Completely bent out of shape

[Funcpl647]

We recently had an experience with a couple which made our record book. It was our worst experience EVER . We left the next morning shaking our heads and shuddering with remorse. We actually felt guilty for going with the flow, overlooking the obvious, and not having the balls to say "Stop. We're outta here."

The initial meeting for drinks went well. The bar where we met was dark and noisy and the other couple was tucked neatly behind the other side of the booth. The conversation was fun and lively. We felt comfortable. The couple seemed like a good fit - except for their no kissing rule. We've never tried that and thought, "Shouldn't be too much of a problem." As we left they remained seated.

Fast forward to the next meeting at their place - 45 miles from our home in another state. He's about 5'7", profile says 6'. She's about 150, profile says 135. Not that big a deal so we chalk it up to a confidence issue, tuck it away, and move on. Dinner was very good, the conversation was interesting and fun, and the chemistry seemed to be heating up. So things get going. A little wine, a little dancing, a little more wine. When then the other male drops his draws, Mrs. Funcpl drops to her knees - and discovers a small penis so severly bent that her heart sinks. I literally saw her shoulders drop. Yet another cock problem! Some of you know that this seems to be our pre-determined lot in the swinging world.

We talked in private about leaving, but decided that we wouldn't because we just don't drink and drive. Call a cab? Leave the car? We wondered "How the hell did we miss this?" We are stunned that the other couple didn't mention this fact. We decided to make the best of it, but things just went down hill from there. Because of their no kissing rule, we felt completely disconnected from this couple. My wife later said that the intercourse was like a wierd science experiment, a little painful and not at all pleasureable. So, thanks to alcohol and trying to avoid the male, let's jsut say that Mrs. Funcpl made choices that she has never made before. I could sense her frustration and, for the first time ever, couldn't get it up. Ever. At all. Not even the next morning.

We left the next morning feeling ashamed, guilty, disgusted, pissed off, lied to and anything but sexy. We haven't had sex with each other since. Now what? Your opinions and advice please.
Mr. Funcpl

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by Funcpl647

We haven't had sex with each other since. Now what?

As bad as everything was - this is definitely the worst part of it all. Swinging should open pathways of being even more intimate with each other - not more distant. I am sorry this is happening more than I am sorry for what did happen.

Hindsight is 20/20 in situations like this and all anyone here can do is play armchair quarterback. So - I would have simply teamed up with my wife and kept the play between the two of us. I would have turned the entire scenario into soft-swing. If they objected, I would say that was our preferred way of playing "right now" and leave it at that...

But - I wasn't in your shoes - and don't know what sort of pressure you two were really under...

It would have been extremely awkward to call a cab - setting yourself up for an uncomfortable confrontation the next day when you come back to get your car; and driving home when you weren't really capable of doing so would have been irresponsible. Unfortunately, you were in a no-win situation (yet another reason we meet our friends, typically, at a club first).

But - like I said - this is all armchair quarterback - and the most important thing is not what you did - but what it has done to the two of you.

My suggestion would be to distance yourself from swinging right now. Don't visit your ad site - maybe even take a break from here (though this will undoubtedly be a place where you will find support and encouragement) - and definitely just put things on the back burner.

Purposely try to rebuild your self-esteem together. Go out of your way to encourage each other that you guys did nothing wrong - you were just in a bad situation. Discuss new "rules" and ways that you will avoid that in the future. Like - ask them to dance or at least walk them out to their car so you can make sure they haven't lied about insignificant things like their height (dishonesty here is a guarantee of dishonesty elsewhere). Sure - no one is "on the money" with their weight - unless they change it daily after their morning weigh-in, but I know that adding five inches to my height is going to be noticed.

Anything you two discuss - TOGETHER - is going to help you guys get past this bad experience. It sounds more like an accumulation of experiences that have just left the two of you defeated and deflated. But - this is about the two of you - and you have to keep that in perspective. We've all made mistakes in the lifestyle - regardless of the "perfect" advice we give around here

Good luck to you guys!

Spoomonkey

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by Funcpl647

We left the next morning feeling ashamed, guilty, disgusted, pissed off, lied to and anything but sexy. We haven't had sex with each other since. Now what? Your opinions and advice please.
Mr. Funcpl

I'm so sorry for you two! We too had a bad experience very early on, after which we took a break from swinging for awhile to think things through, learn more about what we'd do different if we did it over, what we'd do next time, etc. This break was just the thing we needed, and it's been so much better since then. In fact, that was about the time we discovered this board. Reading through other people's situations and relating to them helped us a lot.

I agree with Spoomonkey, just focus on the two of you for now, and get back on track sexually and emotionally between you two. How about make a very romantic plan, something guaranteed to make you feel close and connected to each other? As a married couple, you two know what that is, for you.

Hugs and best wishes!

[ohash01]

I definately agree with the first 2 posters...reconnect with each other first. It's always hard when you get SO excited and then find out there is a problem. Which is probably why the letdown is so much more painful.

It was definately a tough situation...especially with the fact that you had no good "out". I'm now using your story as an example as to why atleast one of us should stay sober-ish. I hate feeling trapped and being in that situation probably would have sent me into panic-attack mode.

It's always tough...it's like dating again...you will have dates so disappointing that you want to just curl up under the covers and hide for 2 years. But since you're already lucky and have one another...use that. Be there for one another. Re-infoce the fact that as a couple you are sexy and fun and worthwhile. I wish you all the luck in the world in whichever path you choose.

[classi_chassis]

I would have left no matter what, they in fact by their omissions lied to you (in my opinion). We had a similar situation this last weekend. We normally don't play on impulse, but we had just finally got the hot tub fixed, it was my birthday weekend...just wanted to have fun!! LOL, when to make a long story short this couple about 40 min or so from us, had e mailed wanted to know if we were doing anything Sat. nite, they weren't. So we thought why not, emailed them back and talk a few, told them we had a pool, hot tub and bar, come over and hang out. Seemed great, things went well, we got naggie and got in the hot tub, well he was a two minute marithon man (if that)... I was like on nooooooooooo, this can't be happening......then he moved to the other side of the hot tub and told me he was thru, I was stunned, she was wanting to go hot and heavy with my SO, I went in the house to the bathroom, came back, he had joined in with my SO and his, I just looked at them and the total scene...told them this isn't working out and you need to leave. They were not up front with us, he after I asked them to leave told my SO that he can't last long, that is why they swing??? Have you run into this, also? I felt totally used and not wanted.

[classi_chassis]

ishould have finished, my SO was totally supportative of me.. and we continue to have a great relationship, in and out of the sack. You do need to be there for each other.....there are a lot of users and selfish people out there.

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by classi_chassis

Seemed great, things went well, we got naggie and got in the hot tub, well he was a two minute marithon man (if that)... I was like on nooooooooooo, this can't be happening......then he moved to the other side of the hot tub and told me he was thru, I was stunned, she was wanting to go hot and heavy with my SO, I went in the house to the bathroom, came back, he had joined in with my SO and his, I just looked at them and the total scene...told them this isn't working out and you need to leave. They were not up front with us, he after I asked them to leave told my SO that he can't last long, that is why they swing??? Have you run into this, also? I felt totally used and not wanted.

I've run into 2-minute man before. In our case, we were in a hotel room. He's the kind that when he's done he's DONE. He went to a chair and turned on the TV, seeming to be disinterested in what was going on. Yuck! However, in this case, his wife, my husband and I went on and on in 3some fashion, and my husband made sure I was satisfied. LAST time with them, though!

I've never heard of a couple using the guy's quick-draw problem as their excuse or reason to swing. Sounds very selfish. He should know that if he can't last long enough to make sure the woman is satisfied, he should satisfy her in other ways!

Another thought: if he was really done, why would he have jumped in on his wife and your husband's action? That doesn't sound done. Sounds fishy.

[classi_chassis]

I agree, that is what made me even more upset, I was turned on by watching her give my SO head, before and then I felt like a real disappointment to him, tho what he was doing was holding her up and playing with her nipples while my SO went down on her. I don't blame her for wanting Bruce, he NEVER leaves a woman wanting!! He is really my knight in shining armor, once he realized what had happend and was going on he completely backed me up.....and I must say I turned out the winner!!!! all the work up for him went to ME !! LOL but we won't be seeing this couple again.

[classi_chassis]

I'm really not ugly, you can check out our profile, so I really don't understand human nature, any why people act like they do.


bvillecouple4fun on AFF

[ShellyM]

In response to the OP.
I am SO SORRY about your bad experience! Oh man, what a nightmare. As far as you and your wife not making love, I think you need to. I think it will bring you back together again. You did NOTHING wrong, let me start by saying that. You were honest with them, and it was them that lied and mis-led you that way. They should be ashamed. I have never been there, but almost was in a "no kissing" play date but backed out. I 100% understand you there, I don't know how I would be able to connect either. You did nothing wrong. If I had to say where you did go wrong I would say that you didn't stop things. You cannot worry about being a nice guy all the time, look what it did!
Relax, and don't let this scar you.

[ShellyM]

Originally Posted by classi_chassis

I would have left no matter what, they in fact by their omissions lied to you (in my opinion). We had a similar situation this last weekend. We normally don't play on impulse, but we had just finally got the hot tub fixed, it was my birthday weekend...just wanted to have fun!! LOL, when to make a long story short this couple about 40 min or so from us, had e mailed wanted to know if we were doing anything Sat. nite, they weren't. So we thought why not, emailed them back and talk a few, told them we had a pool, hot tub and bar, come over and hang out. Seemed great, things went well, we got naggie and got in the hot tub, well he was a two minute marithon man (if that)... I was like on nooooooooooo, this can't be happening......then he moved to the other side of the hot tub and told me he was thru, I was stunned, she was wanting to go hot and heavy with my SO, I went in the house to the bathroom, came back, he had joined in with my SO and his, I just looked at them and the total scene...told them this isn't working out and you need to leave. They were not up front with us, he after I asked them to leave told my SO that he can't last long, that is why they swing??? Have you run into this, also? I felt totally used and not wanted.

Thats just sick.

[Jack&Jill]

Just curious, as a man who is slightly linearly challenged, what is the general feeling from the females in this regard? Obviously, there were other factors involved in the situation under discussion, not least of which is dishonesty, but how curved is too curved?

We've never had any real difficulties, though I am slightly above average in length, and my wife is very petite and shallow. Doggy style is a bit tricky for us, though, having never been with anyone else (yet), we aren't sure if it's one of us or simply a combination of the two. Anyway, this might be a better topic for another thread, but I am curious about it. Any thoughts?

[Funcpl647]

Hi All-
The Mrs. here. Thanks for all your input.

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

So - I would have simply teamed up with my wife and kept the play between the two of us. I would have turned the entire scenario into soft-swing. If they objected, I would say that was our preferred way of playing "right now" and leave it at that...

This is brilliant. Absolutely brilliant! Why didn't we think of this that night? It's definitely something we'll use in the future. Thank you, Spoonmonkey, from the bottom of my bleeding little heart.

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

My suggestion would be to distance yourself from swinging right now. Don't visit your ad site - maybe even take a break from here (though this will undoubtedly be a place where you will find support and encouragement) - and definitely just put things on the back burner.

I think this is important, especially until we have a chance to reconnect. And, thanks to you, tonight is looking good. Really good. Thank you for your words of wisdon...

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

Discuss new "rules" and ways that you will avoid that in the future.

Mr. Funcpl here.
Someone once said on this board that half the fun is finding out what the other couple is made of. I say bullshit. I appreciate difference, but not deception. Any suggestions on what questions to ask? "Ummm, excuse me, but could you please tell my wife about your cock?" C'mon. And how do you reasure someone else without tooting your own horn? Aren't men that do are immediately suspect?

Mrs: I agree. This trial and error thing is getting way out of hand for us. And is extremely time consuming! :surrender I used to consider myself a fairly good judge of character. I used to believe that most people tell the truth. Shit! I hate growing up.

Thanks again. We are both very glad to have found the board and appreciate the time you took to respond. Any more suggestions on "the interview" would be much appreciated, as this seems to be our biggest problem.
Mr. & Mrs. Funcpl

[Funcpl647]

Originally Posted by Jack&Jill

how curved is too curved?

Hi Jack-
We play regularly with another man whose penis, when erect, is curved downward at about 25-30 degrees. Even with the slight curvature, he has a magnificent cock. Never had a problem. My wife either.
The cock in this post, and my wife's estimating here, was bent about half way down the 5 inch shaft 45-50 degrees to the left. Like I said, we left the protractor at home. For my wife, it was too much. However, Bentdick's SO seemed to accomodate it just fine. We just wish we would have been informed. I mean, if a woman was missing a breast, surely that should come up somewhere in discussion don't cha think?
Mr. Funcpl (And the Mrs. too.)

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by Jack&Jill

Just curious, as a man who is slightly linearly challenged, what is the general feeling from the females in this regard? Obviously, there were other factors involved in the situation under discussion, not least of which is dishonesty, but how curved is too curved?

You may want to start a new thread with this question.