IF MARRIED~DON'T SWING...IT CAN BE HORRIBLE & RUIN YOUR MARRIAGE

[beaverz]

Originally Posted by: Guest
we Found Out The Hard Way..that All We Ever Needed Was Each Other.

If you had to swing to discover that all you ever needed was each other than there were issues before inviting someone else into your love life.

I doubt swinging caused a problem it just added to them.

[LetsParty]

My Life Partner and I have been together for 7 years.

We've been in the Lifestyle for 6 years.

It all started after seeing a segment on 20/20 (or Prime Time..), after which we read The Lifestyle by Terry Gould.

Since then, we haven't turned back!

Sure, we've had our share of stories and drama, but 9 times outta 10, nothing but fun experiences!

[Annaiis]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

This is sort of like walking up the edge of the pool at the Olympics and telling all the swimmers that they could drown... :rollseyes

Ah, Spoo, once again you make my day!!

[RANDJ4FUN]

Originally Posted by WesternSwing

I don't think the OP is someone swinging didn't work out for. I think it is a drive-by posting from some "the end is near" zealot trying to save us from something they see as wrong and immoral. They gave it their best shot. LOL

Mr. WS

Yeah -- sounds about right to me too.

And don't forget -- wqe are ALL going to burn in HELL (dramatic pause) FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[WesternSwing]

Originally Posted by Amanda69

crap so we have been doing it wrong all along...damn I knew it was too good to be true...being happy, content and sexually excited by sharing ourselves with others...ahh well

To some of more Puritanical thought, being unhappy is the road to happiness. Happiness can only be achieved through self-sacrifice and suffering in this life and can only be found in the afterlife.

Mr. WS

[Douoble_Down]

I better hurry up and tell Mrs.DD, wait a second, this was her idea. And we are really digging it, loving each other, and we have been together for 9 years, married for two, and swinging for 8. PLus this gives us stories to tell the familky when we see them at Christmas time, yeah right.

[Dave_kat]

Hmmm, what to add that hasn't been added already?

9 years and counting, and a very happy (and successful) relationship. Makes you wonder. Not going to say we're doing something wrong, we're not about to apologize for living a wonderful life.

And besides, our faiths don't believe in Hell

[SuAndBud]

Have mixed feelings on this as I (Bud) shared Su with a male friend of ours on a number of occasions during the summer last year.

I still get flashbacks of when I needed to go pee and I looked back to see him thrusting into her and I thought "what are you doing? you've a beautiful lady here and you're abusing it".

Since then, we've repeated it tho and Su not only fully takes part, on many occasions she instigates the entire thing, but I often wonder is she doing it for her, for us or just for me.

My particular fantasy is always to see her being satisfied by myself and other guys. Girls in the mix would be good and she professes to have bisexual tendencies, too, but we haven't been lucky enough to experience that yet. Plus I'd feel a bit guilty having sex with another girl while she was in the same room (did/does any other board member feel like this?). I'll never stop enjoying sharing her, but....

....I can see where the original poster is coming from.

[intuition897]

Originally Posted by SuAndBud

Have mixed feelings on this as I (Bud) shared Su with a male friend of ours on a number of occasions during the summer last year.

I still get flashbacks of when I needed to go pee and I looked back to see him thrusting into her and I thought "what are you doing? you've a beautiful lady here and you're abusing it".

Since then, we've repeated it tho and Su not only fully takes part, on many occasions she instigates the entire thing, but I often wonder is she doing it for her, for us or just for me.

Can see where the original poster is coming from.

First if all, I have to wonder about the way you worded the first part. You shared her. It sounded like some sort of transaction or arrangement between you and the other guy. This has almost nothing to do with the other guy. Of course you should feel comfortable with him having sex with your wife, but in the end, it's her decision to make.

And I wonder, also, about your attitude about swinging at all? If you are, in fact, "lending out" your wife to someone else, then I'd have to agree with your summation that you are indeed abusing your priveleges as a husband. If you're doing this because you feel you somehow have to do it to make her happy or prevent her from having an affair, you are just going to end up with a pair of broken hearts. That crap has to be sorted out before you even consider swinging!

Swinging isn't supposed to hurt; it's supposed to be fun and enriching to your marriage. If it isn't improving your relationship, it's hurting it, and you need to stop. It sounds to me like you still have some unanswered questions in your mind. If you don't resolve those NOW they will eat away at your brain until they drive you crazy. Questions like these, left to their own devices and in the grip of an active imagination, are like an infection that will fester and grow. Talk to your wife and let her know that you are feeling very uneasy about why you're both doing this at all. What does it mean to her? Explain to her why you are interested in it? What does your relationship mean to the both of you? The tougher the question, the better. Aim for the questions that make you the MOST uncomfortable and get them out in the open. Work together to resolve them.

[LFM2]

Hi and Welcome to you both, Bud and Su.

Why would you think you are abusing your beautiful lady? You might be abusing her if she didn't enjoy it and you thrust her into this wild world of swinging without her full consent, or, maybe if you were expecting her to go faster than she is comfortable with. Do you think you might be abusing your relationship? You're taking her for granted? Hopefully, you both go home together and make mad passionate love after you've played?

It reads to me that maybe you weren't ready for it. She is maybe going faster than what you're comfortable with?

I think if I were you Bud, I'd be sitting Su down and have a talk with her about YOUR feelings. What you're not comfortable seeing her do, what you're not ready for and what you'd like to see happen the next time -- if there is a next time.

As far as the OP goes, I'd like to hear more about his situation, and I like the others, would like to read his explanation.

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by SuAndBud

....I can see where the original poster is coming from.

If you can see where the original poster is coming from - except perhaps in the purest Jungian sense - then you really need to re-evaluate what you are doing. There is no shame in NOT swinging, friend. The only shame is in doing something that you can't handle.

Spoomonkey

[JustAskJulie]

I'm amazed at this thread... I actually thought it would lead to bad things... color me wrong.

1. It's an enjoyable read to read so many posts from so many happy couples who have been together for quite a while and swinging quite a while and OMG still happy!

2. It brought us Sue & Bud, whom hopefully we can actually help, unlike the original poster who will probably never come back and post the whats whens or whys that have made them feel the way they do.

Bud, Welcome to the board. Hopefully Sue is reading along with you and by now you have discussed this post and realized that either a) she does enjoy what she's doing and is doing it for herself (as much if not more than for you), or b)that she doesn't enjoy what she's doing and you should stop swinging.

Personally, I think that if you feel that if you are swinging and ever feel that maybe swinging isn't the right thing for you to be doing then it probably isn't. Swinging is not for everyone.

[SuAndBud]

Thanks for such quick responses and insight.

We got started by watching "naughty" (Su's description - lol) DVD's. Turned out that when choosing which to watch, we both kept choosing those that featured a girl and 2 or 3 guys or 2 girls and 5 guys etc., (there were always more guys).

I often said "John (our friend) would love to join in with you in bed" or "how would you feel if me and John were doing the same to you" as in the film. She slapped it down at first (maybe out of loyalty to me?) but quickly became super-aroused at the mention of me and her and John. I found it equally stimulating to imagine the scenario.

After a lot of foreplay (every time I spoke to John on the phone, Su would come up and say "Hello, John. How would you like to be here now?"). She would then proceed to give me a BJ or push her naked pussy into my face and even get me to penetrate her while I was talkng to him and I was describing what we were up to with Su saying things like "John, I need you. I need something to suck" so he could hear.

I told her I was going to invite him to stay with us for a few days and that I hoped she was going to put her money where her mouth is when he came over. At that point, she said to me "You want to share me with John?" and the "sharing" word has stuck with me ever since as that was it in a nutshell.

John's a good friend, my best friend, that I've been pals with since we were 8 years old. At no point has he ever pushed the boundaries. He's turned on by Su (few guys or bi/bicurious girls wouldn't be as she is brazenly beautiful - and knows it).

I'm comfortable seeing them both having pleasure with each other and I'm confident in myself that I'm Su's man as I'm no slouch where fun and sex are concerned. I do find it erotic when Su gives head to another guy and even encourages us to DP her.

I was just saying that, in spite of this, I can still recall my thought on that very first night when I saw them together and I got scared that I might have spoiled things between me and Su. As it happens, I hadn't, but I can see why the original poster got upset later.

I think that 1 thing that lends strength to our relationship is that Su has never felt she should "reciprocate" in any way by engaging in 2 girls and me action and as long as she's not leaning towards that, I'll never push for it.

Call me soft or a sap or whatever, but I get turned on to see her with another guy and she seems to enjoy the attention. I'd love her to want to see me do likewise with another girl, but until that is cool with her (and it has to come from her), I'm in control and "faithfull" to her.

[She_n_Jaybee]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

We Did It..a 3 Some And Have Had Nothing But Flash Backs And Bad Memories...we Found Out The Hard Way..that All We Ever Needed Was Each Other. If You Love The One You're With..don't Ruin It By Inviting Someone Into Your Love Life.....we Made A Bif Mistake And Wish It Hadn't Ever Happened Now.
Seriously Before You Do Think About It And Realize It's Only Lust And Only Lasts For A Few Minutes The Bad Memoried Last Forever!

I'm guessing, based upon the excessive misusage of the <.> symbol that the female of your couple was at the wrong point in her menstrual cycle when you tried the "3 Some". Here's an opportunity to further your education. The period <.> is used to end a statement and used on abbreviations such as Dr. for doctor and Mr. for mister. Ellipsis points <...> are used to indicate the intentional omission of words, to indicate a lapse of time or an abrupt change of thought. BiF is a common abbreviation for Bisexual Female, and I'm not sure how anyone could make a bisexual female mistake. Another point, upon which you need instruction, capitalization. Typically, the first letter of the first word of a sentence is capitalized, with the remainder being lower case. The exception being proper nouns and words capitalized for emphasis. Last lesson, "... Hadn't Ever Happened Now." is a mixture of past and present tense and indicative of an inferior third grade education.

In the interest of brevity I'll stop my grammatical critique and concentrate on content. At what point in time were you designated the official decision maker for the rest of the world? Admittedly, I'm occasionally out of touch with current events, but I would have remembered that one. Should I have never eaten broccoli because my grandmother dislikes it? My uncle is a vegetarian, will I now die from the hamburger I had for lunch? How much of my life should I have avoided because one other person had a bad experience? Should everyone out here base their life upon your bad experience? A bad experience with absolutely no details to help determine the cause of your personal failure?

Pardon me for the rant. sOmeTimes......I....cAn't..HElp.....mYseLf

[SuAndBud]

Agree with your last paragraph, (the first was less easy) but even an ignoramus could see that Bif was s'posed to be Big...mistake.

Lighten up please.