What would you have done?

Let me preface this first by telling you a little about us. We are a married couple with some experience in the lifestyle. We have been with single female before and soft swapped with other couples in the past. We enjoy same room as well. Recently we have decided to try the MFM experiences. We have had only one and it was very good and everyone enjoyed themselves.

The other night we were at a party and my wife found a single male she was attracted to. There were several play rooms at the event and we all three adjoined to one of the rooms. There were others engaged in various play scenarios. The wife and her new friend were going at it pretty heavy and I was left to kind of watch which for a while is okay with me, but sooner or later I figured to become an active participant.

Here is where things start to get strange.....The room had mulitple people in it and he kept closing the door since he was close to it. Now, I am in the room and don't think all that much of it. The three of us are now involved, but he starts to pull the wife away from me into different positions so that she can't pay attention to me. He is aggressive but not overly rough. I went out of the room to get a bottle of water and the door locked behind me. Now they were the only two in the room. After about 30 minutes and no way to get back in there, I knocked loudly on the door and he opened it. I kicked him out and said party is over get out now!

We have decided to never play with single men again because of this. It's couples only or not at all. One bad humiliating experience is enough to never allow it again.

How would others have handled it?

[graygo98]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

Here is where things start to get strange.....The room had mulitple people in it and he kept closing the door since he was close to it. Now, I am in the room and don't think all that much of it. The three of us are now involved, but he starts to pull the wife away from me into different positions so that she can't pay attention to me. He is aggressive but not overly rough.

You did the right thing, but your timing was a bit off. When you felt it had started to go sideways you should have called a halt. Its gotta work for both of you. And, I wouldn't have left her alone with a strange, aggressive guy, particularly one who seemed so bent on closing the door.

It sounds like your wife was going right along with this guy. If she knew that this was not the sort of encounter (almost a cuckold scenario) that you were likely to enjoy, then she was over the line. If she didn't know, then you really do need to talk more about what you are each looking for... and to avoid.

I am not talking about a totally scripted event. No encounter is going to run to a script... and that's a big part of the excitement.... but there can be some very basic expectations that you can set. The hard part is when those hormones kick in and we are back one step removed from the caves. So keep it simple, and keep it fun. If you're not having fun, just what are you doing?

[jjtrindc]

We have to agree with the original poster. As soon as a play situation seems to be diverting away from where you are uncomfortable, or you sense that your partner is uncomfortable, it's time to call for a quick timeout. At this point, you should be polite to the others involved, but if they are true lifestlyle people they will understand and not be offended. Everyone should want to make sure that everyone else is comfortable. If not, there is no reason to be playing with them.

Now it's up to you whether MFM's are off the table, but that should happen after a long discussion with your wife. In a party situation, one partner can easily get so into the situation that they may not necessarily realize that there is a problem. We are giving your wife the benefit of the doubt there, but only you two will know the real situation after communicating about that scenario and your rules going forward.

Good luck.

[screaminggood]

I agree with the previous poster. The mistake you made was letting it go too far, several times....when you first felt uncomfortable, IMMEDIATELY after the door was locked--but you did great in the end to get rid of the guy.

I am also curious to know how your wife reacted? Did she know he was locking you out?
Also, on behalf of all the great single guys out there, you don't have to give up all MFMs just because of one bad choice. After all, it could have just as easily been a married guy who was ignoring you and his wife in a similar situation. Just learn to be more directive about what you expect and ensure y'all are both comfortable with your playmate choices.

[Willing29]

Originally Posted by graygo98

You did the right thing, but your timing was a bit off.

Yes, you did the right thing but I would have knocked LOUDLY after 5 miutes not 30. Maybe even sooner!!!

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

I went out of the room to get a bottle of water and the door locked behind me. Now they were the only two in the room. After about 30 minutes and no way to get back in there, I knocked loudly on the door and he opened it. I kicked him out and said party is over get out now!

How would others have handled it?

It sounds like you knew immediately that the door locked behind you. The guy probably didn't know that and figured you could get back in. How was he and your wife to know that you couldn't get back in? Since he opened the door immediately after you began knocking, he did respond appropriately. You led them to think you wanted to leave them alone for 30 minutes. That was the mistake. You gave yourself 30 minutes to reach boiling point and now you blame the guy when I think you're mad at yourself more than anything.

I think you're being too hard on this single guy and too hard on yourself. Look at it as a situation that could have been handled differently and learn from it. You can enjoy single guys in the future and have a better outcome with just a few simple guidelines set in place. Communicate to the other male - and your wife - if you want to be more involved in play. Don't let a guy push you aside. And don't leave your wife alone with a guy you aren't comfortable with, as you did this time. These changes can make a big difference in how the play goes.

We all have play situations where we can look back and say we fucked up a little and could have handled things differently. Don't let this experience bog you down or fester inside.

Welcome to the Board, by the way. I hope you will register so that you can reply to this thread.

LM

[JustAskJulie]

I definately wouldn't judge all single guys on this one incident. I've seen similar & worse things happen with couples playing with couples.

I'm assuming that since he had been closing the door earlier yet people came in anyway that the door did not lock automatically and therefore he DID know that the door locked behind you. That said, I have to agree with the earlier poster that as soon as you realized the door was locked you should have started knocking to be let back in, rather than waiting a half hour.

[LikeMinds321]

I have unknowingly locked doors in my house. I didn't realize I had locked the door until later when I tried to get into the room. My hand pushed the center button in the knob. This is why I think it could have happened to you if that was all it took to lock the door.

The guy may have been closing the door earlier because he didn't want people watching from outside the room or didn't want more people in the room. Did you close the door when you left, or did he? If he did it may have been because he preferred no onlookers or others joining the room.

Even if the guy did get up and lock the door after you left, your wife could have objected to it if she wanted to.

LM

[justcurious1234]

The three of us are now involved, but he starts to pull the wife away from me into different positions so that she can't pay attention to me. He is aggressive but not overly rough. I went out of the room to get a bottle of water and the door locked behind me. Now they were the only two in the room. After about 30 minutes and no way to get back in there, I knocked loudly on the door and he opened it. I kicked him out and said party is over get out now

I being a woman, would have never let this happen. My husband is ALWAYS in the room, and always with in arms reach. And knowing my husband, you handled this nice compared to what my hub would have done. I think you did the right thing, I do not think that you knew what was going to happen, so you are not at fault, the other guy is. But not all single men are that way. We have been with two couples, and 3 singles, I have much more fun with singles, I have BOTH guys totally interested in me, and I like it. And none of them have tried anything. So just think about it, but just don't leave her alone again, that would be my advice.

[mixtupcpl]

So the original question is "what would you have done?" Echoing the above in general, I wouldnt have allowed myself to get increasingly uncomfortable, then leave to get water, then wait 30 minutes after the door mysteriously locked.

We can never know the actual dynamic since none of us were there, but if what you are describing was happening exactly as you explained it (the guy trying to sort of exclude you) I'd have probably called a stop if it started annoying me.

What may have happened is, because you started out by watching, the guy maybe figured you were just a voyeur and actually didnt want a 3 way but was tolerating you there since you are the husband.

What was the dialogue that lead up to the encounter? Im a very direct kind of guy and a big believer in communication. If you met the guy and said "hey, its your lucky night, we would love for you to join us in a threesome" then the guy is an asshole based on how you describe his behavior. But if there was minimal communication and you just let things flow naturally into that room and started out by purely watching and then tried to jump in, I can see how there could have been a misunderstanding. Did you talk after you called a halt? Did the guy seem surprised and ask what was wrong?

My thinking is be clear up front, be clear during and if something goes wrong, be clear Never "just figure". "Just figuring" is bad. Sex is emotionally charged under any circumstance. Being very clear before the libido can go off the deep end can keep things from getting unnecessarily dramatic.

Certainly dont let this put you off single guys in general. I mean why would it? This guy *may* have been a jerk, but you can run into a bad couple also.

Yikes! Just realized how old this thread was before the bump Well still a good topic anyhow

[adventure37421]

Coming from a single guy, if I met a couple at a party like that, I wouldn't go into a room with them unless I knew what was expected of me and how everyone would be participating. I have no problem at all with the husband watching or participating, but I would never monopolize the wife or try to keep the husband out of things, especially since I was invited to share in the privilege of joining them. It was a bad move on his behalf, but you really did wait too long to do something about it. For all of the guys out there who aren't like that, I say give it another try.

[Alura]

Laura and I always believed swinging was for couples, that there was neither a place nor a need for singles. One cannot possibly know what emotions are involved when he is having sex with someone else's wife unless someone is fucking with his wife. The same thing goes for husbands.

But to answer the issue here, for every horror story I've heard about couples, I've heard twenty about singles.

Stand your ground, Unregistered.

Alura

[jforshort]

you should have said to him when you first noticed somthing that it was a threesome or no sum.