agree with the idea that single men are single for a reason that has to be related to the lifestyle. Not all single men are dickless, incapable in bed, etc. Some men are single by choice, some because their long term relationship skills are poor, some because they do not make good marriage material. These things don't preclude them being fantastic sex partners, as my wife found out in a very, very good way.

Which would be part of single for a reason

Swinging brings many desperate males hoping to get laid, who figure its a place they can score since they can't manage anywhere else.

As a side note, I'd have to wonder if the sexual skills of someone who doesn't have sex very often would be all that great.

I'm not saying they are all limp dicked or the like, simply that their flaws which make them unmarriable can spill over into swinging.

Again this isn't to say ALL single males, but a quick look at the sites and reading these boards hasn't shown me anything thats going to change my opinion of said average.

Originally Posted by The Fuse

Mr. Fuse and I would be psyched if a couple we liked wanted to borrow him. It's happened a couple of times and I would love for it to happen again.

I've been borrowed quite a bit, but those were from swingers we knew as a couple, not just a 'hey mind if we borrow your husband, no you can't come'.

BTW would you be psyched if a couple wanted to borrow you? Say, in Chicago?

[it'sso]

Dickless? That's a tad less than most guys have even if they fail to be what is alleged to be "average". I find it somewhat suspect that the OP's could run into this problem the only two times they have been "lucky" enough to get some guy's interest.
Perhaps they need to examine their own approach to the subject?

[The Fuse]

Originally Posted by Chicup

BTW would you be psyched if a couple wanted to borrow you? Say, in Chicago?

I wish. Our problem is that, like most couples, I get a lot more offers than he does. He is probably more attractive than I am, but we all know that's not what counts. I would like to take a few of those offers but until and unless the ratio is a lot closer to even, I won't get to do it.

For the OP, I'm going to echo what someone else said. Go to swinger's clubs and parties that allow single males, or even meet couples and see if there are any who will let you borrow their male half. Not only do you eliminate a lot of up-front work that way, you can ask for references and they might be sitting at the next table. That way you can find out if past partners have been happy.

If there are more couples out there like me and Mr. Fuse, they will be pleasantly surprised. I would be psyched to take pictures, get water, just sit and watch, or go my own way.

[PTTimeDC]

It's probably not you guys. We had this happen twice out of the 8 guys she's been with. One was on 'roids, the other had knee problems. There could be all sorts of reasons. Too much booze because he's nervous; tired, etc. Maybe you intimidate them; who knows. LOL. We've found that really spending time getting to know them before sex works. We always havea non-sex first "date". If they're real dudes; they'll respect that. If they don't, they're gone. Easy as that....no matter what they look like. Single males can be replaced very easily. Hope it helps

Originally Posted by dave110256

Is it just us or is this that difficult???
We've had a fantasy of having another man join us for a MFM for years. We're VERY happily married, considered attractive by most and very secure with each other.
We knew this would eventually just happen so we never arranged anything. We recently took a vacation and met a man one evening. He came on very strong with my wife all night long flirting. When my wife and I went back to the hotel room for the evening she asked about possibly going back down and asking him to join us. To make a long story short....so was he. He was hung like a mouse, couldn't get it up, she said he was just terrible.
So a few months later we thought we'd give it another try and chatted for quite a while on AFF with another man and finally met with him for lunch. He seemied like a great guy so we scheduled a get together that weekend for an evening at a hotel. This guy lied about his age, name, cock size and sexual abilitiies. My wife is very sexy and did just about everything possible to get this guy excited but he was anothe complete dud......and she's fantastic in bed. He couldn't keep it up and had a little cock as well.
What are we doing wrong? We're about to give up! We're in our late 40's, maybe we need to go for a younger guy?
We'd really like to do this but can't handle more disappointment. Do we ask for referrences?

[playcplsc]

I think it is inappropriate to categorize single males just because they are single or to totally give up on singles. Not all are bad. I (the male half) was a fairly in demand as a single, apparently because I was able to give what the couples desired. And just because I was single didn't make me an incompetent, social inept bafoon.
MrsPlay and I actually met on a swingers website while we were both single. We both had gotten out of rough marriages, and at the time weren't looking for anything serious. Well, things went well, and now we hope we will be together the rest of our lives.
And the issues you are experiencing aren't just limited to single guys. We had several experiences with couples which were exactly like what you had with the singles.

[MN Tom]

This is an interesting experience for me because it's probably going to be the first type of experience that my wife and I have, that being MFM.

I've done some searching around at ads and whatnot to see how the market is for finding a guy, and either everyone who advertises is well above average in all categories or it's a liars paradise. Obviously the latter is most likely..

And you know what, when we made up our own ads we decided to hell with it and bucked the trend. We wanted to make sure that when someone saw us in RL they would be happily suprised that we are as good or better than written instead of worse. I know it probably wont help us in scoring more invites, but we are busy people and I'd rather not waste a ton of time with invites based on exaggeration.



Back to original topic, I would just chalk it up to numbers. I know just from searching that finding a prospective 3rd (or couple) is a game of numbers. Sucks, but unless you have amazing luck, you likely will find some duds along the way.

[twistedpretzels]

My first and only mfm so far was a dud... performance issues which can happen... but hey... live up to the oral you said you were so great at... he never even found my clit. after a while i rolled over and looked at Pete and mouthed...'get him out of here...'
o well.....................................