A bad experience, could have been worse...

[2jersey]

We hate resorting to a cliché’ – “but you really had to be there”.

Last evening, we met a couple which we had communicated with online for a few weeks – and it turned out that almost everything they had told us about themselves (and everything in their profile) was untrue.

We started at a restaurant with wine, appetizers and small talk. We thought it was odd when each of them sent back their first two glasses of wine – but we were willing to assume that they had very refined palates. After about two hours at the restaurant, they invited us back to ‘their’ home and we accepted (based on physical attraction).

We may have been a little slow on the uptake, but we finally awoke to all of the inconsistencies in their story. It turns out this couple is not married (at least not to each other), they don’t live together, and we strongly suspect that one or both of them is cheating on a spouse. Furthermore, their sexual agenda only includes females – something which we had succinctly told them did not interest us.

When the truth hit us, we got up to leave and the female started to put some aggressive moves on Mrs 2jersey. When Mrs 2j refused her, the couple got very nasty (the woman seemed like she had too much to drink). The man followed us outside to our car hurling insults along the way. We ignored him and drove away quickly…(although a good punch might have been in order).

(By-the-way, don’t associate this couple with the potential cheaters which we described in one of our threads – this is an entirely different couple. And prior to meeting, we had ascertained (supposedly) that they were happily married (to each other).

Today, we’re still shaking our heads in amazement. But we are also patting ourselves on the back for having figured things out before we got in too deep. It may be unfair to assume that there are many others swingers who are as sordid and self-centered as this couple, but it has been along time since we have had a pleasant swinging experience, and we are feeling very mistrustful and gun shy at the present time.

[meandher2go]

it happens i guess. You are right though, it could have been worse with that thrown punch. its just not worth it.

[2jersey]

Originally Posted by meandher2go

it happens i guess. You are right though, it could have been worse with that thrown punch. its just not worth it.

He was a fairly large man - it is unlikely that Mrs 2jersey could have inflicted too much damage.

[CandPinSA]

wow... damn. Good thing no one threw the punch though. Glad to hear that. Although it might have been warranted.... it surely would have just turned a bad thing worse. .... We're having a lot of trouble finding the 'right' guys for us ... The most recent person who attempted, told us he and his wife have been swinging for some time. She is taking a break but he is 'swinging' alone.... with her permission. So my first response to him was that we would consider him (he was rather attractive, and seemed nice enough in his msg) after we got to know a little more. But before we even continued with that, we would need confirmation fron his SO that he is playing alone with permission. He asked what type of confirmation we would need from her. I told him that at the very least, we would need a phone call from her to discuss it with us.... and that before we would do anything, we will meet him in person in a public setting...to see if the 'chemistry' is there.... we also told him "....it would also be nice if his wife could be there as well, so that, in fairness to her, she would at least have some idea of who he was playing with'..... we never heard another word from him.

CandP

[DGrey]

((((hugs))))

Gee, you're in Jersey, we're in Jersey...what are the odds that we've had the same experience with the same couple? <scratching head>

E

[LOL_OMG]

Holy cow, I know that you guys (from your posts) have been working on meeting couples....what a crappy thing for that couple to pull on you. I also know that you have limited time cause you're uber busy, and must feel so played.

I know you mentioned giving up, and I wouldn't blame you there...but I would like to suggest trying a club. I know you've mentioned before that logistically it would be difficult, but we've met almost all of our swinger friends in clubs. It could be that you have to find a friend for overnight with your kids, even get a hotel room close by to the club if it's far away. We travel like 100 miles for our favorite clubs, and always get a room (priceline = 3 star heaven).

Just this weekend we went to a club, met a new couple there, totally hit it off and are looking forward to seeing them again!

Mrs LOL

[2jersey]

CandPinSA Wrote:

We're having a lot of trouble finding the 'right' guys for us ... The most recent person who attempted, told us he and his wife have been swinging for some time. She is taking a break but he is 'swinging' alone.... with her permission. So my first response to him was that we would consider him (he was rather attractive, and seemed nice enough in his msg) after we got to know a little more. But before we even continued with that, we would need confirmation fron his SO that he is playing alone with permission. He asked what type of confirmation we would need from her. I told him that at the very least, we would need a phone call from her to discuss it with us.... and that before we would do anything, we will meet him in person in a public setting...to see if the 'chemistry' is there.... we also told him "....it would also be nice if his wife could be there as well, so that, in fairness to her, she would at least have some idea of who he was playing with'..... we never heard another word from him

Sounds as if you dodged a bullet, we weren't so fortunate. We actually spoke on the phone with this couple a few days before we met. It is amazing how badly we read them...right up until the last moment. If the woman hadn't been drunk and talkative, we may not have completely figured things out - they were good liars (probably have alot of practice).

DGrey Wrote:

Gee, you're in Jersey, we're in Jersey...what are the odds that we've had the same experience with the same couple? <scratching head>

It's certainly possible. Hope you guys fared okay - and thanks for the hugs...

[2jersey]

Originally Posted by LOL_OMG

Holy cow, I know that you guys (from your posts) have been working on meeting couples....what a crappy thing for that couple to pull on you. I also know that you have limited time cause you're uber busy, and must feel so played.

I know you mentioned giving up, and I wouldn't blame you there...but I would like to suggest trying a club. I know you've mentioned before that logistically it would be difficult, but we've met almost all of our swinger friends in clubs. It could be that you have to find a friend for overnight with your kids, even get a hotel room close by to the club if it's far away. We travel like 100 miles for our favorite clubs, and always get a room (priceline = 3 star heaven).

Just this weekend we went to a club, met a new couple there, totally hit it off and are looking forward to seeing them again!

Mrs LOL

Yes, we're either headed for the club scene, or we're headed for the scrap heap. Aside from the aforementioned obstacles to to traveling out of town to a club, we have a few concerns about the 'spontaneity' of the club environment. If we can't select the right people by reading profiles, exchanging messages, and taking our time to consider things carefully - how are we going to do it on the spur of the moment in a club. If we had met our nightmare couple at a club, would we have figured out their dirty little secret in time - possibly not.

Bottom line - if we go the club route, we are probably going to have to be less particular in regards to who we play with. And we're going to have to be less concerned about making mistakes. Ideally, we would like to find an experienced local couple who would be willing to meet us at a club - not necessarily for play - but just to give us someone to talk to and learn from while we adjust to the environment. Looking for volunteers...

Mrs. LOL, thanks for your advice.

[Spoomonkey]

We had one close call with a couple at the club once. We didn't get naked with them, but we sure wasted our evening...

They were an attractive couple and a blast to talk to. Mrs Spoomonkey excused herself (to make ready for a trip to a play room) and the husband did as well - leaving me and the other "wife" to chat.

"We love coming here," she said. "The people are great and we don't have to worry about bumping into his wife."

"Ass-cuse me?"

"She doesn't know," she said - quite cavalier about the subject. "We started coming here because it was cheaper than a hotel. Who knew we'd actually ENJOY swinging."

They never could figure out why we suddenly weren't interested :rollseyes

Those couples are the ugly side of swinging... They are a sad reality, I'm afraid... But - I hate it when we lose an evening to them.

Spoomonkey

[intuition897]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

We had one close call with a couple at the club once. We didn't get naked with them, but we sure wasted our evening...

They were an attractive couple and a blast to talk to. Mrs Spoomonkey excused herself (to make ready for a trip to a play room) and the husband did as well - leaving me and the other "wife" to chat.

"We love coming here," she said. "The people are great and we don't have to worry about bumping into his wife."

"Ass-cuse me?"

"She doesn't know," she said - quite cavalier about the subject. "We started coming here because it was cheaper than a hotel. Who knew we'd actually ENJOY swinging."

They never could figure out why we suddenly weren't interested :rollseyes

Those couples are the ugly side of swinging... They are a sad reality, I'm afraid... But - I hate it when we lose an evening to them.

Spoomonkey

I think I would've been hard-pressed to refrain from telling them EXACTLY why we were no longer interested! What a pair of jackasses.

[Thrax]

Originally Posted by 2jersey

Yes, we're either headed for the club scene, or we're headed for the scrap heap. Aside from the aforementioned obstacles to to traveling out of town to a club, we have a few concerns about the 'spontaneity' of the club environment. If we can't select the right people by reading profiles, exchanging messages, and taking our time to consider things carefully - how are we going to do it on the spur of the moment in a club. If we had met our nightmare couple at a club, would we have figured out their dirty little secret in time - possibly not.

Bottom line - if we go the club route, we are probably going to have to be less particular in regards to who we play with. And we're going to have to be less concerned about making mistakes. Ideally, we would like to find an experienced local couple who would be willing to meet us at a club - not necessarily for play - but just to give us someone to talk to and learn from while we adjust to the environment. Looking for volunteers...

A club can be a great place to meet potential playmates and you can be particular concerning who you play with. Just remember, it is perfectly all right to meet and flirt with folks there and NOT play with them at the club. Some folks might be a little (or greatly) disappointed that you might not want to play that night, but if you meet a couple you really connect with, and they're the type you really want to meet, setting up a later meeting and potential playdate is not out of the question. Just be clear in communicating that.

Sure, it's a little more work, but it might end up being worthwhile. Good luck.

Thrax

[Jester]

What a bummer of a night, glad to hear you guys got out of there safely.

Originally Posted by 2jersey

If we can't select the right people by reading profiles, exchanging messages, and taking our time to consider things carefully - how are we going to do it on the spur of the moment in a club. If we had met our nightmare couple at a club, would we have figured out their dirty little secret in time - possibly not..

It seems to me from the story you would do just fine in a club, after all it was during face to face interaction you were able to read them and figure out something was amiss. It doesn't have to be spur of the moment at a club. If a new couple comes in that catches our eye we spend some time observing how they interact with each other before we decide to approach. Then we take our time chatting with them and see where it goes. Sometimes, it's to the play room, many times it ends with a talk to you next time and we may not play with them until next time or later.

Originally Posted by 2jersey

Bottom line - if we go the club route, we are probably going to have to be less particular in regards to who we play with. And we're going to have to be less concerned about making mistakes. Ideally, we would like to find an experienced local couple who would be willing to meet us at a club - not necessarily for play - but just to give us someone to talk to and learn from while we adjust to the environment. Looking for volunteers...

I would say the first time you go to club don't expect to play. Just go to get a feel for the place, see if you are comfortable in it by the end of the night. All clubs have regulars, you will quickly figure out who they are and talk to some them and see if you feel a good vibe from them. We didn't play on our last trip to the club and don't play every time we go. Honestly we enjoy the atmosphere and the people and if something happens, great. If not we had a good night out anyway.

[LOL_OMG]

I would only add that the Mr. has really good "spidey sense" about people, and I trust it. I on the other hand am missing the spidey sense gene. I'm guessing that one or the other of you two has this and you can use it as a tool (of course later on you can blame them when they're wrong! lol).

Seriously though, meeting someone face-to-face is so much more practical and time management effective IMO than any internet site. Look in their eyes. Talk to them. In pretty short order you will find out what they're all about.

Mrs LOL

PS - I wish we were closer too

[2jersey]

Update... We're primarily interested in couples play and we don't usually look at single female profiles online - unless a female happens to initiate contact with us. But we began snooping around after our experience with this couple - and we discovered that the female half of the couple has her own (separate) profile with which she is seeking females only - no couples. She makes no mention of being in a relationship, and the male of the couple has certified her (as being genuine).

[robel12550]

Don't you just love that aspect of certifications? Don't know where they're really coming from.

Don't know what it is, but we've yet to run into any horror stories. Where do you folks find these people? (Or maybe the more appropriate question would be HOW do you find them?) lol

Rob and Ellen