Stood up on our first meet - does this happen frequently?

[funlovinpair]

Is getting stood up a common occurrence?

We're new to the lifestyle and had our first meeting planned for today. I called the couple last night to confirm, they said they'd be there with bells on.

Time for lunch comes and goes, and no word. About a half hour after we were supposed to meet, I get a TM from the husband saying they were stuck in traffic. I thought it was odd because the roads between where they live and where we were meeting are not intensely traveled. Beyond that, why would it take 30 minutes to figure it out and alert us?

So, I call the husband back to clarify whether they were on their way or just wanted to scrap the plans. He was evasive and noncommital. I ended the call by telling him that we'd already ordered lunch and drinks so they were welcome to meet us -- late or not -- but that it was OK if they didn't show because I didn't want them to feel pressured. We didn't hear from them again and left about an hour later.

I guess I'm just a little confused. This couple seemed incredibly interested. In fact, they were trying to meet up with us sooner but this was our first available day. And I also I'm not sure where to go from here.

I'm fine with never talking to them again. To me, swinging is about sex and I don't feel that I owe anybody a second chance. My time is too precious and the fact is that I get regular sex at home -- we don't need this couple.

My husband, on the other hand, thinks that we should leave the ball in their court. If they don't call again, then fine. But if they do, he thinks we should give them a second chance because the chemistry seemed good.

So, to sum up: Does anybody have any thoughts on this specific situation, and is being stood up something that happens frequently in the lifestyle? If so, what's the standard way of handling it?

Mrs. Fun

[Additude]

Mrs. Fun,

I feel your husband is right. Everyone deserves a second chance....however not a third.

For some reason beyond our knowledge this other couple was unable to make the meeting. We assume it was for some unacceptable reason, however it may have been for some completely legitimate reason they couldn't explain. Possibly embarrasing for them.

If it was good chemistry and things really seemed on the up and up to begin with then I'd give them a second chance.

However if your not comfortable with the idea of meeting again then you and Mr. Fun have to move on because you both have to be on the same page.

[Sweet_Candy]

Being stood up happens quite a bit in the Lifestyle unfortunately. There's nothing wrong with giving a second chance. For some the reality of swinging happening is too much to handle. It's much easier to fantasize. Consider it a blessing; you just avoided potential drama at the beginning of your endeavor instead of in the middle.

[JnCC]

Originally Posted by funlovinpair

I'm fine with never talking to them again. To me, swinging is about sex and I don't feel that I owe anybody a second chance. My time is too precious and the fact is that I get regular sex at home -- we don't need this couple.

My husband, on the other hand, thinks that we should leave the ball in their court. If they don't call again, then fine. But if they do, he thinks we should give them a second chance because the chemistry seemed good.

Personally, I don't think people "get" second chances...they "earn" second chances. What have they done to "earn" a second chance? Called you with an apology, and an explanation for what happened? Offered to pay for your dinner the next time?

I doubt they'll have the balls to contact you, but if they do, set the meeting for somewhere nearer to you, and tell them you'll leave your house when they get there. Don't make plans for the entire evening...I have a feeling they're flakes.

You can't have "chemistry" without mutual respect, and just like in the vanilla world, that starts with being on time for your first date. You guys sound wayyy too classy to screw around with assholes like them.

[intuition897]

It happens funlovin. Sounds maybe like there was a problem with uneven level of interest within the couple...as in he was REALLY interested, and maybe she didn't even now about it (Did you ever talk to the wife?). It could be anything, though, as was pointed out earlier. To me, though, the evasiveness kinda points to a problem between the couple coming to a head right at that time.

[DBL D]

I never like to give up on a couple, but our time is precious too. There are many who will take you up on your invitations.

We recently had a situation with another couple where both of them were writing us but our schedules couldn't match up. Then we took a break for a while. At the beginning of April, we let them know that we wanted to meet them some weekend in April. They hadn't been on Swing Lifestyle for 60 days or so. Halfway through the month we notice that they had been on...no word from them however. We decided to close our privates and move on. If they want to meet us, like JnCC said, they will have to earn a shot by being honest and up front. If they can't do that then it's bye-bye. We're not waiting for them. Their loss.

We are using one of "their weekends" tonight with another couple.

M.D.

[JM153]

We would give them a second chance sorta along the lines JnCC suggests. I think it significant that you received a TM from them, even though it was late. You were not just ignored. We would put the ball in their court. If a new meeting was set up, we would probably tell them we are real busy, but can be at the meeting place in a short time, so call when they are on their way. Something like that.

As for how common it is, I don't know. So far we have not had it happen, although we have had cancellations about 30 min. before the we were to meet. One we never heard from again and the other one we met at a later date. When they cancelled we just thanked them for calling and told them if they wanted to get together in the future let us know. The reason for cancelling may be unrelated to swinging with you or it could be as Intuition speculates a probem between them. If it is unrelated you will meet, if not you probably won't hear from them.

As Dbl D says there are lots of folks out there who will take you up your invitation. One of my rules is to meet at a place we enjoy, so if there is a no show we still enjoy the time together. Good Luck.
JM

[funlovinpair]

Thank you so much for all of the feedback. I really appreciate it. Generally, I'm someone given to offering multiple chances. I think I'm just bitter because I felt that they were really pushing us to meet. Mr. Fun has open availability, but I have a demanding job that makes eating difficult without advance planning -- so I had to move heaven and earth (so to speak) to schedule this meeting only three days in advance. And I communicated that with the couple when they started pressuring us to meet up, but I didn't want them to think we weren't serious so I was willing to switch around my schedule to make this happen.

Intution makes an excellent point. We only heard from the "wife" via e-mail or IM; only the husband called -- and she was never available to talk (putting kids to bed, working late, at the store, etc.). My gut told me we'd get stood up; that's why I confirmed Thursday -- I wanted to give them an out if they wanted. But you live and learn.

I just wanted to see if it was a lifestyle trend or just an example of dealing with an isolated incident.

Thanks again,
Mrs. Fun

[intuition897]

Originally Posted by funlovinpair

We only heard from the "wife" via e-mail or IM; only the husband called -- and she was never available to talk (putting kids to bed, working late, at the store, etc.). My gut told me we'd get stood up; that's why I confirmed Thursday -- I wanted to give them an out if they wanted. But you live and learn.

Ooooooh. I think think you guys got burned. We've had this happen to us, too. Although it never went as far as meeting up because of the distance; if we were going to travel ANY great distance to meet up, we were going to make SURE there was a woman on the other end of the line. She was always not feeling well, went to bed early, away to the store, etc. Turned out the guy was looking into the lifestyle for them, and she didn't know about it. His plan was to set up a date with us and bring his unwitting wife to meet us. But we were led to believe that she knew about it. I mean, who does that?? Really??

Yup, you live and you learn. It's just one of those things we watch for now.

[funlovinpair]

Ick...I guess in the long run we're lucky to have had to deal with drama. A blessing in disguise, I suppose.

Mrs. Fun