It was bound to happen

[VanHlebar]

So maybe this wouldn't really qualify as a "bad" experience but it surely wasn't one of those great experiences that we are used to.

After months of conflicting schedules we finally had the opportunity last night to meet a couple we have been chatting with for a play date. We had dinner, sat around talking for hours and it just didn't seem like anything was going to happen. Nobody was making the first move and it was getting late, so finally I just looked at everyone and said, ok let's address the big not so naked elephant in the room...are we going to play or are we not. If not no big deal, but we need to get going then so we can all get to bed...if so we are ready and willing.

I know not the best way to get things started but I have never been the most eloquent person anyways.

So we finally get upstairs and the wife and I had a really really good time. MrsVan and the husband just didn't seem to have that sexual chemistry going on. We all go along great, but not in the sack.

We haven't heard back from the other couple yet and looking back on the evening we might not. We really liked them but we don't think we could play with them again. I would play with the wife again in a heart beat, but since MrsVan was not having much fun and the other husband also didn't seem to be having much fun, why bother. The problem is that past experience says that if/when we told them we didn't want to play again, we would never hear back from them. Can't say as I blame them though, I mean it would be pretty obvious as to why whe didn't want to play again.

I guess we had been very lucky as this really is only our second bad encounter and like I said, it was a terrible encounter, just not pleasant for MrsVan...and if one of us isn't having a good time then why bother.

-Van

[VanHlebar]

Sorry folks...MrsVan was "proof" reading this and the last part should say that it wasn't a terrible evening...I couldn't edit the post for some reason...

-Van

[jjtrindc]

Good for you for recognizing the situation and taking a position that is right for you and your wife. We've read so many posts where people are too shy or embarrassed to express their feelings or stop a bad situation and only end up regretting it. Sometimes it's just impossible to tell how fun any couple will be when it comes to play time until it's too late. We try to avoid any 'first meeting' play and always go for a lot of foreplay as that is a good indicator for us. Good luck in the future!

[MrsVan]

Well, I figured since MrVan brought up our evening last night that I would as well put my thoughts into it and maybe get some thoughts from those of you here as well.

As MrVan stated, the evening started off really well as we all got along really well. But in the bed was were the problems began. As I told MrVan before we started to play I was feeling a little sick to my stomach not sure if it was nerves or my thryoid issue as even here lately when I think of sex I just feel sick to my stomach but with MrVan I can get past that feeling once the pleasure in bed starts happening. But this evening, I started to get turned off the moment we started playing as the husband was not a great kisser. To me, the kissing is very important and it is what gets me turned on and gets me excited (along with other things). And then there were just other factors that happened in the evening that I just lost interest.

MrVan has chatted shortly with the husband this evening and said that they had a great time and would like to get together again but now we are stuck trying to find a way to break the news to them that sexually there is no interest.

Wish us luck as we find a way to be honest with them and hope that we can find the right way to do so. We enjoy their friendship but we have come to learn that once you say there is no connection, then the communication usually stops. So we are expecting them to walk away which is fine and we understand. It would have to be hard to remain in touch with each other if there is no connection..I mean, we are in the LS for a good time and I was just not feeling it last night.

MrsVan

[sweet_tna]

Awww. That stinks, but that stuff happens to everyone, it seems. Definitely you should let this couple know that another play session just isn't going to happen. Hopefully your next hook up will help you forget all about it.

Hugs,

=)

[MrsVan]

Originally Posted by sweet_tna

Awww. That stinks, but that stuff happens to everyone, it seems. Definitely you should let this couple know that another play session just isn't going to happen. Hopefully your next hook up will help you forget all about it.

Hugs,

=)

Thanks for the encouragement! We will be letting them know soon that another play session just will not be happening. This night was really hard for me because I have had a lot of good experiences for myself and have not ran into this type of evening for myself. We have in the past ran into some issues on MrVan's end as far as playing goes but I just had not personally went through such an experience. We are going away next weekend and hoping that maybe our next experience will be much more enjoyable for us both.

MrsVan

[JustAskJulie]

First off, I have to commend Mr Van for stepping up and getting things started. Someone has to take charge!

For the kissing thing, I totally feel you MrsVan, that sucks. I think that knowing that is such an important part I would have wanted that to begin before you headed to the bedrooms just to make sure it was there. I think most often you can tell if there is sexual chemistry through a kiss before you take it any further, and being able to end it there would save a lot of hassle later.

As far as dealing with things where they stand now, I think you just have to "bite the bullet" and tell them. Get it over with or it will fester and bug you till you do.

[wlhotwife]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

First off, I have to commend Mr Van for stepping up and getting things started. Someone has to take charge!

For the kissing thing, I totally feel you MrsVan, that sucks. I think that knowing that is such an important part I would have wanted that to begin before you headed to the bedrooms just to make sure it was there. I think most often you can tell if there is sexual chemistry through a kiss before you take it any further, and being able to end it there would save a lot of hassle later.

As far as dealing with things where they stand now, I think you just have to "bite the bullet" and tell them. Get it over with or it will fester and bug you till you do.

So if you don't feel the chemistry when the kissing is happening what do you say? I guess I'm just too shy/new to this to speak up once any sort of intimacy has started, especially if all 4 people are hitting it off nicely. I would rather put up with an evening of less than spectacular sex than be the "party pooper".
This is an issue that I have a lot of trouble with, and it has even given me reason to think that maybe I'm not cut out for this lifestyle.
How do you find the courage to put on the brakes once the train has started rolling down the tracks?

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by wlhotwife

So if you don't feel the chemistry when the kissing is happening what do you say? I guess I'm just too shy/new to this to speak up once any sort of intimacy has started, especially if all 4 people are hitting it off nicely. I would rather put up with an evening of less than spectacular sex than be the "party pooper".
This is an issue that I have a lot of trouble with, and it has even given me reason to think that maybe I'm not cut out for this lifestyle.
How do you find the courage to put on the brakes once the train has started rolling down the tracks?

That's a really good question and to be honest the thought was floating around in my head even as I typed my earlier post. A lot depends on how things are going overall. But, at least if you get started with light stuff and don't feel there is chemistry you still have the option to say "hey how about we just do same room sex tonight (no swapping)". That gives you an out without "spoiling all the fun".

In the end, eventually you have to get comfortable enough to be able to spoil other people's fun if you aren't having any, otherwise you are just going to end up hating what you are doing, and possibly even hold it against your partner if they are having fun and you aren't. You are the only one who can control YOUR outcome, because no one else can read your mind.

[cplnuswing]

Originally Posted by wlhotwife

So if you don't feel the chemistry when the kissing is happening what do you say? I guess I'm just too shy/new to this to speak up once any sort of intimacy has started, especially if all 4 people are hitting it off nicely. I would rather put up with an evening of less than spectacular sex than be the "party pooper".
This is an issue that I have a lot of trouble with, and it has even given me reason to think that maybe I'm not cut out for this lifestyle.
How do you find the courage to put on the brakes once the train has started rolling down the tracks?

If it's any consolation, we encountered this exact thing one of the first times we played. We met a couple we liked at a club, talked and everyone was interested in full swap, so ended up in a play room. But, as things got going and the foreplay started, it just wasn't happening for her. Like you say you are, she is shy and not that assertive either, so what she did was just ask for me when she was ready for intercourse, but in a casual way that just went with the flow.

I knew that wasn't part of the plan, so there had to be a reason for it, and didn't hesitate or question, just immediately went with it and both males finished with their own spouses.

Did it cause drama, not really, although they did leave shortly after that. Disappointed perhaps, but not angry though.

Don't settle. If it's not happening, don't try to force it to make the others happy. Just extricate yourself from the situation as gracefully as possible given the circumstances. If it's same room play, doing what she did ought to work out pretty easy. If your partner is paying attention as he should, he'll be there to help turn it in the direction you want it to go.

[socolais]

I think the occasional not-so-good times helps us appreciate the great times even more. No one really wants to participate in mediocre sex but we all know stuff like that is going to happen every now and then. It's like a weak hand at the poker table - you can fold or draw.... knowing the next hand is quite likely to be a potential winner.