Well this weekend got wierd

[MarriedNY'ers69]

We had some old time friends over. And we always do g/g play with them. But the female half said she wanted to try more. But I did question that a bit. She just didn't seem ready and to me maybe never will be. I talked to my husband about it. But he just wasn't getting that same feeling. I told him I would hate to killl a good friendship. And he agreed. So we both talked to that couple over and over again asking them all kinds of questions. So even in doubting I went into the night with an open mind. I definitly wouldn't have minded a full swap night with them but I didn't want anything sour between us either KWIM. So of course the guys were kind of pushy about it at first but playfully. And she just seemed so unsure to me. But she does wear the pants in her relationship so I didn't worry about her husband pushing her just me and my husband. We have always been open about things we like and she knows we are meeting new people. So I just was worried she is trying to compete with others or something. She can get that way sometimes.

So we started the night with me and her like normal. But then she moved to be with my husband. Which we have done soft swapping with them once. SO I thought things would be cool. But me and her husband were watching her and my husband for a bit will rubbing eachother. Well I guess she didn't want us to watch. Next thing I know she grabs me by the freakin neck and throws me at her husband cock! I was piss her husband was pissed and so was mine. I don't know what she was thinking. So we were like what was that! She was like well I don't want my husband to feel left out. He was like I wasn't. Ok so then we talk about it and move on. Basically I got her husband off and her and mine husband were still playing. SO me and her husband tried to watch again. And then she started saying more crap why aren't we doing this or that. SO then we are like you two want sometime alone or what. SO I went to the kitchen her husband went upstairs to use th bathroom. And she starting having fun with my hsuband gain yeah! Her husband comes back down and she starts playing with both. I'm happily watching all of this. That's one of my biggest turn ons. So then she starts yelling where is Jess blah blah. So I was like well I was watching. She starts saying how she wants me to fuck her husband okkkkkkkkkkkkk. SO I go up stairs to get some stuff and was on my way back down. She starts yelling at me. I finally just said ok you know what you are starting to piss me off and you really are making me uncomfortable. (I don't think she wanted her husband to see her and minehusband together) they are completely two different sizes her husband being the smaller one and she doesn't want him to feel bad. Also she has never been with anyone other than her husband. Ok so anyways I said you are making this uncomfortable for me and I am sure I am not the only one. You are just making this to hard and it's supposed to be fun. So of course silents hits the room I feel like the big elephant standing there.

I go up stairs cause no one says a word. My husband follows me. I told him I was sorry probably shouldn't gone off like that. But I just couldn't deal anymore. And when I get like that I just blow. And he knows. He said he couldn't beleive how she was acting. It told him how I knew this wasn't a good idea and I was afraid of this. She is a really intess person when she is stressing. So we talked and I came back down stairs and told them I was sorry for what I said and how I said it. I truely was sorry for how it came out. I was just so uncomfortable. So we talked with them about how we felt of why she was acting that way. The talk went well. Then I asked to speak with her husband alone. Because her and my husband talk all the time they play around and goof off. They are just way more comfortable with eachother in general. Her husband is very quite and shy. So it was a nice talk. He told me alot of things I didn't know of how he felt. And I told him I need to hear things. I love to be talked to dirty and I need to know my boundries I can't just guess haha. We have known eachother for 2 years.

So then I talked with her again one and one. And that went well. SO then we ended up having a pretty good night. I just had to share and get it off my chest. We have been with another couple and had a great time all around. And we just had such a hard time that night but it still turned out well. And we all could still hung and laugh in the morning together. They just really need to work on thier communication skills with us and eachother. She was very reserved though with my husband. And I hope she learns to loosen up and just let go a bit. But I think she is afraid of offending her husband. Becuase of this size. Which I have told it's a non issue for me and he does other things quite well anyways

well thanks for reading my expeirence. Comments are welcomed.

[JTcamp05]

Sonds like your not comfortable with this couple.... It sure is hard to have any enjoyable sex when one's not comfortable. We've experienced "control issues" in past. We always respect others rules and of course like to talk about those rules first...... I mean if your gonna fool around with another couple...guess you should be comfortable to say...."any ground rules you two have".... Im sure you will get an idea from the response if they ahve talked about this or not.

But beyond that it can be hard when one in the group is too pushy.....My wife and I feel that respecting rules is important, but making rules to be controling is pointless.....In the lifestyle your kinda allready breaking the normal rules of society....isnt it the point to be sexualy open...Please don't take that the wrong way I'm not saying to break rules, just set and expect reasonable ones.

I guess in a nutshell communication is the answer.....if your gonna sleep with people you should be able to talk to them first. I if doesnt work out there and more couples out there than you would ever have time for!!!

[MarriedNY'ers69]

Haha JT my only rule is no kissing on the lips while swapping with the other partner. And if one person is uncomfortalbe we have a safe word haha but I guess I didn't use it. I wasn't uncomfortable of having someone dominate me. It was the reason's why she was being domanating I had issues with. And yes communication is key, but so is honestly and we were honest but they were not. I told them they need to really talk to eachother. We worked it out. We sent them off to talk we alos talked with them and indiviually.


Oh and update the male half of the couple called my husband the other day. Which is very out of chareriter for him. Cause he doesn't like to talk and is very quite. I was shocked to hear that he called my husband on his own with out his wife and they talked about things man to man. LOL So that's cool we got them to open up a bit. He told him how much he enjoyed being with me and all that sort of thing.

[Dave_kat]

Let me see if I understand this correctly. You've done g-g with this couple, but it was brought up to take it to a full swing encounter. You have reservations because you don't think she is ready for it.

She gets a little agressive because you're wanting to watch her with your husband while you two tease each other, and she gets a bit agressive, wanting you to start playing immediately, something you haven't really said you were not going to do, just taking your time with things.

The whole thing got blown out of proportion because you didn't just jump right into the sex with him, like she did with your husband, because you wanted to watch a bit and enjoy.

What I'm wondering is if you were willing to play, but wanted to watch them play first to keep the evening going longer, or for the fun of sharing the moment with your husband, did you say this to her? A simple, yes hon, we;re going to play, but I want to watch you with my husband a bit as well first and let ya'll watch us might have resolved the whole situation, at least calmed it down.

I assume you two play in front of your husbands, and perhaps take it to soft swing after that. It's the same thing there, just a different variation. She might have understood it a bit better explained that way.

It's good that ya'll talked afterwards, the phone calls etc. A situation that got out of hand in the heat of the moment, and talking afterwards to settle things.

I assume also that it was their first time with full swing. If you choose to see this couple again, talking before-hand about what you both like in that kind of situation will help resolve those kinds of issues in the future.

It's the only thing I can think of that might help and/or explain things. We've seen it before as well, and usually a simple, slow down we want to watch and then perform for ya'll has worked wonders in calming things down.

[MarriedNY'ers69]

Me and her husband did say that several times. That's why I got mad. She actually hurt me and her husband. And the reason why she said she did that was because she didn't want her husband feeling left out. Well I already got her husband off once. So I dont' see how he was being left out. My husband just last longer than her's does. And yes we did do a few soft swap inconters before this. She was also drinking that night cause I had a party earlier that evening. So her being so mean might have been from the drinking. She can being very ummmmm intense sometimes too when she is feeling unconfortable. And the weeks prior to seeing eachother she kept bring up all the what if's and stuff and kind of tried to plan it out or whatever. Then in the same breath saying she just wanted stuff to happen naturally. Hahaha. But then I don't know what happen to all that was said. Oh also something she said was that we are always joking about how shy she is and that she thought she was acting how we wanted her to act. I told her I would never want her to be someone else. And that we were just playing around with her. She jokes with us about stuff I never take it serious though and never in my wildest thought of changing because of it. Hmmmmmmm maybe she is one that isn't really joking when she says some stuff when we are just hanging out????

[fun4Ds]

we feel that in the begining the other female said she wanted to (TRY) more. and you all talked. so seems that in the conversation you got the answers for (your) uncertancies. didnt understand the part about watchin her in the begining. was that for a turn on?and everyone agreed on that? or was everyone watchin to get the negetive responce that you thaught would happen? we feel that you kinda put her in the limelight for a negitive reaction.and she was feelin lets get on with it and quit watchin me. we wouldent have wanted that our first time. we are more of a cpl that some things are between just us.were they comfortable with each others boundries? its good that you are all talking.we see your views and her hubbies views but not the other females. grabbin by the neck would have been a were outa this.there wouldn,t have been any thing more happen.

[Dave_kat]

Dave here, and just an observation that I've noticed in life and hanging around in lesbian bars. We throw out labels on things, random observations that we don't know for sure what they mean, or things that just fit approrpiately but aren't well understood.

In a lot of lesbian relationships, you have the domme, or top and the sub or bottom. Generally it's the aggressive and the pasive, although those words don't really describe accurately the dynamics of the relationship.

As an example I'll bring out an encounter we had when Kat first rediscovered her bisexuality. She had met this girl while I was in the field (for non-military, those training problems where we go practice our wartime skills). This girl had literally dragged Kat onto the bar and proceeded to mess around. I get home, and Kat takes me out to meet her. No problem. Later that night, we kinda get started messing around, and the girl grabs kat and starts forcing her somewhat (gently, but the force was obvious and there) to do things. Suck on nipples, etc. Then she forces Kat's head down into my lap and holds her head there while she proceeds with oral on me.

I bring this up not knowing if there are aspects of that in your direct relationship with the girl from this couple. Between what you do with her, in front of the guys. Who is the more agressive in your play?

Kat has become what she herself terms a top. She wants to be the one in cotrol of the flow of things, she's the one who prefers to use the strap-on on another woman. Yet with me she is submissive, prefers me to be in control of things. It's a difficult duality to describe accurately with words as I type. Hopefully this has done a decent job.

I take that one step further, if she is the aggressive in your relationship. Is it not possible that she is the aggressive in the relationship between her and her husband? If so, then your experience would not be so out of reach with something like what I described in mine. She wanted to control things, she wanted to make sure people were enjoying themselves as she thought they should. Again I'm reaching because I can only go from my experience and what I've read in this.

The thoughts about acting the way she thought everyone wanted her to act. As a domme? In control? One of the more difficult things about relationships between 2 people is defining the ways we act together. Add 4 people, who know each other somewhat? It can get a bit more interesting, revising all of those roles.

We do these things naturally in the course of the day. Alpha males, Alpha females, leaders, followers, all those terms to describe a natural pecking order in a social heirarchy.

Maybe that might help, or it might just be wasted space. I'd say that it will be possible to come back another time, and perhaps such a different way of looking at things.

[sexyshelby]

This sounds like way to much drama for me. I'd stay away. But I guess it seems like you're working on it and handling it as well as one could.

~SS

[getnit2gethr]

Originally Posted by Dave_kat

We do these things naturally in the course of the day. Alpha males, Alpha females, leaders, followers, all those terms to describe a natural pecking order in a social heirarchy.

Maybe I'm just wierd but I don't see it this way at all. I find it interesting that you think people are sizing me up all the time and deciding if they will lead me, follow me, etc. I know that I am not thinking of others in these terms. I might have to start a new thread on this in the cafe.

[MarriedNY'ers69]

Dave we know this couple well in and out of the bedroom. We have been hanging out and me and her have been playing for 2 years. So that's why I was so thrown off. Cause with in the 2 years there hasn't really been one that domminates it all the time. We kind of take turns. But never that rough or in my oppinion is was rude and it killed the moment. Of course because we were all adults we talked about how each one of us were feeling at that moment. Of course that kind of put her on the spot and made her feel bad. Oh and yes to the question about her knowing I and her husband would like to watch. But she doesn't get turned on from watching so she can't understand how that turns us on. My husband says that I really think more like a man and she just can't understand my thoughts sometimes. I agree threw my whole life I have always thought of sex more like a man would and less like a women does. It's so hard to fully tell you the dimnamics of this relationship. I know it is a bit dramtic, but honestly they are good friends. We do alot with them other then sex that's a very small part of our relationship. So it was definitly something we wanted resolved not something to just leave and move on KWIM?

[MarriedNY'ers69]

Oh and my husband and I told her she doesn't have to go threw this. We will still like them. God we never have to have sex again at all we will always be friends.

[MarriedNY'ers69]

So anyways things calmed down and we all ended up playing with eachother and it was pushed or forced it was fun in the end. It happen naturaly like she oringally said she wanted. And me and her husband did have time to watch inbetween what we were doing and during some of the other things we were doing. So it all worked out. And she enjoyed her self.

[ANGEDKY(mr)]

Originally Posted by getnit2gethr

Maybe I'm just wierd but I don't see it this way at all. I find it interesting that you think people are sizing me up all the time and deciding if they will lead me, follow me, etc. I know that I am not thinking of others in these terms. I might have to start a new thread on this in the cafe.

Please do !!

[RnLinohio]

Originally Posted by MarriedNY'ers69

Well I guess she didn't want us to watch. Next thing I know she grabs me by the freakin neck and throws me at her husband cock! I was piss her husband was pissed and so was mine.

Ok, am I the only one catching this statment? To me that would be the end of play for that night, if not totally.

I mean I can unsderstand that you have been friends with them for along time, and wanting to stay that way. But she seems like she has problems she needs to work out before she tries a full swap again. And I don't know if we (hubby and I) would want to even attempt trying again. JMHO

R

[Dave_kat]

Married, well, heck, I tried. I know the world isn't full of absolutes, no situation is the same way for the same reason. That's life and why we live it to enjoy it.

I'm glad everything worked out well for you though in the end, and that this isn't going to cause long term problems for ya'll.