The female of the other couple may have issues

[ohmygosh]

Ok the wife and I are very new to the lifestyle and have only been with one couple. we met this couple online and went to dinner lied each other very much. and then hooked up for soft swap about 2 weeks later. At the time we all spent the day and that night with each other went to breakfast the next day. The girls did most of the playing and all was good.

Since then we have become pretty good friends we talk everyday via im and text sometimes all day long and then for a few hours at night. we have been to there house for cookouts and just to say hi we have met ther kids they have met ours we are all very comfortable around each other all is perfect. Right after our first soft swap incounter we set up a date about 3 weeks later for a full swap meet at our house. I and her talk everyday about it and the wife and him talk at night about it and at times we all talk toeach other. everybody can't wait. Ok the night comes. the kids are away we have a special dinner planned. we have little gifts for them the whole nine yards.
after dinner and a couple of drinks we all go get changed into something more comfortable and move to the couch to talk. we start with with a back massage for the girls and move on from the there the girls start playing a little us guys are playing with them all is good. Now mrs. ohmgygosh is very affectionate and out going she is all over him as far as touching rubbing nibbling ect. and he is to her as well. now I am doing the same to hrs other couple and she is all into it as well but not exactly giving anything back. that is fine maybe she is just nervous we will take it slow. this goes on for a bit and we move to the bedroom. same thing just more mrs. omygosh and mr. other couple are having a great time. and I am trying to mrs. other couple in the mood. she is not stopping me and is enjoying all the attention that I am giving her but nothing for me. I am starting to get very bored at this point and we all move on to the full swap part of the night me and him put on our protective suits and start going at it. well once again mrs ohmy and him are haveing a great time and that is good it is a turn on to watch them. but mrs other coulple is having a problem all of a sudden and I ask her if she is ok and she say yes everything is fine. But I can and mrs. ohmy can see that things are not ok. I stop immeditaly and just say sorry I just cant concetrate to try to take the pressure off of her a little and mrs ohmy and him slow down and I tell them to go ahead but they stop to to see what is up she says nothing I am fine I am just gettig tired. well this pretty much ends the night. they go shower and go to there room.Mrs ohmy and i hook up and make the best of it and finish ourselves wondering if there is a problem is she really just tired? who knows.

ok the next day we all meeting the kitchen we have a big breakfast planned and I he comes down and is happy sits at the table with us and say so I know this is your first time full swap and all are you guys ok with everything and then mrs other comes and sits on the couch not at the table putting her shoes on and we tell him yes we are fine. and he say so do you guys want to do this again, and we said yes that would be fun but I think you guys might need to talk about all that. he looks surprised as I point to her not sitting wiht us and she says that they dont want to eat breakfast she has to get her car in for service and they need to go. and then the light bulb comes on in his head.

So the that day I text her that I am concerned that she is not ok since we have not heard from them and we usually do. she send me back on ehtat say s she is fine. and she was just haveing a problem that it is not me and not to worry. I ask her if I can aske what the problem was last night since she really didn't seem into the whole time at least from the point where we started palying she was just fine up until that. she told me that she was nervous about the actually intercourse parts and didn't want to do it but knew it was coming and thought she would be fine but then when it started she wasn't but didnt want to ruin everything. I told her that I knew somthing was wrong and that is why I stopped almost as soon as we started and I wish she would have said something when I asked if she was ok. I felt like total shit. we didn't pressure anybody into anything. we all had been planning this for weeks talking eveytday for hours about it., she told me how he fucked her with a dildo and she pretended it was me and how good it was and on and on and on. and althoughthey don't have alot of experiecne they do have some she has done this before but only with one other guy.

she then said that she is fine with eveything else but would like to go back to soft swap. if we can and understands if we need to move on and find another couple to give us what we want. We are just confused as hell abou thte whole thing. I asked her if full would ever be in the future and she said at some point but just not right now she needs to be mor comfortable. Now she told me several timesin the past how comfortable she was with me and how glad she is that we got to know each other so well and on and on. and we have been with them for over 2 months and got to be really pretty good friends and once again talk everyday for hours.

So we told her them that we will wait for her but i need to know that she is into this and wants this and wants me cause I feel left out I love to pleas and give tons of attention just like mrs ohmy does but I do need to feel wanted to and need attention in ruturn. Then she says the next day well what if I nevr get to the point where i am ok with full? I told her I don't know if that will work for us forever we will just have to see I mean soft is fine with us but at some point we want to know that full is going to happen. is that wrong. Mr. other told me how sorry he was the next day and how he didn't know and he had aksed her for the last 2 weeks if she was ok with this and she kept saying yes she was and couldn;t wait. and her and I pretty much set this whole thing up so its not like she was kept in the dark. I don't know what do we do????? We do really like them but kinda feel like we are getting toyed with is that wrong. I don't want her to feel like she has to do anything and certainly don't want her if she doesn't want me. she says that is not the problem it is just the whole love and sex thing she is having a problem seperating.

[Darkblue]

I dont htink you are being used at least not from the other wife.. i think she does have issues that she has to sort out with herself and her hubby, good on you for stopping when you saw things were not right!!.
I would stick around for a while longer but no full swop for your wife and him!!! see how things develope over the next few weeks ,if things dont move in any direction then maybe its time to move on...I am sure that some of the others will have a more thorough evaluation of this situation!! and maybe better advice!!


quote ,the whole love and sex thing she is having a problem seperating.

"This sound very much like my wife"

Steve

[ShellyM]

Both myself and a lot of others can relate to this, trust me. Well, for one thing I'm glad you are being patient with her. The truth is, you never know how you are REALLY going to feel about something until you really see it. See, she has a fantasy. Yes, it annoys the shit out of me when people are one way on IM, and then you are with them in person and they are like a different individual. But once she got in the kitchen she realized the stove was just too hot. Sure, she should have said I'm sorry, this isn't working. But like me, she decided to just go with the flow and try to fake it. Okay, doesn't work well. I can't tell you what you should do. I'm glad they are your friends, they sound like great people. Hey, and if you met great friends than you won in the end anyways. Don't take is personally, she is having conflicting feelings with herself regarding this issue. You may need to sit down with her though and ask her once and for all what she wants to do. And look for couples who are comfortable with full swap. Like me, you live and learn. Chalk it up to learning experience, and move forward. Now you know what questions to ask couples from jump.
Best of luck to you!

[flkeyscouple]

The way you explain how the four of you became such good friends make me say that you should not give up yet. Give her some space to figure out her feelings. Go back to the soft swap for awhile and see if the friendship still holds out - then even if nothing else happens, you at least have some new friends! But maybe at sometime during some soft swap she'll figure out the difference between love and sex - and will agree to try the full swap again. But give her some time. She needs to be comfortable with it.

I agree that she should have said 'hold on - let's slow down', but she didn't. Just like Shelly said with her experience, she decided to go with the flow and not wreck it for everyone else. I think that just shows that she is trying hard to be comfortable with the whole situation. I don't doubt that I would do the same thing - fake it to keep it going for the others. That's not necessarily the RIGHT thing to do, but I can see it happening often!

So... good luck. I think the friendship you talked about might be enough to make this work in the long run. It's just how long does the 'long run' take? You might decide to move on, which would also be understandable. But I think, from your description, she simply needs some time.

Keep us all informed!

Sarah

[MoonLightKiss]

IMO, you aren't being used. The other wife had a genuine concern she needed to address. And kudos to you for seeing the problem and stopping the play. I would say since you have invested the time to become good friends, to step back away from full swap with them for the time being but remain good friends, maybe some soft swap if she is comfortable with that. But from your post, I got the impression that she was not all into it even during foreplay. So, you might want to consider that when deciding on whether or not to continue soft swap.

I would also sit down with them, and explain that you are their friends. And at anytime someone is not comfortable say something. Don't just "lay there and take it". State this more than once, make it clear, and explain that no hurt feelings are going to result. This might make it easier for her to speak up. And if you do get back to full swap, make double sure everyone is comfortable.

[SouthBond]

You said "nothing for me" somewhere in your narrative. She wouldn't fuck, suck, feel, rub or what? I don't worry about me. If I can get in bed with a women, she is going to have an orgasm. Whatever it takes to get her there. Once she has an orgasm, everything else, including me, usually takes place. It sounds like the other wife really doesn't want to swap. It sounds like your wife and the other husband had a good time. I would bet that you will never see the other wife again in a sexual setting. However, the other husband is going to want to visit your wife and I bet that she would be glad to entertain him. I also bet that the other husband would be more than glad to cheat on his wife and meet you and your wife for a fun filled threesome. If you want "any" you are probably going to have to find a more cooperative couple. Just keep knocking on those doors and you will find the right combination.

[JustAskJulie]

I have to agree with the others, no one is being used here. My biggest concern is whether or not she is really into the idea of swinging or if it's something her hubby is pushing her into. I would also be concerned at their apparent lack of communication (ie. him not getting a clue that something was wrong when both you and your wife picked up on it).

I would definately back off from swinging with them, keep things light and pressure free. If you really enjoy them as friends then keep them as that, as far as the swinging I probably wouldn't go beyond light flirting with them and let HER be the one to make the moves for anything more. And keep your eyes open for another couple that may be more compatible to you sexually.

You said that he asked if you guys were ok because it was YOUR first time. From what she said though, it was their first time as well, or am I wrong?

[havefuninsun]

I think she just got freaked out. It happens. And how cool that she told you, even if not immediately. So play in her comfort zone ... remember, the farthest you go is wha the most comfort zone is for any given person.

[ohmygosh]

Ok thanks everybody for all the advice. I/we are taking it the same way as all of you have said and I just wanted to be sure that we were not be clouded by the freindship thing. They are really great people and we like them alot. I spoke with her today voiced my concerns that I don't want her to feel pressure to do anything that she does not want to do. She said that she is fine with everything with soft swap and that her problem is really with intercourse and that she would like to go back to soft swap and may at some point be ok with full but she could not say for sure it she would or when that would be. She also said that they understand if we need to start looking for another couple that will give us what we want.
I told her that we are fine with soft swap as we can have lots of fun with that too and that we will take it slow and go at her pace and just hope that at some point she will be ok with full but if not then we understand. I also told her that the ball is in their court we want to get together again and play and get this one out of our minds as soon as possible but that is up to them and her as to when that will happen. Yes the husband is all about it and to be honest I would not have a problem with the three of us playing but that is not going to happen as I don't think she would allow it and we would not want to be a part of anybody cheating on anybody. Thanks again

[Sweet_Candy]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

I have to agree with the others, no one is being used here. My biggest concern is whether or not she is really into the idea of swinging or if it's something her hubby is pushing her into. I would also be concerned at their apparent lack of communication (ie. him not getting a clue that something was wrong when both you and your wife picked up on it).

I would definately back off from swinging with them, keep things light and pressure free. If you really enjoy them as friends then keep them as that, as far as the swinging I probably wouldn't go beyond light flirting with them and let HER be the one to make the moves for anything more. And keep your eyes open for another couple that may be more compatible to you sexually.

You said that he asked if you guys were ok because it was YOUR first time. From what she said though, it was their first time as well, or am I wrong?

I think Julie hit it in the head. Keep it light and broaden your horizons.

[Cpl2share]

How ironic: You have described an incident that occured to us almost exactly a year ago. We were very good friends with another couple. She (the other) was very bi and very interested in the Mrs. and somewhat into me. He was also very interested in my Mrs. We arranged a get away in Minneapolis (about 90 miles away) and had anticipated not only full swap, but also some FF exploration. My Mrs. was only slightly bi-curious, but she is the one who suggested the get away. We had done some soft swing with this couple on a couple of previous occasions.

We got to the motel, went out for supper, went to the tavern, etc. When we got back to thier room, we started into soft swing, the three of us concentrating on my Mrs. After we seperated into me and the other Mrs. / He and my Mrs., my lady called it off. We did all end up in our respective rooms and had some serious knock down sex with our own partners. After that incident, the friendship kind of died out. It took until about a month ago for my Mrs. to come to me with what was up:

She does not consider herself BI, but she has realised that some women do really turn her on. The whole weekend was kind of shot in teh asss because my wife was scared about her own sexual feelings for our friend (Mrs.) and in actuallity was more interested in her than him.

Don't get me wrong, we still have an extremely good marriage, and she (my wonderful wife) has learned to be more honest with herself, and trust me to believe in her.

[iapr]

I'll throw in a little different perspective, from your long detailed initial post and your continued discussions with them it is apparent that this is wearting on you for one degree or another. ask yourself this, is it really worth all the headache and drama? She herself said you could move on if they/she wasn't doing it for you.

Here's putting it bluntly, a gal that wants to full swap with you will wrap her legs around you and breathe a hot breath into your ear telling you she wants you then she will grab your ass and pull you inside of her...This chick ain't doing that and alll the nicey-nice talk of soft swapping and comfort levels ain't gonna change that. If she wants you she wants you and if she doesn't she doesn't. She may like you and think you are an awesome guy but if she wanted your shaft she would be riding it as we speak.

There are a lot of people out there and some of them will be on more equal footing with everything and things will flow much more smoothly and naturally than what they are with this couple.

This doesn't mean that they are bad people or that you have to stop liking them or thinking fondly of them. What I am suggesting is that you do not invest any more emotional energy or time in them if they aren't accomplishing what you want from a swinging relationship.

This isn't a bad situation and this isn't horror story by any means it is just very hard to find a 4-way situation where all 4 people click together equally. Enjoy it for what it was then move on and look for another couple. This is all about a journey and the process not an event.

[OnHArry]

MAybe she would have been more comfortable in seperate rooms. Perhaps she was uncomfortable watching her hubby have sex with another woman or she did not like the idea of him seeing her, it happens.

[aahours1]

No you do not have a problem. Like "Just askJulie" said. I also believe that the hubby was forcing her into it. She did not respond to you, what so ever, which makes me believe it was ALL her Husbands idea. She was just there for the ride, no pun intended. She is having issues and especially when she saw her husband doing your wife, it made her come to reality. You and the other male need to sit down over drinks or a light lunch, by yourselves, and discuss the matter about her. Asking him, WHOSE IDEA WAS IT TO START SWINGING and wanting to SWAP? Then take it from there and see if he was doing it for himself and doing the pushing to get her to go along with it. But that maybe touchy, so take it careful and slow.

[Tia Vampire]

i don't see how you think of yourselves as being used, but maybe there was something said or done that made the lady uncomfortable. we have had this happen to us with a couple. everything was going o.k. but something just did not seem right to me, (the female 1/2). the male half of the couple did not want to hang out and get into the mood like the rest of us, including his wife. he just wanted to jump into bed. this was a turn off for me and i didn't want to continue the night. there were some other things too, but this was the main one. if they were to call to find out what went wrong then maybe we would continue the friendship, i called them the day after to apologize and they said they were busy and we have not heard from them since. their lost and another's couple gain i say. It was not all that dramatic to cause such a fuss anyway.