Odd occurance-ever happened to you?

[shy_couple]

We are pretty new to this. Investigated 2-3 years and taken a few "baby steps" until we met and played with an awesome couple 4 months ago. We have a Swing Lifestyle account and have been in contact (online) with several couples but for varied reasons (not into same things, timing, family commitments, pushy, or fake) most passed along uneventfully. We chatted with a couple a few months ago and thought they were nice and hot but the wife got a vibe that the female was a bit of a primadonna and would always insist on being the center of attention. So no real thanks but no thanks but no commitment to meet, talked a little more but eventually faded into the background as so many do.

We made plans to meet a couple and lined up the sitter. They call and their sitter had cancelled and they couldn't get a replacement so they had to cancel. Things happen. We decided since we had made plans we would go to a club instead. Took a look on Swing Lifestyle to see if there were any parties closer to home (the club was about 90 minutes away) and saw the couple we had talked to a few months ago had the tag line that they were going to be there on this night. We decided that we would say hi if we saw them. Still a little unsure if they were really potential playmates. So we saw them and said hello and they sat down with us to have a drink. We talked a little about ourselves, what we have done, and so on. 30-45 minutes later they ask if we wanted to go to the back. Mrs Shy said ok. Porn is playing and we are making out with our own partners and slowly undressing and touching. I keep checking in with Mrs Shy to see if she is ok or has any objections and she is fine. We are all getting a little hot and bothered and next thing you know,we notice her pulling up her dress and she says "I think we are going to go. You seem too into eachother." We looked at eachother a little confused and she goes on to tell us that they ususlly switch off right away and should have told us first. We looked like we were having too much fun on our own. We talked for about a minute as they dressed and said nice to meet you and left.

That really took the wind out of our sails for the night so we got dressed and drove home. We talked about it ad Mrs Shy said I told you so. She wants to be the center of attention. I guess what still leaves me shaking my head is if things aren't progressing as you expect or want, dont you make a move to escalate things? If a boundary is crossed, we have no problem saying no. We don't want to be uncomfortable nor do we want our playmates to feel that way. Its bout fun and exploring,right?

So today we went on Swing Lifestyle and took a look at their profile and noticed that they had made a few edits. They no longer will meet newbies because they have had too many bad experiences with them. They go into a mini-rant about newbies not being ready, not knowing what they want, and being too afraid to be with someone else.

Dont get me wrong, we are done with them and want no further contact.But we cant help feeling attacked. We know what we want and we know our comfort zone. If there is any fault here, it is Mrs Shy for not going with her gut and both couples probably could have had a little communication. We had a great evening up until the last 15 minutes or so. I think at this point we can only chalk it up as a learning experience. Any other thoughts from you guys?

[The Fuse]

Sounds like it is definitely a learning experience. It does happen, meaning you as a couple get into a situation with another couple when you haven't necessarily talked couple-to-couple about what each couple is looking for. As couples get more experience, it becomes less awkward to simply ask the other couple (or respond when they ask you), "What do you like to do? Are you full swap, soft swap, emphasis on girl-girl play.... " to pretty clearly lay out what each couple's preferences are.

Sometimes, the talk is omitted because one couple isn't sure what they are looking for. When you are new, and you really don't know how far you want to go, it is probably best to just say that up front. But if you are only interested in same room sex, that is, no touching of each other's partners, it is best to say so. It sounds like you perhaps wanted to get things started with your own partners and then possibly progress to touching each other's partner? If so, again, saying so might be a good idea.

The issue of the other lady wanting too much attention -- we have seen this before, and it is a definite caution sign for me. If I sense this might be the case in another couple, I try to gauge the extent of it during the conversation about what each person likes. Sometimes I might actually ask the other lady if she is all right with her man being with someone else, or if she prefers that he be paying attention to her while my husband is also playing with her.

Either way, I hope you don't let it get you down too much or for too long. I can see how an experience like this would tamp down your motivation for trying again. But I can vouch for the common-ness of having the occasional bummer time for one reason or another -- a play session cut short because of incompatibility, a couple who loses their desire to be with you, someone making a nasty comment, or any one of a lot of reasons. It happens. But the fun times are really fun....

[lustylearning]

After reading your post, I'm trying to understand something. When they asked if you wanted to go to the back, did you go to the back and stay with Mrs. Shy? If so, then you may have been sending a mixed signal, which frustrated the couple. If I'm understanding correctly, you were asked to play and wound up sticking together somehow. If this is the case, you just may need to break out of your comfort zone and switch partners more quickly. Even if you're looking for soft swap, you need to swap partners.

In defense of the other woman, it does not sound to me like she was being a prima donna. She may very well be, but it sounds to me like she was simply voicing her frustrations.

Don't be bothered by the fact that they changed their profile. They are simply being more direct about what they seek.

[2inSanDiego4u]

Don't take it personally that they changed their profile. We eventually did the same thing, saying we are looking for full swap only and also prefer couples with some lifestyle experience. Ranting is not necessary in a profile though. It sounds like you guys need to communicate more with prospects and lay down exactly how you want to proceed as far as limits and what should happen, and when. IMHO it is better to tell someone that you are new and want to go slow rather than say nothing.

[slevin]

I wonder if perhaps this was a case where both couples expected the other couple to "make the first move" and this other couple got frustrated waiting for an opening or for something to happen. One of those cases where expectations ended up ruining the moment.

We tend to not really be sure how to "make the first move" when first playing with a new couple and we're a bit shy to do so. So I definitely empathize with that part. Not sure if that really was a factor here or if you guys were just working at your pace and they didn't get that.

Being more open to making a move is something we need to work on a bit

[jjtrindc]

All good advice here, but have to say that we totally know where you are coming from. So often we go to clubs and get so into each other, dancing, making out, etc, that we never end up playing with others. We often get comments from other couples about how it looks like we are having so much fun together. It's not that we are against playing or anything, but its not our priority. We still go home with big smiles on our faces At the end of the day, go and enjoy the sexy vibe and each other. Let the rest happen when you are ready.

[Two4funinpa]

I think you really can get a good or bad vibe from a profile. My advice would be to follow your intuition. Communicate very clearly what works for the two of you. It is all about learning and growing and even after swinging for many years you still can learn new things or be reminded of things you forgot. Never take a change of minds even in the middle of an encounter to heart, it is better that it ended then got ugly. As far as the other couple changing their profile it is just sparing someone else from your disappointment. Another big red flag is someone too eager or in to big of a hurry to meet. I'd tread that water carefully also.
Live and learn and live again. Enjoy!

[shy_couple]

The Fuse:
"I wonder if perhaps this was a case where both couples expected the other couple to "make the first move" and this other couple got frustrated waiting for an opening or for something to happen. One of those cases where expectations ended up ruining the moment.
We tend to not really be sure how to "make the first move" when first playing with a new couple and we're a bit shy to do so. So I definitely empathize with that part. It sounds like you perhaps wanted to get things started with your own partners and then possibly progress to touching each other's partner?
The issue of the other lady wanting too much attention -- we have seen this before, and it is a definite caution sign for me."

Lustylearning:
"After reading your post, I'm trying to understand something. When they asked if you wanted to go to the back, did you go to the back and stay with Mrs. Shy? If so, then you may have been sending a mixed signal, which frustrated the couple. If I'm understanding correctly, you were asked to play and wound up sticking together somehow. If this is the case, you just may need to break out of your comfort zone and switch partners more quickly. Even if you're looking for soft swap, you need to swap partners. "

slevin:
"I wonder if perhaps this was a case where both couples expected the other couple to "make the first move" and this other couple got frustrated waiting for an opening or for something to happen. One of those cases where expectations ended up ruining the moment.
We tend to not really be sure how to "make the first move" when first playing with a new couple and we're a bit shy to do so. Not sure if that really was a factor here or if you guys were just working at your pace and they didn't get that. So I definitely empathize with that part."

------I read these first couple of replies yesterday and thought, wow were we the insensitive ones or were we sending the wrong signals? When we went back we were touching our own aprtners and chatting and watching the porn playing and noboby was making a move so we all started making out with our partners. As things were heating up and we were getting undressed, we were watching and they were watching. So me and Mrs Shy started touching them (mostly her). We didnt get any negative signals like a recoil or a "no" but we also didn't get any positive signal either like a moan, or oooh thats nice but especially, no reciprocation. We tried the touching a few times, each time a bit more bold and the same response. So we stopped trying thinking either they werent into it or would warm up to us later. Just like everybody here has said making the first move is hard. I dont agree with "LUSTYLEARNING" about breaking out of our comfort zone. We have only been with one couple at this point and our comfort zone is ever expanding.
I think some of the best advice was from:----------------

Two4funinpa
"I think you really can get a good or bad vibe from a profile. My advice would be to follow your intuition. Communicate very clearly what works for the two of you. It is all about learning and growing. "

------------------I still think Mrs Shy Was probably right about her first impression of the other female and wish she/we would have stuck to it. But a few drinks, sexy atmosphere, and hot couple can cloud your, or at least our, judgement

We met one couple and had drinks and dinner but didnt play with. They had been doing this longer and gave us some advice/observations and I think we may not have taken it seriously enough. They said some people have a script like a porno in their heads and want it to go exactly as planned and most of the time the attention is focused on them and may not be a good evening. We have things/ideas that make us hot but prefer to jump in and let things take a natural progression and if a line is crossed then back off or tell someone else to back off.

We should have done what we planned which was what jjtrindc suggested:------------------------

jjtrindc:

"All good advice here, but have to say that we totally know where you are coming from. So often we go to clubs and get so into each other, dancing, making out, etc, that we never end up playing with others. We often get comments from other couples about how it looks like we are having so much fun together. It's not that we are against playing or anything, but its not our priority. We still go home with big smiles on our faces At the end of the day, go and enjoy the sexy vibe and each other. Let the rest happen when you are ready."

--------Which is what we said before going out. If nothing worked out we would play together in the group/open area and watch and be watched. What got us interesten in this was some voyeurism and exhibitionism.

Most of the advice given here was what we expected: communication,communication,communication. We all could have done a better job than we did. The other thing was to we should have went with our/her gut instinct. I think every time we go out we learn something new. The last few times have been learning experiences and we are ready to have some more drama free playtime.

Thanks for the words of wisdom everyone. Hope you were able to make it to the end of this follow up posting.-------------------

[JustAskJulie]

The lesson to take from this is to trust your instincts about people. From your second post it's obvious that you did everything you should have done. If they really wanted to swap or even make it a real foursome then it's up to them to make some effort too.