Disappointed and stood up by a single male

[m41f45]

Not quite sure how I should or shouldn't feel about this or if anyone can help me in this situation.

I am relatively new to this lifestyle. We have been actively swinging for 3 months. Started out at this little club where 10-15 couples and a few single guys went. No couples really seemed to be doing much of anything, although they could have been going off with each other after they left the club. There were about 4 couples that were "clique" and kept to themselves. We met a single guy there that both my SO and I were comfortable with and after talking with him that nite and meeting him again the next day we started a "relationship". Things went well for the first 2 weeks. Then he started blowing us off. Saying he'd be there and never show...never even call to say he wouldn't be there. I went to a bar after work one night and he told me to stay there he'd be right down. A few hours later he calls my SO to see if I'm still there or did I head home. Says he'll meet me at the house. Then he calls again and says he can't make it but will see me the next night. Well I damn sure hope so, we are going to a hotel party together and he was "supposed" to pay for half the room. So the next day he calls around 5:30 to say he is at the store around the corner from the hotel (we are already there)so we meet him there. He says he forgot his shoes and some personal products at home and will be back in an hour. Well 3 1/2 hrs later I text him to see where he's at. We thought we would have some fun before heading to the party downstairs, oh well. He is running behind schedule he says. He shows up 20 minutes later, then proceeds to be Mr. Social butterfly. I hardly saw him all nite except in passing. He invites a couple to our room, which me and my SO had no problem with because we had been talking with this couple and really liked them. (the only real problem with it was he didn't ask us if it was alright.) Then when we are in the room talking to the couple he is in and out going to other rooms. No biggie..it's a hotel party isn't it. Then he invites this single girl who is part of a FMF couple to the room. Now we had discussed possibly meeting a single F for some couple action, but as the other "couple " in the mix it would have been nice for us to have decided whether we liked her or clicked with her or not. I was very uncomfortable with her in the room while my SO and I had sex. He wanted me to come over and give him oral, which I did, but I couldn't get into it because she was laying right there practically on top of him. I'm fine with mf/mf in the same room or even ff or and other combination, but I had a problem with her tits and vagina in my face while I as trying to do him. Then she left and I had not been anywhere near pleasured. He was all tired out. I got a little sex, he came and then went to bed and fell asleep. He left early in the am while SO and I stayed till check out and he didn't even pay his part of the room.

I know...I know...why do I still put up with it. Well, because I'm new to this and he does satisfy me SO WELL when we do have sex, and I'm afraid of not finding any guy or couple to have fun with I'm scared to just say..hey this isn't working for me anymore.


GOD HELP ME... What should I do????

Barb
ps: my SO is upset also, but not on the same level. He doesn't know what to do or tell me.

[She_n_Jaybee]

Sounds to me like you need to tell him to lose your number. If he is that unreliable, then he's more of a liability than anything. You could be looking for others to join your fun instead of sitting around waiting for him to maybe show up. Besides being unreliable he is completely inconsiderate. A single male that has been invited to join a couple should understand he is easier to replace than a light bulb. I guarantee you'll have no trouble finding another man to take this one's place. The problem will be deciding on which one. It's definitely a buyers market.

[ShellyM]

You need to forget about this loser and find someone (or a couple) who satisfy you completely. What is the sense of having sex with someone, albeit physically great sex, when you feel like crap after? You have to decide if the tears outweigh the smiles, and it sounds like they do. This guy really, in my opinion, sounds like a jerk. He knows how much you are attracted to him, and this is why he feels like he can do whatever he wants, and you just have to sit around waiting for him...just like a boyfriend who would do the same thing. She'll be there waiting, so I'll do what I want. Ditch him, thats the best thing you can do. Otherwise you are going to get frustrated and leave the lifestyle completely. My advise is to completely break ties with this creap and look for a new couple. There are great people out here.

[curiousagain]

It doesn't matter if they are single male or a single female or a couple or if it's swinging or dating. Anybody is easier to replace than a light bulb. If they are that much trouble, unreliable, disrespectful, and boundry busting, I'd just as soon stay home as fool with them.
I don't let ANYBODY stand me up more than once unless they can prove they or a loved one were in the emergency room at the time. If they call at the last minute with a reasonable excuse they get two chances. After that, I don't care if they have magic powers, it's disrespectful and not worth the effort.

But, that's just me and I'm not new to any of this so I know that nobody's irreplaceable. My advice would be to kick him to the curb and start over. I think he's just using y'all as access to swingers parties.

[SA_Cpl]

Unfortunately your story is not all that rare. Apparently this guy is looking to get laid when its convenient. That's not how I like to think that swingers treat each others. He's not a real swinger anyway. He's what we call a "swingle." I'm not going to on a rant about single guys here but the simple fact is that some know how to behave, and some don't. Have you thought that there may be a good reason why he is single in the first place? What woman would put up with that sort of inconsiderate behavior. Unfortunately, there are a lot of guys like him that give the good guys that are true members of the swinging community a bad name. We had a few single guys at a party we attended recently. They all acted well, were respectful, and above all grateful. I think they realized that the bar is raised pretty high when it comes to single men in this lifestyle and there is basically zero tolerance. Not everyone has figured that out. Its definitely a case of survival of the fittest when it comes to behavior.

My advice, if single guys are what you are into, keep looking. Like someone else said, there are a lot more them looking for you then there are couples like you looking for them. Personally we stay away from single men as a general rule unless they are associated with a group that we know and trust like at the party I mentioned. Let someone else with more experience then you sort out who are the "good guys" from the jerks. Sometimes it can be like finding a needle in a hay stack.

[m41f45]

Thanks for all your input. I have only heard from him once since Sunday morning when he called on Thursday to say that he had been working crazy hours and maybe we could get together Sat. I told him I was going to a house party I'd been invited to w/Dana. I told a little white lie and said I didn't think single men were allowed at this particular house. He asked me if I had anymore hits on my profiles and if I responded to any of them. He wants to play with another couple with me either with or without my SO and get invites to house parties so him and I can go as the "couple". I am fed up and will take things at face value. If he calls, he calls, if he doesn't..oh well. Yeah, I've missed the sex, but there is so much more to consider. You are all right..he can be replaced, there are more of them then there are of me. And quite frankly...I'm worth it...lol. Hopefully this party will be a lot of fun and I will meet more people. There are two new swingers clubs opening in Providence in the next few weeks. One next week being run by the people who had the hotel party and one in Sept. by a guy who had one at a club that I went to that was shut down in July (nothing to do with the swingers). it's just that the majority of the single guy messages I get off my profile on aff and swappernet are just "wanna fuck" messages or guys looking for females...not couples. Can they NOT READ. My profile clearly states we are a couple! AAAAAHHHHH!

Anyway. Thanks for listening. You've been great help. I will let you know how the house party went.

Barb