We screwed up - swinging on a business trip

[kevin&danielle]

Back in October my wife and I went to Nashville for business meeting for an association the company that I work for is part of. A gentleman who we consider a friend is also a member of the association and we see him at these meetings once a year. Well to make a long story shorter he was at this meeting and Danielle propositioned him one night after a night of partying in the hotel bar. I had went up to the room earlier to watch the World Series while she stayed in the bar socializing with other members and our friend. We had talked about hooking up with him before so it was all good when she brought him up to the room that night. Well we played for an hour or so and called it quits around 3 in the morning.

Well flash forward to this morning when my boss, the owner of the business I work for, called me into his office. He said he had gotten a phone call from the president of this association last Friday. The president informed my boss that a board member of the association had complained to him that he had heard us having sex in the room next to his at the meeting and that another male was participating. This board member reported that he and his wife had put their ears to the wall and could hear all three of us playing and that he even pounded on the wall to tell us to stop making so much noise but to no avail. When our friend left our room that night, our neighbor looked out his door to see who it was and recognized him as a member of the association. He also told the president that the next night he saw my wife flirting with other male members at the bar. Suggesting to the president that she was on the prowl for more sexual encounters.

Well I denied that anything sexual was going on between myself, my wife and our friend. That yes we were having sex before our friend came up for a drink and that we continued after he had left but nothing went on with him. I also asked what was it anyone’s business anyway. My boss said it was his and the president's business because it was a work related business trip, that I was representing his business and that the president thought that it was inappropriate for that setting and was afraid that we were propositioning other members for sex.

I called the association president and denied anything happened sexually with our friend and relayed the same story that I had told my boss. He said he would talk to the board member about it again.

Well I know that nobody is going to convince this board member that he didn’t hear what he heard and at this point I know that my boss and the president do not believe me. So here I am, lying to everyone, trying to save my wife and my reputation. This really pisses me off that this one person can’t mind their own business. All he had to do was complain to the front desk and they would have informed us to quite down. I guess we weren’t discreet enough. Lesson learned.

[txduo2000]

My question is why did it take 3 months for this complaint to finally be made by the board member, then to the president, then to your boss, then finally to you???

If it was of SUCH high concern, why didn't the board member immediately make this complaint known at the conclusion of the meeting and upon everyone returning to their normal workplaces? I think I would use this should you have occasion to talk to your boss or the president of the association about this issue again. Seems to me that waiting this long to lodge a complaint would taint the complainant's credibility

Granted, you can't make everyone believe your story over his, especially if he is a highly respected businessman. I don't know what position you hold, but that he offered an eye-witness account of actually seeing your friend leave your room will weigh heavy on the minds of the president and the boss, and of course they will assume you are lying to protect your image and your wife's reputation, and to squirm around a very uncomfortable accusation.

It goes without saying that people should conduct themselves at a higher standard when they are traveling in a business group on the company's dime, and of course you realize this. I get the impression that you are simply venting rather than asking for advice. It has always been my belief that it is a bad idea to drink to excess, party with fellow co-workers, etc. when in the company of your business associates. Because the sun will rise the next day, and you will be accountable for any adverse actions you displayed the evening before.

This is a sticky situation, for sure, and one that I don't envy you being in at all. I am so sorry you are going through this.

[BustyBlonde]

I also hate it that you are in this situation. I would deny deny deny. Unless they question the other board member then it's your word against his.

I do also wonder why it's 3 months later. Do you have a way of getting in touch with the guy that you invited to your room?? I would call and see if maybe he has turned down some play with someones wife if you know what I mean.

[sexyshelby]

I agree with TXduo, it is strange that this is now coming up 3 months later. If it was such a big deal it would have been brought up earlier.
Have you talked to your friend about this situation?

I don't really have any suggesstions for you. I always try to avoid hooking up with work associates. All I can say is Good luck!

~SS

[sexyshelby]

Originally Posted by BustyBlonde

I do also wonder why it's 3 months later. Do you have a way of getting in touch with the guy that you invited to your room?? I would call and see if maybe he has turned down some play with someones wife if you know what I mean.

BustyBlonde makes a good point. The timing could be due to the friend turning down this particular boardmember's wife. Who knows... I would recommend talking to the friend if you can.

~SS

[JnCC]

I've spent a lot of time in hotels of one sort or another, and unless somebody's screaming or shouting in the room next door, it's hard to know what's going on or who all might be involved.

My gut tells me that it wasn't another board Member who made the accusation about you...it was most likely the person you played with who repeated the story to someone in the association. The story was then repeated many times by many people (and likely embellished along the way), until it eventually got back to the association presidents ears, who, in turn, called your boss as a matter of professional courtesy. That explain's why it took a full 3 months to get back to him.

Fortunately, all your boss has at this point is a great fuck story, but with no corroborating evidence. That's why he hasn't fired you outright.

Has the other gentleman been questioned about the incident?

Yea dude, you fucked up in a MAJOR way. While the damage may not jeopardize your job, it could well be fatal to any further progression in your career, especially at this company. That's why savvy business people never allow their dicks...especially their lifestyle dicks...to mingle in their business affairs.

Originally Posted by txduo2000

It goes without saying that people should conduct themselves at a higher standard when they are traveling in a business group on the company's dime

Amen...

[curiousagain]

Originally Posted by JnCC

My gut tells me that it wasn't another board Member who made the accusation about you...it was most likely the person you played with who repeated the story to someone in the association. The story was then repeated many times by many people (and likely embellished along the way), until it eventually got back to the association presidents ears, who, in turn, called your boss as a matter of professional courtesy. That explain's why it took a full 3 months to get back to him.

I gotta ditto that theory.
I would deny till the cows come home, but some damage has probably been done.

[kevin&danielle]

No our friend isn't involved in this, other than just us playing together. This board member basically caught us red handed. Yes it was a business trip on the boss’s dime but we figured that what we did in our evenings was our business. It had nothing to do with too much alcohol consumption either. We had talked about being with our friend the last time we saw him, which was in May. Of course it was a bad choice not to be more careful in our playing and even when it was happening and at this point have/had learned a valuable lesson. We will stick with the denying it to our grave. That is about the best we can do right now. We just feel like we are being singled out because of the nature of the sexual encounter. There were plenty of other members flirting with single women in the bar. One married member even left with a single woman to go up to his room. Married sales men for the association were buying single women in the bar drinks on the associations account. My boss is having an affair on his wife and has asked us to lie about it if we are ever asked. We wonder why all these people living in glass houses want to start throwing rocks. My job isn't in jeopardy. We are pretty close to my boss but I was quite shocked that he didn't defend us and expects us to defend him if we are ever approached by his wife. I guess I will bring up this point with him tomorrow.

[twoplayful2]

I agree with JnCC. And my first advice thoughts on this thread were the same as BustyBlondes, deny, deny, deny! If it were me, even if they pulled out audio/video tape with full color closeups, I'd still deny it cuz it's quite simply none of their business. If he was looking for an apology because you kept him awake that's one thing, but he's looking to make a moral judgement where it's just not his business to make.

[GerdOEvert]

Well, similar things have happenned.

One. Sunday, my friendly pharmacist said something about our "lifestyle" activties.

A year or so later, an woman attorney made some comment that if we persisted in a "civil action" our "lifestyle practices" would be exposed.

And then some six - eight years later, some parents refused to include our
kids in some activities because of our "reputed" activities.

We were in a large metro area -- 5 million people -- so you can meet someone at a club or have someone see you at a club and not even know you have been seen, much less the subject of dicussion.

My own thought about the couple at the convention and their friend -- it is none of the people's business in fact, but that does not have much to do with the reality that they have made it their business.

Swinging and Swapping are not uniformly accepted as approaches to sexuality, maybe one day they will be. But they are not now.

Otto

[BradAndJanet]

If it was me (and I realize it's not), I'd start looking for a new job. Your boss seems to lack a moral compass and I just couldn't work for someone like that.

-B

[lovedoctor]

I would just drop it. If it were mentioned again, I'd say "We've covered this. I'm not going to discuss it again."

I know you have learned your lesson, and a difficult one it is, but it does bring to mind what my hubby and I always say to each other to remind ourselves that we don't play where we work: Don't shit where you eat.

If this guy is not into the lifestyle, but just having fun while away, he may not be as discreet as someone who understands "the rules".

I hope it all smoothes over for you.

LD

[sexyshelby]

Originally Posted by lovedoctor

I would just drop it. If it were mentioned again, I'd say "We've covered this. I'm not going to discuss it again."
LD

Good advice! This is how I would handle it.

~SS

[HappyPeople]

If asked, I'd continue to deny it and behave like you think that they are crazy for making such an assumption and pretend to laugh it off. When not asked, I'd behave normally.

[Vespertine]

Oooh Shit!

What an uncomfortable position to be in.

I, too, kind of wonder why it took so long for "the talk". JnCC's theory sounds like it could be quite plausible. Perhaps the president doesn't speak with your direct boss that often?

Regardless, I'm sure it's a lesson well learned.