Allowed couple to video us and they shared the video

[Emy_Fraser]

Just wanted to ask what you guys think of this.

We allowed another couple to video us just before Xmas. This was to be for personal use only. We've known them more than 6 months and met them many times and they've been asking to take a video since July. I (Emy) really hate myself on video so its definitely not a turn on for me.

Anyway, we finally agreed and the guy of the couple videoed Fraser and I and the lady.

About two weeks ago I got a real shock talking to the lady of the couple when she just threw into the conversation that they had met another couple the previous night and taken the video along with them to show them. To make matters worse she then told me that they had forgotten the video and left it at this other couples house.

This led to a bust up, they refused to see the problem with what they had done and when we asked if they would not show this tape to anyone else said we didn't trust them and weren't "real" friends. I responded that I thought they had already broken the trust between friends. Their point of view was that they were trying to do us a favour by showing the tape to another couple that we might want to meet up with (amazing we think). I responded that Fraser and I are not a pair of prize cattle to be shown off on video with a view to meeting new couples and that we are quite capable of finding new friends ourselves.

We were sorry to lose friends but glad we now know what they are like, and don't think they really have any idea of trust or friendship. What amazed us is that the male half of the couple took the same view and he is employed by the government and we thought had more sense.

To get to the nub of my question (I feel better already for posting this LOL) we are due to meet another couple soon who are mutual friends. We think we ought to tell them the reason for the bust up, they are sure to ask if we have met them. What do you guys think? Its almost bound to mean the other couple won't want to meet them as they are very much into discretion.

One thing Fraser and I have agreed on: no more video!!!!

Take care,

Emy and Fraser

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by Emy_Fraser

We were sorry to lose friends but glad we now know what they are like, and don't think they really have any idea of trust or friendship.

With friends like this....Who needs enemies?

In my opinion they broke that trust when they chose to share the video with others. Video recorders are one of the reasons that we are uncomfortable with meeting with others in their own homes or not having our own motel room ( as the play area) when meeting with other couples that we don't REALLY feel that we know. Even then that is no guarantee.

First I would request to meet with them, DEMAND that they bring the video and destroy it right in front of them. (It doesn't mean they couldn't have duplicated it but at least they will know how you feel about their actions.

Secondly, I wouldn't relay a whole lot to the other couple that you are meeting other than it just didn't work out for you and that you felt that they were not compatible due to their lack of discretion and your need for it. And only when and if they ask though. I don't see any sense in going into greater detail as this couple that you are meeting may enjoy being video taped, but it will give them the heads up to be cautious.

We have only done digitals with one couple that we are extremely comfortable with. When we have done so, all pics are viewed that same evening and with no questions asked, deleted if one person says "no way". The pictures that we agree upon are ones that neither of us will have a problem with should they get in the wrong hands. All of the pictures are more of a memory for each of us and really do not show any clear facial shots.


Lori

[ATAK]

First I would request to meet with them, DEMAND that they bring the video and destroy it right in front of them. (It doesn't mean they couldn't have duplicated it but at least they will know how you feel about their actions.

I would demand not only the original but any copies made of the tape and warn them if they do not produce ALL copies of the tape that possible legal action could be taken against them. Invasion of Privacy is not something looked lightly upon.

I enjoy video taping as much as the couple you've spoken of, however, those tapes I do have are of situations that were in my home, and will only be seen by me and the person filmed. NO ONE outside of myself and the consenting person on film will ever see them. These tapes are for my own private enjoyment and the enjoyment of those who participated with me.

[JustAskJulie]

That's just wrong. No doubt about it. Did you ask them how they would feel if the roles were reversed and you were out showing the video to every couple you met?

I agree with the advice of Lori and ATAK. In regards to what to tell this third couple. I would tell them what happened in a round about way. No need to tell them exactly what happened or who was involved.

If the subject of the other couple comes up, I would tell them that you had a falling out due to a lack of discretion. But in a seperate conversation I would tell them about what actually happened, but not actually say that it was that couple. It's always been my experience that when talking with other couples the subject of "bad things" does usually come up.

The couple may put two and two together now or later. Either way it will probably help them to avoid the same fate.

[Emy_Fraser]

Thanks Lori, Atak and Julie.

We think you are quite right and will arrange to meet them and destroy the tape. We feel angry enough to threaten legal action over it, don't know if we would be brave enough though!

Lori, your idea of digital pics is a good one, we do have a digital camera and sometimes its nice to have a pic as a memory of wonderful night. Looking at them as two couples and weeding out the ugly ones is a very good idea.

Julie, we did ask them just that - how they would feel about it. And they came back that they would be quite happy for us to show video of them to any couple without missing a beat! We do think they were just trying to defend an impossible position by that time, and were willing to say almost anything.

We will take your advice with the mutual friends and see how it goes.

Emy and Fraser