Grossed out, and maybe even burned out?

[WildHogs]

We are members of this board, but using a different name for this post just in case anybody in this story may happen to read here.

We went to a house party at the home of a couple we have gotten to know somewhat (lifestyle circles) but haven't been intimate with. They seem like very friendly and fun people. Very social.

When we got there, several young kids were there. The parents of these kids and the kids are relatives of the host couple. We hear that they won't be there very long. Okay - weird they're there at all, but - okay. The parents of the kids know about their relative's/host's activities. The party goes on. People are drinking. People getting rowdier, and still waiting for kids to leave - but acting up enough that we WildHogs feel creepy about this whole thing. Someone's shirt comes off out in the yard where the kids are playing (somewhat blocked from kids view by more sober people). Ick.

Inside the house, 2 women take off tops and are posing for the host, who is snapping pics of them. Kids are trying to get in the glass door at that moment. We WildHogs stand against the glass door to keep them out at that moment and block their view. (Host knows that his young relatives are trying to get in but he keeps snapping pics.) ICK. Still, we are told that kids are about to leave any minute. Feeling creepy, but we decide to stay a little longer and maybe the creepy cloud over this party will lift.

Kids sent home to be by themselves (live nearby) but parents, who are drunk now, are staying. Party gets rowdier, but we WildHogs just are not catching the vibe this night. The drunkest chick there (first one with no top), appears to have a big herpes breakout on her mouth. ICK - and she's trying to kiss everybody.

Everybody in the house goes into the one room where smoking is allowed. Imagine 20 smokers all lighting up at the same time, and we two who seem to be the only non-smokers there trying to blend in and be social, but leaving very frequently for oxygen. Another obstacle for breaking this mood. (It seems like the ratio of smokers in this lifestyle is far higher than the ratio in the general population.)

Start talking to one nice couple outside of that room who also seemed to be coming up for air. Learned they are non-smokers, also. They're attractive. Start talking... then, drunk people butt in on us and break up the conversation. Next thing we know, drugs are brought out and served up on a platter. Mom and Dad (parents of those little kids) are now getting stoned on top of getting drunk.

As soon as we see this, it's over. We leave (politely make excuses).

We are so grossed out. It just seems like many of the lifestlyle people we meet are skanky like the characters in this story. Maybe our standards are too high. Maybe we want too much and are unrealistic. Maybe we just don't fit in.

Maybe swinging isn't for us?

Do any of you ever get to these grossed-out moments in swinging and wonder the same things? Do you ever feel like you're just burned out on the whole thing when things happen that really turn you off, making you not wish to keep meeting people like this? Do you take breaks when this happens, or is this when you simply quit?

Thanks for listening. advice is welcome.

[JustAskJulie]

ICK! And I don't blame you for leaving, I think I would have been out of there a lot earlier. Swinger party... what are kids doing here? An hour later, still kids there... um Kids on their own right are enough to put me in a bad mood... but I get really annoyed at people who aren't responsible when there are kids around.

I had an experience several years ago with a couple that this reminds me of. They had 2 or 3 kids, one old enough to know what's going on. One day they invited us out on their boat, COOL! The kids are there...um... well ok. I'm behaving to my utmost and trying to not be the least bit "swingerish" and the mom is on the other side of the boat flashing us her boob while the kids are swimming around the boat!

[flkeyscouple]

I agree with you - that scenario would have grossed me out too. I think, if a polite way was available, I'd have left as soon as I realized the kids were staying. But I could see me staying and thinking the same as you too - I just HOPE that I would have left!

We've NEVER been put into the position you were put in. I think you handled things as well as many would have.

I agree with the number of smokers in this lifestyle too - I'm a 'reformed' smoker (it's been 20 years!!!) and my hubby has never smoked. We've been forced outside to breathe a time or two also. BUT.. we put up with the extensive smoking because we enjoy the lifestyle.

After a few weeks look back on this situation and see if you are still thinking 'burn out' instead of 'gross out'. Things should be in perspective by then!

Good luck.

Mrs. FLKeys

[Chicup]

I think its picking well who you decide to hang out with.

We have only met one couple in the lifestyle who smokes because we mostly screen for it, and the type of people we are interested in tend to be non-smokers.

I think the smoking thing you are seeing is more of the party-hard crowd (obviously from the drugs). That GROUP will smoke far more than average, regardless of if they swing or not.

The kid thing is just awful on all counts.

I've YET to see drugs at a club we attend.

Oral herpes is very common but not the kinda thing that most people would be kissing with an outbreak.

Sounds like you found white trash swingers tbh.

P.S. This sounds like I would expect a 70's swingers party to be depicted in a movie, so I do hope this one isn't a troll (the topic de jour)

[spectraschain]

I do hope this one isn't a troll

Yeah, I hear ya...........

I can see the expression on Spectra's face. Oh shit, kids. ABOUT FACE!!!

They'd never miss us.

[VegasLee]

We have lots of kids and grandkids.... if we showed up at what was supposed to be a party for swingers and found kids we would have been out of there before anyone had a chance to close the door.

If your hosts don't use good common sense then you are left to yourself to do what you believe is right.

We also bail when anyone brings out the drugs. I have no problem with pot smokers but I don't desire to be around it.

BTW... the swingers parties in the 70's where not like described above.

There are people in all walks of life that don't have the sense god gave a rock and it seems you found a whole group of them in one night. Don't let that reflect on the Lifestyle. There is thousands of others out there that do not act that way. Not even in the trailer parks we visit.

[havefuninsun]

What horrible bad taste. Kids involved? KIDS???

The couples we have met have been kind, clean, respectable, and non-trashy. It does seem that there are a lot of smokers (from looking at profiles), but we screen for that. And the one couple we met who had one of the party's as a smoker was very respectful.

Sorry to hear about all of this -- I think (as it's been said) you may want to look for a new circle who better fits your desires.

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by VegasLee

BTW... the swingers parties in the 70's where not like described above.

Which is why I said 'movie', I have no anticipation for accuracy in any media.

[mrs good times]

I know we would have left immediately upon seeing the kids so we would have missed out on the rest of the reasons you gave to leave. Drugs aren't something we see often in the lifestyle but there are a few people we avoid because of this also.

The herpes breakout on the lip is the one that reminded me of a party we were at once and a girl there had the same thing. I noticed it and avoided contact with her but when I saw her giving a guy a blow job on the living room couch I became grossed out and we left. It's amazing to me how uninformed most swingers really are.

[Mr. Truelove]

Wow, if we had an experience like that early on in swinging, I might be scared off too.

I would think that would be far from the norm.

Mr. Truelove

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by WildHogs

Do any of you ever get to these grossed-out moments in swinging and wonder the same things? Do you ever feel like you're just burned out on the whole thing when things happen that really turn you off, making you not wish to keep meeting people like this? Do you take breaks when this happens, or is this when you simply quit?

Thanks for listening. advice is welcome.

We only got that "grossed out" feeling once, and it was early on, soon after we began swinging. It may have been the second couple we met...ahhh, so long ago I can't remember. It wasn't anything as strange as what you experienced. I just remember Mr LM and I didn't want to see what was before us, it was as if it couldn't really be what it appears, could it? So we hung around until we just had to get out of there.

We didn't feel burnt-out at that point - we had just started down the swinging road and chalked it up to newbieness.

Now, three years later we come across periods of being less enthusiastic about swinging, but it's never because of anything I would describe as a "gross" aspect of swinging.

We've never formally taken breaks from swinging. The breaks come informally and unexpectedly.

LM

[subtoMistressT]

I would also have left in a heart beat. There is no room for kids and drugs when parents are involved. Thye should be arrested.

[MoonLightKiss]

Stick me in the ICK column with everyone else when it comes to kids being there. And these are probably the type of people that give swingers the reputation of pedophiles among the vanilla crowd. *shudders*

As far as the drugs...our first experience involved the other couple doing cocaine. We beat a path out of there so fast...well it was fast anyway. But that is for my own personal reasons. Like VegasLee, I am not anti-marijuana. In fact I did a college paper on it, and found it to be very helpful in certain situations if used moderately, but thats another topic altogether, and I don't wanna hijack your thread.

But you did the right thing, and KUDOS to you. You left. I would like to say I would have done an about face at the door before it closed, but like someone said before, I might have stayed a bit in the hopes that maybe someone's times got screwed up. But when the drinking and getting naked starts with children still around, it leaves a foul taste in my mouth. So you did the right thing.

[WesternSwing]

You were right to leave. And I'll go on record saying this is not the norm for swingers or swinger parties. In the years we've been swinging we've neither been to a party where kids were present, nor had sex with another couple in their home when kids were there. I think 99% of swingers feel the same way as we do about this.

I would almost venture that the host couple are more "fringe swingers" and are just throwing wild adult-type parties, not true swinger parties. Therefore they really do not know the score and are not exercising common sense.

Mr. WS

[blondie77]

ICK ick and more ick. You were so right to leave and I totally agree with everything that's been said. I wouldn't neccesarily see this as a reason to quit the lifestyle, however. These people aren't swingers in my book. They're irresponsible, drunk "trash" (pardon me) that don't have a clue what it is to be swingers. Real swingers respect other people, especially children!, and wouldn't condone partying THAT hard and having sex with anyone who came by. Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't see these people as being in the majority. I don't think you can possibly set your standards too high...what's right for you is right. These people obviously aren't. Those poor kids....hmmmm