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  1. #61
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    Default Re: Wtf Happend

    Quote Originally Posted by fun4Ds
    yes we are going to seek some counseling its been very depressing .we have swinger friends but we have been on a major lifestyle break. this is not something you can talk to family about maby other swingers. mrs fun has been very supportive with a lot of love notes on the table. may sound kinda strange but we are kind of making a few jokes from time to time. like the day of the party mrs.fun said i may be in for a big surprise.well it certanly was a surprise. we thank you all for the support
    Perhaps it is worth to say that what happens to us today IS AS INTENDED by your abuser as it was the original abuse itself. The abuser is perfectly aware of this effect, and rely on all your current feelings as a preventive measure against being reported (both to the authorities and to the social circle where he/she moves).

    Even when I suggest you to do something about it, and that I believe that doing something about this, even when painfull and risky, is a way to help you two put this behind, I will not blame on you if you doesn't want to. The abuser is the only one to blame here.

    Having my own experiences correlatied to the abuse's victim role, I've been there. I believe I know what you feel. In this abuse you don't recollect what happend, but think of how you'd feel if you were able to recollect it, I mean, people doing things to you while you're deprived from the hability to stop them. I bring this point because it have to do with your guity feelings.

    It uses to happen to the victim that, besides the implications of a rape, they recollec enjoying some aspects of the activities he/she was forced to do. For example, a victim of a rape may feel phisical arousal for an intercourse, or even cum, which makes things even worst, because this leads to wrongly conclude that if there was something enjoyable for the victim it would make his/her "share the responsability" for the abuse, as if what define something as a rape were not alone the violence and the forced act, but the "reward" that ony the abuser is supposed to have. Something like "if I felt pleasure, then to some extent, i've been asking for this to happen".

    Even when you don't recollect what happend, this scenario correlate with yours because you went to a swinger party seeking for sexual enjoyment, at least for the "to some extent, i've been asking for this to happen" tought.

    One of the most difficult parts in the victim's healing proccess is to be able to set appart the arousal or the pleasure involved from the responsability for what happend. To be able to say "yes, I phisically enjoyed being done this or that, this is natural and not my falut, so I hate EXLUSIVELY my abuser and not myself". And I guess something pretty close to this happens to you today, you hate yourself because you were seeking for having sex with strangers, disregarding the main fact here, which is the TERMS under you were up to do it.

    Sex has nothing to do with this. The rape is defined by the process by means of which the abuser TERMS are being imposed, overriding by force your own TERMS, even to do the same you'd agree to do under your own terms.

    To recognize and internalize this fact, and to diferentiate this from the involved sexual desires require a hard and painfull process that MUST be supervised, and requires an objective perspective to ensure you achieved this goal.

    It is because of this that you two need counseling. There's nothing wrong with you two, there's no fault from you.

    As it was told before, REMEMBER the people in this forum feels symphaty for your two, and that we're here for you.

    I invite you to drop me as many private messages you want to vent off and/or just talk, now and along your healing proccess. Do NOT isolate yourselves, people support is and will be a valuable resource for you two. Don't hesitate to use this resource at will.
    Last edited by sereneiders; 05-25-2006 at 05:34 PM.

  2. #62
    Here to Stay 2GirlsGoodBenBa's Avatar
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    Default Re: Wtf Happend

    Reading this and several other threads has been really enlightening! I honestly didn't even factor in the role of sexual abuse in the lifestyle or even the possibility of being drugged due to the fact that I always believed that with the lifestyle people always (well the majority) functioned with honesty. Obviously not--but thus far we've been lucky with the people we've met but this will allow us to be alot more cautious of even those we believe we can trust.

    - The Bad One

  3. #63
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    Default Re: Wtf Happend

    I wonder how many people this has happened to? I recently was at a club drinking soda water and lime. I had already had two drinks and it was a long drive home so I stopped drinking. I kept on telling hubby there was "pure vodka or something" in my drink. He blew me off until he took a sip. I felt so violated. I am so sorry that this happened to you. -r

  4. #64
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    Default Re: Wtf Happend

    Quote Originally Posted by fun4Ds
    mrs. fun was in the hot tub with a single guy that we (both think the world of) and i can rember while she is having what i think is a good time i leaned over and kissed her and said i love you to her. she can rember to that point that she went to our room and crashed out thats the end of her recollection till morning.
    I think I've scanned most of the thread here, but one thing is confusing to me. As I read the above section from the original posting, I'm left with wondering if thei guy they thought the world of knows anything? Even if why they might have been banned from the club?

    As far as fault, that ulitmately lies with the person who drugged you. So keep telling yourself that it was highly unlikely in the situation you were in that you could have prevented this. Just as the Internet is a highly suspect environment, the real world is even more so. Odds are that even a normally diligent person who was "watching the drinks" would not have been able to detect someone drugging it. (From personal experience in what can be done "undetected".) So hopefully you'll stop giving yourself a guilt trip on this.

    I empathize with you on the decision whether to bring in authorities or not. Despite what some people have written here and despite the fact that their personal opinions of things shouldn't get in the way of dealing with a crime, it has been know to happen that law officers will let their opnions interfer. How many "rape" vicitims have been victimized because they wore provocative clothing? So at least I understand the conflict you're going through.

    Our sympathies and best wishes on dealing with this unfortunate incident.

  5. #65
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    Default Re: Wtf Happend

    Quote Originally Posted by LOL_OMG View Post
    Wow, I think that is the worst thing I have heard to date and it makes me pretty angry thinking about it. You guys were drugged against your knowledge and who knows what happened....the word that comes to mind is rape. Even if nothing happened sexually your free will was raped.

    I would be tempted to call the police, but I know you have to think this one out for yourselves.
    Mrs LOL
    Personally I think you should call the police, after all, you and your wife are both adults and what you do for thrills shouldn't make you less of a rape victim.
    We kept quiet about our first time experience that was horrible and I remember the guilt and shame that came with it, I felt like I let Mia down, that I allowed her to be raped. First time experience was a bad one. - The Swingers Board
    And probably because I didn't said or did anything it happened a second time, except this time I took action.
    but this is just so wrong, why would anyone go and rob when it's there for the take, all you have to do is ask?
    With this kind of animals I'd be just that, another animal, they should be castrated ,let to bleed to death then burried in the back yard......

  6. #66
    Swingers Board Addict fun4Ds's Avatar
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    Default Re: Wtf Happend

    Quote Originally Posted by magiriano View Post
    With this kind of animals I'd be just that, another animal, they should be castrated ,let to bleed to death then burried in the back yard..
    Thats one thing to say, another thing to carry out. I found myself at that point. We found help, and closure, with counseling and a friend. This was a serious matter. People do get, and can be hurt, in any walk in life. How many, was the question in this case.

    We are OK with it being, just two......

    We're not ashamed, we're survivors.
    Last edited by fun4Ds; 11-26-2008 at 02:40 AM.

  7. #67
    Swingers Board Addict ncmd_couple's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rohypnol at a party - Somone put it in our drinks!

    Fun4Ds,

    I'm glad that the years have passed since this happened and that the two of you have recovered from this. I'm also glad that this thread has been brought back up. I have never considered the possibility that someone would drug either of us at a swinger's party or club. But I guess that my personal habits make it much more unlikely that this could happen to me personally.

    One rule that I learned when I was in the Navy helps me here. When I went on liberty, the only thing that I would drink was an American brand beer, in a can, and if the can was opened before it was in front of me, I didn't drink it and didn't pay for it. I would tell the waitress/bar tender that when I ordered. It was not unusual for sailors on liberty to be drugged and rolled. It never happened to me.

    Thanks for letting us know this, because it reminded me to teach this to my son who is headed for his first ship in a few days.

    S
    Try anything once, twice if it is fun, three times if it is real good!

  8. #68
    Swingers Board Addict lustylearning's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rohypnol at a party - Somone put it in our drinks!

    A good rule of thumb a friend of mine taught me when we first entered the lifestyle - never leave your drink unattended.

  9. #69
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    Default Re: Rohypnol at a party - Somone put it in our drinks!

    Quote Originally Posted by lustylearning View Post
    A good rule of thumb a friend of mine taught me when we first entered the lifestyle - never leave your drink unattended.
    That is great advice. Not only for swingers, but for anyone going to bars and clubs. Also, if someone is going to buy you a drink make sure that you're present when it is purchased and you take the drink directly from the bartender or waitress.

    Sometimes paranoia is good!

  10. #70
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    Default Re: Rohypnol at a party - Somone put it in our drinks!

    Having just skimmed this thread, primarily to find out what the outcome for fun4Ds was (glad you two came through this OK), and considering that the Mrs and I will be going to our first meet & greet tomorrow night (nerves!), here's my feeling on this:

    1. We're going to watch our drinks tomorrow!
    2. I think, in that situation, I would have involved the police. I really wouldn't care if my family / friends / co-workers found out what kind of a party we were at, someone attempted harm to me and mine. I can live with ridicule / shame, I can't live without the Mrs (what if she had a worse reaction?)
    3. fun4Ds dealt with this in their own way, and while the guilty were not found and punished, unfortunately, the guilty do not always get punished. I would expect it would have been very hard to find out who might have put the drugs in the drinks, leading to the guilty still getting away with it...

    At least, Mr and Mrs fun4Ds have coped, and continued on. It's just a shame that they had to run into this kind of situation.

    Mr.

  11. #71
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    Default Re: Rohypnol at a party - Somone put it in our drinks!

    I have to admit, after reading this thread, I'm more anxious than ever about going to the Off-Premise party Mr and I've talked about attending tonight. I know the odds of anything like this happening are very slim and I know we both plan on NOT letting our drinks out of our sight, but still. I talked to Mr earlier and he fully understands, said he's kind of nervous about going, too.
    We both know NOTHING is going to happen tonight. There, at least. We'll probably come home and go at it like bunnies but nothing there. Tonight is just dipping our toes into the water, so to speak.

  12. #72
    Swingers Board Addict fun4Ds's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rohypnol at a party - Somone put it in our drinks!

    Quote Originally Posted by slevin View Post
    That is great advice. Not only for swingers, but for anyone going to bars and clubs. Also, if someone is going to buy you a drink make sure that you're present when it is purchased and you take the drink directly from the bartender or waitress.

    Sometimes paranoia is good!
    Well... paranoia isn't really good ,.. Caution is cool though

    Enjoy, life
    Last edited by fun4Ds; 11-28-2008 at 08:21 PM.

  13. #73
    Swingers Board Addict lustylearning's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rohypnol at a party - Somone put it in our drinks!

    Have fun!!

  14. #74
    Registered Looking4uwithus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rohypnol at a party - Somone put it in our drinks!

    Wow, this is a incredible story. I feel for the OP but it makes me wonder....... is this swinging thing such a good idea?

  15. #75
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    Default Re: Rohypnol at a party - Somone put it in our drinks!

    Quote Originally Posted by Looking4uwithus View Post
    Wow, this is a incredible story. I feel for the OP but it makes me wonder....... is this swinging thing such a good idea?
    Why would someone putting roofies in someones drink make you question swinging in general. There is likely a higher chance of that happening at a regular club than at a swingers club.

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