Lifestyle Nightmare: Where Were the Hosts?

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by intuition897

or you'd be played like a fiddle, fucked, and left holding the covers around your chin shouting "Call me!" as the door slammed shut behind me at the Sleazy Beaver motel.

You know, Uomo...

For the sake of levity on a thread that is fairly hostile - and because I tend to be a fairly straight shooter - I gotta say, this scenario would be okay with me Intuition...

I mean, I can think of much worse things to have happen, so if you ever need a guy to treat badly, I'd like to volunteer

Spoomonkey

PS - Didn't mean to hijack, but I don't like to let an opportunity pass me by. I get so very few...

[driveajeepnaked]

After following this thread for a bit, I decided to check out your Swing Lifestyle profile, as listed in your SB profile...

Where is it?? Swing Lifestyle has never heard of you??

[Uomo]

Originally Posted by intuition897

If you pulled that attitude on me (or quite a few women on this board I could name off the top of my head) ... you would be played like a fiddle, fucked, and left holding the covers around your chin shouting "Call me!" as the door slammed shut behind me at the Sleazy Beaver motel.

That alone would be worth the price of admission. Let's make it happen!

Originally Posted by intuition897

We are not desperate women who are disatisfied with the lovin' we get at home. I get the impression that you think lifestyle women are unhappy and desperate, and that the men are weak and impotent, unable to retain their women. Sit back and think about it...honestly...is that what you really think?

I never suggested that any of you are desperate or dissatisfied (or that your men were inadequate). I think most men in the lifestyle are very good lovers (just a guess). But does that mean that sex in the lifestyle need be "meaningless" (yikes! -- there goes another time-bomb).

What's wrong with making pretend you love the person you are having sex with? As I see it, the only difference between what I would do with a woman (and what others seem to rail against) is that I would prefer that we slip away in our minds and simulate our having something ... a little more special. I think that would make the whole experience a little more ... special. Who hasn't watched a romantic movie and allowed their minds to drift into the shoes of the actors in love. Same thing in real time. Why not act it out in real life? It could be an amazing experience.

Think about it: There are a thousand people on this earth you could be probably be perfectly happy living the rest of your life with. Most you will never know or meet. But each would be a different experience. haven't you ever wondered what that might have been like? Just as you like to experience what it is like to be sexual with another person ... I too would like to experience something sexual ... but on a different level ... I'm just looking to take it one step further than you are (weaving emotional intimacy into the mix). It doesn't have to be anything mind-shattering or serious. As I would have it: I am just an actor on a stage slipping into the mind of the character he portrays on the screen (in this case: your lover). I still don't know why everybody thinks that would be such a terrible thing. I think it would be a WONDERFUL thing.

but alas: Allowing yourself (or your partner) to be emotionally attached ... now that takes courage. Much more courage than going off and having wild sex with a relative stranger. You risk an emotional affair ... and an emotional affair is much more threatening to a marriage than its physical counterpart. The marriage must be rock-solid. But, for those of us who dare ... I dare think something extra-special awaits.

Nothing wrong with what your doing ... I'd probably love to join in. But somewhere, with someone, if just for an ever so short time ... I want something more. And somewhere out there, I have a female counterpart. Plenty of women think as I do. I just don't know if that person I'm seeking is in the lifestyle. Sure would be nice if she were.

Thanks for the post.

[Uomo]

Originally Posted by driveajeepnaked

After following this thread for a bit, I decided to check out your Swing Lifestyle profile, as listed in your SB profile...

Where is it?? Swing Lifestyle has never heard of you??

I didn't know what Swing Lifestyle was when I first signed up so I just typed in my nickname (just in case it was a required filed).

Now that I know ... is it any good?

After this hearty beating, the LAST Swing Lifestyle nickname I would probably ever want to use is "Uomo."

Any mascochists reading this post are (of course) more than welcome to use it. <EG> It's a nickname guaranteed to get RESULTS!

[good times]

Originally Posted by Uomo

Why not act it out in real life?

Thats an easy one, I can't speak for everybody, but I'm just not that good of an actor. You see, I really love my wife. I know more than a few women that I would like to have sex with for fun. But when we are done I'll still love my wife and the only way any fantasy involving love and romance works for me is if its with my wife.

[kccple]

Uomo,

Maybe you should wear a Name Tag stating, "I'm God's Gift to Women?" What ya think? Pardon me, but it needed to be said! I have seen many Gods and Godesses that I wouldn't give the "Time of Day!"

Couldn't be your Atitude, Could it?? Say it ain't So!!

I'll shut up now, but got my blood boiling!!

[Uomo]

Originally Posted by kccple

Uomo,

Maybe you should wear a Name Tag stating, "I'm God's Gift to Women?" What ya think?

Funny you should mention that ... I've spent most most of my life known as "God's Gift to Sheep." But you might be on to something ... I'll give it some thought.

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by Uomo

What's wrong with making pretend you love the person you are having sex with? As I see it, the only difference between what I would do with a woman (and what others seem to rail against) is that I would prefer that we slip away in our minds and simulate our having something ... a little more special. I think that would make the whole experience a little more ... special. Who hasn't watched a romantic movie and allowed their minds to drift into the shoes of the actors in love. Same thing in real time. Why not act it out in real life? It could be an amazing experience.

And you expect a married swinger female, at a meet and greet to say 'Well hello, my name is Jenny, lets go have romantic sex alone without my husband or your wife near by.' Sorry but it doesn't work that way. As people have pointed out we already have special sex, some of us for decades, why would we pretend to be romanticly involved when we are not? If you want someone to roleplay this and not mean it, get a hooker, I'm sure they are used to some strange requests.

but alas: Allowing yourself (or your partner) to be emotionally attached ... now that takes courage. Much more courage than going off and having wild sex with a relative stranger. You risk an emotional affair ... and an emotional affair is much more threatening to a marriage than its physical counterpart. The marriage must be rock-solid. But, for those of us who dare ... I dare think something extra-special awaits.

I'd argue the extra special thing that awaits is a divorce judge. For someone who hasn't done this, you seem a wee bit sure of yourself. I'd say look into the world of polyamorus relationships but I don't think thats for you either, as you are centered around your needs first.

Nothing wrong with what your doing ... I'd probably love to join in. But somewhere, with someone, if just for an ever so short time ... I want something more. And somewhere out there, I have a female counterpart. Plenty of women think as I do. I just don't know if that person I'm seeking is in the lifestyle. Sure would be nice if she were.

I'm sorry you find your marriage inadaqute, which it obviously must be. I note how little you mention your wife or her desires in all this, its all about you. Your persistant nature in posting, when you clearly are not a swinger in any way shape or form makes me wonder if you are just doing a very good troll, are very bored, or are just thick headed.

[Uomo]

Originally Posted by kccple

Uomo,

Maybe you should wear a Name Tag stating, "I'm God's Gift to Women?" What ya think?

In all fairness ... and I'll be honest ... if wild and crazy sex is on the evening's agenda ... I have every reason to believe that you (and just about everyone else on this board) would make a fool out of me. Seriously.

There's nothing extra-special about my equipment (I'm just average) and I have the least experience of anyone here (with multiple partners). Hell .. I'd be happy just not to get laughed out of the room. Okay ... maybe that's strecthing it a bit. But I quite confident you are better at taking care of business with a swinging female than I am (and I don't even know if you are a guy or a girl).

So ... I just play to what (I see to be) my strengths. That's natural. We all do it (in one form or another). I am quite concious (and keenly aware of) where it is that I am weak. My God ... if I ever hit it off with a swinging female and she knew my SB identity going into it (Uomo) ... I would be absolutely terrified. Pray how I would for discretion!

So you see, I'm not as arrogant as you make me out to be. I'm just human like everyone else. As hard of an outer shell as I appear to have in real life or on the job, and outspoken as I often am ... when I'm alone, by myself, I've always taken personal rejection quite badly. Professional success has come to me, but at a terrible personal cost. Beneath all the bravado ... is someone who is sensitive, hurting ... and just wants to happy again. I want to live.

[Uomo]

Originally Posted by Chicup

Your persistant nature in posting, when you clearly are not a swinger in any way shape or form makes me wonder if you are just doing a very good troll, are very bored, or are just thick headed.

Bored ... and enjoying the dialogue. I'm a workaholic. I live in this place (my office) and today ... I just feel like I need to take an extended break. Anyway ... if so many of you are taking the time to thoroughly respond to my posts, I think its only common courtesy that I respond in like kind. It's my of saying: "Thank you for taking the time to write to me. I appreciate your feedback." And I do. Sure ... I burn a few hours on the thread ... but how much time, effort and money will I ultimately save in the big picture (as I come to learn that the lifestyle is not for me)? In the big picture, I'm doing myself a huge favor.

I thought the comment about me pairing up with a hooker was kind of crude and unnecessary. There is nothing "strange" about my seeking out an intimate encounter. A hooker can much more readily provide what is is that you are after ... than what it is that I ultimately seek (intimacy). Anybody can spread their legs and have a good time ... not everybody, however, can so easily love with their heart. No slight to you ... but it's a fact.

A one-way ticket to divorce court? Correct me if I am mistaken ... but isn't that what most people on the outside say about swingers? Is is true? No ... it isn't. Yet you look at me much the same as everyone else looks at you. Two different lifestyles. Two different paradigms. I thought this crowd (of all crowds) might be somewhat more sympathic. Guess not.

[twoferfun69]

Ok, I've managed to keep myself amused with this rather ...... uh..... interesting? thread for oh, maybe 25 minutes now, reading all of the replies to the OP. I want to make a simple observation. You appear to verge on MPD(mulitiple personality disorder). You basically turn over the gun of self deprication to the board members' hands, yet are vascillating to whether or not you want our input. ie- 'here come the daggers' followed by 'let up on the punches'.
I would, however, tend to agree, to some small extent with the comments about the cliques observed at the tables. Mrs. Twofer and I have observed similar behavior at a couple of different clubs. My only suggestion would be to those that have a mulititude of friends at the clubs, be it at one club or various clubs, take a few minutes out of your evening to look around for those obviously scared witless newbie couples, and just walk up and say hi. Mrs. and I have decided that no matter where we go, whether or not we are actively looking for a playmate(s), we just like to say hi, and let people know that we are genuinely happy to see them.
As far as a lot of the other........ rhetoric? I guess that would be the most gentle yet appropriate word for the replies you have posted. If you were to make the mistake of thinking that Mrs. Twofer could be swayed into playing with you just simply because your ego believes it to be true, she would turn you into nothing but a squirming pile of goo begging for your mother to rescue you from "that horrible woman that made my ego feel so badly mommy" before I got back with her drink.
And just so you know, if I were to even pretend that I was entertaining a notion that I wanted to have a whisper of a thought of "handling" Mrs Twofer in any situation involved with our swinging, my twig & berries would be handed to me in a rather nicely gift wrapped box. I have enough respect for my wife to be to know that we make decisions TOGETHER. I do not believe you will EVER meet another group of women with more INdependence than those that are in the swinging community to enhance THEIR relationships with the men that they love. To entertain thoughts of being another mans' wifes' EVERYTHING for even a few hours, is ludicrous, bordering on delusional.
Either open up dialog with your unsuspecting wife, or go visit a divorce attorney, because, at the moment, regardless of your "spoken" desire to learn more and be educated, your posts indicate quite the opposite, and swinging is most decidedly not for you.
Surrender Mr. is now stepping down off his soapbox.

[Uomo]

Originally Posted by twoferfun69

You appear to verge on MPD(mulitiple personality disorder). You basically turn over the gun of self deprication to the board members' hands, yet are vascillating to whether or not you want our input. ie- 'here come the daggers' followed by 'let up on the punches'.

MPD? Here we go (again) with the unfair name calling ... I don't mind a little self-depreciating fun (at my own expense) ... particalarly when I am being accused of being excessively arrogant ... but sometimes ... the insults are a little much.

I want people to disagree with my me (if they disagree) ... that's how we learn. Playing the devil's advocate is merely a Socratic approach to enlightenment. But there is a big difference between hating a person's ideas ... and coming across as hating the person. Sometimes the comments seem just a little too mean spirited (when the animosity is directed not at my ideas ... but at me as a person). I don't agree with a damn thing Newt Gingrich has to say about public policy ... but I bit I would have a hell of a good time taking him out for an afternoon or fishing and spirited conversation. We could be best friends, for all I know. And you know what? He just might change my mind on a few things.

I want to hear whatever it is you (collectively) have to say. And its great that you have so much to say. It means the process ... is working (that ... or I ought seriously consdier co-hosting the Jerry Spinger show -- your choice).

Disagree with my ideas ... but respect me as a person. I will do the same in like kind.

Thanks for the comments on the seating situation. I share your sentiments.

[TNT]

Uomo, you have truly gained my respect. You have consistently maintained a polite demeanor throughout this thread and that with many arrows sticking out of your hide. I can't say as I agree with most of your POV, but being able to debate without stooping to insult is a rare thing on the net. My hat is off to you.

Ted

[intuition897]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

For the sake of levity on a thread that is fairly hostile - and because I tend to be a fairly straight shooter - I gotta say, this scenario would be okay with me Intuition...

I mean, I can think of much worse things to have happen, so if you ever need a guy to treat badly, I'd like to volunteer

Spoomonkey

Well, if I ever actually feel the need to spank the hell out of someone, and you're so inclined, I'll give you a call. Sleazy Beaver motel...Room #12...

Originally Posted by Uomo

That alone would be worth the price of admission. Let's make it happen!

:rollseyes

Originally Posted by Uomo

I never suggested that any of you are desperate or dissatisfied (or that your men were inadequate).

Could've fooled me...

Originally Posted by Uomo

I think most men in the lifestyle are very good lovers (just a guess). But does that mean that sex in the lifestyle need be "meaningless" (yikes! -- there goes another time-bomb).

Where do you get the idea that, just because it's 'just sex', it is cold and meaningless? Okay, the Sleazy Beaver motel scenario...now THAT would definitely be meaningless. But while I don't 'make love' to any of my swing partners, neither do I 'fuck' them. There is a mutual respect there that is far from meaningless. I like to think of it as friendship...with certain benefits that have an expiry date.

Originally Posted by Uomo

What's wrong with making pretend you love the person you are having sex with?

Uh...that they might actually start believing it?

Originally Posted by Uomo

As I see it, the only difference between what I would do with a woman (and what others seem to rail against) is that I would prefer that we slip away in our minds and simulate our having something ... a little more special.

Do you suppose it might hurt your wife to know that she is not fulfilling your emotional needs? I'm guessing it would, otherwise what would be the need for pretense? Now this is just my opinion, but that, sir, is adultery, and there is nothing okay about that.

Originally Posted by Uomo

Think about it: There are a thousand people on this earth you could be probably be perfectly happy living the rest of your life with. Most you will never know or meet. But each would be a different experience. haven't you ever wondered what that might have been like? Just as you like to experience what it is like to be sexual with another person

The thing is, we've separated love and sex and are still perfectly mentally, emotionally and spiritually healthy for it. We do get to know people on a more intimate level as swingers (in fact it's one of my favorite things about it), but there is never any need to pretend something that just...isn't...there. We don't need someone to promise us they'll love us forever to appreciate them as unique human beings.

Originally Posted by Uomo

but alas: Allowing yourself (or your partner) to be emotionally attached ... now that takes courage. Much more courage than going off and having wild sex with a relative stranger. You risk an emotional affair ... and an emotional affair is much more threatening to a marriage than its physical counterpart. The marriage must be rock-solid. But, for those of us who dare ... I dare think something extra-special awaits.

The people to whom you are talking DO have rock solid marriages...otherwise they wouldn't be swinging, but would be tangled up in court dates and appointments with their lawyers. FYI, many of us have considered the option of polyamory, but decided against it. It doesn't mesh with who we are. However, what you are suggesting is not polyamory either. Just ask anyone at a poly board, I'm sure. What you are suggesting is plain old, ordinary, run-of-the-mill adultery. There are ways to indulge these desires for multiple emotional connections with others without resorting to pretense and deceit.

[Uomo]

Originally Posted by TNT

Uomo, you have truly gained my respect. You have consistently maintained a polite demeanor throughout this thread and that with many arrows sticking out of your hide. I can't say as I agree with most of your POV, but being able to debate without stooping to insult is a rare thing on the net. My hat is off to you.

Ted

Thank you. Your saying that really means a lot to me -- it makes me feel a little more welcome here (and that ... is a very nice feeling indeed). I've enjoyed all of your comments. Hugs right back -- Uomo