Bad experience at private party

acple4fun · 01-31-2006, 06:14 PM

I guess my question is what would you do in this case? Here is what happened and how we handled it. We had been chatting for some time with another couple online. We had talked about getting together with them but as of yet hadn’t. One night while chatting online they inform us that they are going to have a party at their home and wondered if we would like to attend. They told us that they have some friends in the lifestyle they like to get together every so often an have a party at their house.

Well the long and short of it is that we agreed that it might be fun and told them we would love to attend. Figuring that at the very least it would be a great chance to at least meet the couple that we had been chatting with and find out if there was any chemistry between us.

I guess you could say we might be a little shy when we first meet another couple. We like to get to know the people we are going to be playing with before we play. We are into more than just the number of people we have been to bed with. Don’t get me wrong we like to play as much as anybody else we just like to know who we are playing with. Also we don’t like to barge into anything that we are not invited into. I may be wrong but feel like if your going to join somebody that is playing there should be some kind of indication that they want you there.

When we arrived at the party the host and hostess whom we had been chatting with greeted us and were very warm hosts. There were about four or five other couples at the party and the host introduced us to all of them. Prior to this we had not meet or known any of the people at the party but they seemed like fun people. We were all in the kitchen and living room area chatting for the first hour or so that we were there. We were told that other couples were coming but were running a little late. It was apparent that all except for maybe one other couple everybody knew each other and had partied together in the past.

After a period of time couples started moving into another room. We were approached by the host who informed us that most of the couples were moving on to the party room if we would like to join them there. We were comfortable with the people there and moved on to join the rest of the party in the party room.

When we entered the other room, a din that was being used as a play room we found that a few of the other couples had already started playing. As we walked in about four of the couples were either naked or in the process of getting that way. Two guys were standing just off the entry way with a lady bent over between them engaged in a 3-some with her. Another guy was standing with two ladies in front of him taking turns giving him head. Another couple was removing each others clothes in the same area.

Everybody there seemed to have already grouped up into his or her own party. We weren’t sure who was with whom at that point so we took a seat on the couch and decided to take it slow and see where it lead. Another couple was sitting on another couch as well not involved in any activities yet. The host and hostess came in and arranged some blankets and pillows on the floor and were sitting things up. There were also still a few couples downstares that hadn't came in yet. I was playing with the wife a little bit and had unbuttoned a couple buttons on her blouse. We were planning on playing we were just figuring out when, where and with whom at that point. We hadn’t been in the room for more than about 5 minutes.

One of the ladies that had been giving head to the guy standing over on the other side of the room walked over to where the wife and I were seated on the couch. She was topless when she approached us and my first thoughts were she was there to issue an invitation of sorts to join them, but like the song says “wrong”.

She walked up to us and introduced herself. She then proceeded to inform us that she works very hard all week and disserves some play time. I was still thinking that this was leading up to an invitation to join them. Then she let go with, it’s not right that you guys come in here as voyeurs and watch us if your not going to play. We had not been in the room for more than 5 minutes at this point and there were at least 3 couples there who had not started any type of playing yet. I thought she was joking but was wrong she was serious. She continued that if we were not going to use that couch to play on we should not be taking up space on it and leave. I was speechless, I didn’t know what to say we didn’t know these people, we didn’t know if they were just into their own group or if everybody was expected to join them we just didn’t know. The wife however wasn’t speechless, she looked this lady in the eye and said, you bitch, your right we shouldn’t be here there is no way I would stay in the same room with a classless bitch like you. Then turned and walked out of the room.

I went over to the hostess and told her we were leaving and what had taken place. In the living room both the host and hostess apologized for the action of this one lady. Evidently she was a member of there group and turned into a bitch from time to time and this action was tolerated by the group. They both requested that we stay in touch and get together in the future.

What would you have done? Were we in the wrong somehow?

WesternSwing · 01-31-2006, 06:38 PM

Welcome acple4fun!

You weren't in the wrong to be offended by this person's actions. What she did was just plain rude. Telling the host and hostess and excusing yourself from the party was okay. It sent the message that her actions were not acceptable and she ruined someone's good time. Running you off like that probably made several others mad at her too. I'd be surprised if she keeps getting invited to many parties in the future.

Sorry you ran into such a person. I'm sure she's like that in every aspect of her life, not just swinging.

Mr. WS

Spoomonkey · 01-31-2006, 06:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by acple4fun

The wife however wasn’t speechless, she looked this lady in the eye and said, you bitch, your right we shouldn’t be here there is no way I would stay in the same room with a classless bitch like you. Then turned and walked out of the room.

I really like your wife

Quote:

Originally Posted by acple4fun

What would you have done? Were we in the wrong somehow?

I can only hope that either Mrs Spoomonkey or myself would not have been to shocked to say something very similar to what your wife said... Though, I would have told her off but kept the couch out of spite...

You guys were NOT in the wrong. These situations really stink and it sucks that you two had to deal with that. I might keep in touch with the couple, but I would make sure that they are available to meet away from their house parties. If they are who I think they are, they may not be... But that is the total and completely unsubstantiated speculation of someone who is currently drinking...

Just play things by ear - and pat that fiery wife on the back for standing up to that woman.

Man, I really like your wife!

Spoomonkey

HappyPeople · 01-31-2006, 06:59 PM

I agree, we would not have stayed in that situation either.

Pepper & Drew · 01-31-2006, 07:46 PM

Some people have yet to realize that swinging isn't like junior high school and that peer pressure doesn't work. If you weren't comfy with the situation, no one has the right to tell you what you should be doing or where you should be. Fuck 'em....or, actually, don't fuck 'em. You handled the situation a hell of a lot better than we probably would've. We'd probably meet up with the other couple again, but would tell them that they should really grow some balls and stand up to the rudeness.

Pepper

VegasLee · 01-31-2006, 08:35 PM

Good for you. You don't have to do what others want, you are there to have fun by your rules.

If we had been the host the "bitch" would have been leaving and you would have been asked to stay. I hate to say we have had guests get stupid like that and I had no problem showing them the door and advising them they are not welcomed back.

mrs good times · 01-31-2006, 08:50 PM

You stated this was a house party but there are several house parties in this area where you pay to attend. If that was the case with party the "bitch" may be a regular source of income and that is why she is tolerated.

We attend clubs in Reno and have run into couples that simply want to watch which is generally frowned upon in a playroom but I have never seen anyone be rude to such couples. They may be asked to leave if they indeed are there as voyuers and say so.

In your case I think you did the right thing and I would have probably done the same.

Deptydog · 02-01-2006, 12:57 AM

You know, if you get any 10 people together at random, one of them is probably going to be an a**hole. Don't let that woman's rudeness bother you. If the host/hostess invite you to another party, go and have a good time.

I like your wife too.

Mine used to be a shy, quiet person. Now she has become a ball of fire. She speaks her mind.

XMonkey · 02-01-2006, 02:01 AM

We encourage new couples to play the voyeur role until they are comortable, if thats what they wish to do.

Agree with Spoonmonkey, your lady sounds wonderful, there is no place for rudeness in the lifestyle, and you were absolutely in the right, to answer your original question.

X.

sereneiders · 02-01-2006, 02:46 AM

"Oh, we are confussed. We appologize, we didn't knew this was your home and you were the hostess. The friends who invited us didn't told us this, nor your party rule setting... so we're going to tell them we will leave since we're not wellcomed to your party". And do just as told.

At least if such a bitch ruined my night, I wouldn't make hers enjoyable either :-)

I believe you're right, and at least, if within that group this lady is known from being a bitch, a warn about her beforehand from the hosts would have been appreciated.

acple4fun · 02-01-2006, 06:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mrs good times

You stated this was a house party but there are several house parties in this area where you pay to attend. If that was the case with party the "bitch" may be a regular source of income and that is why she is tolerated.

We attend clubs in Reno and have run into couples that simply want to watch which is generally frowned upon in a playroom but I have never seen anyone be rude to such couples. They may be asked to leave if they indeed are there as voyuers and say so.

In your case I think you did the right thing and I would have probably done the same.

Hello neighbor

No it wasn’t a pay to attend party it was just another couple having a party at their home. Also it wasn’t on this side of the hill it was on the other side. We understand the customs if it would have been like an orgy room or something like that. We would have even understood if we had spent more than 5 minutes in the room we were in. But when the hosts hadn’t even set the room up completely yet and to have her come on like that just turned us off big time.

Thanks for the feed back.

acple4fun · 02-01-2006, 06:21 AM

Wow, what great responses we really hadn’t expected this volume of reply. We would like to thank you all for taking the time to respond it is really appreciated. It also is great to hear that we weren’t in the wrong by breaking some unwritten custom that we were unaware of.

EvilMJ · 02-01-2006, 06:43 AM

Good for your wife! It is so easy to be intimidated when you are in an unfamiliar situation with so much pressure.

Like Vegas Lee said, at any party or club I have attended, that woman would have been asked to leave. There is no rule that you have to particpate at any time, you do what is comfortable for you.

I couldn't have handled it better myself.

mrs good times · 02-01-2006, 03:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by acple4fun

Hello neighbor

No it wasn’t a pay to attend party it was just another couple having a party at their home. Also it wasn’t on this side of the hill it was on the other side. We understand the customs if it would have been like an orgy room or something like that. We would have even understood if we had spent more than 5 minutes in the room we were in. But when the hosts hadn’t even set the room up completely yet and to have her come on like that just turned us off big time.

Thanks for the feed back.

I'm glad it wasn't a party in our area. I agree that this woman was out of line making assumptions about you and then treating you like she did. I can't understand why the hosts would put up with someone like that. If it were in our home you would have been encouraged to stay and she would have been shown the door with her clothes being pitched out behind her.

Bonnie&Clyde · 02-02-2006, 01:15 PM

you did good and i am glad your wife told her off... i probably would have taken it a bit further and drag her ass on the floor by the hair LOL

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01-31-2006, 06:14 PM	#1 (permalink)
acple4fun Registered Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 9 Location: Carson City, Nevada	Bad experience at private party I guess my question is what would you do in this case? Here is what happened and how we handled it. We had been chatting for some time with another couple online. We had talked about getting together with them but as of yet hadn’t. One night while chatting online they inform us that they are going to have a party at their home and wondered if we would like to attend. They told us that they have some friends in the lifestyle they like to get together every so often an have a party at their house. Well the long and short of it is that we agreed that it might be fun and told them we would love to attend. Figuring that at the very least it would be a great chance to at least meet the couple that we had been chatting with and find out if there was any chemistry between us. I guess you could say we might be a little shy when we first meet another couple. We like to get to know the people we are going to be playing with before we play. We are into more than just the number of people we have been to bed with. Don’t get me wrong we like to play as much as anybody else we just like to know who we are playing with. Also we don’t like to barge into anything that we are not invited into. I may be wrong but feel like if your going to join somebody that is playing there should be some kind of indication that they want you there. When we arrived at the party the host and hostess whom we had been chatting with greeted us and were very warm hosts. There were about four or five other couples at the party and the host introduced us to all of them. Prior to this we had not meet or known any of the people at the party but they seemed like fun people. We were all in the kitchen and living room area chatting for the first hour or so that we were there. We were told that other couples were coming but were running a little late. It was apparent that all except for maybe one other couple everybody knew each other and had partied together in the past. After a period of time couples started moving into another room. We were approached by the host who informed us that most of the couples were moving on to the party room if we would like to join them there. We were comfortable with the people there and moved on to join the rest of the party in the party room. When we entered the other room, a din that was being used as a play room we found that a few of the other couples had already started playing. As we walked in about four of the couples were either naked or in the process of getting that way. Two guys were standing just off the entry way with a lady bent over between them engaged in a 3-some with her. Another guy was standing with two ladies in front of him taking turns giving him head. Another couple was removing each others clothes in the same area. Everybody there seemed to have already grouped up into his or her own party. We weren’t sure who was with whom at that point so we took a seat on the couch and decided to take it slow and see where it lead. Another couple was sitting on another couch as well not involved in any activities yet. The host and hostess came in and arranged some blankets and pillows on the floor and were sitting things up. There were also still a few couples downstares that hadn't came in yet. I was playing with the wife a little bit and had unbuttoned a couple buttons on her blouse. We were planning on playing we were just figuring out when, where and with whom at that point. We hadn’t been in the room for more than about 5 minutes. One of the ladies that had been giving head to the guy standing over on the other side of the room walked over to where the wife and I were seated on the couch. She was topless when she approached us and my first thoughts were she was there to issue an invitation of sorts to join them, but like the song says “wrong”. She walked up to us and introduced herself. She then proceeded to inform us that she works very hard all week and disserves some play time. I was still thinking that this was leading up to an invitation to join them. Then she let go with, it’s not right that you guys come in here as voyeurs and watch us if your not going to play. We had not been in the room for more than 5 minutes at this point and there were at least 3 couples there who had not started any type of playing yet. I thought she was joking but was wrong she was serious. She continued that if we were not going to use that couch to play on we should not be taking up space on it and leave. I was speechless, I didn’t know what to say we didn’t know these people, we didn’t know if they were just into their own group or if everybody was expected to join them we just didn’t know. The wife however wasn’t speechless, she looked this lady in the eye and said, you bitch, your right we shouldn’t be here there is no way I would stay in the same room with a classless bitch like you. Then turned and walked out of the room. I went over to the hostess and told her we were leaving and what had taken place. In the living room both the host and hostess apologized for the action of this one lady. Evidently she was a member of there group and turned into a bitch from time to time and this action was tolerated by the group. They both requested that we stay in touch and get together in the future. What would you have done? Were we in the wrong somehow?

01-31-2006, 06:38 PM	#2 (permalink)
WesternSwing South of disorder Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 2,973 Location: Utah Status: Single Male	Re: were we right, wrong or what Welcome acple4fun! You weren't in the wrong to be offended by this person's actions. What she did was just plain rude. Telling the host and hostess and excusing yourself from the party was okay. It sent the message that her actions were not acceptable and she ruined someone's good time. Running you off like that probably made several others mad at her too. I'd be surprised if she keeps getting invited to many parties in the future. Sorry you ran into such a person. I'm sure she's like that in every aspect of her life, not just swinging. Mr. WS
	__________________ "Sex is something you do, sexuality is something you are." ~ Anna Freud

01-31-2006, 06:59 PM	#4 (permalink)
HappyPeople Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Sep 2005 Posts: 390 Location: Tampa	Re: were we right, wrong or what I agree, we would not have stayed in that situation either.

01-31-2006, 07:46 PM	#5 (permalink)
Pepper & Drew Mmmmm...tasty! Join Date: Jun 2004 Posts: 1,035 Location: Hurricane Alley Status: Couple Swing Lifestyle Name:alhedonists	Re: were we right, wrong or what Some people have yet to realize that swinging isn't like junior high school and that peer pressure doesn't work. If you weren't comfy with the situation, no one has the right to tell you what you should be doing or where you should be. Fuck 'em....or, actually, don't fuck 'em. You handled the situation a hell of a lot better than we probably would've. We'd probably meet up with the other couple again, but would tell them that they should really grow some balls and stand up to the rudeness. Pepper
	__________________ "Swinging is a lot like riding a Harley, ...for those who understand, no explanation is necessary; for those who don't, no explanation is possible." --Mr. Alura

01-31-2006, 08:35 PM	#6 (permalink)
VegasLee Laura's Male Join Date: Dec 2003 Posts: 1,951 Location: Las Vegas, Nevada Status: Laura's Male	Re: were we right, wrong or what Good for you. You don't have to do what others want, you are there to have fun by your rules. If we had been the host the "bitch" would have been leaving and you would have been asked to stay. I hate to say we have had guests get stupid like that and I had no problem showing them the door and advising them they are not welcomed back.
	__________________ You all laugh at me because I am different. I laugh at all of you because you are all the same.

01-31-2006, 08:50 PM	#7 (permalink)
mrs good times Mod Squad Member Join Date: Jan 2004 Posts: 1,217 Location: Reno, NV Status: couple Swing Lifestyle Name:randp	Re: were we right, wrong or what You stated this was a house party but there are several house parties in this area where you pay to attend. If that was the case with party the "bitch" may be a regular source of income and that is why she is tolerated. We attend clubs in Reno and have run into couples that simply want to watch which is generally frowned upon in a playroom but I have never seen anyone be rude to such couples. They may be asked to leave if they indeed are there as voyuers and say so. In your case I think you did the right thing and I would have probably done the same.
	__________________ One's mind, once stretched by a new idea, never regains it original dimensions.

02-01-2006, 12:57 AM	#8 (permalink)
Deptydog Here to Stay Join Date: Oct 2005 Posts: 81 Location: Lakeland, Florida Status: Married Couple Swing Lifestyle Name:IreneNBob	Re: were we right, wrong or what You know, if you get any 10 people together at random, one of them is probably going to be an a**hole. Don't let that woman's rudeness bother you. If the host/hostess invite you to another party, go and have a good time. I like your wife too. Mine used to be a shy, quiet person. Now she has become a ball of fire. She speaks her mind.

02-01-2006, 02:01 AM	#9 (permalink)
XMonkey Active Member Join Date: Sep 2005 Posts: 35 Location: Johannesburg Status: Couple	Re: were we right, wrong or what We encourage new couples to play the voyeur role until they are comortable, if thats what they wish to do. Agree with Spoonmonkey, your lady sounds wonderful, there is no place for rudeness in the lifestyle, and you were absolutely in the right, to answer your original question. X.

02-01-2006, 02:46 AM	#10 (permalink)
sereneiders Some sort of user Join Date: Oct 2005 Posts: 1,131 Location: Argentina Status: Couple	Re: were we right, wrong or what "Oh, we are confussed. We appologize, we didn't knew this was your home and you were the hostess. The friends who invited us didn't told us this, nor your party rule setting... so we're going to tell them we will leave since we're not wellcomed to your party". And do just as told. At least if such a bitch ruined my night, I wouldn't make hers enjoyable either :-) I believe you're right, and at least, if within that group this lady is known from being a bitch, a warn about her beforehand from the hosts would have been appreciated.

02-01-2006, 06:21 AM	#12 (permalink)
acple4fun Registered Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 9 Location: Carson City, Nevada	Re: were we right, wrong or what Wow, what great responses we really hadn’t expected this volume of reply. We would like to thank you all for taking the time to respond it is really appreciated. It also is great to hear that we weren’t in the wrong by breaking some unwritten custom that we were unaware of.

02-01-2006, 06:43 AM	#13 (permalink)
EvilMJ Pure Evil..In a cute suit Join Date: Aug 2004 Posts: 2,497 Location: Nova Scotia Status: Couple	Re: were we right, wrong or what Good for your wife! It is so easy to be intimidated when you are in an unfamiliar situation with so much pressure. Like Vegas Lee said, at any party or club I have attended, that woman would have been asked to leave. There is no rule that you have to particpate at any time, you do what is comfortable for you. I couldn't have handled it better myself.
	__________________ "Well! Evil to some is always good to others." - Jane Austen

02-02-2006, 01:15 PM	#15 (permalink)
Bonnie&Clyde Here to Stay Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 41 Location: new york Status: Couple	Re: were we right, wrong or what you did good and i am glad your wife told her off... i probably would have taken it a bit further and drag her ass on the floor by the hair LOL

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