IF MARRIED~DON'T SWING...IT CAN BE HORRIBLE & RUIN YOUR MARRIAGE

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by SuAndBud

Call me soft or a sap or whatever, but I get turned on to see her with another guy and she seems to enjoy the attention. I'd love her to want to see me do likewise with another girl, but until that is cool with her (and it has to come from her), I'm in control and "faithfull" to her.

I don't think anyone here will call you soft or a sap for being turned on watching your wife with another guy, and more importantly wanting her to enjoy herself.

I think too often we get so far into this and forget what those early days felt like. How scary it may have been or those small pangs of jealousy or questions we may have had. It's too easy to become jaded as we are involved in this lifestyle for longer periods of time. It's important for each of us to look back and try to remember how we felt the first time.

Yes, swinging can be a horrible decision and it CAN ruin your marriage... if it's the wrong decision for you. But we each have to make our own decisions and it's up to each of us to do the research first and think about decisions long enough to hopefully make the RIGHT decision, so that we don't ruin anything.

Again Welcome Bud, I hope you'll stick around. Please be sure to confirm your email address so you have have full access here.

[She_n_Jaybee]

Originally Posted by SuAndBud

Agree with your last paragraph, (the first was less easy) but even an ignoramus could see that Bif was s'posed to be Big...mistake.

Lighten up please.

Of course I understood that "Bif" was a typographical error and generally, I wouldn't mention such a trivial detail. However, because the typo happened to transform into an abbreviation which is commonly used in this lifestyle (and this forum) I felt inclined to point out the connection. As for lightening up, I don't know if that's possible. I'm often accused of taking nothing seriously. While my tone might appear to be vicious, it is all done tongue-in-cheek. I poke fun, but only at those most deserving.

[SuAndBud]

Thanks Julie for your attention and encouragement.

I guess the hardest part for wannabee swingers is looking your soulmate in the eye and saying I'm happy to see you doing the sort of stuff with someone else that Emily Bronte would have deemed anathema.

"But how can you possibly love me then?" Is the natural response (all the while thinking "that sounds so cool" giggle). Su and I giggle about this a lot, which helps no end.

Not only am I happy to see you do it, but I find it a major turn-on!

Me an Su are relatively new to the lifestyle (lots of new adventures awaiting us). I (Bud) hope I'll be open minded enough to remember how we felt at this point, in the future and NOT become jaded as I'm sure can happen. Su's gone to bed. Work for her tomorrow. Bank holiday for me.

Can't wait to see John &/or A N Other with her again, though. I feel like I ought to feel bad, but I don't 'cause she's the one that starts it off as a rule.

Lord deliver me from insatiable women. LOL.

[SuAndBud]

She n Jaybee.

Nowt wrong wiv poking fun, but you could do it in an airier style. Like lightening up a little Like I'm doing at this moment.

Like giv the guys a break. The OP (original poster, I guess that means) seemed genuine enuf and even if he/she weren't it generated a lot of positive thoughts and ideas and comments plus a few negative sidetracking ones (such as yours).

Just an observation.

[intuition897]

Bud, it sounds like you and Su are one of those lucky couples who have managed to successfully swing with a close friend. Not many are willing or able to do that, because you risk things "getting weird", or losing your friend should anyone overstep the personal emotional space boundary of your relationship.

It sounds like that first reaction was in the normal range. It's probably a good thing to worry about, whether you're doing the right thing or not. But if you really can't see any clouds on the horizon in this situation, you really don't see it endangering your relationships with one another, then why create clouds where there are none? You sound like you're well adjusted to the idea of swinging, so that's great. I'd just suggest that you follow up with Su, get behind that smile and find out if this is actually what she wants or if she just feels like it is somehow expected of her? This is an opportunity to deepen emotional intimacy with one another. Don't settle for the "Nothing's wrong, dear" answer if you are sure that there's more to the story.

[sereneiders]

SuAndBud,

Welcome to the board!

I agree with intuition here. Moreover, you said you understand where this guy came from when talking about the flashbacks, and I wonder if this doesn't correlate to picking your best friend as a swinger partner.

As intuition said, consider yourself REALLY lucky, and this post isn't for you two, but more for other readers that may be thinking of swinging with some friend, since it worth to point out you two are the exception.

Before engaging in swinging, no one knows for sure what may happen, even more, you hardly would be able to figure out all the possible outcomes, the way you'd feel, how much it will differ from your fantasies, and where it differs, wheter it will be something sweet or bitter. The advice of avoiding to swing with friends comes, in most part, from this fact: if the experience turns to be a bad one, from then and one your friend would become a hurtfull reminder for you two, and it's likely that you end up losing the friendship. But if you did it with previously unknown people, you can affrod not to meet them anymore.

I don't know what do you understand by "flashbacks" (or if am understanding the same here), but I believe the more people involved in those memories actually have a relationship with you, the more likely those flashbacks would affect you.

In any case, your experience seems to be far from the OP one (IF the OP ever had a swinging experience at all).

[Amanda69]

She n Jaybee.

Nowt wrong wiv poking fun, but you could do it in an airier style. Like lightening up a little Like I'm doing at this moment.

Like giv the guys a break. The OP (original poster, I guess that means) seemed genuine enuf and even if he/she weren't it generated a lot of positive thoughts and ideas and comments plus a few negative sidetracking ones (such as yours).

Just an observation.

SuandBud welcome to the board.

Please remember you are new here, you don't yet know the personalities and the way people post.

It was clear to me and I am sure to many of the other regulars that She n Jaybee were indeed poking fun at the posters spelling and gramatical errors, which were many and could indeed have called into question exactly what they were intending on communicating.

We are all here to have a little fun, offer a little advice and learn a little.

[prettylady]

Hey Su and Bud. Welcome

to our guest

I am new to swinging as well. I have to say even if it doesn't work out(which Dog and I hope it does) for Dog and I The lesson I have learnt in communication has made this experience, however limited, a worth while experience.

You have spent most of your life with the idea that she is mine I am hers mentality. I expressed a few times on the board and to Dog that even though I am totally on board with swinging I am nervous about the first time I see Dog kiss another woman in a way other than a friendly goodnight.

I have never seen a boyfriend intimite with another women, it will likely take a moment and yes I may go "hey wait a minute" but I am positive that it is only going to be that one moment. I have a life time of thinking a certain way to get over.

That is why we chose to club first. Get a sence of whats what. Let me see Dog dance and chat up another woman.
I saw it, I had no trouble with him asking a woman to dance even though I knew he found her beautiful. He is a sucker for the eyes, and she has the eyes that could stop a man in his tracks.
I then danced with her husband and I loved it. I was different, I was a little nervous. But I liked it.
Had we have just went all the way with out getting to know and like this couple. (we haven't played yet) It may not have been a good experience. There may have been drama. I can't say for sure. But I am glad we went slow.

So in a VERY round about way, what I am trying to say is, You have had one way of thinking for so long that you can't just up and say, I chose to think differently starting........NOW!

I hope I was rambling to much, but thats my 2 cents worth.
Your friend,
Prettylady

[VCee3]

I think too often we get so far into this and forget what those early days felt like. How scary it may have been or those small pangs of jealousy or questions we may have had.

Echo this completely.. we've just had our second foursome and ironically it was me (MrVCee3) who began to have the usual green-eyed monster feelings after seeing her with another guy. To be honest, most of them are the usual "Is he better than me?" or "She seems to be enjoying it a little TOO much" paranoia, which is stupid because if she wasn't loving every minute of it, why the hell are we bothering?!

Before we did it, I was like a kid with a new toy and she was much more "oh, I'm not sure how I'll feel with you having sex with another woman". Turns out she finds it very hot and comments on how sexy I look doing it!

But, it doesn't make me doubt her love for me (nor mine for her) and I know those minor negative feelings will be washed away due to the strength of our relationship.

[kywife4two]

Our marriage is great and getting better because of the openness added to it but swinging, it was great long before we became involved with swinging though.

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by kywife4two

it was great long before we became involved with swinging though.

This is what makes a really successful swing couple... You have to be string going in because it can be a pretty good whirlwind at first - and while it may help strengthen a strong marriage - it can also further weaken a weak marriage.

We were best friends first - and now we are partners in crime

Spoomonkey

[Mrs.PaganLovers]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

We were best friends first - and now we are partners in crime

Spoomonkey

Dito Couldn't have said it better myself!

Blessings
Mrs.PL

[SouthBond]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

We Did It..a 3 Some And Have Had Nothing But Flash Backs And Bad Memories...we Found Out The Hard Way..that All We Ever Needed Was Each Other. If You Love The One You're With..don't Ruin It By Inviting Someone Into Your Love Life.....we Made A Bif Mistake And Wish It Hadn't Ever Happened Now.
Seriously Before You Do Think About It And Realize It's Only Lust And Only Lasts For A Few Minutes The Bad Memoried Last Forever!

Possibly the Swinger's Board should have a Disclaimer saying that swinging may or may not result in your desired outcome. Enter at your own risk.

If you enter into any situation expecting to fail, you probably will. If either the husband or wife really doesn't want to swing but does anyway, they will be quick to say, I told you so. Jealousy is many times a major problem that rips apart the arrangement.

A major skill in swinging is being able to screen potential playmates. You have to feel comfortable with the other people.

Each spouse has to approach swinging as a gift that they are providing for their mate.

You have to keep making love reserved for your mate. If you give your swing partner the same intimate words and gestures, you will confuse the mechanics of swinging.

Some people have a very rigid conscience, that will not allow them to do anything wrong, based on their standards. For these people the feeling of guilt will dominate their life.

For the couple that claimed to have had a bad experience, you had a learning experience. I would bet that if you could have gotten with one of the experienced couples, that frequent the Swinger's Board, you would have had a good experience.

For us, swinging has been great and highly recommend it for couples equipped to handle the emotional demands.

[milookin]

Hmmmm..... What are you still doing still cruising this board. I'll bet one got jealous.. the other enjoyed it, but claimed it was HORRIBLE.

One enjoys the flashbacks with fond memories, the other would like to erase the others mind! :rollseyes

[Mr.T]

Here's my 2 cents.