Sexual Blackmail

[fun4Ds]

ok im a little more awake now second cup of java Surrender ,

now im not shure where were you whene they slipped away for the sex behind your back at the party?? were you passed out? if so were there any other friends who can validate what happend?

you said they were calling you with friendship without sex??? you should have answerd the phone!! get things out of the grey area just tell them how you feel about things.

maby im wrong and mrs. fun will be up in a little bit and im gonna need her perspective on this. but this thread has gotten my attention

[mr&mrsbees]

Interesting thread because this is what we are worried about

[youngnhotcpl]

I am going to try and answer some of your questions fun4ds.
We were all at a vafriends party. It was our first. I am way more out going, and wanted to roam the halls, and see exactly what everything at these type partys had to offer. I was hanging out with his wife, dancing, watching, having fun.

The rule that he broke was for a third, one of us was to be involved. Either his wife, or me. This was HIS rule, NO ONE on ONE sex, and I feel like he used his wife to run interference, and used the draw of the VAF party to get her alone. I knew they were in the room, for they do want to walk the halls. It was late, probably 1 in the morning. We all had been drinking. I an not certain about everyone else, and the alcohol use, but I was having a Great time. I drink JD with no mixer. Never passed out, and did not get sick. I probably drank close to a quart in a few hours, and was not paying to much attention to just one person, I was trying to be apart of the whole party. These partys are a blast.

The next morning I asked my wife is she had fun, and if she was comfortable with the party. She told me that He had gave her a hand job. I said, "Where was I". She replied, roaming the halls. I asked her if she got into it, she replied, no, but he did get her off. I said WOW, how did this happen. She replied, "I don't know". She showed me later that day, and I read up on the trick, internet, best info came from sex 101.

We went back to their house that evening, and I acted normal, knowing that I needed more information about everything. I asked him about the G Spot, and he replied, "Yea, you like that trick, I got lots of them. Made her cum 4 times, and she squirted half way across the bed. You had not ever done that before? Oh, your bad."

My wife obviously felt the need to leave out more of the details he continued to brag about for the next few minutes. How he is experienced in all that fun stuff.

My position in anything my wife does, is that if it is safe, comfortable, and if the rules are followed, I can't and will not get jealous. I told her that it was ok, and if is she wanted to have a sexual relationship with him, I was ok with it, and I would gladly help her through any feelings she had about being shy, or having any kind of remorse for having sex with another man. I want us to be the best swingers we can be, and open to all of the pleasures this lifestyle has to offer. She feels unconfortable with the fact that he broke the rules he laid down in the beginning.

The sexual Blackmail is another aggravating factor. It was laid down the night before by his wife to me. I relayed this to my wife. She said that she was not attracted to him, and did not know if she could do it. I relayed this back to his wife, and she said for me to push harder, and if she kept being this way for me to dominate her, and beat her if I had to. I know this "beating" sounds bad, and this is why I have not mentioned it before. I like to be hit, and stuff, so...... well...... this is one of the draws I had to this other couple.

Thanks to all on The Swingers Board. I did not want to post on the forums on our home Swingers site.

[EvilMJ]

The more I hear of the story the more I think you and your wife should take a break from swinging and start from scratch. Here are the big issues:

• You are at a party and proceed to get drunk, leaving your wife unattended. She may not be a child who needs watching but she may have needed your support or presence. There can be lots of predators out there
• She says she is not attracted to this guy and yet she allows him to have sex with her
• Your wife does not speak to you first before she plays alone with this man
• He brags about his skills with your wife in front of you, has sex with your wife without your consent or knowledge??!!
• The wife of the couple tells you to pressure her and beat her if necessary

I think first off you need to end it with this couple.

Then you need to sort out your problems - Rules are there to keep everyone safe and happy, you can change them as required TOGETHER, but breaking them is not acceptable.

You need better communication. It is apparent that you are getting most of your information as to what happened from the other husband while your wife says next to nothing.

For swinging to work you have to have trust, communication and respect for each other - I don't see a lot of that going on here. The problem is not the couple attempting sexual blackmail - all you had to do for that is tell them to take a hike, the problem is you are forgetting that you are responsible for the happiness and safety of each other. I know this may sound harsh but this whole situation just gets worse every time I read something new about it.

[NandTfromCA]

Originally Posted by mr&mrsbees

Interesting thread because this is what we are worried about

Bees- This situation is NOT an example of what typically goes on when people swing.




Youngnhot- As you continue to describe your situation, the more horrible it sounds. My guess is that there are still layers to this onion that you are not sharing.

Do you receive gratification from being disrespected/humiliated?

Does your wife have a rape fetish?

Does your wife desire to be dominated?

If the answer to all of those is “yes”, then maybe the problem isn’t as HUGE as it appears.

[biblonde]

Originally Posted by youngnhotcpl

The sexual Blackmail is another aggravating factor. It was laid down the night before by his wife to me. I relayed this to my wife. She said that she was not attracted to him, and did not know if she could do it. I relayed this back to his wife, and she said for me to push harder, and if she kept being this way for me to dominate her, and beat her if I had to. I know this "beating" sounds bad, and this is why I have not mentioned it before. I like to be hit, and stuff, so...... well...... this is one of the draws I had to this other couple.

Thanks to all on The Swingers Board. I did not want to post on the forums on our home Swingers site.

UMMMMM I am confused..You didnt tell her to "GO TO HELL!!" Why not? If anyone told my husband to pressure me into anything or dominate me or god forbid beat me..well they would be in for a surprise. He would have flipped out on both of them. You really need to re-think your feelings for your wife and I really think your wife needs to think about how much you are willing to put her through for your own pleasure. You are willing to risk her safety. If I was your wife I would be afraid to go anywhere with you. As I wife...even though I am more than capable of taking care of myself..I still look to my hubby to keep an eye on me and keep me safe. You let your wife down and now you want to continue with this couple. The thought that you would even speak to them is shocking to me. I dont get it.

[youngnhotcpl]

These are some of the emails they have sent me. I have not responded to them but once, saying that we were not compatable anymore.
The First Email
This is from XXX. I read your letter and I would
like to say a few things about it. I would rather of
course do it face to face but somehow I don't think
you have the courage to do that since you had to
leave a letter in the mailbox (very very childish and
immature). XXXXXX is completely devastated by this.
She really thought XXX was and wanted to be her
friend. Now we are thinking she just went along with
you just so you could keep fucking XXXXXX. Talk
about feeling used! There are a lot of things that I
wish we could tell you as example, I felt pressured
into playing with XXX as much as she did. I felt if
I didn't you guys would stop playing with XXXXXX and
she really enjoyed playing with XXX a lot. Not
unlike XXX, XXXXXX enjoyed playing with you also but
more with XXX than anything else. Your profile says
be who you say. You might want to rethink what
your says about you. We were always up front about
wanting a friendship before all else. If the only way
you can be friends with someone is so you can fuck
the wife.. then you aren't much of a person in my
opinion. I personally don't think this whold
decision of yours is solely based on XXX's feelings
but I could be wrong. Why don't you guys (at least
you XXXX) show some maturity and talk with us about
this face to face and then if you want to stop being
our friends at least we will have had a chance to
tell you how we felt. Its up to you but I hope your
as big a man as I thought.

The Second Email

You know i don't think we ever mind fucked you as
you did us. You said you were our friends and that
you wanted to learn and be like us when all you
(XXXX) wanted was to fuck me (XXXXXX) as you did not
very well but you did. The times that I got off both
of them was with XXXX help if not for him it would
never have happened. You don't know how to please a
woman maybe girls but not a woman which is why i
think XXX plays and lets you play with other girls. I
never wanted you to beat XXX into submission that you
got wrong. But then again i think that you might be
more submissive than you know. I really thought that
you were better people than what you have shown us
and that truly disappoints me.I thought that you were
a man that stood up to people and talked if that what
was needed but I see now that you are not a man at
all not of your actions or of your words, you can not
be trusted. We could have been good friends even if
the sex was not their but you don't want XXX to get
that close to anyone and I see that now. Can't keep
her under your thumb if she get to close to the right
person. I hope that you find what you are looking for
and that XXX gets what she needs. I don't think you
will find a WOMAN that you will do much for but good
luck.I should have known that the biggest problem was
going to be that you could not handle any man
touching XXX you are way to selfish. I should never
have told XXX that is what I wanted he was never that
interested but I thought that was how it should be.
If you had been man enough we could have sat down and
talked these things out but you aren't a man and I am
not sure there is much hope. XXX I am sorry to say
that I thought we were friends you made a good show
of it. Someday when you grow up and open your eyes
you will see that the way you live is not a way of
life. You are a much better person than XXXX will
ever be and I wish you the best! Good luck with your
life you are going to need it for as long as you have
him in your life. Bye guys XXXXXX

What do ya think???
I have recieved two other more viscious emails since. 3 Voice Mails. Would anyone like to read more. PS I have been married to the same woman for 13 years. We have been swinging with ladys for about 4 years. We have a steady GF, and have had her live with us for 6 months at the time. We are nice people, and have alot of fun. We take alot of crap before we say stop. I do know this.

[JP51]

think., all that needs to be said has been....cut and run...

[NandTfromCA]

Originally Posted by youngnhotcpl

What do ya think???

I’ll assume you were either didn’t see the questions above or where uncomfortable with answering them. If it’s the later, that would explain some things.

Concerning the vicious emails, this couple is absolutely flaunting their true colors now. I would ignore them unless they become threatening. If that happens, legal action would be in order (as well as your heightened awareness for your safety).

They are manipulative and hurtful at best…deranged and dangerous at worst.

Mr.

[biblonde]

Their emails should prove to you how they really are. If they are being sent on a swingers site I would just block them. They are only trying to hurt you and make you feel low so you will crawl back to them. I would just move on. After all you must do what is best for you and your wife. And these two arent the answer!! CUT and RUN as fast as you can. These two are experts at head games.

[youngnhotcpl]

Oh, so far as My Wife wanting to be raped, no, she is not into rough sex. She does not like to be dominated, tied up, and likes nothing to do with pain, aside from tattoos. We are in a equal relationship. I cook, she cleans up. I do yard work, she does House work. We have been married for 13 years. She is very bi. I am a bit of a pain slut, I like sharp fingernails, and do not mind if a woman wants to smack me around. I am Gentle with women, and never take anything. My wife does not smack me around, but our GF likes to. We are all ok with this. I like pain, but do not like to be humiliated. The feeling I get from pain is more strength, that I can take it, and want more. It makes me feel strong. I don't know why, it just does.

All of these bad things have transpired since this past Saturday. The last time we saw them was Sunday. I came to this forum and asked these questions, for we had not ever been with another couple before, and was wondering if the pressure we were experiencing was common. We have known this couple well, for a long time, and had been very close for over a month.

I thought all of it at the time (Saturday at the VAF party), was way over the top. I had no idea until Sunday evening how bad things were. Me and my wife talked, and we both broke down some. Very uncool, and very stressful. We are life partners, and we thought this other couple had our best interest in mind, even when they were pressuring us. This is why we decided to break communication with them, and come here for advice.

I have thought about most of the opinions expressed here by others, and this is why, Sunday, I had a Panic Attack. everything crashed, like a ton of bricks on my chest. I was thinking to myself, what have I done, what the hell have I gotten us into, how could I have let them manipulate us to this point, and why did I not pay more attention to what was happening with the love of my life, my wife.
Thanks for all of your continued help.
I do not mind any and all questions regarding this. I do not want anyone here to get the wrong ideas, so I don't mind explaining our position. It is getting to be a long read, so I was not trying to answer the previous questions, for I thought them a little over the top. We are very normal, she is more on the quiet side, and I am very laid back. Our Swing Lifestyle profile is in2tats, incase anyone wants to see us. Judge for yourself. I think the other couple met on alt, and I did not know what this was until recently.
How much trouble do you think we are in?

[biblonde]

Originally Posted by youngnhotcpl

How much trouble do you think we are in?

If you ignore them completly You two are just fine. There are those out there that are total asses but there are more that are just like you guys. I didnt realize this was your first couple experiance so if I sounded harsh I opologize. Really get away fast from these two. Dont reply to them or return any calls. What they say means nothing really!! Before going out with a couple again make sure you and your wife know your ground rules and are willing to follow them no matter what. NEVER EVER let anyone try to make you do something you dont want to or to degrade you into doing it. If you arent comfy with something you have every right to get up walk out and leave. They dont need an explination...YOU ARENT MARRIED TO THEM! And good luck in the future!! BB

[fun4Ds]

thanks for the reply we have and are currently talking about this. mrs.fun is not a drinker and says that the drinking should stop while swinging with other couples.i on the other hand would have enjoyed a shot of that j/d but here is the thing, im not going to match you shot for shot because that takes away from the real fun of the great SEX. your wife and you were caught up in the excitement of the party and yes sometimes its hard to be thinking of the rules. we never leave one another long enough for anything to happen but we are just close like that. maby hind sights 20/20. however mrs.fun cant quite get the part where your wife had one hell of an orgasam and says she didnt enjoy it? mrs.fun can relate to this in a way that she has had some great sex with a guy but, like you guys his rude mouth ruined things afterwards.so we dont play with them anymore.but at the moment who knew? not that she didnt enjoy it while it was going on. that being said, how would you feel with her being with another man/couple that was more decent about things. (most of us are). if her being with another man is the problem then we feel you should keep things the way they are with bi females untill you can find a couple that you are really compatible with.dont answer their calls or e mails . its about you guys as a couple not them. we hope you guys can get through this with a better understanding. and yes the couple sounds like ass holes to us but we have found that as swingers not everyone is the same with their levels of comfort. we prefer couples as friends and we have our rules and respect others. some people like to fuck and never get personal. some like to do girl girl play and go back to their own husbands. it can go on and on with people being diffrent. our main thing is that in our swinging experiances there have been very few downfalls. we enjoy ourselves and take care of each other first and above all.

[NandTfromCA]

Originally Posted by biblonde

If you ignore them completly You two are just fine. There are those out there that are total asses but there are more that are just like you guys. I didnt realize this was your first couple experiance so if I sounded harsh I opologize. Really get away fast from these two. Dont reply to them or return any calls. What they say means nothing really!! Before going out with a couple again make sure you and your wife know your ground rules and are willing to follow them no matter what. NEVER EVER let anyone try to make you do something you dont want to or to degrade you into doing it. If you arent comfy with something you have every right to get up walk out and leave. They dont need an explination...YOU ARENT MARRIED TO THEM! And good luck in the future!! BB

Dito

We feel badly about the awful experience you have had. Most swingers are NOT like that couple.

Be true to yourself and to each other. If you learn from this experience you can grow stronger from it.

Also, just to confirm the "ditto", block them and do not respond to any of their communication. Anything, even asking them to leave you along or explaining yourself further, will make them think they should continue to try and manipulate you.

[upst8cpl]

At the risk of getting flamed.... I am gonna thow my 2 cents into the hat as well.
YoungnHot...I think you need to accept some of the blame for this problem yourself.

First of all, a few drinks at a party is expected, any more than that and you risk making an ass out of yourself. We have attended many lifestyle parties over the years and nothing turns us and others off quicker than to see someone getting drunk at these functions. If you wish to continue in this lifestyle, I think a good place to start would be to stay sober at all functions where sex may be an option. I personally will start the night off with a Jack and Coke or two and then it's Coca-Cola for the rest of the evening. Why?....Well...weather you wanna be or not..YOU are your partners protector at these events. IMHO all men in this lifestyle have the responsibilty to keep thier wives safe and comfortable. How can you watch out for her well being when you're half in the bag?


Second..I think you need to step back from the situation and consider your involvement with the other couple. You were allowed to play with the other female and you Did. Your wife was allowed to play with the other female and she Did. It sounds as though the only one left out of the mix was the male half of the other couple. You can not expect this to go on without someone getting upset or tired of the situation. You also need to ask yourself...Was your wife "forced" to play with the male half of the other couple, or is she TELLING you that because she knows you are too insecure to handle the truth. It's my opinion that a womens largest and most important sex organ sits above thier shoulders. Meaning their mind...If a ladies brain isn't in the right place, then anything lower than that will not allow an orgasm to happen. She must have been more comfortable than she is leading you to believe IF she actually came 4 times,.... it has nothing to do with G-spot stimulation. You can not force a woman to cum...it's just not that way for them.


Third...This may sound harsh but, Read a book, do some experimentation. Get some experience. This may help with your insecurities. The G-spot is not some secret trick that swinging men use to lure women into a relationship. It is however a very sensative and pleasureful area for a woman to have stimulated, and will in some cases cause female ejacualtion. If your wife has the "gift" read up on it, learn how to give her that experience for gawd sakes...you owe it to her and to yourself to be the best lover for her, that you can be. This will put any insecurites behind you.


My fourth and last suggestion would be to commincate!!! Not only with your spouse but also with the couple that you are invloved with. Set boundries and discuss them with your spouse and everyone else you may be involved with. Be open, be honest let everyone involved know what your intentions are and what you expect to get out of the experience. Ask yourself...Would the male half of the other couple ever agreed to you 4 playing as couples, IF he had known from the start that you wanted him no-where near your wife? Did you communicate this to him from the begining or did you kinda leave that out of the conversations in order to get what you wanted out of the relationship? For us...We think of this lifestyle as a picnic..If you don't have a dish to pass....Don't bother cummin'. If you had told me that I was not going to be involved, my wife and I would have given eachother the "look" wich means "time to move on". I think most couples would have done the same.

Please don't think I am being judgemental towards you...I am merely trying to steer you in the right direction. It honestly sounds like you and your wife need to take a break from the lifestyle for a while. Talk about everything involved in the lifestyle. Find out what you're comfortable with and what you're not. Maybe take some time to build a better, more open relationship together. Experiment with eachother find out sexually what makes the other one "tick". Maybe even mend the fence with the other couple, with no sex invoved for the time being. I think, if you were to communicate to them your fears, problems, insecurities and expectations. You would probably find out that they are still the friends you once had outside of the bedroom. I honestly believe the e-mails they sent you were simply a reaction to being hurt.

Good Luck,
Mr. Upst8Cpl

BTW...Mr. Menage ..I agreed with you whole wholeheartedly. If I repeated any or all of your statements....Sorry. But. I think you hit the nail right on the head.