Stood Up

[ktimephoenix]

Originally Posted by Dynamar

Or just the beer... it sounded like he was just going to a party, not the game. What a dumbass!

i've passed up offers of sex to watch a car race or go for a surf when i was single(Mrs P was quite surprised when i told her that i wouldn't come over till the biggest race of the year finished ), all i can say is sometimes i'm not sex obsessed... but i have never cancelled plans for reasons other than personal or family emergencies.

[SW_PA_Couple]

Three Strikes and You're Out

OK, here I sit at my keyboard, JoAnn is propped up in bed flipping channels on the television. We were supposed to have visitors at the house tonight. Nobody showed. Nobody called. As late as noon today, one of the two confirmed by a text message that they would be here at 7 pm. We had a good date with them last August. In September, they skipped out, called later in the evening and offered the explanation, "I had to work late." In November, they we so eager to see us that they ran their car into a ditch (in retrospect, wondering about that story). Tonight, the roads are clear, the weather is good, all cell phone and land lines are functioning perfectly. But no swinger couple at our door and no phone call to say they have been detained. No explanation need be offered this time. Three strikes and you are out!

~Michael

[bbarnsworth]

We're running into a bit of a similar situation. We're trying to work things up with a single male for an MFM. We've met him for a meet and greet. He's nice, intelligent, well spoken, etc. For my wife, he hits on all the major cylinders. My wife said if she were single she'd possibly date him, and she does want to have sex with him.

So, we worked to set everything up for a date some weeks ago. It didn't pan out. I won't go into details here, but it didn't pan out. The reason given was believable enough though, so we decided to give it another go. Right now, we're waiting to see how things go for this second setup. So far, it hasn't been so good. Drops in communication being the biggest thing right now. We've got a tentative date set up in the near future, and are expecting to hear from him soon. My wife isn't as jazzed about him as she was, but is still willing to play if he doesn't drop the ball again.

If he does drop it, he's toast.

[SW_PA_Couple]

Originally Posted by bbarnsworth

. . . . Right now, we're waiting to see how things go for this second setup. So far, it hasn't been so good. Drops in communication being the biggest thing right now. We've got a tentative date set up in the near future, and are expecting to hear from him soon. My wife isn't as jazzed about him as she was, but is still willing to play if he doesn't drop the ball again.

If he does drop it, he's toast.

My wife was feeling rejected over the whole affair so I made a suggestion to her that we accept an invitation to a Saturday-evening house party which we had received earlier in the week. Well, both she and I had a really good time and are now feeling pretty mellow. I hope your meeting with your man friend comes off OK. Let us all know.

~Michael

[sweet_tna]

Originally Posted by SW_PA_Couple

My wife was feeling rejected over the whole affair so I made a suggestion to her that we accept an invitation to a Saturday-evening house party which we had received earlier in the week. Well, both she and I had a really good time and are now feeling pretty mellow. I hope your meeting with your man friend comes off OK. Let us all know.

~Michael

Oh Michael! I'm so sorry to hear she was left feeling bad . . . Glad ya'll found a way to make up for it, though.


I seem to attract friends who are a bit flaky when it comes to making plans (mostly in regard to vanilla stuff, though). For someone like me, who goes out of her way not to disappoint anyone, it really stings. I've gradually gotten a bit of a thicker skin about it and have learned with certain folks to just keep my expectations low. (shrugs).

http://bestsmileys.com/hugging/1.gif

=)

[SW_PA_Couple]

Originally Posted by sweet_tna

Oh Michael! I'm so sorry to hear she was left feeling bad . . . Glad ya'll found a way to make up for it, though.

Thanks for the kind words and encouragement.

[bbarnsworth]

Originally Posted by sweet_tna

I seem to attract friends who are a bit flaky when it comes to making plans

I wonder if the lifestyle attracts more or less flaky people than the average in society?

At any rate, in trying to assuage my wife's concerns of this single male we're trying to set things up with (who keeps dropping the communication ball) I told her not to fret too much about the flakiness. "Do not attribute to rudeness/stupidity/etc. that which can be attributed to innocent flakiness"

Flakiness by itself isn't bad. There are personality types out there who are the life of the party, who don't think about much more than the here and now in any particular serious way, and live life moment to moment when not focused on work, etc. These people are often labeled as "flaky" and there's really nothing bad about them. They're just fun loving people.

My wife isn't holding her breath over this guy. If it works out, it works out. Personally, I think she's going to have a great time having sex with him if it works out. I think he'll be a lot of fun in bed. It's just getting there that might be the problem

We were hopeful that this guy might be a regular. He's local to us, which makes setting up play time easy. But, he probably won't work out as a regular. C'est la vie. It if happens, it'll still be fun.

[sweet_tna]

Originally Posted by bbarnsworth

I wonder if the lifestyle attracts more or less flaky people than the average in society?

I'd venture to say that like a lot of things, it's probably about the same with vanillas and swingers.

Flakiness by itself isn't bad. There are personality types out there who are the life of the party, who don't think about much more than the here and now in any particular serious way, and live life moment to moment when not focused on work, etc. These people are often labeled as "flaky" and there's really nothing bad about them. They're just fun loving people.

To a point, I agree. There is something to be said for living in the moment, but there's also something to be said for common courtesy. If you make plans with someone, then KEEP them. If something genuinely comes up, then let the folks with whom you have plans the courtesy of a phone call or text as soon as you know your plans have changed. (Can you tell this is a pet peeve of mine?)

My wife isn't holding her breath over this guy. If it works out, it works out. Personally, I think she's going to have a great time having sex with him if it works out. I think he'll be a lot of fun in bed. It's just getting there that might be the problem

Kudos on maintaining a good attitude about the situation. Hope it works out!

=)

[bbarnsworth]

Originally Posted by sweet_tna

... but there's also something to be said for common courtesy. If you make plans with someone, then KEEP them. If something genuinely comes up, then let the folks with whom you have plans the courtesy of a phone call or text as soon as you know your plans have changed. (Can you tell this is a pet peeve of mine?)

I agree it's definitely common courtesy. The problem we had was the guy in question simply vanished. We couldn't reach him via e-mail or phone. He re-appeared some days after when we were supposed to get together with him. His explanation was quite believable, but as my wife said "Fool me once..." He gets a second chance. No third chance.

For our part, we've never stood anyone up in swinging. If we make a commitment, we stick to it unless a serious emergency arises. If that ever happens, we will inform our play partners as soon as we are able to.

Originally Posted by sweet_tna

Kudos on maintaining a good attitude about the situation. Hope it works out!

=)

If it doesn't, it doesn't. There's other prospective play partners in the works anyways, so it's not a big deal if this one doesn't work out. One in particular we're quite interested in. Still, though we're not wildly experienced in swinging, we've been around long enough to know not to get your expectations of anything up, and just go with what comes your way.

[sweet_tna]

Originally Posted by bbarnsworth

If it doesn't, it doesn't. There's other prospective play partners in the works anyways, so it's not a big deal if this one doesn't work out. One in particular we're quite interested in. Still, though we're not wildly experienced in swinging, we've been around long enough to know not to get your expectations of anything up, and just go with what comes your way.

That's pretty much how we are with any lifestyle stuff. I figure a night out with my honey is never a loss.

=)

[LOL_OMG]

One thing that we have noticed is that lately more of the people we have met do things at the spur of the moment. That's usually not our style so needless to say we have not gotten together recently. we understand life getting in the way sometimes but it still puzzles us that so many people are having trouble making plans and keeping them.

Mr. Lol

[bbarnsworth]

Originally Posted by LOL_OMG

One thing that we have noticed is that lately more of the people we have met do things at the spur of the moment. That's usually not our style so needless to say we have not gotten together recently. we understand life getting in the way sometimes but it still puzzles us that so many people are having trouble making plans and keeping them.

We have kids. There was a thread recently about this, and concerns couples without children have in playing with couples that do, and vice versa. The reality for us with kids is that we can't spontaneously drop everything and go. We have to plan in advance.

We've received several offers inviting us to spur of the moment meet ups. We've politely declined them all. On the other side of that, any date that we set up to meet and/or play, we keep it.

[rpu3]

The reality for us with kids is that we can't spontaneously drop everything and go. We have to plan in advance.

That same reality exists even for those of us without children. Just because I'm childfree by choice doesn't mean I can just drop everything and go out, either.

The fact is that some of us just like having plans and schedules for whatever reason. I have to have a schedule or plans in place in advance in order to make sure my obligations at work, home, family and friends are met. I'm committed to meeting the expectations and obligations I take on and I can't do that without a good schedule and without proper advance planning.

While I could occasionally just do something spur of the moment, it's not in my nature and not my preference. I know there are a lot of others like me, child free or with children.

[The Fuse]

Originally Posted by rpu3

That same reality exists even for those of us without children. Just because I'm childfree by choice doesn't mean I can just drop everything and go out, either.

The fact is that some of us just like having plans and schedules for whatever reason. I have to have a schedule or plans in place in advance in order to make sure my obligations at work, home, family and friends are met. I'm committed to meeting the expectations and obligations I take on and I can't do that without a good schedule and without proper advance planning.

While I could occasionally just do something spur of the moment, it's not in my nature and not my preference. I know there are a lot of others like me, child free or with children.

Yes, yes, yes! We like having plans. It's partly temperament, partly circumstances (no swing club open every weekend and not too many other fun things to do around here), and partly that we like the anticipation!

If there's someone we're interested in, or current friends, we get a warm glowy (okay, wet) feeling knowing that we will see them on a certain day. The activity doesn't have to be known in advance. Just the expectation of good company.

I can also make sure I'm prepared with all the right girly preps (paint my nails, pluck my eyebrows, give myself a good shave, and the gray roots covered ). Not to mention having whatever I want to wear in a clean condition. All of that stuff takes effort and time. I don't keep everything "done" all the time, but when we have a date, I think they appreciate if I've made the effort.

[bbarnsworth]

Ok, allow me to rephrase while I try to digest my toes.

I don't mean to suggest that childfree couples are willy nilly do whatever they want whenever they want, and it's good and easy. I'm just saying that scheduling is easier when you don't have kids in the mix. Having spent considerable time as an adult without kids, I've seen it from both sides of the coin. At home, it amazes me that it can take up to two hours to get out the door from the time we decide to leave. Before kids, a fraction of that.

And merging posts with another response to something above (since this additional response is short).

Originally Posted by SW_PA_Couple

I hope your meeting with your man friend comes off OK. Let us all know.

Fail. He dropped the ball again. He's toast.