Sexual Blackmail

[prettylady]

I am glad to here you are leaving this couple.
I may have been harsh on you, but your wife sounds like she needs you to help protect her. Not that she is weak, I am a black belt in karate and I fight internationally, so physically I can take care of myself, but this is different, I need my Dog to help protect me. (Dog being of the two legged variety, NOT four. Yes this question was asked of me.) :rollseyes
You may care for them but I question how much he cares for you.
You can get your answers here. I know I have asked them. I got strait forward answers, not info sugar coated, real answers.
Just ask away, someone will know the answers
Your friend,
Prettylady

[EvilMJ]

Your wife has got to start taking some responsiblity for herself. It is easy to say 'i just laid there' or 'i didn't want to ruin anyone's good time.' What about what she wants. Honestly, I say this so many times...swinging is about both of you having fun.. and if you are not having fun...WHY they HECK are you doing it.

Break it off with this couple and then set down some rules..number one being NO ONE takes one for the team.

Good luck

[Tantra]

I guess answers that seem, to the rest of us, to be cut and dry are much more complicated to those who are actually involved - especially emotionally. To me the evidence is clear: there is sexual blackmail going on, and on at least one occasion the wife was violated against her will by the other man (oh, and having an orgasm, squirting or not, is entirely irrelevant). The answer is clear - cease all activity with this domineering, thoughtless couple. Listen to your wife's needs. Communicate. Do not let your selfish needs for "sexual fun" get in the way of doing the right thing.

[youngnhotcpl]

I know now how it feels to have had my arm twisted so far, it doesn't hurt.
We have written them a letter, and explained our position, and hopefully they are descent enough to just let the past be just that. A unfortunate swinger situation. I have no bad feelings towards them, and I hope they can deal with this like adults.

I received a phone call just now. Did not answer it, let it go to Voice Mail. they said,
If we did not want to have sex anymore, if we still wanted to be friends.
I just do not see this to be an option for us.
We can not trust them to not try and manipulate or hurt us.
They have called my phone three times in the last 10 min. I am scared out of my mind. No more Polyamous relationships for us. Fatal attraction sux.

[prettylady]

That is weird.
Stay strong. you have friends here.
Your friend,
Prettylady.

[JP51]

Not to be a pain, or to make you worry anymore than you are now;but you need to document the calls, number date and time...at some point if they do not get the hint, you may have to take legal action. Just take a peice of paper and make notes. If you get any indication of a hostile call, keep the recording...and I do mean any indication, raised voices etc.

It is sad that you have run into someone like this early on. It sure will help you establish good ground rules for the future. Hang in, it will get better and you will meet people who will respect your wishes and not attempt to bend or break them!

[MoonLightKiss]

It is apparant you have made your position clear, and that you would be willing to be friends but no longer swing with them. They in turn made their position clear. They will not be friends without the benefits. Bottom line, I would say you all are no longer friends. Of course, I don't believe they were friends to begin with. Friends don't manipulate and blackmail, nor do they make their so called friends "afraid". You have done the right thing.

You say they called you three times in ten minutes. This borders on harassment if it is causing you fear. I would follow JP51's advice. Harassment is illegal.

Let this situation roll off your shoulders, there are many wonderful people in this lifestyle. And do not be a stranger here, there are many wonderful and supportive people here as well. I hope it all works well for you.

[Menage_a_Trois]

I am have a different take on this. I know that some of you will not agree with me and that is ok. I also expect to be flamed a bit by what I am going to say……….
You need to take ownership here and realize that all of what has happened is your fault. I know the other couple said one thing and then did another, but you and your wife are responsible for what you do. The other couple may have tried to manipulate the situation, but YOU ( both of you) allowed that to happen.
You met a couple that was more experienced in the lifestyle with a different agenda than you had. You stated that all you were looking for at first was for the women to play. That went along for a bit then they offered to let you have sex with the other woman, which you did and then you also had a few 3some with your wife and her. Even though it was not in private or behind closed doors it still happened. I realize that you are new and inexperienced, BUT how could you think that IF you were having sex with the other woman that her husband wouldn't want to have sex with your wife?! Your first mistake was thinking that it was ok for you to have sex with the other wife and that there would be no expectation of your wife having sex with him at some point. I know they told you that it was ok, but MOST people expect that couples will reciprocate at some point. Now before everyone flames me for this comment... Political Correctness aside, Yes it should be that way, but the reality of it is that MOST people in the lifestyle expect equal treatment in a swapping situation. After all it is only fair. I know there are exceptions, but by and large that is how most people feel. Unfortunately for you this couple manipulated you and the situation to get what they wanted. If you are only comfortable doing girl/girl then that is ALL you should do. It sounds to me that you thought you could have your cake and eat it too ( playing with the other wife and him not playing with yours). I realize that you are new and trying to find your way, but you have to understand that although this other couple didn't really play fair, it was you and your wife that actually caused this to get out of hand, by NOT sticking to what you both felt comfortable with. I personally don’t understand how you can do soft swap, run around naked, her sitting on his lap, being touchy feely, and have sex with his wife and then be surprised that he wants to play as well. Perhaps, this couple thought that since you were new and inexperienced, if they brought you along gradually, that you would relax and be ok with ALL of you playing. I am NOT saying that the way they did this was right, I’m just offering a suggestion to their motivation. Again, if you or your wife is uncomfortable with anything thing that happens (no matter if you like the couple or not), it is up to you both to stop what is happening and NOT cross that line. I wonder how many other mixed signals you sent this couple along the way, maybe the reason for the ultimatum about your wife putting out was because they thought that all of you were going to be having sex. (not just you and your wife and the other woman).

When we first got into swinging an experienced couple that we met gave us some advice that helped us a lot... Everything is either black( out of bounds) or white( in bounds), there is NO grey area. If something comes up that you haven’t discussed or encountered before it is a grey area. If that happens it has to be off limits, no exceptions, until you have a chance to discuss it. Never discuss a grey area when it comes up, wait till you are alone with no outside influence and talk together about how you feel about it. That way no one feels like they were talked into to something. You come to the conclusion on your own, together. Then that grey area becomes either black or white. Seems so simple that it would happen automatically, but in reality when you are faced with a situation you hadn’t thought of or encountered, you’d be surprised. One of you will think it is ok and the other will not. Better to be safe, than sorry.

As far as your statement about this being a Polyamory relationship, do you even know what that is? Sounds more like two couples that
Became close friends, had fun together, even got to know each others family a bit, maybe even were a bit exclusive about playing. But a polyamory means to love more than one person and to have a full relationship( not just friendship) with those people. I have known a lot of swinging couples over the years that had an exclusive swinging relationship with another couple, but that doesn’t mean they were polyamours.

As far as the “g-spot trick”, stimulating a woman’s g-spot is no trick and it isn’t a way to make a woman become emotionally attached to someone they found unattractive. Attractiveness is much more than just the physical appearance. I get the feeling that you felt threatened by that because he did something with your wife that gave her pleasure that you didn’t have a clue about.

What I am trying to say by all of this is that yes couples should respect your comfort level and not break your rules, BUT if that happens you have a responsibility to each other to make sure things don’t get out of hand. At the end of the day you two have to be comfortable with all of this, if the other couple isn’t ok with that, then that is their fault not yours. Perhaps that is not a couple you want to spend your time with anyway.

Mr. Menage

[EvilMJ]

Originally Posted by Menage_a_Trois

I am have a different take on this. I know that some of you will not agree with me and that is ok. I also expect to be flamed a bit by what I am going to say……….

Mr. Menage

I think you raised some very good points and I really don't think you are going to get flamed at all!

[prettylady]

Very good points Mr Menage.
being new myself I was unable to see that angle. I appreciate your thought process and it also gave me something to think about for when I take the plunge.
Your friend,
Prettylady

[youngnhotcpl]

I am not going flame ya Menage, for I was thinking as you were, and am wondering if I should be leary of this couple, or if I should just take things in stride, and try and manage to work out some friendship with the other couple. I am sure that the two wives could have been still good friends, and the family type ties we experienced could have remained.

The friendship between all of us was way stronger than any sex that ever occurred, epically on our part. This is why I was more shocked to find out that the G spot thing happened, and I was not there. So far as the emotional thing about the G Spot, I read it on the internet. I am thinking it was Carma Sutra, or Sex 101. I aint no expert though, for I didn't know about it before it happened to my wife, when I was not around. Sounds pleasant to me still.
So far as the Sex Blackmail, this is why I am trying to get opinions on this forum. I know it happens in most all relationships where there is a dominant and a submissive. I pose this question, is it right?
Swinging where there is a quota, and rule breaking, should I accept it, deal with it. This is why I am here.
Thanks for your enlightenment.

[ShellyM]

[quote=youngnhotcpl]Their attitude is for me to dominate her, and make her have sex with him, or any sex from this point on will stop.
She is not attracted to him. She constantly is telling me that she does not want to have sex with him.

When I asked her how all of this could have happened, she said that she could not stop him. Okay, this sentence def scares the shit out of me. Any sex that is non consentual is rape in my book.

You need to cut all ties with this couple.

[ShellyM]

Originally Posted by youngnhotcpl

I know now how it feels to have had my arm twisted so far, it doesn't hurt.
We have written them a letter, and explained our position, and hopefully they are descent enough to just let the past be just that. A unfortunate swinger situation. I have no bad feelings towards them, and I hope they can deal with this like adults.

I received a phone call just now. Did not answer it, let it go to Voice Mail. they said,
If we did not want to have sex anymore, if we still wanted to be friends.
I just do not see this to be an option for us.
We can not trust them to not try and manipulate or hurt us.
They have called my phone three times in the last 10 min. I am scared out of my mind. No more Polyamous relationships for us. Fatal attraction sux.

I would not keep that as an option. I hate to be a cynic, but there are some very crazy people out there. In order to protect your wife I would cut it off clean. Do not let her around him, and don't ever leave a drink unattended around them. They seem like they need counseling, not the lifestyle.

[blondie77]

I don't really have anything new to add as I agree with all the other posters on this one. I do think you're making the right choice to end all ties with them. It doesn't matter how close you are with them, how much you may love their family, how fun they are, etc. The bottom line is this: They disrespected you, your wife, your marriage and your boundries. He didn't take no for an answer, and I have no doubt that he'll keep trying again and again until he finally gets what he wants. You say they are the more agressive couple, and to be honest, if you've been passive about your ways of saying no, then you can expect for him not to listen to you. You need to finally be the aggressive one and tell this guy that under no uncertain circumstances is anyone to ever disrespect your wife like he did. I wish you luck in this.

[fun4Ds]

im not shure about your thread? yea i know iv become an early morning member lately.but i dont understand the blackmail part? if they are being over demanding just say NO THANKS!! i would STOP!!!

maby im not understanding the rules here?? you got drunk and things went to far, and he and your wife had some sex with out you there. then she enjoys the oral sex to the point of 4 squirting orgasams because he found that wonderfull G-SPOT. what were the rules before they started?? she wasn't supposed to enjoy? he wasn't allowed to get her off ? this is where im a little lost?

the g-spot is not a (trick) by less attractive men to fool women into having sex with them . hell, mrs.fun wishes more men would care a little more about what they are doing down there. alot of men dont get that .

if you feel you are being blackmailed get the hell away from this cpl .

it sounds like you had your fun, but now the wife of the other cpl wants her hubby to have some fun also .

maby you guys can hopefully talk about all of this.

if they are more experianced swingers then its just easier for them to lay their rules out on the table. put your rules on the table ... if you dont all agree then your not with the wright couple. move on.

but to be honest if mrs.fun has 4 mutiple squirting orgasams with a guy there is probably going to be a great big high five ( we do that when its good ) and im probly going to be asking her how she feels and how she wants to proceed with things.